God I'm not sure if this thing is getting better or worse. What am I supposed to do when everything rides on one person? I really don't know what do. I want to be there for Natty, but she won't let me. She believes that she is better off alone. And all I want to do is be with her. It has been bad before but this level of depression is a new low. I feel so helpless. For the love of fucking Christ won't someone tell me how to deal w/ this shit? Did I really make it this bad? Is this my fault? I have no experience w/ this whole situation. I can't find any info on this. Should I just turn and walk away? Should I just write her off and say she is nuts? Should I be there for her and give her never ending love that I feel she deserves. Natty is everything to me, but I can't be everything. Maybe I'll win the lottery and I can wash away both our problems. How can she be the answer to all of my problems, and I only exacerbate hers? So many people read this and just say that I need to dump this crazy bitch, but I can't. This is love. You love someone you are there. You wait it out, you fight for it. Some people say let that person go, I say fight for that person, fight for that love. I'll double my efforts. Even if she hates me, no matter how long this takes. I'll be there for her. Who will be there for me?