H I L A R I O U S
SELFLESS
Main
"Men like sports. I'm sure of it."
"Hello, little girl!"
BEAUTIFUL
Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer.
Bartender: ID
Anya: [glares]
Bartender: ID
Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!
Bartender: ID
Anya: [sigh] gimme a Coke.
(to Giles, her boss)
"Are you stupid or something?"
RELATIONSHIPS
Anya: We're just kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike.
Buffy: The who whatting how with huh?
Anya: Okay, that's denial It comes before anger.
Buffy: I am NOT having SEX with SPIKE!!!!!!!
Anya: Anger.
"Well, as it turns out, teleporting isn't a right, it's a privilege. I withdrew a vengeance spell last week, and this is my punishment. I can only teleport for official business. I have to file a flight plan and everything."
Anya: You're gonna die if you stay here.
Xander: I guess I might.
Anya: When I think that something bad could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.
Xander: Welcome to the world of romance.
Anya: It's horrible! no wonder I used to get so much work.
"Well at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, woah, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans"
Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and opression from the males of the species. And I have nothing but contempt for the libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
Anya: I don't have a date for the prom.
Xander: Well, gosh. I wonder why not? It couldn't have anything to do with your sales pitch.
Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me?
"I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped, and frankly it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now."
Anya: Oh, crap. Look at this! Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage...
Xander: That mean's you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?
(a customer finishes a transaction in the Magic Box)
Anya: Please go.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers of America Union just called. They wanted me to tell you that "please go" just got replaced by "have a nice day"
Anya: But I have their money, who cares what kind of day they have?
"I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come here and get in the way of mine"
Willow: (about Tara) I don't think I can sleep without her...
Anya: You can sleep with me... That came out alot more lesbian than it sounded in my head
(on the Salem witch burnings)
"Oh, I was there. It wasn't really that bad. See, if you were really a witch, you could do a spell to escape, so it was really only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time."
"We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always work's for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from the nice man with the speech impediment"
"Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?"
"You make a very pretty little girl."
Anya: Are they gonna cut the body open?
Willow: Oh my God! Would you just... stop talking? Just.. shut your mouth. Please.
Anya: What am I doing?
Willow: How can you act like that?
Anya: Am I supposed to be chaning my clothes a lot? Is that the helpful thing to do?
Xander: Guys...
Willow: The way you behave.
Anya: Nobody will tell me.
Willow: Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!
Anya: [crying] But I don't understand! I dont understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I dont understand why she can't just get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and it's stupid. And Xander's crying, and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have anymore fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1