God populated the earth with broccoli, cauliflower,
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds
so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 70 cent double cheeseburger.
And the Devil said to man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Supersize them."
And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt
that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And the Devil brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God sent heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them
And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have
to toil to change channels betweem ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God brought forth the potato,
a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fat fried them.
And the Devil created sour cream dip.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chichen
And cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.
And God greated the life-giving tofu.
And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man,
"Do I look fat?"
And Man told the truth.
And Woman went out from the presence of man
and dwelt in the land of divorce lawyer,
east of the marriage counselor.
And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth
and took unto herself comfort food.
And God brought forth Weight-watchers.
It did not help.
And God created exercise machines with easy payments.
And Man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent.
And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod,
East of the polyester leisure suit.
And in the fullness of time,
Woman received the exercise machine from Man in the property settlement.