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I am done done DONE! As a result of a brief psychotic episode and a near nervous breakdown I am absolutely through w/ Natasha. I don't know if it some kind of chemical imbalance, bipolar, or a bad reaction to anti-depressants but this shit has just gotten to be too much. She is so damn out of her mind w/ her emotions and I can't be w/ someone or try to be w/ someone who is that unstable. God knows I love this woman and have done everything I can to make this work. When someone who claims they love you only want to see you when they feel like it and are only interested in you when they realize that there is no one else in their lives to keep them company, it is time to hit the door. Honestly, I think it all got started when she changed her meds. She's been on anti-depressants for a long time, which, in and of its self is a bad thing. Every single sign that your meds are causing you problems she displays. Irrationality, loss of sex drive, wild mood swings, suicidal thoughts, digestive system problems, sleep irritability, etc she has shown them all. But when I brought it to her attention she said I was playing doctor and trying to control her. Well shit. There is no one around you as much as me. I saw all this unfold first hand. I was the one jaw dropped asking myself is this person and what happened to my g/f? I begged her to get help and she just pushed me out the door. I just have given up. It is difficult to turn your back on someone that you know needs help, but at this point it is taking a toll on me so I need to get out. It is a case of desperately wishing someone could see the writing on the wall, only to be denied. After almost three months it went like this: Wednesday, nice dutch dinner at olive garden followed my good conversation. Thursday, went to get some food at Whataburger payed for by her. Talked a bit, ate some food. Beautiful long awaited embrace and kiss at the door, for a brief instance I was happy. Had sex, kissed goodbye. Friday, got a message asking if I wanted to go see her perspective new apartment. I called after work and said yes, asked if she could pick me up. This lead to her saying I was lazy for not wanting to drive to her house, to which I replied I had just worked 9 hours and didn't want drive and had to stop at home anyway. She said to forget it and I'd said I would phone her later. I also had asked her if she had any plans for the evening to which she of course said she wanted to sleep, after spending the entire day at home sleeping after calling in sick to work. Later on that night I tried talking to her w/ no success. She said that I really stressed her out and couldn't stand being w/ me. I irritate her and just cause her problems. By the way, this is all a result of me not going w/ her to see the apartment which she said wasn't a big deal anyway. Later on, as she put it, she game me a chance and I blew it. Then she went home to see her family which I'm sure she bad mouthed me while she was over there. Funny since when she went to see her family in July she ended up in a big fight and stormed out of the house. Who was there to pick up the pieces? Me. Who was there to talk to her mom and try to resolve the matter? ME. But as she sees it I am a selfish immature person. Anyway, she wouldn't return my calls until Tuesday, went to exchange some stuff, brought her flowers, thought we'd sit and talk. Nope, she sat in the bath tub while I watched TV and did nothing but bad mouth me to her sister on the phone (loud enough I could hear) for an hour. Didn't so much as say thanks for the flowers. So, I gave up and lost it. I can't anymore. After almost three months of being split, we went from a nice dinner, to a nice evening to which she basically had me over for a booty call, to declaring me the worst person in her life and hating me because I didn't go see her apartment. I can't believe that she made such a HUGE deal about me wanting too much sex from her, and then she would turn around and fuck me knowing I didn't want to and was trying to get our relationship back together. Did I have a problem w/ sex in the first place? No, I didn't. Natty decided overnight one day that sex really didn't appeal to her. This is the mood swing/ loss of sex drive I had mentioned. All this happened at the same time she had gotten a change w/ her meds. Did she talk to her doctor? NO. Did she want to talk to someone about our relationship? No. She just gave up. Rather than acknowledge that there just might be something wrong causing her to go nuts on me and destroy the best thing that has ever happened in my life she just decided to give up and reside her self to a fucking cat and sleeping. Well, I'm spent. |
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