If Only I
Knew Then
Chapter 11:
Bliss
Part 1
evil, wedding-ruining demon was able to.
"I'll say this for the Y chromosome, it looks good in a tux," she
said with a small smile as she stood in the doorway.
Xander looked up, smiling nervously. "Well, your double X's don't
look too bad there, either," he joked.
Willow stepped up to him and started to straighten his tie. "You're
getting married," she cooed. "My little
Xander."
"All growed up," he mused.
"It's a good thing I realized I was gay," she told him with a
smile. "Otherwise, hey, you, me and formal
wear."
Xander gave a small laugh and reached out, hugging her tightly.
"Do you know how much I love you?" She whispered.
"Mmm, 'bout half as much as I love you," he replied, his voice
wavering slightly.
Finally, the redhead pulled away and gave him another smile. "You
ready for the long walk?" She asked. She had no intention of leaving
him by himself this time. Just keep the demon away from him. That
was the plan. Faith had a full description of the guy and was ready
and waiting to take him out as soon as she saw him.
"Will, I'm sorry about you and Tara," Xander said, surprising the
redhead. "Maybe it isn't too late, you know? I mean, Anya and I have
certainly gone through our share of tough times, maybe this is just a
speed bump for you guys."
assumed was due to sadness rather than her being uncomfortable with
the conversation. He gave her another nervous smile and looked like
he wanted to say something.
"What is it?" She asked in concern, afraid that maybe she was too
late and the demon had already gotten to him.
"It's just, I hope I'm ready for this, you know? I mean, okay, be
straight with me, Will. You've already been through this. You've
seen where we end up, so tell me, do we get a happy ending?"
her best friend, but she didn't want to scare him into running away
either. Finally, she let out a deep sigh and gave him a soft smile.
"You get it all Xander. The beautiful wedding, well,
apart from the
feuding families, the wonderful reception, and the perfect marriage.
Anya loves you so much. You two are meant to be together. You need
each other, and YOU are going to make a wonderful husband." Leaning
in, she gave him another hug, feeling him relax slightly at her
words. "Trust me," she whispered, and he did.
Part 2
Faith came over to the table and sat down next to
watching the happy couple swaying together on the dance floor.
"Man, you know, this demon goo is just NEVER going to come out of
this dress," Faith said with a smirk, gesturing at the dark stains on
the horrible green dress. "It's such a shame too, you know? I was
really hoping to get more wear out of this."
cracking jokes again. A minute later, Dawn came bounding over, a
bright smile on her face.
"I see that SOMEONE is enjoying herself tonight,"
smiling knowingly, having seen the younger girl dancing with one of
Anya's guests for most of the night.
"Yeah, isn't he cute? And only half demon," Dawn said, beaming.
"Ah, following in your sister's footsteps, dating demons," Willow
joked.
"Yeah, plus the champagne that Faith slipped to me earlier is making
everything look really fun and spinny," Dawn added.
The Slayer shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault if the kid worships and
idolizes me."
Seeing Spike coming up behind
arm with the slightly swaying Dawn. "Hey pipsqueak, how about you
and I head over to the bar for some water," she said, giving
wink as she headed away from the table.
winking at her. A moment later, she felt Spike slip into the chair
behind her. He reached out and pulled her hair back from her neck
before leaning in to whisper in her ear.
"Might I have this dance, my lady?" He murmured in a deep,
seductive
tone. The witch turned her head, smiling before remembering the
couple out of the dance floor.
The smile quickly dropped from her face and she looked down, fiddling
with the ugly green dress. "I…I think I'd rather just sit a-and
watch," she told him, keeping her eyes down. "I'm not really a
good
dancer anyway."
"Bullocks! I've seen you out there with your friends, pet. I know you
like to dance and I also happen to know you look pretty damn hot when
you do it."
Again, the redhead smiled, feeling her cheeks coloring at the
comment. "Spike, I'm tired and my feet hurt and…"
"And you don't want Xander to see us dancing together," he
mumbled.
"No! I, well, I, yeah, okay, I don't. I just don't want to ruin this
day for him, you know?"
"And knowing that you're happy with someone, with me, that will ruin
the moron's big day?" Spike argued.
"No, well, I-" Before Willow could protest further, she felt
herself
being pulled from her seat by a pair of strong hands and led to the
dance floor.
"You are going to dance with me, luv, whether you like it or
not," he
growled into her ear, holding back a smirk as he pulled her tightly
against him and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other grabbing
her hand.
with him but unable to stop glancing around nervously.
"Relax, pet," Spike whispered. "Just enjoy the moment for
once."
She let out a sigh and her head began to sink down against his chest,
only to shoot back up, nearly bumping into the blonde's jaw.
"Bloody hell," he mumbled. "What now?"
"Hey, Wills!" Xander called as they came up next to them, both
couples still dancing. "Giving dead-boy here a pity dance?"
Spike growled and
"You're way too charitable, if you ask me."
"Xander, leave them alone. I think it's sweet," Anya chided.
"Sweet? She's stuck dancing with the
evil undead here and you think
it's sweet?" Xander replied.
"Yes, I do, and I also think it's none of our business," Anya
said
with a smile, proud to have said something that she knew was the
polite thing to say. Everyone's eyes widened at the ex-demon's words.
"Xander, I really don't mind dancing with Spike,"
quietly, glancing up to see Spike staring at her intently.
"Come on, Will. I mean, I know you don't have a date or anything,
but still, Spike? Slayer obsessed Spike?"
At that,
at Xander angrily.
"Maybe I WANT to dance with Spike, Xander," she said, hands on
hips. "A-and hey! I CHOSE to come alone. It's
not like I couldn't
have brought a date if I had wanted to!"
"Hey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Will," Xander tried to
apologize. "I just meant, you know, it's Spike. I mean, come on,
it's not like you guys are a couple or anything, right?" He chuckled
at the very thought and
Seeing that no one else was laughing, Xander suddenly turned more
serious. "Right, Will?" He urged.
"Uh, yeah, no, of course not, ha. Me, a-and Spike, a couple." She
glanced up nervously at the blonde vampire to confirm that he was now
glaring at her angrily just before he turned and stormed out of the
building.
"Geez, what's got him all pissed off?" Xander questioned, turning
toward his new bride and sweeping her off across the dance floor in
ignorant bliss.
Part 3
Seeing the vampire
running toward the exit of the cemetery, Faith got
ready, punching him hard before reaching out and grabbing a second
one, which quickly twisted out of her grasp.
Not noticing as something flew out of the first vampire's hand Faith
began to fight the second of the two demons. The first stood up,
prepared to join the fight, when he suddenly found himself being
lifted off of the ground. Looking up, he saw a bleached blonde
vampire holding him up, dangling him in the air.
Spike watched as Faith struggled with the vampire, being thrown to
the ground, the demon lunging toward her throat.
"How you doin?" He asked
casually.
"Oh, dandy," she replied, grimacing as she held the vampire up
off of
her. "Same old Sunnydale," she quipped.
"I could take care of this guy if you want," he told her.
"Whatever," she replied, trying to act uninterested as she kicked
the
vampire off of her and jumped to her feet, "Your call."
"Well, he don't look like much, I know," Spike told her, ignoring
the
protesting vampire he was still holding onto, "But still, could save
you a bit of work. If only…"
Kicking the vampire away from her, she glared up at the
blonde. "Spike, what do you want?" She asked.
"Why won't she just tell the Whelp about us?" He whined. Faith
let
out an annoyed sigh.
"Hey, man, that's between you and Willow. Leave me out of it."
Seeing her turn her back to him, Spike let the vampire go. The demon
immediately charged toward the Slayer.
"I mean, she sleeps with me, but…" The vampire paused, giving
Faith
just enough time to spin around and stake him before looking up at
Spike as he hopped down from his perch. "It isn't even that she
wouldn't tell him. I mean, it's not like it's not fun to be lying to
and tricking the
Just like that bloody apostle...in the bible?, the
cock bloody
crowed, denying she has anything to do with me, you know? No! It's
worse than that, it's like Judice, she's out-right betrayed me!" He
growled angrily.
Faith rolled her eyes and turned, starting to walk away from the
annoying vampire, mumbling about having to listen to a demon quoting
from the Bible. Pausing, she turned back and gave him a look. "The
girl loves you, Blondie. She loves you a whole hell of a lot, so
give her a break, alright? She's still dealing with everything and
Xander, he can be pretty damn tough to deal with sometimes, you know?
Just give her a little more time."
At that, she turned and left the brooding vampire alone to think.
part 4
Anya, Xander and Giles came into the house, talking noisily.
"Stupid nerds and their stupid troll cameras in the stupid yard,"
the
redhead grumbled.
The other three stopped and looked toward the redhead who hadn't even
glanced up at them.
"Have the giant hammer-wielding troll dream again, Will?" Xander
questioned as they all gave her a confused look.
cameras, if it's not invisibility rays it's spy
cameras," she
muttered, holding up the broken camera that she had found in the
front yard. She looked back at the computer and started tapping away
again.
"Um, explain please," Xander replied, still none of them
understanding.
The redhead heaved a deep sigh and paused from her work to look up at
them again. "Warren and his little buddies have been spying on us. I
told them to stop all the super-villain crap, but apparently they
just won't listen. I can't remember where all the cameras are
though, so I'm trying to run a trace to see…" She trailed off as she
looked back at the computer, furrowing her brow and typing again.
"Okay, so, anyone understand any of that?" Xander questioned, looking
toward Anya and Giles for help.
"Sounded pretty clear to me," Anya replied.
Giles nodded.
"And nobody else finds it strange or unsettling that there are
cameras watching us?" The younger man asked.
Both Anya and Giles shook their head.
"Seems pretty standard for the Hellmouth," Giles told him.
"Actually I'd say it's kind of tame," Anya added.
"Alrighty then. Sounds more like
something Spike would do than
the vampire's name.
She still hadn't talked to him since the wedding. It had been days
and she suspected he was waiting for her to make the next move.
"So, oh wise and future knowing one, what next?" Xander asked,
looking back toward
"We wait to see where the cameras all are. In the meantime, I'll
send Faith over to their `lair'. The cops were going to go arrest
them, but I'd still like to be sure,"
up from the table. "I-I think I'm going to go for a walk. There are
a few things I'd like to go pick up at the shop."
"The shop?" Anya questioned. "My shop? I-I mean, Giles' shop?
Picking up things, as in taking them?"
blonde immediately flashed her a wide smile.
"No problem!" She said,
too cheerfully. "What is mine is yours or well what is Giles' is
yours, apparently."
The redhead turned, rolling her eyes and headed out the door.
part 5
door bell chime. She knew who it was, knew he had been following
her there.
"Letting the doorbell ring, not terribly stealthy.
Do vampires
start to lose their edge when they get older?"
not bothering to turn and look, smirking at the mental picture of
Spike scowling at the comment.
"Just figure I don't need to bother with stealth mode when I'm
around an amateur teen witch," Spike replied, grinning at his own
come back.
you?" She asked quietly.
"Been better, been worse, you?"
He replied.
"Same." She held up the camera, rolling her eyes.
"Let me guess,
"Ding ding ding! Tell the handsome vampire
what he's won," she
replied with a chuckle.
"Handsome, huh?" He said,
stepping closer to her, resting both hands
on her hips.
The redhead shrugged. "I gotta build up your ego some how, don't I?
I mean, you're no hot lesbian but…"
"Speaking of which," Spike said, turning the conversation,
"Seen you
talking to
"Jealous?"
"Me? The big bad? Jealous?"
vampire's waist.
"Should I be?" He questioned quietly, disliking the vulnerability
that question held.
"How can you even ask me that? Tara and I are just friends, Spike.
I don't love her anymore, not like…" Her voice cracked and her
breath caught in her throat as she turned her head away from his
gaze.
"Sure about that?" He questioned, mistaking her actions for guilt
over lying to him.
"I just-I just feel so horrible, you know? I mean, here she is,
loving me, unconditionally, and here I am, lying to her and keeping
things from her, not telling her about us, and all the while,
falling in love with someone else," she said, the last part barely a
whisper.
Spike's eyes widened at her confession and he was sure he felt his
dead heart jump in his chest.
"Falling in love with someone?" He asked, somewhat cautiously.
"Well, I mean," She paused, seeing his face start to fall as he
looked away, and her resolve crumbled, a slow, slight smile
spreading over her face. "Yeah," she whispered.
He looked back at her again, his sparkling blue eyes full of hope,
her smile melting away any fear or insecurity that he might have
been feeling.
"Anyone I know, luv?" He asked, a sly grin slipping across his
face. She chuckled and turned her head away, blushing. His hand
reached out and gently tipped her chin back up, his eyes catching
hers for just a moment, before he swept his head down, capturing her
lips with his own. The kiss was tender and sweet and seemed to stop
time. There was nothing in the world but the two of them and nothing
mattered but his lips on hers, her hand in his, the soft feel of her
hair, the rough skin of his hand, caressing her cheek. Nothing else
mattered.
Part 6
the vampire, and looked up at him, tears in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Spike," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I
never
meant to hurt you. You've done so much for me. You-you've been
everything to me, and then, with Xander at the wedding, I just…"
"Shhh," he stopped her, lifting a finger to her lips before
leaning
in and replacing it with his own soft mouth. "I understand, luv,"
he told her. "I mean, it stung a little, but I understand. I love
you."
At that, all talking was over. Kissing her deeply, Spike gently
nudged
table. Reluctantly pulling away, he quickly shoved the books and
papers off of the table and easily lifted the witch up, sitting her
on the table top and resuming his exploration of her mouth with his
own.
Feeling her hands running up and down his arms, clutching at the
muscles through the leather coat, he brought his lips down to her
neck, traveling ever so slowly southward, his mouth following his
hands.
slightly cooler air in the room, her shirt being tossed to the
floor. She clutched at him almost frantically, her head tilting
back and her eyes closing as she enjoyed the sensations he was
causing.
"Naughty girl," he purred, and she looked up to see him smirking
at
the fact that she wore no bra. She smiled and blushed before
gasping as his head descended again, his soft lips capturing one
hardened nipple and sucking gently. She gripped his arms tighter as
he moved to the other nipple, licking and sucking his way.
"Spike, please," she whimpered, tugging at his coat, wanting to
feel
his flesh against hers. He took a step back and allowed her to
remove the coat, ignoring the leather as it hit the floor and
couldn't help but smile as she gripped his thin shirt, ripping it
apart, sending buttons everywhere.
"Liked that shirt, luv," he whispered, caressing her bare
shoulders
as her hands traveled across his hard, pale chest.
"You'll like what I do better," she answered with a seductive
smile,
just before raking her nails across his chest, leaving light red
lines in her wake.
The vampire sucked in a deep, unneeded breath before lunging at the
witch, intent on devouring her whole until she melted into him.
Before either were aware of it, the rest of their
clothes had been
removed and
Spike closer as he loomed between her legs. He kissed and licked
his way down her chest, over her stomach, stopping just below where
he knew he was wanted and smirked as her heard the redhead whimper
in protest.
"Please, Spike," she whispered, desperate for more.
Moving back up, Spike paused for only a moment before thrusting deep
inside her, closing his eyes for a moment and savoring the feel of
her tight heat. Feeling
a strong, steady rhythm that had them both climaxing within moments.
As he felt her hit her peak, he leaned in, face morphing, and sunk
his fangs into her neck, sending her into her second climax as he
hit his own.
Shaking and panting, they both held each other close, neither
willing to let go, neither willing to give up the moment, and
neither realizing what ramifications their actions would hold.
~*~
"
said, gesturing toward the computer sitting on the dining room
table. Looking over, he started to speak before pausing, looking
down at the screen in confusion.
"What?" Anya asked, coming over to see what he was looking
at. "Xander, what's wrong?"
"What-what is this?" He asked in shock. "What am I looking
at?
What am I seeing?"
"It looks like The Magic Box," she explained, though it seemed
fairly obvious to her. "I can't believe they had cameras in my
store! You don't think they stole anything do you?"
Xander just continued to stare at the screen. "What…what is she…
what is he…why…"
Anya leaned over with a huff, looking more closely and suddenly saw
what Xander was seeing. A broad smile spread across her face.
"Oh! That! That would be
"Why? Why would they be kissing? And-and what's with the hands?
They're…"
"Xander, please tell me you saw this coming," Anya interrupted
with
a roll of her eyes.
He turned his head sharply, looking up at her in surprise. "You saw
this coming?! He's-he's a soulless monster!"
"A soulless monster that you trusted all this time to watch over
Dawn," she pointed out.
"That's-that's different," he told her, anger beginning to boil
up
in him.
"
"Xander!" Anya shouted as her husband
pushed her back and went
toward the weapons chest, grabbing a stake.
"How dare he touch her! How dare he touch her
like that!" He
growled as he stomped to the door, throwing it open.
"What are you going to do? If she loves him…" Anya shouted,
trying
to stop him.
"Loves him? He's a demon! She loves
"Xander, open your eyes!
alone, except for Spike, and…"
"No! I don't want to hear this! None of it! I'll kill the son of a
bitch!" He turned to walk away and Anya grabbed his arm. He turned
back, a menacing look on his face.
"Stay out of it Anya," he growled.
She let go of his arm and took a nervous step back. "If you do this,
Xander, you'll lose her," she told him, but he didn't hear, having
already stomped off, heading down the road.
part 7
They finished dressing and Spike pulled the redhead into a tight
embrace, kissing her deeply.
for breath and looked up at the blonde vampire who was still holding
her in his arms. Her entire body was humming.
"Spike, what are we going to do? I-I don't want to hurt anyone,"
she told him.
"You won't, Willow. But you have to do what makes you happy," he
replied, giving her another quick kiss. "You have to think of
yourself."
"You make me happy," she confessed and he broke out into another
bright smile. "I don't know what I would have done these last few
months without you."
"You'll never have to be without me, pet, I…"
Spike's words were cut off as a hand reached out and grabbed his
shoulder, yanking him away from
"My god, Xander! What are you
doing?" She shouted.
"Don't worry, Will, he won't bother you anymore," Xander told
her,
not taking his eyes off of the vampire in front of him.
"Bother me? Xander…"
"You son of a bitch! You keep your
hands off of her!" Xander
yelled, ignoring
"Maybe she wants my hands on her," Spike countered with a sneer.
Xander slammed the blonde back against a wall, knocking down a few
shelves full of magic supplies. Anya ran in through the front door.
"What's going on?"
"Apparently, Xander is trying to destroy my store," Anya said,
dismayed to see her display being smashed.
"No! With Spike and…"
"Oh! That! Yes, well, we sort of saw you and Spike having sex on
your computer. There's a hidden camera in the shop, apparently, and
we sort of saw the whole show. Way to go," Anya added, patting
"What? Oh my god! I completely forgot…"
two men.
"Xander, stop right now!" She
yelled.
"Not now,
the wall again.
"You can't have Buffy now, so you've decided to settle with
is that it?"
"Hey!"
insulting words.
"I won't fight you," Spike told him.
"Not won't, can't," Xander
replied. "Big difference."
"Xander, stop! Now!"
Spike as hard as he could. Spike's head snapped back and he slowly
slumped down the wall, crouching, wiping the blood from his lip.
"Spike!"
him. "Are you alright?"
"Fine, luv, don't worry `bout me," he assured her. "It's
fine."
"No. No, it's not," she replied, turning to look up at Xander,
her
eyes going black.
"If you ever so much as touch him again, I'll kill you," she
growled
at him. Xander took a step back, looking down at
widening.
"
me," Xander said quietly.
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Xander. I don't want to make that
choice, but if you attack him in any way, I will. He's the only one
that's been here for me. The ONLY one, and I love
him."
"He's-he's a soulless thing! How can you love him?" He asked in
outrage. "
"How can you say that?" She countered. "Is it that
impossible for
you to believe that he could actually love me? Am I THAT
undesirable?" She shook her head at her thoughts, glaring at him
again. "Doesn't how I feel matter at all?"
"I-I can't even look at you right now. I don't know how you feel,
but what I feel right now? I'm looking at you with him, and all I
feel is disgust." The stake slipped from his hand, falling to the
floor with a clang as he turned away from her.
"Xander, please," she begged, tears filling her eyes at his
words.
He didn't turn back to her and instead started to walk toward the
door.
"Xander," Anya began, but one look from him quieted her.
"Xander, please don't walk away from me,"
now streaming down her cheeks.
Again, he didn't turn to look at her and instead opened the door and
walked out of the shop.
Part 8
"Xander, you can't go on like this forever."
"Anya, don't."
"She's your best friend. You can't just…"
"Really, Anya, just don't," Xander growled as they both entered
the
magic shop and he headed back toward the training room to let off a
little more steam.
Giles looked up, seeing the pair come in.
"Still no change?" he asked Anya.
She shook her head sadly.
"I'm sure he'll come around," he assured her, though he wasn't
sounding terribly convinced himself.
"He can be so stubborn and pigheaded sometimes," she
told him,
getting no argument from the older man. "And, he has this sort of
double standard with Buffy and
and we all know how impossible it is to stay balanced on one of those
for too long. After Buffy died, I think everything with
finding out the things she's done, it's been that much harder for him
to deal with."
"Yes, well, I'm sure it came as quite a shock to him and especially
being Spike…"
"But really, what's so wrong with Spike?" Anya asked, slightly
surprising Giles. "I mean, yes, he can be very offensive a-and gruff
at times, but he loves her and he makes her happy and he takes care
of her. What is so wrong with that?"
"Absolutely nothing," Giles said with a soft smile. "Just
give him a
little more time. He may still come around."
"Well, I don't want him going off and doing something stupid. He
does
something to hurt Spike and
whether she wants to or not. Then I'll have to hurt her, which will
most likely really just get me hurt. It's an ugly pattern I don't
want to get started."
"I'm going out to patrol for a while," Xander mumbled as he
came back
into the shop, carrying a crossbow and a bag of stakes.
"Xander, I really think that you should speak to
him, hoping to talk some sense into the boy.
"Yeah? Well, I think that you should
mind your own business," Xander
countered.
"When it comes to all of you and your welfare, it is my business,"
Giles replied.
"Not this time, Giles. Just stay out of it, alright? I'm not
talking about this anymore. Now that the truth is out…"
"The truth? The truth is that you
are acting like a spoiled little
boy who's just had his favorite toy taken away."
"Giles, watch it," Xander warned.
"Oh, don't you throw your empty little threats at me, boy,"
Giles
growled, letting a bit of the Ripper out for show. "You may be able
to make your best friend cry, but I'm a little more
thick skinned
than she is, despite what you may think. My god! You are such a
hypocrite, and you want to have us believe you're the man of the
house? I've never seen you act more immature and with more disregard
for your friend's feelings."
"In disregard for her feelings? Giles, she's
sleeping with a
soulless killer who…"
"Who loves her! He loves her, Xander,"
Giles told him.
"Yeah, and just last year he was in love with Buffy.
Pretty fickle,
don't you think?"
"What is really bothering you here, Xander? The fact that
loves Spike or the fact that
you?"
Xander visibly flinched at the words, staring at the former watcher
in shock.
"I-I- you have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Oh, is that right? Well, I think I do. In fact, I'd say I'm pretty
dead on. You've always been the man in
was with Oz, he still played second to you, and then when
along, you didn't see her as a threat. Now, someone else has come to
take over, someone strong, who can take care of her and makes her
smile the way that only you ever did."
Xander's face fell as the words sunk in. "But-but-how? How can he-
he doesn't, he's evil, and…"
"Not with her," Giles said, his voice softening slightly. "He
loves
her and he makes her happy and after everything that girl has gone
through if she happens to find a little bit of happiness, even in a
soulless killer who has a chip in his head, then so be it. We should
be thankful that he can give her that little bit of peace."
"But, does it have to be Spike?" He asked weakly.
"That's not our choice to make. No one told you not to marry a
former vengeance demon. In fact, from what I understand, that
marriage would never have taken place if it hadn't been for
Be happy that she's happy, Xander, and let the rest of it go."
Xander nodded, looking down, trying to hold back the tears, his voice
catching in his throat. "God, you're right. I-I just want her to
be
happy, and still…"
"It's not too late, Xander," Anya told him. "You can still
talk to
her. You can fix things."
The brunette simply nodded before turning to head out to find
Part 9
"How are you doing, luv?" Spike asked as he
came into the room,
finding the redhead sitting on her bed, looking out the window.
"I'm alright," she lied weakly. Spike simply cocked his head
to the
side, waiting for her to say more as he sat down next to her. She
pulled her gaze away from the window and looked up into his
questioning eyes.
"They only arrested Jonathan and Andrew," she said quietly.
Spike
gave her a confused look, arching an eyebrow in further
questioning. "
the word came out. "H-he got away. He's out there somewhere, right
now, and…"
Spike nodded, finally understanding, and reached out
to take her hand
in his, lightly stroking his thumb over her soft skin.
"It will be alright, luv."
I'm thinking no. I-I mean, everything is the same! You know, except
for the whole Xander hating me thing this time, and you and me, a-and
now
know it won't be good and…"
"Shhh, luv, everything will be alright. I promise. Won't
let him
hurt you again."
"It's not me I'm worried about," she whispered.
Before Spike had a chance to say more, there was a soft knock on the
door. They watched as it opened and Xander's head came into view.
He heard Spike growl and tried to ignore it for the moment.
"Will, can I, uh, talk to you for a few minutes?" He asked humbly.
Spike looked at
but not willing to leave her without her consent. She smiled
slightly and nodded before Spike leaned in and gave her a quick
kiss. Standing up, he moved to the door, pulling it open. Xander
jumped back away from the blonde vampire nervously.
"You say or do ANYTHING to hurt or upset her…" Spike said, leaving
the threat open.
Xander nodded in understanding before Spike headed down the hallway.
Xander slowly walked into the room and sat on the opposite side of
the bed, as far away from the redhead as possible, not sure how well
received he was. They both sat, looking down for the longest time,
cold silence between them. Finally, he forced himself to speak.
"
sorry." He saw the witch's head pop up as she looked at him in
surprise, having expected a lecture about her wrong choices. "I had
no right to judge you or what you do. I'm not saying I'm going to
love seeing you and Spike together, or-or any of that, but, god,
Willow, I just want you to be happy. I miss you so much." At that,
he felt his resolve crumble as the tears filled his eyes, though he
knew if he was ever going to cry in front of anyone, this was the
girl, his
And I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you. I haven't supported you
after all of this stuff and, and after losing Buffy, I should have-I
should have told you how much I missed having you around and missed
talking to you every day and god, Willow, I just love you so much.
You know that right?"
"And I know I've been this incredible jerk and I know you didn't
feel
like you could tell me about you and Spike, because of me and what
did I do? I just proved your fears right. I'm an ass, and just
please forgive me, because, I just don't know what I would ever do
without you in my life."
At that,
embrace. "Let's never find out," she whispered into his ear,
and
both smiled, the tears still falling, both knowing all was forgiven.
Part 10
Xander left
down the stairs, he was surprised to see
front door.
"Hey,
"Um, okay," she answered quietly. "I-is
"Yeah, she's in her room," he told her.
She nodded and both headed in their separate directions.
Walking into the living room, he looked up and saw Spike sitting in
one of the chairs. The vampire stood up and glared at the man.
"Spike, I'm," Xander paused, not sure of quite what to say.
"Don't
hurt her. She's had enough of that from other people. Just take
care of her."
Spike nodded, shocked at the lack of attack. "Always will,"
he told
him.
"I know," Xander said quietly before making his way toward the
kitchen and out the back door.
~*~
Heading into the backyard, Xander saw Faith sitting on a bench under
a few trees. He made his way to her and sat down next to the
pensive looking slayer.
"You talk to
"Yep," he simply responded.
"Apologize for being a complete ass?" She questioned, tilting
her
head slightly and giving him a small grin. He chuckled and
nodded. "Good, because I like you much better when
you're the nice
guy than when you're the jackass."
"Yeah, me too," he told her. "So, how did it go last
night, with
the nerd squad?"
~*~
"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard."
"
doorway.
"I'm sorry, it's just…"
to the redhead before continuing. "You love him, don't you?"
"What?" Willows eyes widened in surprise. "
"Spike," the blonde clarified. "You love him." The
second time, it
was not a question.
and nodded her head. She didn't see the small, sad smile spread
over
for this-I never meant to hurt you,"
eyes as she looked up again.
"I know that,
voice. "I know you didn't do it to hurt me."
"I-I just feel so terrible. So wrong. It-it
wasn't supposed to be
this way. It was supposed to be different, better, but I…"
"Does he make you happy?"
With him, I think I can be happy."
"That's what matters, Will."
I-I don't deserve…"
"Yes! Yes, you do,"
stood up next to the bed. The blonde reached out, caressing her
face, forcing her to look up at her. "You deserve to be happy.
You're a good person, Will. Why do you think I loved you so much?"
"It isn't like I didn't see this coming
"How? How could you see this coming? I didn't even see this
coming,"
and things just weren't the same with us anymore. Too much had
happened. Too many things were said and done on both parts. This
is the way it's supposed to be. It's better this way."
softly. "Everything works out the way it's supposed to," she
whispered, before taking a step back and giving
smile.
~*~
"The cops had already gotten two of them," Faith told Xander
with a
disinterested shrug. "That
really piss me off. He had these brass balls…" She saw Xander's
eyes widen at her choice of wording. "Literally," she said,
rolling
her eyes, "two magic ball things, gave him some kind of super-
strenth. Finally broke them, kicked his ass.
Still got away though."
"Ah, yeah, well, that's the Sunnydale police for ya. Always there
when you need them. Now if only…"
Xander paused as he heard someone shouting and looked up in horror,
seeing
"You think you could do that to me?"
could just do that?!" Just as he pointed the gun and pulled the
trigger, firing wildly, Xander jumped and grabbed Faith, throwing
them both to the ground, one bullet narrowly missing his shoulder.
~*~
Willow blinked back the tears, wiping at her eyes and suddenly heard
a strangely familiar cracking noise, feeling something cool touch
her face. Her head shot up and her eyes widened seeing a horribly
familiar site before her;
staring at her oddly.
"Your shirt," she mumbled quietly, just before collapsing onto
the
floor.
in her arms.
"
on,
racing. How could this happen again? Things were supposed to be
different this time. And even with everything she knew... Suddenly,
a thought jumped into her mind. She knew she could do it. She had
so much more power now. She was more powerful than any other witch
alive, and she knew that she could do it this time. She had thought
she could do things differently, thought they would be so
different. With a final, raging cry, she gave in and accepted that
they never would be.
"By Osiris, I command you, bring her back!" The room grew dark
and
clouds began to swirl over head. Lighting flashed inside the small
room. Just as she was about to open her mouth, to call out again,
the door flew open and she glanced up to see a blonde vampire rush
in. Reaching her in two strides, his form only a blur, he grabbed
the lifeless body from her hands and pushed it away. Grabbing her
shoulders, he shook her slightly and forced her to look at him.
"Red!
"No! I can bring her back! This time, it still turns out the same,
but…"
"No,
"It does!" She screamed, struggling to free herself from his
vice-
like grip. "You were the one that told me that! You! No matter how
much we try to change it, it still ends up the same. Let me go!
Let me finish it!"
"No!" He yelled back, shaking her again. "
destroy yourself! Not this time! It doesn't have to be the same.
Since when do you listen to me? I'm a complete moron, remember?
Not a clue what I'm talkin about."
She just shook her head, her
body becoming less resistant in his arms.
"
you go there again."
"But she's-she's gone, just when she forgave me, she understood,
and…"
"Yes, she's gone, and maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, but
that doesn't mean you have to lose yourself again, too."
"This is who I am!" She sobbed. "This is what I'm destined
to do,
to be an evil thing!"
"Not hardly, Red. You are not evil. Whatever
you did in the past,
it's the past, it's done and gone. Let it go. Who are you right
now, what you do with what you know now, this time around, is what
matters. This is your chance to make it right. You're stronger than
this and I won't let you lose yourself again! Things ARE
different. Look at how much better you've made things, for us, for
the world. Our lives are not meant to be lived by our past
mistakes. It's what you do NOW that matters."
Finally, she lost all resistance, and slumped into Spike's arms, her
body wracked with sobs. Xander and Faith stood in the doorway
watching with pained expressions as the redhead sobbed into the
comforting embrace of the soulless vampire.