If Only I
Knew Then
Chapter 10:
Resolutions
contemplating everything that had happened in the last few
months.
Buffy was gone,
trust her. It didn't seem to be too far off from the first
time
around. But then, this time, Faith was here,
seemed to be starting…something, and Spike had killed Rack.
Well, there was something different. Relief flooded her
every time
she thought about it. Rack being gone meant that something
had
shifted. He wasn't there for her to drain and kill this
time, so
that had to be good, right?
"Hey, Dawnie, I…I called for you…making
breakfast,"
a small smile.
"Yeah, sorry," Dawn muttered.
"I…uh…i-is something wrong?"
"No, fine, really."
"Are you sure? `Cause I'm really getting some `teenage
angst' vibes
from ya."
"Thanks for your concern," Dawn replied with a
roll of her eyes.
"Dawnie…what's wrong? Did I…did I do something?"
"What's going on? With you and Spike?"
"I mean, Faith sorta filled me in last night,
but…"
"What…um…what did she tell you?"
Dawn shrugged. "That you were going through some stuff
and that
Spike was there for you in a way that no one else has been,
but I
mean, come on
between you two, isn't there?"
"I…I don't know what's going on exactly,"
"Do you love him?" Dawn asked softly.
"What about
had always thought that Willow and Tara were so perfect
together,
and she still loved Tara, but now…Willow and Spike didn't
seem all
that wrong together either.
"It's…complicated,"
didn't know exactly where they were going or what they were
thinking, so how could she explain it to someone else?
"Yeah, you know, everyone keeps saying that, but I
don't really
think it is," Dawn spoke up, surprising the redhead.
"There's just so much that…"
"That what?" Dawn proded.
it. "When I'm with Spike, things…aren't quite so
horrible." As
soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them,
seeing
the pain in the younger girl's eyes. "Not that things
are…horrible
really…just…it's been hard and Spike…he makes it a
little…less hard."
"I get that. I do," Dawn told her with a soft,
loving smile. "I
just want you to be happy,
I'm all for it. Plus…you gotta admit…he's pretty hot."
watched as her young charge put down her empty glass and
left the
room, turning in the doorway to waggle her eyebrows at the
witch,
grinning as she heard the older girl giggle again.
laugh nearly as much as she should these day.
Turning toward the kitchen table,
flew open and Spike ran in, a small smoke trail behind him.
He
tossed the blanket to the floor and looked up, smoothing his
hair
out and gave her a smile.
"Spike! Wh-what are you doing here?" She
exclaimed.
"What? Not happy to see me?" He replied.
"No…it's just…" she paused, gesturing out the
window, "it's, you
know…sunny and…stuff."
"Never stopped me before," he told her with a
grin, before pulling
her to him and kissing her deeply.
Suddenly, Spike pulled away and
questioning look. "Xander," he whispered.
and shut.
"Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike!" The man yelled
out as he walked
into the room, Spike's back blocking the view of his arms
around
She pulled away quickly and walked back over to the stove.
"What in god's name are you doing here?" Xander
questioned. "Isn't
this the time of day when all good little vampires are
sleeping?"
"Um…uh…Xander, I think Dawn's ready to go,"
grabbing her friend's arm and steering him out toward the
living
room. "Let's go get her."
"Dawn! Xander's here!"
"Here," Dawn replied, coming down from her room.
"Okay, got everything you need?"
Dawn simply replied with a `yep'.
"And after school, you-"
"Yeah yeah. Let's go, Xander," Dawn interrupted
with a roll of her
eyes and a grin, walking toward the door.
"You'll be coming straight home?"
"Right," she nodded. She turned to see Xander
walking toward his
car before glancing back at
not to get too wild and crazy with the sexy vampire."
the door.
"Oh, good morning," the woman said cheerily.
"You must be Dawn."
Dawn simply nodded. "I'm Doris Kroger, from Social
Services. We had
an appointment?"
"Oh, crap,"
smile. "Right, come on in."
Part 2
woman into the house. This was not something she needed
right now.
She had already hacked into the records, giving herself
legal
custody over Dawn, but couldn't really find a loophole to
get her
out of these surprise visits.
"Little bit on the tardy side, isn't she?" The
woman asked.
"Yeah…it's, uh, been one of those morning…you
know?"
glancing around at the messy house while Ms. Kroger walked
into the
living room.
Her eyes widened seeing Spike sprawled out on a chair.
"Spike!"
guest," she said, gesturing nervously at the woman.
"Uh, yeah pet, I see that," he replied lazily.
"Miss Rosenberg, if you and your boyfriend…" Ms
Kroger began.
"Oh! No! He…he's not…I mean…I…well.."
scowled at her. "Spike! This…um, nice lady is from
Social Services."
Spikes eyes widened in understanding and he quickly stood
up. "Oh,
right! Uh ... hey!
Like, um, just the other night, Dawn wanted to go out on
patrol, but
"Patrol?" The woman questioned.
"Oh! Yeah! You know, going out on patrol, hanging out,
shaken their
groove thing…and…it's the way those kids talk now a days
what with
all the slang and the…uh…you know,"
nervously.
All three heads suddenly turned and looked toward the stairs
as
Faith came clattering down and opened the door.
"Hey, Will, I'm gonna go to the shop for some weapons
training!" She
called out.
Ms. Kroger turned and gave
The redhead laughed nervously. "She just
meant…um…"
"Does she live here too?" The woman asked before
you live with another woman?"
"Oh! Oh, it's not a…a gay thing…I mean…I…I technically
was…er…am…I
mean…uh…she's just a friend…staying here to help,"
explain.
Suddenly, she noticed Ms. Kroger leaning down and picking up
a small
baggie from a table full of magic supplies.
"Oh! Oh, that's not what it looks like. I mean, I know
what…but…uh,
it's magic weed!"
The woman gave her a look, clearly conveying that she wasn't
convinced and
"I think I've seen enough," she said with a scowl,
walking to the
door.
it's just that it's been, kind of a hard time, and…"
Before she
could finish, the woman opened the door and turned back to
her,
about to open her mouth to say something.
Spike watched as the woman paused and
extreme look of concentration on her face. A minute later
the woman
shook her head a little and smiled.
"Everything looks ship-shape here, Miss Rosenberg. In
fact, I don't
see any need to investigate this arrangement any
further."
"Uh…thanks,"
the door.
The redhead turned around and saw Spike staring at her
strangely.
"What?" She asked, still looking nervous.
"What did you just do?" He asked, his voice
sounding more accusing
than he had intended.
"I…uh…nothing?" She lied weakly.
He gave her a look and she threw herself down onto the
couch.
"I couldn't help it! I panicked," she told him,
clearly upset by
what she'd done. "I…I…I don't have the
invisibility-bility that
Buffy had and I…they would have taken her away…and…"
Her voice
trailed off as she buried her face in her hands.
Spike quickly moved to the couch and sat next to her,
rubbing her
back softly, and let out a deep sigh. "Red…luv…I'm not
chastising
you here. Just wanted to know what you did."
"What I did was horrible and wrong and bad…a-and…full
of horribly
wrong badness," she sobbed. "I just didn't know
what…"
"
had to do," he told her.
She looked up, her eyes now red and puffy. "But I…I
manipulated her
mind. I violated her. Wh-what if I did something to her
a-and
messed up her brain or…"
"Oh, bullocks!" He said with a dismissive wave of
his hand. "Ms.
Kroger there didn't exactly appear to me to be the genius,
scholar
type. You fried a few brain cells, I'm sure it wouldn't make
any
difference. Should have given her the weed, told her to loosen
up a
bit."
At that he gave her a lopsided grin and she felt herself
smile a
little, wiping at her eyes.
"What would Giles say?" She asked quietly.
"He would say that you did the right thing."
Both
kitchen.
"You were here? You heard?" The redhead asked in
alarm.
"Yes, I was…I did," he told her. "And you did
the right thing
It was the right thing."
Hearing Giles say that,
noticed how she was leaning into Spike and quickly pulled
herself
away.
"Luv…" Spike whispered. "I think it's a bit
late for that."
"
well aware of the growing…closeness…between you and
Spike."
"Oh my god! You are? Does…does everyone know?" She
asked.
Giles shook his head. "The others are surprisingly
unobservant when
it suits them to be," he told her.
"A-and you're okay with it?" She questioned.
Giles let out a deep sigh before giving her a soft smile.
"
you're a grown woman, more than capable of making your own
decisions. Besides that, I'm sure that Spike is well aware
that if
he ever does anything to hurt you, he'll have several people
more
than ready to stake him."
Giles gave Spike a knowing look and the vampire nodded in
understanding.
Suddenly,
man, throwing her arms around him, squeezing him tightly.
Giles
smile awkwardly and hugged her back.
"Thank you so much, Giles, for everything," she
whispered. "Thank
you so much."
Part 3
That night
wrapped around her. It was so strange to her how this could
seem so
differently new, and so familiar and right all at the same
time.
Tara was fading quickly from her thoughts, replaced solely
by Spike,
but as she laid there, feeling Spike trailing a hand softly
up and
down her bare arm, Willow began to wonder how much of this
was real
for him. Did he really care for her, or was she just a
replacement
for Buffy?
Spike must have noticed the change in her mood as she
silently
contemplated their growing relationship. "Penny for
your thoughts,
luv?"
"What is this to you, Spike?" She asked softly,
unsure if she really
wanted to hear the answer.
The vampire sat up a bit and looked down at her in surprise.
"You
have to ask?"
"Well, I mean, one minute, you're all in love with
Buffy, and then
all of the sudden, you want me…a-and you've never even…you
know…
looked at me."
"I've looked at you, luv. Might have been too much of a
blind fool
to really understand what was in front of me, but I saw you.
And
this isn't just a sudden thing. It's been gradually coming
on. Ever
since…you came back, I…there's just something…I'm drawn to
you…to
your strength, your weaknesses, your heart, your soul."
"What about you?" He questioned in a voice not
hiding his
uncertainty. "You only just lost your witch. Is
this…"
"Spike, I lost
want."
The vampire smirked and leaned back. Finding his coat on the
floor
beside the bed and reached into one of the pockets. Sitting
back up,
he held up a pair of handcuffs, still smiling at the now
slightly
blushing redhead.
"Do you trust me?" He asked softly.
"Always," she replied.
~*~
"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Andrew mumbled over and
over, looking
toward the unmoving body.
"Her neck,"
looked up toward Jonathan.
"No, that's ... not... " Jonathan muttered.
"This isn't happening."
"I just, I gotta ... I gotta, lemme think,"
and forth, trying to ignore Andrew who kept muttering
"oh god" over
and over.
"What did you do?" Jonathan yelled. "What the
hell did you do?!"
Jonathan grabbed
back and shoved him hard against a wall.
"*We* did this,"
of us."
"Oh god oh god oh god..."
"We, uh, we have to get ... we have to get r-rid of
it,"
them.
"Oh, well that's it, man. We're screwed," Jonathan
yelled.
"No, we just have to stay calm,"
"Tell that to your girlfriend!
"Ex-girlfriend!"
"It doesn't matter!" Jonathan told him.
"There's a link. You knew
her, so there's a link. You don't think any one will be able
to put
that together? That's what that little Scooby gang does,
they'll
figure it out!"
"It was an accident. Maybe if we turn ourselves
in-" Andrew began.
"No," Warren interrupted.
"He's right. If we go to the police now-"
"I'm not going to jail."
"We can't hide this!" Jonathan yelled.
"Sooner or later, they're
gonna find out she's dead."
"Well, then maybe it should be sooner," Warren
said, suddenly getting
an idea.
"Are you insane?" Jonathan asked.
"Listen! We have two problems. The body and the
Slayer's gang. Well,
what if there was a way that we could take care of them both
... with
one big stone?"
"Pin the death on that witch?" Andrew asked.
Warren shook his head. "No, no…she's been too much
trouble. Knows
too much. The less we mess with her, the better. But we do
still
have another Slayer…"
Part 4
Willow and Faith sat at a table at The Bronze, watching
Xander and
Anya swing dance.
"You don't think we're gonna have to do that at the
wedding do you?"
Willow questioned. "Cause there's this last thread of
dignity I've
been desperately clinging to."
"Well, you sure as hell won't see me out there, and can
you picture
blondie doin that?"
Willow giggled at the thought of Spike dancing with her like
that or
dancing at all really.
"How are you two doin?" The brunette asked.
Willow's smile widened, "Really good, actually. I mean,
it's so
weird, cause, well, you know, it's Spike, evil undead and
all, but,
it really seems to just, I don't know, fit."
"Yeah, well, it's good to see you smiling again. Anyone
that can
make you smile can't be all evil."
Willow noticed the sad look in the Slayer's eyes. "How
are you
doin? You know, bein out of the clink and all?"
Faith raised an eyebrow at her choice of words. "The
clink?" She
smiled slightly as the redhead blushed. "I'm doin okay.
You'd be
surprised at how much bein evil takes out of you. It's a lot
of
work."
"Tell me about it."
"Yeah, I guess you would know. But Angel, he helped me
a lot, you
know? Having someone believe in me like that? It made things
matter. I just wish…"
"Let me guess, Dawn?" The redhead questioned.
"It's not like I want her to, you know, worship and
idolize me or
anything. I mean, I'm not trying to replace Buffy. I just
wish she
would look at me as more than a killer, you know? I feel
like
she'll never see past that."
"Dawnie's very forgiving. She's just gone through a
lot. I guess
we all have. Just give her a little more time."
Faith nodded just as the song ended and a breathless Xander
and Anya
came over to join them.
"I see sitting where there should be dancing,"
Xander accused.
"Come, share in the joy of our groove thang," Anya
added with a
bright smile.
Both Willow and Faith looked at each other uncertainly
before the
Slayer spoke up. "Actually, guys, I think I'm going to
go patrol.
I'll catch up with you later." Before anyone could
protest, Faith
was up and on her way out.
"I, uh, I think I'm just going to go get another
drink," Willow told
them, before heading toward the bar.
Once the redhead reached the bar, she decided that another
drink
maybe wasn't such a good idea and set the cup down before
heading up
to the balcony. The second floor was more or less void of
people,
for which she was grateful. It gave her a moment to relax
and think
a bit.
Willow looked down at Xander and Anya on the dance floor,
smiling
softly to herself. She loved seeing those two happy and
together
again. She would have to be sure to warn Xander about the
troublesome demon that would be at his wedding.
"All alone again?" She heard the voice behind her,
but didn't even
jump. It was getting harder for him to sneak up on her these
days
and they both smiled at that thought. She turned her head as
she
felt his arms go around her waist and met his lips for a
soft, sweet
kiss.
Sighing deeply, she turned to look back at the dance floor,
leaning
against the blonde vampire.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked her
quietly.
"Just happy," she told him, surprising herself at
the thought.
"Happy?" He questioned.
The redhead nodded. "Even more so now that you're
here," she told
him, turning her head and smiling up at him.
"That right?" He replied with a grin, watching as
she nodded again.
Leaning in, he began to kiss her neck, trailing light, cool
kisses
up and down the heated flesh. Willow closed her eyes and
leaned
further into him.
"No, don't close your eyes," he said, his voice hoarse.
"Want you
to know whose hands are on you, who you belong with."
"I know, Spike," the redhead said with a smile.
"I know exactly who
I'm with."
The vampire smiled and let his hands slide down her arms,
over her
hips and to her thighs before whispering in her ear.
"So, Dawn
knows about us, doesn't she?"
Willow turned and gave him a surprised look. "I heard
her this
morning, at the front door," he explained.
"Oh, right that. Uh, well, yeah, she asked and I
couldn't lie to
her."
"What exactly did you tell her?"
"The truth. That things were happening, and I didn't
know exactly
where they were leading but that I was happy with you."
Spike nodded and let out a sigh. "Yeah, the Slayer
knows too."
"Faith?"
"Yeah, she figured it out last night. I think the
witch, Amy, she
knows too."
"Goddess, is there anyone that doesn't know?"
"Xander," Spike replied with a slight grin,
waiting to see what she
would say to that.
"Right, Xander," she mumbled, contemplating that.
"He's going to find out, pet," he told her and she
thought she heard
a bit of anger in his voice.
"I-I know, it's just- he's not going to react as well
as everyone
else did, and our friendship, it's still a little shaky, you
know?"
"Right, well you can't just keep this a secret
forever." Yep, he
was definitely getting angry.
"Spike, it's not that I want to keep it a secret. I
mean, you can
hardly even call it that, considering that everyone else
knows, but
just give me a little more time. I want to see where this is
going
first, and besides, I kind of like you this way, non-dusty
and all
and I'm thinking once Xander finds out…"
"He won't hurt me, luv," he assured her.
"I know," she told him. "I just hope that I
don't have to hurt him."
Part 5
"Oh! I think I pulled a jive muscle last night,"
Xander groaned as
he and Willow walked toward The Magic Box.
"The Funky Monkey claims another victim," Willow
responded with a
laugh, which quickly died from her lips as she looked up to
see Tara
walking toward them.
"Tara!" She exclaimed in surprise. "What are
you doing here? I mean,
uh, it's okay for you to be here if you have things that you
have to
be here for." She winced at how similar her words were
to the first
time around. This time was different and she had to keep
reminding
herself of that.
"Yeah, I'm gonna go bring Anya up to speed on that
monkey
situation," Xander said, quickly excusing himself from the
situation.
"There's a monkey problem?" Tara asked nervously,
hugging a book
close to her.
"Only if you don't stretch first," the redhead
replied with a
chuckle, looking at the all too familiar book that Tara was
holding "A little light reading?"
"Uh, yeah, I was just- I wanted to look at the spell
that you did."
"Okay," Willow replied, uncertainly. "Any
reason why?"
"I just sort of wanted to get a better understanding of
some
things," Tara told her.
"Oh, well, because you know another good way to get a
better
understanding is to actually come out and ask me."
"Well, we tried that before, didn't turn out as
well," Tara said
sadly, and Willow nodded, looking away.
"I-I have to go," Tara mumbled, turning to walk
away. Pausing, she
turned back for a moment. "Will? I'm glad you're doing
better. If
you're happy, I'm glad." At that, she turned and left,
leaving
Willow with a massive mixture of feels and emotions running
through
her.
~*~
That night Willow and Faith went out on patrol with Dawn,
who
insisted on tagging along. Both the Slayer and Dawn had
noticed
that Willow was being unusually quiet that night, but
neither wanted
to say anything about it. Besides, there was already enough
tension
between the two of them.
"Man, if I don't find something to fight soon, I'm
going to go
crazy," Faith thought out loud, just before hearing a
loud scream
coming from further inside the cemetery.
"Thank you," she mumbled, before taking off into a
full run toward
the sound. Willow and Dawn followed her, though neither was
able to
keep up with the Slayer.
Seeing a woman being chased by two figures, Faith ran,
tackling one
of them, only to find that as they hit the ground, the
figure
disappeared from beneath her.
"What the hell?" She whispered, looking up to find
that there was no
one around. She heard a strange noise around her and then
the sound
of someone crying. Spinning around, Faith saw a woman lying
on the
ground not far away, crying with her hands over her ears and
her
back to the Slayer.
"Hey, it's alright," Faith called, slowly walking
toward
her. "We'll get you outta here. Can you walk?"
Again, she heard the strange noise and looked around, seeing
that
the woman on the ground was now gone. Looking around
nervously, she
heard distant voices whispering to her.
"What did you do? What did you do, Faith? Killer…
killer…"
Faith clamped her hands over her ears, shutting her eyes.
"Stop!"
She screamed. "Shut the fuck up!"
Hearing a noise, Faith opened her eyes to see Willow sprawled
on the
ground, her lip bleeding and Dawn hovering over her, looking
toward
Faith nervously.
"Faith, what's wrong with you?" Dawn asked,
sounding more upset and
scared than angry.
"What? Willow-I- what's going on?" Faith asked in
confusion.
Hearing the noise again, Faith looked to the side to see a
figure in
a robe attacking her, punching her in the face.
Willow climbed to her feet just as she saw Spike
approaching. They
were now surrounded by three demons in blue robes, who
quickly
attacked. Faith punched one of the demons hard before
kicking him,
sending him to the ground. Spike was fighting off a second
demon,
while Willow was facing a third, trying to keep Dawn behind
her,
muttering a protection spell.
Seeing the demon in front of Willow go toward Faith, she
yelled out
the Slayer's name. Faith looked up, just as the other demon
caught
her jaw with a right hook and everything got blurry. Looking
up
again, she saw Willow and Dawn running up to her with no
evidence
that they had been fighting. Spike came running up, not far
behind.
"Willow? What the hell just happened?" She asked,
looking around
wearily.
"You ran off," Willow told her. "We tried to
keep up with you, but
you were too fast."
Hearing the strange noise again, Faith found herself again
fighting
with the demons. Glancing at Willow, she saw her yell out
something
just before one of the demons was thrown away from her. She
kicked
the other one several times, seeing him fall to the ground.
The
first one, now lying near the woman's body, jumped up and
ran toward
her again. Lashing out, she punched the demon just as she
heard the
noise again, yelling out "what the fu-"
Suddenly, she saw Willow in front of her and gasped as she
realized
that she had just hit the witch, again, seeing her lip again
bleeding. She looked at Dawn, who gave her the same confused
look
and asked what Faith was doing.
Again, the Slayer heard the strange noise and found herself
fighting
the demons. Now the noise kept coming and she was quickly
becoming
disoriented, not knowing what was happening or who she was
fighting. Trying to fight off the demons as best she could
through
the flashes of consciousness, Faith felt someone grab her
shoulder
and turned, backhanding whoever it was and gasping as she
saw that
it was the woman who had been on the ground. Watching the
woman
tumble back down a hill, Faith jumped up in horror and ran
down the
hill after her.
Part 6
Seeing Faith run down a hill, Willow let out a low growl
before
suddenly letting loose with a flash of light, quickly taking
out the
three demons. Dawn and Spike blinked a few times, looking
around,
surprised to see the three demons were gone, as was Willow,
who was
already running after Faith.
As she reached the bottom of the hill, Willow saw Faith
kneeling next
to the body of the woman and ran to her.
"I killed her," Faith mumbled. "I killed
someone, again, I didn't
mean to, but, I killed her."
Spike and Dawn reached them, watching as Willow knelt down
next to
the shocked Slayer.
"No, Faith, listen to me…" She tried to get
through to the brunette,
grabbing her arm.
Faith jumped and shook her off. "No! You see? This is
what I am!
I'm a murderer! Even when I try, I try to do good, I still
can't do
it! I'll never be as good as Buffy. I'll never be even close
but
look! I killed her and this is what I am, a killer!"
Dawn watched, her mouth open in shock. She had never seen
this side
of Faith, never knew that she felt this way about herself.
"Faith, you have to listen to me. This is a trick. They
did this
before. Those guys, the ones involved in robbing the bank,
they did
this, they made it same like you killed her, but you didn't,
they
did."
"Red, I was there, I know what I did!"
"No! It seemed like you did it, but I'm telling you, I
swear to you,
Faith, you didn't do this. You are not a killer. Not any
more than
I am, or any one else."
Faith looked up at Willow, wiping a few tears from her eyes.
"You're
telling me this was a trick? I didn't kill her?"
"You didn't kill her," the redhead confirmed.
"Last time, they did
this to Buffy. I wasn't there that night, but she told me
about it,
and they did some kind of spell or something, to make it
seem like
you killed her, but you didn't, they did. You didn't kill
her."
Finally, Willow pulled the distraught Slayer to her feet and
they
started home, Spike walking on the other side of Willow and
Dawn
following behind, contemplating the emotional display she
had just
witnessed.
~*~
"Is she going to be okay?" Willow looked up as she
walked out of
Faith's room and shut the door. Dawn was standing in the
hall,
shifting nervously from foot to foot.
"Yeah," Willow told her. "She's just upset
still. Took a lot out of
her, you know? How are you doin?"
"Okay," Dawn replied quietly. "Just thinking,
I've sorta been giving
Faith a hard time, haven't I?"
Willow nodded. "Well, you miss Buffy. We get
that."
"Yeah, but I shouldn't have been treating Faith like
that. I mean,
it's not her fault that she's the Slayer, and she isn't THAT
bad,
once you get to know her."
The redhead chuckled.
"So, what happened, with that woman, I mean," Dawn
questioned.
"I called the police, told them where they could find
the killers,"
Willow told her. "They should be arresting them as we
speak."