Chapter Three

Harry sat on the edge of his bed in silence as Snape explained all that had occurred to Dumbledore and McGonagall. He refused to look at either of them, but still felt their disappointed gazes on him. �Damn Snape�Why does he always have to interfere?! Why can�t he just let things be?!�And why did he say he cared�?� This last thought perplexed Harry to no end. He was certain the man hated him, especially considering the way he�d treated him over the past seven years. But now Snape had shown Harry a new, almost compassionate side that Harry had never seen, nor expected to see, before. �What is he trying to do to me?�

"Harry? Are you listening?" McGonagall�s voice shook Harry out of his thoughts and back to the matter at hand.

"Sorry, what was that?" Harry asked, shaking his head quickly to clear it of his thoughts. McGonagall frowned slightly.

"I was just saying, Harry, that had there been a Quidditch team this year, I�m sure you realize�"

"Minerva," Dumbledore interrupted her with a wave of his hand. It was clear to him that the woman was too flustered to think clearly. "Harry, what we really want to know is � why? Why did you want to leave us?"

Oh, no. Dumbledore really looked upset. This was not what Harry needed, having guilt added to the now torrential emotions swirling inside him, and he broke down crying.

"Harry�" Snape half-whispered. "Harry, please get a hold of yourself. Just tell us what�s wrong."

Oh, great. "Nice Snape" was back again to confuse him. Damn it, why couldn�t he be the cold, harsh bastard Harry was used to?! He never got the urge to cling to "bastard Snape" and cry until he had no tears left. He never got the urge to throw himself into "bastard Snape�s" arms and never let go. He never got the urge to reach up and� �Stop that line of thought right now!� he chastised himself. �Letting your hormones take over now is not what you should be doing!�

Slowly, Harry managed to compose himself enough to be able to talk. "I�m�I�m sorry," he began. "It was stupid of me�but�but�it�s all my fault!" He broke down again. He felt the bed shift as McGonagall sat beside him and put an arm around him, holding him close to her and stroking his hair much like a mother would. As much as Harry appreciated this little bit of comfort being offered him, he couldn�t help but wonder what it would be like if it were Snape doing this. He banished that thought quickly.

As his sobs once again began to subside, Dumbledore spoke again. "If you don�t feel up to talking right now, Harry, I understand. However, I am going to have to ask you to spend the night in the hospital wing. I�m sure Madam Pomfrey has a dreamless sleep potion that you could have." Harry sniffled and nodded silently.

Harry sat propped up against the pillows on his bed in the hospital wing. He could hear Dumbledore explaining the situation to Pomfrey, as well as Pomfrey�s surprised gasp at the news that Harry had tried to off himself. He listened as McGonagall suggested that someone keep watch over him, at least until everything had settled down, and was shocked when Snape volunteered to stay with him for the time being. A strange feeling of giddiness overcame him for a moment before he forced himself to calm down. Really, there was nothing to be giddy about, least of all being stuck under the watchful, intense eyes of the Potions master after having tried to kill yourself. Maybe he�d get lucky and Snape would kill him in his sleep�

"Harry?" Harry looked up at the sound of the headmaster�s voice. The look of disappointment was gone now, but was replaced instead by one of intense worry. "Professor Snape will be staying here with you tonight. I�ll be contacting your godfather tomorrow morning. Is there anything you need?" Harry shook his head. Damn, of course they�d be telling Sirius about this. He didn�t even want to think about how Sirius would take the news.

"Harry?" Madam Pomfrey this time. "It�ll be a little while before the sleeping potion is ready, so I�d like you to please take some of this calming draught for the time being." She handed him a goblet, which he took and downed the whole thing without a second thought. Pomfrey took the goblet back and hurried off, probably to finish preparing his sleeping draught, as Dumbledore ushered the still-flustered McGonagall out of the Infirmary, leaving Harry alone with Professor Snape, who hadn�t spoken a word to him since they�d left the dormitories.

�Well, now�s as good a time as any�� he thought to himself as the Potions master took a seat beside Harry�s bed. "Professor?"

"Yes, Potter?" Ah, back on a last name basis. Great. Merlin, he sounded tired�

"Um, well�I was just wondering�um�" Long pause.

"�Yes?"

"Why did you lie before?" Harry demanded. "Saying that you cared and all that. Why did you lie to me?"

Severus sighed. "I told you before, Potter. I wasn�t lying."

Harry�s mind began to spin. Then why�? "Why are you always so mean to me, then?" he demanded. "Why are you always so cold and harsh?"

Severus sighed deeply. "Well, that�s a rather complicated question."

Silence fell over them as Harry waited for Snape to continue. He was disappointed, however, when the next voice he heard was Madam Pomfrey�s as she handed him the sleeping draught. With one last thoughtful glance at his professor, he drank the potion and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Harry opened his eyes groggily and blinked a few times to bring the world back into focus. He was in the hospital wing. Okay. Why was he in the hospital wing? Oh, right. He�d gotten caught trying to kill himself. "Damn it," he grumbled. "I�m such an idiot�"

"So you�ve finally noticed that too, have you?" a voice said from beside his bed. Turning his head, Harry saw that the voice belonged to Snape. Oh, that�s right. He was supposed to watch Harry, wasn�t he? Did that mean he�d been there all night long? "If you�re ready to get up, we have a meeting with the headmaster to discuss the events of last night."

Harry groaned. This would not be fun. "Do I have to go? I don�t think I can face him or Professor McGonagall right now."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why is that?"

Harry sighed deeply before turning onto his stomach and burying his face into the pillow. "They�re going to be so upset and disappointed in me. I don�t want to deal with that."

"I�m upset and disappointed in you, yet you�re managing just fine with me," Snape pointed out in a soft voice. Harry snorted.

"Yeah, but you�re always like that. I�m not used to having Professor Dumbledore upset with me. And I don�t even want to think about what Sirius will do when he finds out�" Harry trailed off sadly. Sirius would never forgive him for this.

"Now do you see why I told you not to try that again?" Snape asked quietly. Harry nodded slowly.

"I guess�but what else was I supposed to do? I can�t go on living like this�"

"Like what?" Harry didn�t answer. Instead, he rolled over and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"I�m hungry," he finally said after a pause. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Of course you are. Come, I will take you to breakfast and then we�ll speak with Dumbledore." Harry grimaced, but nodded slowly.