I hope this column makes sense because im just going to sit down and type real fast and not edit it. So here goes:

We all want it. We all need it. We all seek it and hope for it and want so desperately to share it. Love. But what exactly is it? Depending on who we listen to we get various answers. Society tells us that love is this uncontrollable feeling that you just have for someone. You look at them, you get to know them, and all the sudden you have warm tingly feelings that you can’t stop. Your legs go numb and your heart explodes everytime you look at or even think about the object of your “love”. That’s what society calls that. I call it infatuation.

Some people, particularly our age seem to confuse love and lust. Don’t even get me started on the phrase ‘Making Love’, but the truth is, “love” is a word that is used so flippantly and carelessly. You always hear it. “I love oreo cookies, I LOVE the cubs, i love this i love that. No, you don’t.

Love is not a feeling that just suddenly happens. Love isn’t just this magical force that can’t be contained, predicted, or stopped. Love is a choice. I’ll say it again-- Love is a choice. Particuarly romantic “agape” love, but even brotherly love and erotic love-- they’re all decesions we make. Decesions to give up our rights. Decesions to serve somone else and consider him or her and their needs before our own. There is a really well known book circulating the world, and in it love is defined as the willingness to lay down your life for someone else.

I would like to think i’ve learned a little bit about love in my first twenty years of life. You wake up every day and (maybe not consiously) decide to love, to serve the person you love. You choose to spend time in service to a person which brings enjoyment. You do things together, grow together, store up memories, experineces and nostolgia... which is where all those warm feelings that we think are “love” come from.

Being ‘In love’ is all that other stuff. All those warm, gushy feelings aren’t bad-- they’re the spark which starts a relationship. But you can never have a bonfire if all you have is a few sparks. The real stuff of love is in the pain and the decesion to live for the other person with whom you share this love. Being in love isn’t bad, but being in love and not actually loving the person accounts for some of the most painful, worthless and dangerous relationships i have ever witnessed first or secondhand. I would even go as far as to say that we can love anyone if we make the decesion and effort to. I’m not saying that there isn’t one person we are ment to be with. I dont know what i think about that yet, and i suppose i shouldnt bring any divine plan into this nonsense.

You know what’s crazy about love, though? It makes us do some pretty wild things. I hope i haven’t given being in love such a bad wrap, because its an amazing thing.. it just not something to grow too comfortable with. Look at our nation’s staggering divorce rate. If relationships were based on Love and not being ‘In Love’ than that statistic would be lower, but people run away as soon as there is conflict. Love is making the decesion to stick with your commitment even if from time to time your are not in love with your partner.

But, as I was saying, being in love is amazing. A guy named Rich Mullins once said “What an amazing thing to be so in love that you forget how obnoxious love looks to everyone else.” and he’s right. The most amazing way this exists in relationships is our willingness to overlook the faults of the one we are in love with. We forego annoying habits, nuances and characteristics of our beloved. We forgive flaws, wrongs and mistakes, because we are in love. It’s amazing. What’s that Billy Joel song..? She’s always a woman? Go read those lyrics and then keep reading this column when you’re finished with Billy.

All that to say that Love and relationships are no cure for lonliness. Some of the lonliest people i know are in relationships. Love will not cure insercurity. Love is difficult. But rewarding. The most dangerous thing is love that you need. Love that you force from someone and cling to like it is dear life itself. Love is also the best gift one can give. or receive.

If you have time, read “The 4 Loves” by C.S. Lewis. I need to read it again.

Here is what I know of love so far:

love endures

love won’t let go

love is a mystery

love is at the same time the source of our greatest joys and our greatest pains

love makes us do foolish things

love surprises even us

love which someone gives is always remembered

We need, want, seek desire and cling to love, which is why the loss of love can be devestating

-Zach