Dear Friend,

It is truly disappointing that as good a friendship as we have shared, as often as we have talked, you still know nothing about me.

This, my first foray out of mistresshood into the dating game, has been a failure. First and foremost, I failed to motivate you to treat me as other than a mistress. While I too enjoy the theater, symphony, jazz clubs travel and other cultural and entertaining outings, you shared those events with others, reserving for me only the dates to party places and gentlemen's clubs. Had you seen me as something other than just a "good time and great sex" we might have spent time rollerblading in the park or strolling through the zoo. We might have spent the weekend out of town or gone to the arcade to play pinball. The list of things I would enjoy sharing with you seems almost endless and yet in a year we have done none of them, following only your desires, your plans for the evening, mostly getting together at 9 or 10 pm for the more sexually oriented entertainment.

I failed myself when I gave you my love. Your lifestyle and conduct had not earned you my heart, your treatment of me was not deserving of the emotions. I failed to see that you didn't care enough to make the effort to romance me. Had you been propelled by true emotion, you would not have been thoughtlees enough to buy me the same Valentine's Day card as another and share the story with me, you would have been there during the difficult periods asking what you could do to help and still being there anyway holding my hand though I answered "nothing." Had there been the degree of caring I deserve, you would not have been so inattentive to my needs, my desires, you would not have wounded me in a thousand little ways.

My biggest failure of all, though, was in not knowing when to say Enough!, not knowing when to walk away. It took a while for me to understand that loving a man does not give him license to treat me one iota less than I deserve. But I know it now.

I know also that the failure is not mine alone but I can only speak to my own shortcomings in this. All was not bad in this relationship. I take with me many , many wonderful memories of the "firsts" which we shared and the newly learned ability to love a man, to share my heart, my soul, my life along with the joy of my body. It is just that "not all bad" is no longer good enough for me. I want more than that, I deserve more.

Be happy in the choices you make but please, please be a little more careful with the love you are gifted. The reward for that care will probably be a thousand-fold more wonderful than you could ever imagine.

Love always, A friend forever.

Bn.