American Dream for Kids Gone Wrong

Death and delight,
We’ve got it all right here
For your amusement.
Watch as faces melt away
Replaced by bodies.
Numb and famous,
Wide open naked 
To be gawked at
By their teen market.
Demographically proven
To eat up death
Like chocolate cake.
Better than sex,
More real than dreams,
Yet fake as politics.
Where’s the charity
For boys and girls
Caught up in 
A life of television?
The American dream,
Killing kids like drugs
Left out overnight
Past their expiration.
A plastic cacophony
Of bottled ideas;
Orgasm on a stick.


Little girl with hair
In curls up to the blue sky
Smiles and tears her knees
A little game for mother

Clothing is unreal
To imaginative boys
And precocious girls
Bent on curiosity

A boy is nothing
Without his toy arsenal
Of plastic figures
And Saturday morning dreams

While they sleep alone
The bruises of the morning
Fade to soft purple
And they forget the causes

It is so simple
No dirt will make them dirty
No tears will haunt them
Words are only what they are

But a precious child
Is more fragile than a man
And easily scarred
Thank you dad, for knowing this


Another Day at Work

I saw a stone beneath the sea
Moss slick algae-blue sky
It stung; Breathtaking, tender
A wisp of red smoke… blood

An observation: twirled fingers
Words and violent yeses
Pattern forming on the board;
Dry ink, a somewhat death

Stale air, ventilated cold
Barren not quite walls
Idea storage; boxed up empty
Sealed with secret’s kiss

I am lonely hard screened
Loveless silicon
For orders cut with smiles
And familiar strange looks

I sank far beneath the sea
Staring at an algae-blue sky
Beneath an overwhelming current
Red undertones, so lazy…


What perversion tempts you with it’s depth?
For all men have their imperfections
And seek a peace through simple pleasures
An elusive beast, that dream of happiness
Though my pleasures border on complex
Not flesh and words or beautiful flames
A premature end to something terrible
Inhale the fumes of silent aftermath
The wailing of insecure performers
Mortified by death and sick with life
How soon the fears fade to oblivion
And we all bob and weave in unison


Are you blind or deaf or dumb?
Can’t you see the way I fall?
A pointing finger losing it’s resolve
Falling to my side, broken
Some say its destiny to fade
I say its a lonely grave
A dismal downward spiral
Reaching ever towards desire

Well if everything I say and everything I do
Is all a part of some damned eternal plan
Then what sick fuck decided I should hurt?

Fate can be your crutch
Your reality escape
While I bask in freedom
Like every good man should
Open your eyes brother
See the possibilities

I despise the idea of fate
I admire those with strong will
I can understand their hate
But not a vengeful god
Tearing blindly into hope
To defy all reason
And leave us wanting
Hungry for some peace

Well if everything I want and everything I need
Is all decided by some ever-present power
Then what sick fuck decided I got nothing?

Fate can be your crutch
Your reality escape
While I bask in freedom
Like every good man should
Open your eyes brother
See the possibilities


Sky Red Asphalt
Sky red asphalt - horizon of autumn street
Made green and muddy by reflective iris
Then lost behind the solid veil of pale lids
The evening has left me skin sticking numb
A beautiful taste that screams summer night


I come down every road too fast
Get to the end well before I should
Without enough time to stop myself
Or to take in my surroundings

I feel like I’m moving forward
But I swear I’ve seen it all before
In my full circle spinning tirade
Crashing headlong into memory

You’d think I’d learn to slow it down
Take some pleasure in simplicity
Find some beauty in the stillness
And relax a while with eyes closed

I’m afraid if I ever come down
To take the time to appreciate
That I’d also have to mourn
‘Cause not everything is beautiful

I think I’d rather have the blur
Of life moving by too fast
Than the joy of sleeping in the sun
Or the sting of being left behind


I Loved

Yesterday I loved like a slowly ebbing tide, wandering
Falling further out of grace with another moon

Today I loved like a blossom in the sun, wilting…
Lapping up soft lips like rain until I drown

Tomorrow I will love like sun that never sets, dreaming
Entwined in arms like a child lost in time


Like a Stain

Sometimes I believe
A sad empire of soul…
A tear to every crown 
That I believe will fail
A thimble full of dreams
Alive and powerful
I never thought you cared, 
But I believe in pain
And I have never sung our song
Of discontent and haze
No matter what went on
When I was blurred and lost
I stood proud by your side
And died like your friends
Never cleaned up like a stain
From every mouth you’ve known
Like a kiss within the rain
You’ve never tried to drip my soul…
I cried and let you mourn for me
But every town has seen
A careful symmetry
In death and discontent
That drowns a dusty tide
Don’t think that since I’m full
I’ve given up on tasting.


The Other Side

I remember when we were the other side and nothing yet mattered
I remember when people made angels cry and you were just plastered
It pains me to know all the cruel jokes that life tells
In tune with a bell ringing straight from the nine hells
I remember when needles were genocide and sickness was faster
I see embers then feed all the painful lies rejection has mastered
It tempts me to know all the pain that belongs to you
A life lived in solitude for wishes don’t come true
I remember when we were the other side and nothing yet mattered
Why be centered then free her; the mother died and loving gets battered


Aftertaste

I want you like a leech.
To drain all I love
Into an aftertaste.
I want everything;
Innocence to die for,
Hungry lips to live for,
A beauty to kill for.
You taste so good
On the way down,
I miss you already.
I’ll be wishing I could
Spit you back up
Onto a pedestal
Where you belong
But all I’ll ever have
Is that aftertaste
Of mud and dreams.
Swallowed down
Into this black hole;
My lonely soul.


When I Die

I’m happy cause 
I like it when you kill
I like it when I die
A true love
This is where we cry
Together on a
Simple landscape
Nude and open
Absolute and free
A candle dimming
Like romantic waves
From lips still wet
From when we cried
And where we kissed
I’m happy cause
I like it when you kill
I like it when I die
And find you there
This is where we kiss


She Showed Me

The bitter taste of her poisonous tongue
Reminds me of an apple I consumed
That opened my eyes to a new world
And left me wanting second chances
The sharp glare of her piercing eyes
Cut into me like so many hidden thorns
That tore away the normal pretenses 
And left me wishing I had never tasted
The cold touch of grasping fingers
Clawed me like the smoothest knife
That opened skin to show myself
And left me loathing everything inside


A Sickness

Tonight we will be witnessing a death, a laugh and an open mouth kiss.
It may scar your quickly numbing sensitivity...  Death by acceptance.
The knife may bring a fear, unlike any apathetic controversy
But death itself is not a masterpiece by any means at all
It is a sickness born of infinite pain and suffering
A child's first wailing scream, following the contours of a pale moon
A blood red sky will rise for everyone to see
Stare back with a tenacity found only in a tortured soul
Watch as it consumes a heart that once was whole
But now lies broken, dripping on the floor
Edges sharp as nails...  Hard as any man
But faces still contort to smiles, as forced as feelings
Laughter is a byproduct of degradation
An old man with failing limbs falls in agony
"Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!"
A crowd pleaser, canned laughter, you fucking hypocrites.
Have you ever felt a razor running through your soul?
A moment of realization, when you know there is no point.
There is no sacred act, there is no reality in sorrow.
Lips open wide for a kiss with another sort of lips.
Buried in a woman's legs as old men watch
From miles away, complaining of the camera angles 
And it's all a joke with friends and needles
Tonight we performed a killing, laughed at someone's expense
And defiled a 16 year old girl who only ever wanted love.
Every day, another dream lost to apathy


Just Imagine

I overcame my confidence and sank into demure
Do not mourn for me, for pride or for the taste
It lasted not a moment longer than a first kiss
I think she felt it in my hand… grip loosening
Because she sighed a breath of heaven into me
It was my first breath, a first love, a hungry kiss
Lips consumed lips, tongue found tongue
And explored every curve of her delicate skin
Her fingers skittered over every piece of me
Like twisted vines taking root in desert sands 
My eyelids parted as she pulled at last away
A mouth of her own, and eyes as lost as mine


Never Melted

Angels never left the sky where smiles became a dream
The street where faces changed like snowflakes in the sun
Dripped as though a thirst for something more on parched lips
Open for a mouth of change that tastes so sweet before it dries
It never melted like an empath's eyes with every dying flower
But burned a dark ash cross in skin that only ever wanted love
Lost and numb but not undone a mouth still open to be filled
To spit the dried up rain from dirty tongue and find a final kiss


Repression

You are so innocent it hurts
I want to mix it up with sin
Glide it on to heal the wound
A deep and lonely scar, repression
You are the sweetest thing I’ve known
So shy in all the wrong places
I know there’s something down there
In the depths of secrets that you keep
Struggling to reach the surface
To come up for a breath of air
It must be a timeless battle
One you’re too afraid to win
But time, it heals all wounds
And now the end is within sight
This time I will hold your hand
Walk you to the edge and over
And you can crawl in all my joy
Wallow in the glory of the free
Learn a dark and beautiful art
The art of having no regrets


I can smell you still when you leave for the night
But what I meant to say is that I'm going crazy
I look into a mirror that stares back at me
With a look of desperation just beyond the glaze
I'm tired now so I can't be held responsible for this
I wonder how to tell you I've been longing for a kiss
All day long I dream of touching your soft skin
I'm not the patient sort, you know how I can get
Just tell me once or twice you love me so I know
And don't always have to wonder how you feel
If the only way to make you happy were to go
I'd leave so fast you'd forget you ever knew me
And if just once you'd ever even say hello
I might one day get up the nerve to tell you "hey"
But I'm a timid creature who fears the spoken word
And all I'll ever be to you is a face you never knew


I leak through skin like ashes
Smearing smudged up face
Dripping makeup from Black lashes
Still don't like the taste
I've been piercing flesh like crosses
What an ugly face
With red lips from colored glosses
Never liked the taste

Women are already fine crafted works of art
Why leave bloody stains across your heart?
When you're already crawling to find sanity
In this world of jokes and inhumanity

I leak through minds like ashes
Bleeding sinful taste
Dripping sense before it crashes
Still don't like the face
I've been piercing thoughts like losses
What an ugly taste
With blue words like falling crosses
Never liked the face

Women are already wise beyond their years
Why leave bloody stains from lonely fears?
When you're already so caught up with vanity
In this world of jokes and inhumanity


Once So Innocent

The change was subtle but complete.
A scar drawn with a touch of hell
By a darkness found between words.

Skin wilted at the sly approach,
Tore beneath the nails of old ways,
Thirsting for a sinking solace.

Knowledge will be the death of me.
For what is left when dark dreams fade,
Lost like poor men lounging lonely.

My hate has grown a hundred-fold
And death, it creeps so near to me
Like winters breeze it keeps me cold.

Uncaring like a demon's tongue
I fade into the soft cool mud
Hardening like clumps of reason.


I've lived till lemon suck
Sour at milk container
Pictures blowing easy over
Eggs like scrambled reality
Back into a cookie cutter
Shape like chicken
Smooth for sick days
Wet like broken noses
Tilted and a little off
Center, crowded red
Angry as a butcher
Knife spoiled like bread
Day old and rotting
Teeth falling out
Of boundaries in dirt
Like lines for men
Or boys singing old
Curdled love songs


Grounding Myself

Standing in gravel puddles
Reaching like vines to sun
To escape this broken home

Walking through neon streets
Melting like snow to sea
To find a settling place

Running with sticky feet
Holding like child to hands
To not be blown away

Flying in shrouded sky
Dripping like tears to chin
To ground myself again


Cannot Say Goodbye

Where do I leave this child
Who has drained my patience
And drawn lines I could not cross

How can I think while this child
Rests gently in my shaking hands
So silent I can smell despair

When will I find this peace
The child found so readily
Among the numb encounters

I must erase the memories
That make up my blurry past
So I can be sticky to the bone

With a life so razor sharp
I fear the emptiness of hope
It crawls like skin through loss

To place a child into a grave
Is a winter none should weather
But here I lay, keeping out the chill


May I Find a Rose

Like a charging dismal childhood
On a joyride straight to judgment
Weakened by a carnal desire
For some flame of satisfaction
I cross these roads still craving
Distant dreams within a dream
Still long for soft illusion
Where perfection drowns in pain
Where black stains are gently browned
A rose is still a rainy day
May I find a melody of peace
Gentle songs within the stars


Innocent World

I never believed in a lonely world
Cause I've never known an innocent girl

Your puzzle is not so complicated
Tentative words, strong but unsure
A soft smile from forlorn child
You hold this lover fascinated

I found charm within your innocence
Bitten lip allure of smiles demure
The nervous shift of brown eye mist
Awkward in a stream of eloquence

Quiver at my sensitive touch
Caught slipping like water rippling
Into your skin so different from within
Not quite ready to share that much

I never believed in a lonely girl
Cause I've never lived in an innocent world


Before you Came

Chew on my dirty shoe sole
Drink from my open veins
Just make sure you leave
Some remnant of myself
So I can laugh some time
About those grizzly days
Rather than reciprocating
To some unwary victim
Because the last thing I want
Is to chew up rubber
And suck out the life
Of something innocent
Like me before you came


Letting Go

I take a deep breath and submerge
This is the end, I will be released
No more gripping with brittle fingers
It is time to forget the disbelief

A sure hand is soft against my skin
A gentle voice that I no longer fear
It speaks of love and pure desire
And I lose myself in oblivion

Now that I've let go, I understand
In a place more vulnerable than ever
But have found my peace at last
Within the arms of a sensitive love


Don’t Mind the Voices

Candle-star gypsies roam through whispers
Imparting wisdom like a clash of thunder
Across a wailing sky of cloudless dawn
"Trust no one but yourself young lad"

Trust the viper tongues of the fairest folk
To lash out with their compulsive lies
Strangle you within their web of hope
"I’ve always loved you, my precious son"

Blatantly obvious the voices rise
To bring a senseless boy to understand
The intricacies of beautiful minds
"Precious child, I did it for your own good"

Carcass clash of silent moonlit breath
Burn among the feeble indiscretions
Secrets gaping wide like fresh born scars
"I have never told anyone, my lover"


Rose Consumption

A blistering cold night.
You touch my belly,
Giddy with the fear.
Tempted by comfortable grass,
Sleep upon the blades.
They cut like paper lies
And you bleed a white noise,
Haunting in its simplicity.
Parents cry melting glaciers,
Afraid you're living life.
Tongues have lost their souls
And stick to skin
Like soap in the eyes,
Such enchanting sting.
Gaze lost upon
The stars and moon.
Breathe fog, you and I.
The world has eyes
That do not sleep
And they undress you
Like my toes
So we can dance free
And be caught on roots
To remind us of the sun
And our short innocence.
I hold a rose,
It bleeds into my skin,
Threatens to consume
Your beauty in a whim.


Some Call it Love

I've been lying to myself,
Like when I told you that I wanted you to choke on it
And you looked at me and smiled and said you like it like that.
But just remember
I always told you,
I always told you,
I told you that I fucking loved you.

And I am so confused,
Every time you wrap your legs around me in a blur
Then scratch and scream and whisper "Faster, harder."
All I can hear is
“Please don’t do this,”
“Please don’t do this,”
“Please, not this again.”

And despite you telling me,
I’m the only good thing that ever happened to you,
I still have no idea where you’re crawling to.
Just don’t say to me
“You won’t understand,”
“You won’t understand,”
“You don’t know what I’ve been through.”

I won’t forget the pain,
I was driving and you slapped my head into the window,
I hit you back and for the first time in my life said no.
After that one time
You never touched me,
You never touched me,
Never laid your hands on me

I feel so vulnerable,
You always seem to threaten when you know it feels the worst.
Still every time you talk about alone, you know how much I hurt.
Just be gentle please
I am always careful,
I am always careful,
I’m so god damned good to you.

You can be so beautiful,
When you wrap your body in a dream you call a dress
Then make up your eyes and lips I must confess,
It hurts me when you say
“All you want are breasts,”
“All you want are breasts,”
“I’m just another naked body.”

Our lives are intertwined,
You fulfill a part of me that is calling out for completion.
I try to make you care like that will bring salvation.
I know it never will
Like I know your face,
Like I know your face,
I know it like a cruel father’s hand.

You once cut yourself,
I still dream of red vines twisting down your arms like blood,
Lying naked on the floor amidst a dark red swirling flood.
I will close my eyes
And think of better things,
And think of better things,
And remember when we first kissed.

I have grown bitter.
I never should have been treated like an undeserving dog,
You missed when you believed me caught behind your fog.
I have always known
You abused my heart,
You abused my heart,
Your manipulative lies cut deep.

There is still emotion,
When you thought my love was lost, I saw the fear
So I held you in my arms, wiped away the tears…
I still care for you
No matter what you do,
No matter what you do,
It doesn’t matter what you do.

But this must end now.
I’m so afraid to tell you I’ll be moving on,
The last night of our love passes to oblivion.
I kiss you once more
For luck my dear,
For luck my dear,
I wish you best of luck.


I Only Hurt Everyone

I am a hole in the hand of Mr. Jesus Christ
As cold and unwanted as a sleepless night
As tempered and bloody as a newborn child
Haunting your dreams like a sick tasting bile

I cut you like shards of broken simplicity
A sin like no other, I force you to see
The pain of an innocent man as he dies
Gently moving to tears through blistering cries

I am the murder and death of a poor simple soul
A body conceding its total control
A complex design of confusion and pride
Alone in the valley of self-loathing suicide


Moment of My Life

You are the midnight of my dreams
Where I have strayed beneath the line
And found comfort in the dark oblivion

You are the peak of my salvation
Where I have risen above the stars
And found joy in the sky encompassing

You are the smile of my reflection
Where I have seen beyond the glass
And found life in the hidden cracks

You are the moment of my life
Where I have swam among the tears
And found meaning in the purest words


Friends Suck

Though you tear through hope like unpleasant dreams
And grate your views against the helpless and unsure
I appreciate the humor that you find in degradation
And when you tear me down to bloody stumps, I heal
And grow strong with passion and ensuing laughter
Odd however, that you don’t expect it in return
And from this I derive some twisted form of pleasure
But friends like us, we last through everything


Still Living for Something

I am in a prison named oblivion
Nestled between numb and bliss
I haven’t looked out windows
Or smiled at anything for weeks

I realize how twisted I am now
And decide to laugh at everything
The world is comic genius
And I, an overly attentive fan

Until I break a tired fist on skulls
And eat till every organ bursts
Then starve till every feeling shrivels
And walk away from everything

The lies of yesterday are nothing
But coals and pretty ashes
One day I’ll blossom to a human 
One day when humans are in bloom


Locked Away (Freedom Has a Price)

How weak to mourn a sin
Frail like dusty cobwebs
Blinking in the harsh light
Unrevealed once again
Temptation is my better half

How blind to build a hole
Empty like dark nothings
Reduced to pseudo night
Repentant of my hope
Salvation is a lonely dream

How proud to bear a scar
Strong like grasping hands
Reaching for a future
Still lost within a touch
Searching for immoral comfort


One Last Time

My fingers lay against soft skin
Follow the curves of lips
And stop as if saying “Shh”
She lies quiet in her bed of white
All made up and beautiful
As if on display for everyone
I want to hear her voice
But I won’t wake her now
I grasp her cold hand
And wet it with a tear
Hold it for one of those moments
That feels like eternity
Then walk away
Through a crowd of people
Who won’t meet my eyes
With one last touch
To remember her by


Fathers Cause Futures

A stone cast into writhing water
Sinking like a twisted father
Rippling through his helpless daughter


Broken Dreams

I’ve a good notion to scream and hurt
Scratch my eyes and claw the dirt
Bend your desire to break my rhyme
To stop time and just flow; free from all this shit

Playfully carnivorous, talkative monkeys
Rage and consume me; trash talking junkies
God damn cellophane torn apart again
Breaks like skin, a slender incision into nothing

Grit teeth, a misplaced sadist’s smile
Alone like poor man’s timid pedophile
I have ten thousand faded dreams
Night, it screams a silent blizzard deep within me

Fire is dying; just as my innocence
River is flowing dry-eyed ineloquence
A rage red with crippled equality
And all I see… It breaks into dust as I stumble


The Everyday Deaths

Do you, like I; contemplate the multiplicity of death?
A terrible pang, a gentle release; the duality of loss.
Dry like fear; stick to the roof of my mouth
Beautiful like graveyards; bring haunting memories

My innocence was cruelly murdered early on
Like razor laden candy; enticing in it’s simplicity
Empathy starved into a sickly wisp of nothing
Faded out upon a dusty stretch of roadside trash

Hope is by far the hardest death to cope with 
Like walking blindly into shards of broken glass
Unable to stop yourself, or scream, or feel pain
It was then death quickened to a daily occurrence


Only Death

The blade shone red, by law it is not cleaned
It drips crimson with the souls of faithless
One stroke or maybe two by endless hands
Sends silence home like thunder fading

The cheers and jeers from joyless crowds
Who revel in the taste of blood and death
And cast stones at pagans lonely widows
Taper into stillness as night calls darkness

It is the night who cries for those who wander
Sheds it’s rain to clean the sharpened steel
Brings a cruel glint back to the guillotine
And breaks the silence with a howling wind

Few walk streets without day’s light to guide
But those with loved ones lost and homeless
The mud is made of tears and human ash
The streets of blood and fine-worked bone

Still men dance a jig inside a crowded pub
Drunk numb with fear and tasteless alcohol
Laughing loudly at the days decapitations
Acutely aware of their own frail mortality


Pearl Hunting

I fall as slowly out as I do in
All the while screeching headlong
Nails dug deep to keep me here
Where I belong, wherever I am

They say love is like a fairy tale
Soft and kind as angel’s lips
Though I have seen a darkness
A more bitter side to longing

I have waded deep and shallow
Through the throes of want
But I have never wandered home
Or found the perfect depth

Though I both give and take
The things I need and want
I am nothing more than slave
Dark soul delving in desire

I search as often as I can
All the while diving deeper
Holding breath for one glimpse
Of perfect sand-grown pearl


Bleeding Song

Morning crawls, engulfing face and limbs
A tingle tickling blue soft star caress
Closed eyes bring the sense of fingers
Playing down a spine sent shivering

Depth of souls; a never ending breath
Overwhelmingly trembling silence
Petals bathe in bleeding string song
Grow from earth like newborn hearts

Light incense intrigues the open mind
Released with dew upon thick air
Laden with music, warmth and rose
Enough to drown a fragile innocence

To surface both alive and wanting
Remembering the grace of gods
Strong belief that peace lives on
Each tear, a memory of beauty


Silent Still and Blind

Time is lazy as it creeps down moss-slick rocks
Sticks to lungs between sharp short breaths
Invades my mind and skips a beat for me
Hand is torn yet seeks out stone for comfort

This gravel is bland, could use a touch of salt
To cauterize my twisted tongue through fire
It lies bruised and ripe like fruit for biting
I am not peaceful in my pseudo dream sleep

I twist and turn but remain motionless
Fear sitting heavy in my sore throat and gut
Peeling yet pushed tightly closed for blindness
Comfortable in not knowing what befalls me


What I Have Sown

I reap broken glass upon brittle hands
Begin my day again with death
A startled child, like sterling silver
The soft reflector of silky skies
I have awoken him my welcome kin
A blanket of shards, blind man’s pillow
Lifts it’s fingers to caress a fading life
And lies in dreams aside alluring cuts


Simple Abstract

Orange eyes frozen
Shattered white simplicity
Paled beside the stairway
All grey and midnight
Winding to a forest cave
Sharp brown stalactite teeth
Sparkling diamond blue
Reflecting white hot
Perfect golden elegance
From murky pool
Cracks run purple
Horizontally shadowed
Soft red torchlight
Drowned obsidian walls
Drizzled in crystal
Tears of abstract pain


Black Flower Dancer

Sexy in your sinful grace
Exotically grotesque
Kiss the scabs of shame
Soon scars of remembrance
Ugly in a blur of calm
Beauty in a sea of pain
Body taught to bleed
A gentle crimson rain
Darken like night sky
Extinguished candle smoke
Take it like a whisper
Warning of escape
Loss so utterly profound
It slips through fingers
Greasy with the sweat
Salty on gloss lips
Chew the swollen tongue
Reaching to become
Numb and beautiful
Young and virile
Blossoming to art
The first black flower
Found in nature


Hypocritical by Nature

Hypocrisy runs rampant
Beauty here lies dormant
Chalk full of criticism
Lost under the pessimism

Tender with your tearing
Selective with your caring
Claiming to be righteous
Fly but you are flightless

Cold in autumn’s mist
Depressed in perfect bliss
Smiling while you’re crying
Living while you’re dying

Dark when sun lights sky
A stranger passing by
An amusing moment
To suffer malcontent


Shaving Ice

I am a block of ice
You chisel and shape me
But every shaving
Brings me closer to nothing
I’ve come to loathe the blade
You craft me into such beautiful intricacy
And display me to the world
Your own masterpiece
That lives only long enough to melt
And melt I will
Your hands are warm
I become liquid through your fingers
You try so hard to keep me together
Keep me cold and solitary
But I will drip and drip
Till I am nothing but a puddle in the dirt
Your one last chance to keep me
Is to drink me up
But you won’t taste muddy water
You’ll find a new block of ice
To mould to your desire.


The Night Peddler

You must love dying as much as I do
To lie disheveled on this bed tonight
And I mean that in the most Shakespearian sense
Or do you offer penance for abuse suffered as a child?
Consider it paid in full, at least on my part
Take your cash and go wherever it is you go
To peddle more death to strangers


Father Time Observes

I am a desolate stone in the sand
Of time that falls from a crippled old hand
Reduced to a silent and solemn gaze
Alone in the knowledge of somber days

I am a thing of beauty and malice
Care in the world of heartache and callous
Pristine and angel-like; I am a dove
Thin like a carelessly tossed aside glove

Pain is the primitive form of desire
Often mistaken as lust by the choir
Crawl from beneath a pile of misgivings
Trust your harsh god is also forgiving

Father sits watching the world with a smile
Trembling with age and a malcontent child
Though tears fall like leather from hide-tanned skin
I know that beauty lies also within


Perfectly Normal

I eat every day
Three square meals
But I’m dirty

I keep to eight hour nights
Sleep so long
But I’m alone

I am always laughing
So happy
But I’m drowning

My friends are always close
We’re forever
But I’m so tired

Tossing out the garbage
Keeping clean
But I’m hungry

I bleed so often now
Not quite soft
But I’m crying


Break my fragile shell
What lies beneath
A fairy tale love-struck
Coward of a man

Have you cracked me?
I just fall apart
And wander ever after
Through perfection

Pluck this tender petal
The deep red one
My only source of joy
Between the tears

Have you taken it?
I just let it go
And remember beauty
Lies in everything

Ignore my leprous skin
What lies beneath
The optimistic dreaming
Cripple of a man

Have you forgotten?
I am home again
A family of blood
Still holds my hand


Fire is memory… 
It burns like glass.
Seething like a temper
Melting like a frozen glove
Lingering sun
Broken night
Staring, blinking
Sick with tears
Crawling over spines
Like skin
Still black from searing
Grips like teeth
Bites like children
Lie in flame’s midst
Engulfed in memory
And sing black ash
Tears steam into the air
So thick you choke
On all the emptiness


Some people think because I’ve got a shiny red car
That I have it so good, but the truth couldn’t be so far
You think because I’ve got a steady job and furniture
That I must be some hob-knob snob, but are you sure?

Yeah, growing up in a poor neighborhood is tough
I wouldn't know, I grew up in a rich one
As the poor boy with no christmas, it was rough
But everyone around me seemed to have thier fun

I've known a few people like you
Breaking free from society
Rebellion, angst and hypocrisy
So open minded that you can't see
That there are rules and boundaries

Well I'm rebelling too.
Against a lonely childhood
And an outcast mentality
I wanted so bad to have it good
Not dwelling on mortality
An open wound to set me free
So everyone could watch me bleed
But I deserve it with my greed?

You fight your war of rebellion
I hear so much about oppression
About some white man’s messin’
Who needs to learn his lesson

Well you know what? God damn you.
Damn you and your stupid assumptions
You think I’m free?
You think it’s luck?
If you agree
You’re a stupid fuck

I worked my ass off since I was nine
I delivered news… I had no time.
I bought all my own toys
I was different than the other boys
Wearing toughskins and three days dirt
You have no idea how much I hurt.

I’ve been hungry cold and aching
I’ve been so damn close to breaking
So don’t you try to tell me
That I’m the one who’s making
Everyone around me into nothing

I’ve fought with friends and suicide
While others sat so idly by
I’ve listened to my parents cry
And comfort them with lies

So if all you can see is a preppy shirt
Short hair and a lack of dirt
You may as well see everyone the same
And have no one but yourself to blame
When people look down on you
For something you aren’t or didn’t do.
You think you’re smart?  Well get a clue
You’re holding a hammer and pounding a screw.

I’ve felt too much pain
Tried so hard in vain
To be contained
Within a name

I don’t ever look at anyone… and categorize them by their looks
I’ve known too many covers that were different than the books.


Little Puppy (Eating Shit)

I want to eat your shit
Like a puppy, hungry for your filth
Lapping muddy water
Cowering beneath your raised fist
Chained out in the cold
Attention starved and arthritic boned
I still long for you
Whimpering my nights away for one last taste
Just one sloppy kiss
To be returned with cold indifference


My friends hide their deaths
Concealed from the public eye
Smile their pristine smiles
Speak their clouded careful words

Perhaps that is the attraction
I never stray beyond the surface
Where they are vibrant and alive
Happy and content as children

I have died so many times
Gone through heaven and hell
To become a simple man
Who can laugh at indiscretion

But unlike others I can share
Disperse my pain to friends
Hang my soul on the wire
Drip it dry to thirsty tongues

Perhaps that is the attraction
There is no unseen depth
An open book, so to speak
Dead perhaps, but healing


I Believe Again

There was an old glory of dirt and stone
Now lost in gold fastened sparkling crystals
Technology shoved down throats like shame
From golden gods with long forgotten faces
Tried and true the sting of faith runs cold
A silent soft umbilical cord of falsehood
True love and fairy tales, I believe again
That some moments are worth living for
Regardless of the tempered wrath of storms
Unbent by carnal desires and human touch
I have scraped through trash and burned
Wallowed in the poisoned, sickened mud
Been sore and crushed by dark lethargy
Insipid and sinuous the snake’s tongue
Gently touches me yet still I will believe
That some moments are worth dying for


Glory Flame

I am Cherokee
The blood of warriors
Flows through my veins
Weakened perhaps
Through generations of dilution

The spirits answer just the same
I am a horseless warrior
Unpainted by forefathers paints
Unburned by ritual fire
Ignorant of my heritage

I saw a sacred dance
Round a thriving fire
But it was all an act
No spirits stirred
They must be resting

I had a dream
I was that writhing flame
And danced among my people
Singing with the spirits
Of our old glory


Gothic Mistress

Intrigue my sense of beauty
With black lips and eyelids
A funeral for my once desire
Knee high glossy leather
Straps and tightened laces
I can taste the darkness
On spider web fingernails
To the black lace skin melody
Winding through pale arms
Your nails bite my flesh
I shiver with the scratching
Of metal from your tongue
You assault my senses
In such an appealing way
Like strength in desperation
Or calm within a storm


Day of Drudgery

Godforsaken cellophane
Has wrapped us in it’s sticky weave
Cotton candy bleeding into cotton
Staining blue the strong grey sleeve
The colorless monotony of drudging
Through a lifeless day of labor
I answer, “It’s not over yet.”
To the question: “I want to die.”
And I don’t even bleed
As the words escape my lips
Into oblivion that they call night
Feel has lost it’s meaning
Do not despair this waste
Do not chase dreams again
Against a current flowing
Ever towards an ending
Crashing hard against the rock


Symphony Asleep

The volume is growing
Borders on overwhelming
Perhaps a bit of stars or heaven
It clings to lungs and bleeds from strings
Alive as only music can ever truly live
Sweet as petals of the rose
Soft as morning dew
And gentle as a newborn babe
It leaves only sleep
To want… To dream…


Proud Father

My child weathers storms with awe
He grasps beauty as a newfound friend
And treats it with the same caution

My child bears burdens with a smile
Hands calloused from a worker’s toil
He runs and laughs within his dreams

My child climbs through ashes
Leaves footprints as a golden god
Across his sands of sweaty labor

My child holds the mark of slaves
Deep trenches through his back
That stagger, gracefully entwined

My child knows a cold numbness
From overwhelming sense of loss
He knows not my face or name

My child longs for mother’s hand
For father’s whispered blessings
But stands strong against the doubt

My child cries a brutal breath
I only watch and offer strength
Until he passes and we meet


Unsung Love

Departing song again unsung, so stay…
Breathe memory like frosted glass
A sly and slithering forked tongue
Found brilliant, bent and bickering
Alone, untouched by broken shards
Bleed saliva dripping as a dawn
Smearing red down lip and sky
For all to see and all to touch
The ground has wept it’s dew
And wet the cloth that binds us
A smoldering child, bright with eyes
And teeth that sting a harsh night
To tear a scar to softest flesh
And crawl a mile to leave alone
The beating of the tender drum
That pounds in chest for lovers ears
And smiles upon the brightest suns
To be unheard by closing fists
Undone by sharpened cold words
That still implore to never leave
But this song is never sung
And breath is cut by coming shadows
Heralding a new night… and new love


Drink to Life

Drink till overfilling, dripping sweat and oozing sickness
Bite back all the pain, enveloping a broken mind
Swallow everything before you in a blurry haze
Taste the cold despair, poignant on your tongue
Choke down every last drop that life has to offer
And remember, this is all in preparation for the future
Where pain will only be a memory, so savor it
Death will be much sweeter, preceded by a bitter life


A Better Way

Intensity is nothing in the face of passion
Dig in with claws that will not yield
Or sing with all the heart that can be mustered
To hear a gentle voice, provocative and strong

Intelligence cannot compare to wisdom
Analyze and complicate with zeal
Or observe the world around you in it’s glory
To understand the nature of this wild earth

Power will never hold a candle to compassion
Tightly grip a moment never to release
Or hold the hands of those innocent and blind
To share the pain and heal the broken hearts

War is broken when it’s only purpose is peace
Destroy and damage, ruin everything
Or give a strong voice, determined and calm
To resolve each conflict with a turned cheek


Wile away the days
Waste away my life
You know I’ve got this crazy idea
I want to make something for myself
A moon for my night sky
Stars for my cold winter
Sun for my dry days
Sky for my horizons
I’ve crawled around so long
I’d like to stand and look around
See something real
For once I want to be seen
Maybe some attention
Or affection
Oh, now look what I have done…
So god damn selfish.


Tasteful

I swallow everything I taste
It is a chore which I despise
Seven people died today
But that’s my lucky number
With all the things I swallow
It’s hard to keep back bile
All those fingers pointing
Scratching shady pictures
A sun that burns the skin
Warm, inviting as it bites
A cold that shatters still
Pictures on the windowsill
I am consuming worlds
Of darkness and deceit
I would be full to bursting
If I could only keep it down


Memories of Angels

Your wings spread wide
But that was just a dream
I held you close
But I have never seen
Your belly soft and white
Silky with the scent of apricots
I have forgotten your lips…
Not their curves, but the feel
I have memories of angels
Of nights that never end
You held my hand
But that was just a dream
I saw your skin
But I have never seen


Tears From the Past

Have you ever wondered just how many tears could fall
If something shattered every dream you thought you had?
Perhaps enough to wash away the sorrows of reality
That rain and hope couldn’t seem to overcome
Or maybe just enough to drain you of all your pain
And leave you dry and empty… there could be too many;

I reached out my hand and felt her skin… silky soft and cold
Brushed my lips to hers and swallowed down the taste
Stopped silent to let the moment sink in, although…
The moment turned to lifetimes within my hands
Melted to a thousand crystals dripping down my cheek
The swathed scent of decay weighed heavy in my gut.

Have you ever held a moment so much deeper than your past
That it threatened to drown your mind in a landslide of memory?
Just a single instant that hung so heavy thick in the air
That eyes couldn’t seem to pierce it, or fingers grasp it.
Your mind so busy to interpret that it forgets to comprehend
And soul so blind from atrophy that you cease to feel.


Don’t believe the whispered promises
It is only dreams that speak to you
Don’t give in to your petty desires
But know and hold them just the same
Don’t lose yourself in deep thoughts
That never seem to unwind correctly
And do not listen to the unwise preaching
Of figments of your own imagination


Always Something

There are always words,
Smiles and drifting lashes,
Blue eyes and soft kisses.

Always perfect moments,
Full lips and short breaths,
Laughter and fingertips.

There are always endings,
Sighs and lonely mornings,
Thoughtlessness and tears.

Always sunshine fading,
Masks and lost beauty,
Dark nights and long days.

There are always choices,
Reach out and say sorry,
Swallow pride and listen.

Always other paths to take,
Walk tall and speak soft,
Grasp hands and rise above.


Never Stare Down Lonely Streets

Dressed in lonely shades of need, and wanting
Strolling slowly towards a night that winters
Laughter sang through darkened days
Brought a life too close for comfort
Salvation is a depth unheard
Unseen by wistful cold suns
Ripe with agony it loved
Tempted all along
Beautiful free
And light
Breathes…


One Color

Lost in all your diamonds
I can name your every color
Falling like some slanted view
I never saw another beauty
So sharp as your lips
I am ashamed and bent
Even blood reveals me
An uninspired never
Dripping down your
Facets pulling me inside
You can be my truth
Alive with blackened coal
A tooth for every soul
Proof of tempting hands
A tool to fashion me
Into a lump of fear
Wetted with a tear
Unlike the sun who shines
And makes you sparkle
A partner in your ruse
Bent to your desire
I see every color
In all your diamonds
And it is only one.


How many times have I raised my pen
And written tales of woe
How many times have I bled my words
Onto awaiting parchment

Not often… Not much at all
I sit hunched over tapping keys
Breathing stale and stagnant air
Bathed in artificial light
In a controlled environment
Devoid and lacking any color

Perhaps this is why I push my mind
To conjure tales of woe
Perhaps this is why I bled my words
Into my cold computer


Tonight I Will be Strong

Tonight I will not cry
Or bleed or die
I will not send red flowers to a grave
Nor torture myself over lost chances
Or old romances
There will be no grief for material possessions
No tears for all I’ve lost
There will not be another time
To feel my friend’s hand in mine
A warm and sensitive soul
Begging to be left alone
I have dreamed this day
But it is not the same
For I will stand dry eyed and calm
Before a tomb of someone I have known
Someone who was close
But is no more
I will know a peace
More tranquil than a fallen leaf
Brighter than a summer day
And I will be stronger for it
Forged of iron will
That this will not become my doom
Tonight I will not die
Or lose hope or question life 
Or blame love or look behind 
Or forget what they have meant


Laughter for the Soul

I breath a sigh, and laugh
It is a laugh to end all laughter
A darkness to squelch all that has become
For the laughter is pointed at a death
My own, to be precise and clear
I am laughing in the face of it
Laughing at the man with trembling hands
Holding death within a finger’s width
There is a rage that holds him
Guides his hands to terrible deeds
And all I know is that my tears would dry
My heart would stop it’s fluttering
No matter what I do or say
No matter if I yell or scream or carry on
So rather, I erupt with it
I grab death by the barrel and hold it close
Mocking, taunting what I know will come
And to my ears, it is a scream
It is a wailing and a gnashing of teeth
A bitter voice tainted with no fear
I walk this path, the straight and narrow
With eyes wide and jaw firm
Laughing in the face of my demise
But he seems content with this
As though meeting a lost brother
With all his might he stands before me
With all his teeth and pain
A shadow of a man
But a star amongst impurity
My hand is grasped
A song sung loud and strong
For ages and ages past
He walks away and leaves me free
Turns his back and crawls
I do not, will not cower
And I laugh… in the face of it


Weathering the Blues

Lips play childlike along the curve
Unconscious of their sweet allure
Like kittens lapping mothers milk
Or smiles through cracks in walls
A stranger, silently enthralled
And dying more with every word
So beautifully sucking tears
From eyes that sparkle blue
Laughing more with every death
A melody to weather anything


Sober by Sunday

Part or pieces of your pleasant dream…
Smile or laugh or something in between
They grip like dog mother gentle teeth
To drag you away or perhaps beneath
Sucking like a child on swollen thumb
Who found their comfort in the numb
Each day more sober than the last 
Cutting so much deeper by contrast
A tiny bit of warmth surrounds this cure
Though clear minds make a deeper lure
Sunday morning blurs are loathsome
A sticky fire reaching to succumb


Watching from Above

Nights never seem to darken me like sky
A million stars and one bright dreamer die
Trudging through the melancholy trees
A decaying forest floor amidst weak knees
Suck my ankles down into August mud
To squirm amongst the heavy dirt and blood
Giving sight to one as ghost-like as the wind
Who still considers loneliness a friend
I tread through hair and dew to head
Aware that flesh below is long since dead
Reaching out to touch my pale frozen face
A tear streams rain-like, amazing grace
Afraid to lose what I have for my own
The silent cut of being found alone
I don’t want to leave this place, not now
My hand has touched what life will not allow


I have a smile I save for rainy days
That slithers, sly as snake tongue
It is the painful gritted teeth type
Licking shoes clean, crazy eyed
It seeps out through the drizzle
Engulfs my wicked face in grime

I only get this urge of sorts to grin
When things are on the verge
Of slipping into utter darkness
And I am helpless to destroy it
Instead I grit teeth and turn lips
To stare a challenge to the pain

I do not enjoy the helplessness
But there are often useless times
Where actions seem to matter not
And all that you can do is smile
Clench your fists and take it all
Like infants suckling their milk


We once were friends until I found your secrets
We once shared love if only a physical tangent
But I have never been one to abandon loosely
I have never been one for open confrontation
I tried to be as gentle as I could… I tried so hard
You could have helped and understood me
I never thought I would tell you what I did…
It hurt me more than you could even imagine
But sometimes things are not best left unsaid
But that said, I wonder if you even realize
How difficult it was for me to say I never loved
To tell you we were much too different in ways
To ever have the friendship you so much desired
And when I felt the silence on the phone
It pierced me and put me in a foul mood
That I never should have had to come to
If you would have simply listened between the lines
Instead of forcing me to let my tongue unwind
And bury into every pain you never wanted


Voice is shattered by scream today
Skin on my hand is raw and grey
With every reaching out and death
The touch of dreams and icy breath
Draws nearer to my wrenching pain
Unfettered cold dry lump of vein
So this piercing dark and angry note 
Has broken, died within my throat
My teeth become the clawing blade
To take the years that will not fade
And smear them scratching all the while
To one unseen and awful crawling pile
Of sustenance to feed my tears
And lacking that to bleed my fears


Cautious

I follow the wall so I don’t know the sorrow of losing tomorrow. 
I swallow it all cause I don’t have the gall to just let it go
Trying, but crying, I can’t stop the lying or wanting to know
Simple but sidetracked bruised beaten, buyback the color I borrow.
Someday I will pay for the moments where I have forgotten atonement
Some gray man will say that I’ve lost my way and should never believe
Below I can grow and not have to show any tears when I grieve
Crazed when I’m by myself, broke hollow commonwealth always alone bent…
And bleeding… 
And needing…


A Brown Feeling

I talk a lot about alone
To no one but myself
If anyone would listen
I’d talk about mortality

Some children know
And women sense it
Men regret it ever more
The world reveals it

Peeled to blurry blue
Frozen dirty orange
Crumpled silent red
I have a brown feeling

It pierces me in sun
Creates me in a cloud
Wraps me in a future
That keeps me silent

Silent and wanting
Brown and peeling
Revealed and scared
So utterly mortal


Forgot Her

Tongue is like a silent streak of bladed pain
Tear is like the running river red with rain
Open mouth a desert sand amidst white skies
Maggots squirm beneath your tongue with lies

Dawn awaits it’s vengeance hot with scented dew
Alive enough with anger to forget what I once knew
It burned a sun into my heart so I could feel
Forgot a frightened lonely girl, but that was real


Holding Passionately

You, wrapped around me tightly; I feel like vines
Interwoven so completely that we never end
We are gently breathing in and out in unison
Forever binding breath as one and the same
Hearts are beating, pumping heat through veins
Leading down a worn eroded path of flesh
Wet with dew, emerging from the soft skin
Dripping from the parted lips that do not begin
I am drowning with each moan we let escape
Unable to find a surface or see where we swim
Unwilling to stop breathing even if it hurts
My fingers have merged with your spine
My chest and yours are pressed so close
I fear they may combine but I won’t let go
I will not loose you from my tired arms
Even after breathing stops and eyes close
I will not let you go and become alone again


Finally One

I have meant to say…
I always wanted it this way
Although I never told you
And didn’t know what to do

I have meant to stay…
Even when I’ve gone away
Although I never wept
I dreamed you when I slept

I have meant to kiss…
To wallow in the sweet bliss
Although I never left
The place your heart is kept

I have meant to smile…
Even if I forced it for a while
Although I never look
I saw your love an open book


Falling Somewhere

It never turns out quite the same
I could nail you to my hands and bleed you
As if you deserved to suffer
Slap you in the teeth and clench my jaw
Unbroken nose so foreign to the touch
Of red that flows from petals of the rose
Like something wistful
Some blown up painting of my life
Animated to show feeling
A black and timid coloring
Like dirt under nails but painted black
Tattooed with pain or torn apart
Grasped in writhing fingers
That still can’t find one single thing to hold
Or mourn or love or become
And all I ever wanted is…
Lost but falling somewhere


The way you listen to every last word
And never forget a single heartbeat
Terrifies me

Blink and breath, blink and breathe…
Wet the silken film over dark eyes
Brittle but beautiful, soft and terrible
Walking on a tender, petal brown

The way you touch so deep inside 
Caress my heart without scratching
Assures me


I am suffocating in the heat
Gasping breaths of saliva
Not sure if the dizziness
Is from lack of breathing
Or the softness of your skin
The hot sweaty slickness
That envelopes my senses
Holds my body taut
Your nails draw lines
That tickle down my spine
And I shiver in the heat
Gasping breaths of saliva


There’s something in the way you believe
Strung out like nervous guts along the wire
Untouched by sanity’s oppressive sight
It chills my hands and tightens tendons
When I reach to touch you and crumble
Fingers fly down streets with dust and hair
They’re finding everything this time along
There is no secret dive or double standard
It is so simple to feel the sun dried stone
As broken hands in so many tiny pieces
Not one clumsy lump clutching at dirt
A hollow stare aimed at the unfilled cracks
You are absolved of fantasy my beautiful
Everything you see is real and solid
Not broken into lonesome ash and sand
If only we could meet and I could feel
Or you could see one as scattered as I
And breathe me in to share your peace


I have a world
In hands of gold
Crawling silky
Bleeding milky
Torn and used
Dark abused
Only halfway
Dead today
I won’t live
Or ever give
Another thought
To being bought


I like it hard and painful
Eyes closed, mouth broken
Bloody from skull cracking
Numb and sticky raw
Unblinking in the face of it
Enthralled and biting hard
I bleed black while dying
Like an old reopened scar
If I could hurt like Jesus
I would smile more often


Abuse me 
While I bleed
Undo me 
When I need 
A soothing voice
Never been alone like this
Untouched like this
Unwanted by a kiss
Unmarred by bliss
I am distracted by
The lightning 
Screeching finger
Centered on me
Bent around me
Pointing to a darker side
To break me
I might slither through a dream
And find a bit of warmth
Or hear it burning
I wanted it to hurt


Foot steps
Bright cry
Torn ample
Tonight
It will smile
While dying
Distracted
By a gentle breeze
Centered on me
Bent around me
Hell abound free
Slither through
A night away
A homeless one
Grown and gone
To greener streets
Tearing at the seams
Monster
Take this
My single tear
And glow with it
Abuse it
Walk away
Avert your eyes
When you see
A tangled me
Twisted to
A corner
Where I bleed
The sound of death


It rains
I have no aspirations here
But to feel the sky clear
My veins
Of sludge I never put there
Unconscious of the glare
It stains

One lie
It stands alone in time
Victim of my only crime
Now die
Because I never smile
Or do anything worthwhile
But cry

Loose grip
On something called life
A better hold on dull knife
I slip
Into an otherworldly rage
More in tune these days
Cut lip


Bearing this is killing me
Love was not the reason
Over and over I tell myself
One time means nothing
Death is only a release

Of course I haven’t cried
Not shed one single tear

Morrow will never come
Yet I will not forget her

Her form was peaceful
Another beautiful pose
Not quite like any other
Devoid and unmoving
Staining red the moment


Afraid to Look

I am afraid to look into those eyes and see a faded smile
Worn and dusty old from years of desert stars awakening
To see a hardened heart, stone brittle from no longer caring
Leather lips dry from being kept without companionship
When I gaze into those windows I want a crazy passion
A spark of laughter without voice but amazing depth
Or maybe I just wish that I could see beyond the mirrors
I am afraid because in eyes I see reflections of myself


Pornographic Spider

I’m itching like a spider’s in my dick
I might cry if I can’t find a chick to prick
It’s gotta be now, It’s gotta be fast
Cause I know this isn’t going to last

The spider’s poison creeps behind
Sending pictures to blurry mind
You wonder how I hurt so bad?
Because this shit is all I’ve had…

Have you ever came while crying?
It’s like watching true love dying.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
You say while touching someone older

Crawling deeper, weaving whiter
There lies the old familiar spider
Wallowing in the most unclean
Spitting something more obscene

It tickles me enough to smile
Before I swallow back the bile
It doesn’t have to hurt me now
But not that it’s forgotten how


My Room

Bubbles stained my napkin in the shape of a hexagon
Lid was crusted on and too difficult to remove easily
Papers scattered with phone numbers and coordinates
Plastic red cup growing something from the orange pulp

A big screen and big speakers to waste my life away
A candle crammed with crayons and melted streaks
My just in case batteries, notepads and condoms
Sleeping pills in case I really need to zone out.

Already paid bills on the floor with a book of checks
Trash can overflowing with fast food and laundry lint
White walls and white shades and clear windows
Bed with a red cover and black and white comforter

And oh yeah, the white hot sun blazing bright as day
Guttural mournful chanting of long lost native tribes
Spine tingling female presence soft caressing
Some lonely scent of December leaves and old shoes


Just because my eyes were shut doesn’t mean I heard the words
But still I know you told me I was special, that you cared this time
I know you crawled up to my feet, gaping arms and wide eyed
And said the words I wanted to hear, told me that you loved me

Just because my mind was shut doesn’t mean I felt that love
But still I know you saved me from myself, held me tight
I know you held on till your body was bruised from holding
And touched me how I wanted to, my head upon your chest

Just because my wrists were shut doesn’t mean I wasn’t bleeding


New Love for Once Child

Her scent is lonely calling out for warmth
A blue beyond of ever softer pale skin
Breath flows, smooth through wide lips
Immortal for it’s touch of passions kiss

Falling through a deep and azure rain
Amazed and slowly fading to demure
Smiling and unsure, shy doe-eyed child
Wanting to be drowned in hot breath

Wholly surrounded by gentle fingers
Glowing with the taste of sweet sighs
Of meeting lips entwined in romance
Enraptured by the burning silk caress


A deep alone
Wanders ever night the sky
Between a cry for desert waking
Stomach aching for a why
I have not grown

A torrid waste
Sings light, brewing upward
Entangled mists forgotten trail
Screeching wail the song bird
Must never taste

Forbid the mind
Entrance me with its color
Unable to forgive when darkness dies
Softly lies and call me lover
While I am blind


I Am Ready to Become

I am ready to become what I fear
A detached and loveless man
I am ready to open wide my mouth
Engulf bright lips in gentle teeth
I am ready to give up morals
And free myself to lie with passion
I am ready to embrace the physical
Forget the dream of everlasting love
I am ready to untie my hands
And run them over milky flesh
I am ready to live in freedom
Amazed by every smiling face
I am ready to close my eyes
And die in gentle pleasures
I am ready to become what I want
To curb my monogamy addiction


Feel Anything

I’ve undergone some changes recently
Become a sort of silent creepy
Crawling, grey-skinned, bloodless
Life sucker, black lipped hungry kiss

I am born and raised in frailty
Been hurt but feel nothing lately
My empathy died old and tired
The only death that I’ve admired

I have crumbled to a sickly pile
Accustomed to the violent, vile
Painful, silent, deafening
I can't stop myself from falling

I am a vessel of numb nothing
Un-tortured by the twisted raping
Swallowed by desire not to feel
Painted by a grey façade of steel

Just let me feel anything again.


I stick thump
Fluster clump
Something different
Sing to me
Sing to me
An Italian song
Too gravelly for nails
Corrosive skin
Let me in
Let me in
I need a feel
Smack steel
Black fingers
Till I fall
Till I fall
Velvet speak
Lock weak
God embryo
Forgive me
Forgive me


I just wanted to say I forgive you
Even though you never had apologies
I expected a certain hurt from you
When you told me of your childhood

If I could kiss away the pain
I know you never would have cried
But know if that was all it took
You would not have let it happen

My lips would have starved for you


Hungry Sober

I felt a hungry, numbing, clawing pain sensation
Watched it time and time and time again unfold
A bleeding heart with a saltine art fixation
It crawled and tore and left my fingers cold

From child sore and empty stomach gnashing
To something under skies of leather grey
The emptiness has driven me to thrashing
Bending will to make believe the pain away

I have drowned before in wretched retching
Counted stars to take my mind from sustenance
Cramped too bad for any type of stretching
But only broke and cried about it once

I am sober and hungry for a life to lead
Alive and hungry to be sober and full
I am no plant to water or animal to feed
I’m just like you, only your pain is dull.



A Thousand Shoes

He walked all over everything and everyone 
But he’d buy new shoes before they came undone
When he was young his parents taught him
Bought him shoes whenever he would ask
He knew only shiny black and new leather
Only hard-soled with soft padded comfort
He grew up knowing what a new pair could do
His shoes changed as often as his women
He lost track of what he ground under his heel
But did it all the same with every one
He laughed at those who wore a dirty pair
Who couldn’t keep them tied and whole
He’d owned a thousand shoes before he died
How many had he worn just a single time?
How many were unstained by daily dirt?
He stepped on anything he wanted to
He could always buy a new pair of shoes.


Beetle on a Clover

My back is wet with dew
Sweating poison stench
Loathesome to your nostrils
I chew on pretty green
I eat the world around me
Swallow up my home
Love no longer than it takes
To produce offspring
I have no words for this
I do not speak of it
Only tear with tiny fangs
Stuff myself with growth
Until the clover weakens
And drops me to the dirt
To wander off to new life
And consume it guiltless


What’s Important

I have been afraid before
I have shouted whore
And caught an insult in my throat
Known I was untouchable
Been eye-blackened
Dead to any words
I have wanted to be heard
I always end up somewhere
That I once hated
Come round full circle
I have understood
Been drawn as sticks
Lost in self pleasure
Walked the darkness
As a slithering lie
Blinked in sunlight
Blind to any conscience
Prayed to god to save me
And sometimes take a minute
Just a minute for myself
Upon the years of pain
My quest for recognition
My hunger to please
Tried to save everyone
I told you everything
Held back just the hurtful
You could have done the same.


I Have Never Ever Wanted Anything So Much 
As I Have Wanted This in my Entire Life.

I want sex
I want sex
I want sex

Even more than I want nice hair and a bigger dick.


Never Healed

Among the stars I find my light
Yet bothered by their lack of fight
A gentle candle prick of quiet fame
If I had space I’d lie the same
I bite the flesh and black the skin
Cradle soft and colder grin
Tongue shoe taste the Sunday sweat
Darker words that whisper threat
Alive but sinking ever towards desire
Walking talking shit-crocking liar
Ring around the rosy stench
Pinching, slapping household wench
You are the utter fuck to me
Underhanded crooked way to see
I’ll never feel these scars
Blackened by the shooting stars
Festered by your grimy hands
Gritty with the smoldered sands
I am a drone who doesn’t feel
Automatons don’t need to heal


In and Out (Of Love)

I mucked along in mud so thick
It tangled in my toes and squished
Between my fingers as I mucked

I wilted in a love so hot
It wore me down to laying soft
Upon her breast, I wilted

I cried soft in a haze so dark
It threatened to engulf my soul
In pools of sorrow as I cried

I swallowed hard against the lump
It choked me into breaking free
Outside the wall, I swallowed… hard.


Tired

I walk low
Talk scarlet
Smile false
Cry lonely
Stare dirty
Scratch alive
Bleed hollow
Fall asleep


Open Your Eyes

It is the green sparkle with flecks of silver-blue
That draws my eyes from darkness to your face
It is a burning intensity of confidence and fire
That holds me raptly in your starlight gaze
It is the words I hear within your lovers glance
That makes me want to never leave your sight
It is the lack I feel when you close your eyes
That keeps me close, to meet again when you awake
It is the way you stare as though a soft embrace
That warms me when we are too far away to touch


My Conscience is a Figment of my Imagination

My friend, he gnashed through tearful teeth
He quickened with his fretful brow unheard
He crawls like skin through every breath of mine
I heard him through my darkest nights
Whispers of an unknown past, sincere but gone
I paced for all this love to not be rushed
But all at once I felt it deafen me and mine
Understanding washed it down to deeper depths
Where truth and dreams were bloody lovers
A smile was lost to scratchy eyes closing
A boy was lost the same inside his clothing
Unraveled in a tone of sanctity oppressed
The dos and have-nots abundant steps
To my figment I screamed, "A wasted habit!"
Torn, dry-eyed and more permanent now
Hell bent forever towards the thorny bush
He goaded time with conceded crown
Broke and touched me into breathing
His ice hand shook from lack of summer
Shouldered all resentment, alive untouched
A penitent disaster of some scar moment
Peach nectar suck neck tie a knot undone
Perhaps a raptor’s teeth he cried amongst
A shallow shadow man to dig this deep grave
Toppled as I listened lively ever grasping
My friend, he gnashed his dreams at me
He frightened with his fingers narrow
Ever pointing to this heart black cross
Which I have carved out of my hollow soul


No More Window Watching

The window is broken
No more looking through
To witness sunshine
Now you feel the cold air

The glass is brittle
Sharp and sensitive
Layed like scattered flowers
To mourn the death of love

Small shards protrude
Make their presence known
Long after night fall
Long after you were gone


Pretty Thing

Pretty… pretty thing, you’re pretty vain with your pretty mane
I’d like to touch it, touch it with my tongue and lick slick the curls
I’d like to ride it rough and yank it right on out of your pretty skull
You can be my play toy and your hair will cut my fingers

Pretty… pretty toy, you’re pretty coy with your pretty boy
I want to hurt him, hurt him with my bare hands, something permanent
I want to stuff him down my throat and make him grow pain
He can be my play toy and his skin will bruise my fists


Love is Dark

My mind will ever wander
Through the throes of passion
And though the heart grows ever fonder
It is much too rough to fashion

A broken tear within the sky
All for one dark star
If my prayers would ever die
Alone is not too far

Though some of pain is light
And some of love is dark
I would rather wrong to right
Than be alone at heart


She sat twirling hair in finger
Studying her books
Ignorant to the world
Her ear was pierced
Hair partially held back
With a lock in her mouth
Unwittingly provocative
She wrote with pencil held tight
She was elegant and beautiful
Eyes intense and green
She looked out of place
In this dirty little coffee shop.
I wondered what she studied
What she would think
If she knew I was watching.
The story shouldn’t end here
But it does, because I never stood
Never caught her eye
Never said a thing,
Only sat and watched
Like some timid dog
Afraid of all the beauty


Babysitter

A young girl held her baby brother.
She looked angelic to his eyes,
And tore in with her fingernails.

Baby boy coughed up warm tears
But screamed only one short note
As if the pain were much too common

The mother was in the next room 
Wringing her hands, but trying to sleep
Alone in her bed-ridden disease.

I reached out to the young girl
She didn’t flinch, expecting the attention
But I could not raise my voice.

She was held in tight arms
While I inspected baby’s scratch
And rocked him gently, humming.

I was prepared to reprimand
But in her angelic, sullen face
I saw too much of myself

I could only say in somber tones:
“You miss your mom, don’t you?
You must be so alone right now…”

Before I finished, her head was nodding
Shaking tears down nose and chin
Her small fingers tied in my shirt

I did all that I could do
I mourned with her close
And stroked her hair chanting "Shh…"


One Frog's Story of Changing Sexes

This is about a frog with female problems
Well… with a lot of problems
He didn’t quite consider himself asexual,
But he was open to experimentation, 
Hey, all the frogs were doing it these days.
And besides, the only pretty female for miles had bulls all over her
They wouldn’t even let him near her.
After multiple failed attempts to catch her eye
He resigned himself to be alone
But the bulls just wouldn’t leave him alone
They had to rub it in and wound his pride
“See, one said, you’ve got to know how to use your tongue”
Another told him it was his chicken legs
And one just croaked so loud it hurt his ears.
He was so upset he would try anything, 
No matter how extreme!  That was it, he thought
I’m never going to get anywhere as a male with chicken legs
And so, over the next few days he hid in the mud, transforming
When he emerged at last, his organs had changed
He was now a female with long slender legs
The fighting began at once, bulls rushed from everywhere
“Hey baby, where you been all my life?” One called
Others weren’t nearly so considerate.
And not a single one of them appealed to him… her… it.
Well, the frog didn’t need to decide for a while anyways
So it layed some eggs and fended off the bulls.
While laying eggs for hours on end it thought…
No wonder they’re always bitching, this sucks!
By the time it finished with the eggs, it was exhausted
And the bulls were being just plain rude
This really wasn’t working out, at least it had tried
It’s mind made, it returned to the mud again
And arose, male once again
The bulls had dispersed with the disappearance of the female
So there were all his eggs, unfertilized
Well he thought, why not?  
Nobody else was going to do it.
He went about fertilizing all his eggs.
It seemed no time before they hatched
And tadpoles grew to full frogs
Soon he had a hundred little ones all grown up
And caught the eye of quite a few females
“He really knows how to make ‘em”
He overheard one say.
“Look at their slender legs and look how long their tongues are!”
“They must get it from their father’s side”
With all the attention, he could only think of one female
So he went and found her surrounded by bulls, as popular as ever
This time he was prepared and confident
She looked right at him, as if she recognized him
So he used a line he had heard one of the bulls use 
“You should hop on over to my pad some time and we can slide around till we croak.”


Beating Myself Up With Guilt

Sad old and touching to cover up something
Scratching and fucking my way into nothing
That hole is so tempting, cold hard and haunting
But feeling so empty, it leaves me wanting
A life or a day or an hour of respect
A hand and some love or just time to reflect
I live for addiction, I cry for my sins
I live life like fiction, I’m crawling on pins
Suck out the life bitch, it should come easily
Murder on Sunday, back to reality
Tender and sensitive go choke it all down
I’d just do it myself if you weren’t around
My body’s a temple and you’re not allowed
I still feel like burning in front of a crowd
Perhaps I’m an angel, I should be careful
Rather than beating you I should be prayerful


Holding Onto Dreams

I held her all night long and reached nirvana
She breathed and touched me just how I remember
Her eyes were blue or green or brown I think
Her smile was daring, shy or petulant

She is with me every night, in my arms
I wake to the scent of her skin on mine
The day seems blind without her, unreal
Sometimes I daydream just to see her again

Every day I long for that beauty to hold onto
And every night I am reminded to believe
I have never wanted anything so much
As I have dreamed and thought of human touch


I see the child sad and wanting
Mother lonely, father haunting
He just needs a little attention
But she gives him none to mention

He loves his books more every day
So punishment is taking them away
He doesn’t care he has no dinner
Even though he’s now much thinner

He just wants someone to listen
Wipe his cheeks when tears glisten
Hold his hand when he’s scared
Maybe tell him that they cared

He wets his bed at seven years
Is spanked despite the tears
She never ever taught him right
He only knows he has to fight

She has no problem fighting back
To turn his eyes from blue to black
Who could care for such existence?
Hate knocks with such persistence

Mother one day will be judged
For how she held her son begrudged
But now the child is learning ways
To cope and deal in coming days

Her friends are taking bets
To see if she will drown regrets
And follow in her husband’s path
To take her life and turn to ash

I pray for the boy each day
That he will some day learn to say
“I forgive you… Life was tough.”
And live his own life not so rough


At the door I was remembered, so it was opened for me. 
Of course I never entered, never took a second look,
I never wandered away and the door never closed. 
They never forgot me.

Painless Memory

Everything is sharp and clear
Poignant and beautiful
Hands intricately carved
Voice melodically comforting

Eyes open wide, yet wanting
Mouth open wide, yet wanting
Arms open wide, yet wanting
Heart open wide, yet wanting

The wonder and simplicity
Of this new day amazes me
The burning warmth of sun
The slick cool morning dew

The light flavor of laughter
And dark taste of silence
Blend to something bittersweet
Not quite perfect, but it fills me

Eyes full of bright smiles
Mouth full of unsaid words
Arms full of warm touch
Heart full of soft memories

I remembered you today
Only… I didn’t cry


Open unto me your soul
I want it all, I need my own
Till I am old fat and full
And my world is overgrown

Share a little part of you
Something for me to taste
To eat and learn anew
The blindness you have faced

I wallow in my masochism
Need to feel your pain
Sneak into your prison
Hide and find a new name

I have your confidence
Please invite me in one time
Do not feign indifference
When I share what’s mine

My tears, unforced reaction
Know they stream for truth
They bring no satisfaction
I weep, I pray for lost youth

Let me open you and read
The secrets that you fear
Plant in me your seed
Share your pages here


I am a gullible wretch
Any woman could confuse me
With a smile or soft eyes
I have no dreams of grandeur
I am putty in their hands
It doesn’t take much
Perhaps a certain look
A gentle touch
Sending shivers down my spine
And I am gone
Lost in dreams of her
Lonely and yearning
If only it were simple
To make them feel the same


I am a child lost in the dark
I am no more a man
Than my father before me
Was a husband
Still fear the darkness
Still hope for good weather
Melancholy eyes of grey
Understand dreams fade

Fear not the freedom
Wander not to throes of pain
This uncontrollable tenderness
The tears that spill so easily
Grow not out of simplicity
Why fear the one thing
That makes us whole
That keeps us sane

I am a laughing child
I laugh at the world
At spilt milk and terrorists
I can still laugh at funny noises
Still cry when I’m hurt
Still talk to the different ones
The ones who hurt too
The ones who understand

Fall not into temptation
Carve not your eulogy
Live with bright eyes
Live with open mouth
Die with an open mind
Die with pride, not fear
Of what is to come
Die content with what is


When I was overwhelmed
I didn’t cry for years
Summers came and went
Winters crept upon me

The desolation was unnerving
Existence was optional
And tears were too obvious
For anyone to notice

The world was obnoxious
Friends were far between
And the closest were artificial
Waving from behind a screen

The cave leading to oblivion
A mass of technology and darkness
Bound me until breath caught
And night never left me

It gnawed and scratched at me
Though I stopped struggling
Loneliness was a commonplace
That I couldn’t understand

Until someone I once knew
Became a part of me again
They were real this time
Not lost beyond some wires

I began again to wake up
To fight against unreal walls
Enough to reach a hand through
And be pulled to safety


I thought I was the wind
A howling twist of nothing
No substance or mass
But a hollow voice

I befriended the fire
Brought it to new places
Showed it the countryside
And watched it in wonder

But I was something less
A simple glaze of anger
Without even a voice
Only destructive cravings


I have so many nightmares
And not a single one is mine
But every friend that shares
Has added to them over time

Perhaps I listen too much
I should close my eyes
And remember soft touch
Or wait for memories to die

I have cried so often
Tears, always for someone
Helped hard hearts soften
And fears come undone

I wait for the day I fall
So that everyone could see
That I have no dreams at all
Maybe I could cry for me


Palatable Disease

In time there will be a more palatable disease
Our sciences have ruled out love and hate
Distorted faith into something undesirable
And proven beyond a doubt that hope is lost

Some day there will be causes worth standing for
Driven by the most complex science of emotion
People will fight for love and tolerance
Shout down those who hate and destroy

It sickens me to see government quotas
That dictate actions due to damage in dollars
It sickens me to see the hypocrisy of leaders
Simply for the sake of public opinions

Once we had a constitution and liberty
We used to be a nation under god
Our laws were dictated by god given rights
Not by dollar amounts or political agendas

So welcome to the broken States of America
Where everyone can live in this broken state
Listen to their leaders preach of evil
And promise to throw money till it is vanquished

Welcome to the unrepentant elite
Land of the free and home of the dominant
When you’re on top, there are no apologies
So live the good life here and feel secure

Feel content because the world is penitent
We have risen to our glory in pride
For today we are on top of the world
Dine well, for tomorrow we will fall

And be transformed into a more palatable disease


Infidelity

It was a biting light, but modest
An electrically charged touch
The shivers clouded out the pain
And time dulled the rest to blurs

Bittersweet temptation tongues
Moist with prickling saliva
The guilt was hot and dry
Almost broke what little love

Tears deepened to blood-red
Eyes opened to harsh truth
Fall from grace to scratched skin
Torn from whispers now forgotten


Edges breaking through the skin
Tired, waking, edging in
Crosses furrowed in the brow
Nails burrowed, lacking now

Razor twisting over flesh
Blind and blistering pain is fresh
Sullen wanting for some peace
Jealous taunting for my grief

Each incision dirty and rough
Cruel precision hurts enough
Soul is crying pleads release
Body dying for relief


Stormy Night

Your lips were just too warm and full
I had to bite them gently for the taste
Your skin was just too soft and white
My fingers had to dig in deeply
The lightning in the scratches
Shivered up your spine to eyes
Green became piercing white
Mouth opened to release moans
Breath hit my ears as thunder
And left my body a puddle


White Elephant

The elephant reminded me of secrets
It sat square in our living room for years
Throughout my childhood it reared it’s head
But no one really ever noticed it.

When friends were over, we would hide it
We’d put it under the rug and laugh
Pretend we didn’t know what it was
Even though everyone saw the lump

A few times I tried to tell people about it
But nobody would ever believe it
I mean… a white elephant in your house?
The house was much too clean for that.

When law enforcement became involved
We even had to get rid of it for a while
But eventually it found it’s way back
And dad always kept it hidden best.

Dad would parade it around all day
Make it do tricks and make loud noises
Then make sure no one spoke a word
To anyone who didn’t already know.

Sometimes it wasn’t very safe
I got hurt pretty bad a few times
A broken wrist here, always bruises
We told the doctors I fell, no elephant

At Christmas we would all gather round
The Christmas tree slightly off to the side
To make room for the elephant to run
I always hated Christmas the most

And I always hated that elephant too
Although I would never tell anyone
Instead, I’d tell my dad I hated him
And he’d just let the elephant keep me quiet

When I moved out on my own at last
I almost got my own elephant for my home
But some friends who didn’t like secrets
Convinced me it was too much upkeep.


Horsy ride

Dried up man with hollowed horse
Ride sideways off the road
Finds stairways to the north
But couldn’t climb with heavy load

Squawking bird in burnt down tree
Lies singing on it’s back
And turns it’s head to see
A rider straying from the track

Pointing child in dusty hat
Laughs at such a strange thing
The bird was just too fat
To move from fire but still it sings

Giant dog so vainly creeps
To lick the child’s soft hands
It barks as finger leaps
Not caring if the bird then stands

Pale thin horse on withered man
Rides cautious and confused
Of where this ride began
Wishing he had simply refused.


Forgotten Worm

Swimming through the greasy grime
To reach the sewers stench
Worm coils and stretches

Down it goes, deep and dark
Through the cracks in concrete
Ever downward in it’s spiral

It mashes in the wet mud
Squirms through soft dirt
Scratches at the hard clay

Hungry, cold and needing air
It will not stop to rest
On it’s journey to the crust

Hard clay becomes solid rock
And still it burrows strong
Torn against the sharp stone

It has surpassed it’s own
Buried somewhere cold alone
It rages still to press on

Rock becomes warm and molten
Skin becomes tight with sulfur
Dry and burning it continues

It has no voice but shouts out
Curses all that made it be
Alone and diving deeper still

Blind to all the groping fingers
Sifting through the soil
Searching for worms to save


Nervous

Tangled in the warm pulsing
Strangled now to near choking
Lump in throat a hard knot
So afraid of being caught

Knees weak shake in rhythm
Alone across the deep chasm 
Eyes have seen her only twice
Though once could certainly suffice

Dreams have made her perfect
More than any eyes suspect
I’ve felt her in the heat of night
Alone but holding someone tight

This is not a dream today
I see her but have naught to say
My mouth is open wanting words
More beautiful than ever heard

My hands are trembling wanting peace
Teeth are clenched and want release
And eyes… Eyes are closed for fear
They are too frightened with her near

She touches me and speaks my name
I wish that I could do the same
Breathing becomes a trial
Soul is still lost in denial

Her touch and voice become still
Awaiting me to find my will
So eyes opened and mouth closed
I watched the way her hair glowed


Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

So gracious joy and melancholy bliss
Join to ask if they are torn or broke
Intensity has drowned them both
From lies still burning on the lips
That poison mind and stunt the growth.

Cruel lips and harsh fists dance for death
Still bloody from the wars of yesterday
Flaunting their rights and integrity
To prove a mighty god worthless
The rage of a cool-conscious city.

Innocence and ignorance unite
To save the poor and used from hell
Before self-righteous demon fell
Determined to fight the good fight
Unhindered by the toll of death’s bell


She cries
I am a sponge for teardrops
She wails and banters on
Of all these things assaulting her
The way she tells it, hell is bent on her
The way she yells it, life is a disaster
Of all these people halting her
She wails and banters on
I am a sponge for depression
She sighs

I think
I have had it just as bad at least
I have not felt the need for attention
To tell everyone of every pain
I can only say, wah, wah, wah, buck up
I can only say, yah, yah, yah, suck it up
To keep things in proportion
I have not felt the need for attention
I have been hurt just as many times
I know


Sensitive

I am a trembling hand
A rock that crumbles
Not a strong hand
Or granite slab

I am not a strong man
When I see tears
I cannot stay firm
I bend to join them

I am a tender heart
A softer touch
Not a hard heart
Or firm grip

I am not a bullet
When I see blood
I cannot let go
I mingle with it

I am a warped spine
A head that bows
Not a strong spine
Or raised chin

Yet I am not weak
I meet dark eyes
I cannot hear hate
Without a fight



The world sees through eyes of glass
That ripple with the moons soft pull
The forests listen as are their task
Capturing the wind in branches full

Sun provides a glow and hope
A desire of tender heat
Clouds send rain to earth elope
And with her eyes do meet

She gives her soil and rock
To all who need her song
The birds and skies do talk
To prod the lost along

She watches with sad seas
Listens with bent boughs
Wishes she could always please
And soothe the aching now

The man who takes of her
And the man who makes
Have taken earth’s short tour
And know that all things break.


The stone is giant
Melding with the moistened earth
It’s caves like secrets


Reach the Peak

The trail was well known
Ground from years of use
Trees shot web-like to the sky
Entwined branches like puzzles

Small caves, like secrets
Stones flat and towering
Dotted the winding path
Which branched as well

The goal: to reach the peak
To look out over mountains
Over fields and forest
Stretched out like stars

What made this trek beautiful
Was the company
Her smile and voice
Her wandering spirit

We made the goal, looked out
Over miles of beauty
And while speaking
I still tried to reach the peak


Cocked head
Intense eyes (the sort you don’t mess with)
Slumped shoulders

Three fingers
Pointed toes (a dancer would be put to shame)
Club foot

Open mouth
Running nose (the cold holds no remorse)
Red ears

Bushy eyebrows
Tin cup (it screams out for attention)
Torn coat

Worn shoes
Cramped leg (raw and pulled up close)
Clenched fist

Short breaths
Frozen hair (a child molester mustache)
One tear


This entirety has left wanting for deeper breaths
Has taken sights of intricate detail for granted
Left longing at the end of each and every touch
Found scents dark and perfection still lost
And spoke of love in songs bound by lack of feeling

This tender rain has found me still unclean
And though reaching ever towards the red
This constricted breath still escapes
The taste is scarlet, yet not electric
And words while soothing, have no voice.


Blatant – as R
              A
               I
                N (not cold)
But s tu  m  bli ng
-	like tired song

                 against (rather loud) concrete R
                                                 O
                                                  A
                                                   D


This stubborn (drained of signs) road 
And I a car – hot (in a ditch)
So love (being roads) is blamed

There is a (of slavery) world
Whose quest for being must (through dreams)
Be laid (as child) to rest.

From emptiness (and down)
My moonless forever
Bleeds dark morning

Veins (like vines) grow around porcelain
Heart (for freedom) flows
And god calling your name


Here's the Story

Let me tell you a little story
A story about people hell bent
On being something other than nothing.

About a family, perhaps a thousand times removed
Yet struggling and fighting for the same causes
In so many languages it has become blurred.

This is not a story of an ignorant society
Because if ignorance is bliss
Then ignorance is not the norm.

These people know the harsh reality
It is instilled in them from the time they are born
And shoved down their throats every day after.

It tells a tale where hatred runs deep
And love unexpectedly changes everything
Where pain and joy are almost drowned in chaos.

The setting is a world of infamy and blasphemy
Of tragedies and terror, wars and death
But also beauty, love and tenderness

The question is, what do they choose?
In this world with so much potential
Is there hope, or will it be drowned out.

The answer is different, and the tales complex
As each of millions walk a different path
And come to their own conclusions.

The ending is no surprise, none at all
For it continues in a cycle forever repeating
Until the end that never seems to come.

Take what you want, here’s the story:
Man is born, man creates, man destroys, 
Man recedes, man repents, man finds love,

And man is born again.


The Struggle

At birth, his umbilical cord wrapped its way around his neck three times.
He struggled to breathe, to save his brain from being damaged and to survive.
At 3 months, he suffered from colic and cried for months.
He struggled to make sense of his surroundings and ignore the pain.
At 3 years, he ate only cracked wheat, rice, potatoes and milk for years on end.
He struggled to fill his stomach and to keep heart.
At 5 years, he moved to a new town halfway through his first year of school.
He struggled to make friends, to understand these changes.
At 7 years, he had 2 pairs of used jeans, 3 shirts, 1 pair of shoes and 1 friend.
He struggled to fit in, to see people for who they were and not what they wore.
At 9 years, he began a newspaper route to pay for his own clothes and toys.
He struggled to maintain a life outside of work and school.
At 11 years, his only friend moved away and he made friends with books.
He struggled to make a life out of his fantasies.
At 13 years, he had some friends but left them when they turned to drugs.
He struggled to maintain his morals and to shed his shyness.
At 14 years, he thought seriously about suicide for the first time.
He struggled to find some reasons to continue, to find someone who cared.
At 15 years, he quit his paper route to get a real job for 20 hours a week.
He struggled to have time alone, to himself and to find happiness.
At 17 years, his parents divorced, to him and his siblings shock.
He struggled to make sense of love and understand.
At 18 years, he finished school and started working 40 hours or more a week.
He struggled to find himself now that he was on his own.
At 19 years, he married the first girl he had ever dated.
He struggled to make sense of her and them, to keep some part of himself.
At 21 years, his wife and he put on a show to the world, feigning happiness.
He struggled to care when things weren’t perfect, to help someone who accepted no help.
At 23 years, he divorced, moved in with his mother for a year and a half to pay off debt.
He struggled to release his anger, to move on with things, to begin anew.
And now, now he tries to make sense of everything, to get over it.
He struggles to explain with poetry, his lyrical escape from struggles.

But wait…  There is more to this poem, and maybe I should change the title.

At birth, he lived, this was a miracle.
At 3 months, he smiled for the first time.
At 3 years, his parents worked day and night to keep food on his plate.
At 5 years, he learned that things can change and it’s not always bad.
At 7 years, he had the best kind of friend, a real one.
At 9 years, he learned that hard work was good for the soul.
At 11 years, he learned the joy of reading and decided one day, he would write.
At 13 years, he chose his morals above peer pressure, and was proud.
At 14 years, he decided life was worth living and he would live a long one.
At 15 years, he worked hard to help support himself so his family would have more.
At 17 years, he found out how important it was to be with one you loved.
At 18 years, he made it on his own, learned to be independent.
At 19 years, he found romantic love for the first time.
At 21 years, he learned to wear a strong face in adversity.
At 23 years, he had a chance to thank his mother for everything she had ever done.
And now, now he struggles to contain his smiles, to be humble and write poetry.


Plastic People

Why can’t I see through all this plastic shit?
Plastic smiles, plastic breasts, plastic faces.
It makes me feel alone, so hot and sweaty slick
While plastic bodies act as hiding places.

You want to take me down this backstreet alley?
Mush my heart like soup and choke it down
Like some plastic porno hottie from the valley
With toothbrush eyebrows and torn wedding gown.

I swear to god, I’m on the mother fucking brink
If one more person assaults my sense of sight
I’ll either fight or drown it with a drink
But I don’t drink, I never have and I won’t fight.

And I don’t think, I never have and I don’t care
My hands are open to anything that won’t hurt
My arms are open for everyone who isn’t there
But all the women I have ever known are dirt.

And men are caught up in their plastic fantasies
Of so wide open broken mouths in song
If I could just ignore their painful vanity
Before the last shred of decency is gone

I’m on the verge of scratching skin and bone
To take the plastic from your smiling face
Bury it in some gaping darkened hole alone
Then kiss your flesh lips just to know the taste.

Bitch, take that plastic out of your mouth.
It's mine, it's mine, it's mine...


Blemish

I am the scar of loneliness
I tear the rose petal
I miss the smell of tenderness
The rosebush watches

I am the voice of reason
The bird is kept alone
I miss the change of season
Birds-nest hangs abandoned

I am a tool in hands unseen
Quiet child, now silent
I miss the life found in between
Parents cry softly

I am the blemish of this existence
Pointed laughter drowns me
I miss the hearts persistence
The world watches


Late Mourning

I pet a dog today and lost my fingers,
One red smear across the sky.
It growled and I came away lame.
Although it’s fur came out in clumps
And my shoes now hold blood and bone.
I told her shhh… Don’t cry for me…
But still hear the rasping whimpers.
The coins dropped at my feet bring no comfort
And the cold holds no remorse.
Somewhere in all of this I’ve learned to see,
But feel perhaps it’s time to close my eyes
And pet my dog and close my mouth
And grow a new hand to touch my face
Or tell everyone why the tears took so long.


One frightened naked bird
Sullen in and of itself
Alone for being free
Wanting understanding
Or at least a touch
To soothe the chaos


Gaze Lost the Sky - Infidelity

A woken tear of fine spun memory
A spoken fear untied hung them for me
All cost no more than wisdom spoken
Fall lost so poor men listen broken.

A hollowed vision now renowned for life
A swallowed smidgeon, dowry bound for wife
Attempt not to right this wrongly wrought stain
Contempt sought to fight with strongly taught pain

And when you gaze lost the sky one more time
Hand them two days tossed aside some whores grime
Then listen well to their terse replies
When fist then fell to fair mercy eyes


My Angel

Infinitely heaven, she waits and lives
Breathing in for life and out for hope
As each is found, of both she freely gives
And protects when icy fingers grope.

She lingers over lost and tender hearts
Walks bright into lonely memories
Waking souls as though a beautiful art
Awakening forgotten mercies.

She spreads her arms embracing those she loves
Though arms seem closer to whitest wings
From the precious flight of the purest doves
I open my arms as my angel sings.


Go Away

You’ve opened up my life
You’ve opened up my life
Learn everything
Learn it, learn it all.

I’ve told you of the knife
I’ve told you of the knife
Burn everything
Burn it, burn it all.

Scream at me for lying
Scream at me for lying
Wake everyone
Wake them, wake them all.

Watch me as I’m dying
Watch me as I’m dying
Cage everyone
Cage them, cage them all.

Tell me that it’s over
Tell me that it’s over
Take everything
Take it, take it all

Wish me well and sober
Wish me well and sober
Break everything
Break it, break it all.

Tell them all your stories
Tell them all your stories
Fill everyone
Fill them, fill them all

Rise up in your glory
Rise up in your glory
Kill everyone
Kill them, kill them all


Pray Dust

Riding down the rough Seattle street,
A cowboy placed on mean saddle seat
Nodding head, and squinting eyes
Worn rope from hand flinching, ties.

Falling free through wind to ground
Whistle soft to men grew bound
Boot leather breaking soft dirt
Careful to be waking not hurt.

Gun from lips - To star, then hand
Words from mouth – Do hearken grand
But thoughts they must deceive
And those who pray dust, we leave.


She stares at him with eyes…  Wide open
Reaches for him with arms…  Wide open
And now she has her heart…  Torn open…  Torn open!

He’s a man on the prowl
With a sickle and cowl
And the beady eyes
That’ll hypnotize
Heart stained black
Fulfills your lack
He’ll draw you in
And start siphoning

She smiles, soft and shy…  Head down
Stares from the corner of her eye…  Head down
Lies there in a tumbled heap…  Torn down…  Torn down!

He’s a man with no face,
Dressed in disgrace
Disguised as a human
Defying emotion
Hands stained red
From victims he’s bled
He’ll pull you close
And tighten the noose

She stares at him with eyes…  Wide open
Reaches for him with arms…  Wide open
And now she has her heart…  Torn open…  Torn open!

I’m a man turned dead
Hear what I said?
I can smile sincere
Whisper in your ear
Eyes stained grey
Feelings decayed
I’ll be your friend
And cause your end


Love-Hate Relationship

You know I love you my dearest
If only you would do the dishes
The trash, the cleaning, sweeping
Dusting, mopping and cooking
If only you would grocery shop
Do the finances, rub my shoulders, 
Foot massages, bring my pillow,
Take me out to dinner and a movie
Do my job or get your own damn job
Smile at me, your hand on my cheek
Kiss me and call me daddy.
If only you would stop talking,
Then we would be so perfect.
It's hard to explain how we love
One moment seems as though it's real
Then gummy lips pull apart like glue
I want to taste it, bite into it
Like grade school and bubble gum
I chew it up so you can taste it too
Warm and jealous on your tongue
It's like moving up to solid food.
I Want to squeeze your hand so hard 
You shiver in pain and slap me
Just to know that I'm not dreaming
And maybe I'll slap you back
To make sure that you don't leave
Like you're always talking about
I want to call you my bitch
Only I want to really mean it
Maybe you can yap like a dog
For me and my friends sometime
Sometime when you're feeling better
I hate it when you're pissed off
And tell me that I'm a bastard
Then hit me with flying kitchen tools
Through the throbbing I hear
"Oh my god, I'm sorry, so sorry"
And I cry, I can't help myself
I have never heard those words from you
And somehow, you look perfect to me
I respond "Ok love, it's ok love,"
"I never should have come in the kitchen"
"I know that's your own place"
Only, you don't let me finish 
And now there's only blackness.


A rage that sings not so publicly lies within me.
You know me… a soft spoken someone
Buried in words meant for others more in tune
A wild streak sometimes rears its head
But I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone… Not now
Not when I’m the one that’s hurting
For that, only silence can bring comfort
Or at least acceptance… I can’t even feel
Sometimes screams rack my brain
Not of anguish or of fear, but anger
I create words of power to destroy you
But they are never spoken, only thought
When I reach my lows and can take no more
I’ve felt the blood between my teeth
From a fleshy tongue bit too hard
I remember the blood tasting warm
Like I imagine it to be from you
Your smile brings pain as I know it’s guile
My smile brings pain greater still


Movement, fluid as a stream of tears
Yet lost in rhythms unknown to the world
It slides and pulls, free from fears
Turns from face to face, a blinding whirl
Eyes meet eyes and hands meet hands
Soft and warm as sun or moon
Somewhere beyond the poised and grand
Writhing to the softest whispered tune
A wanderlust or homecoming
A smile begets a smile
It turns from blue to stunning
Flowing softly all the while
Thoughts entangled, lips meet lips
A hazy cloud or weathered storm
The music fades, the dancers trip...
Lost to music sung forlorn



My Fill of Hunger

The art of love doesn’t seem to fit
My persona of a man with passion.
I have seen beauty and destroyed it,
Taken precious moments and misused them.

I’ve had perfection within my grasp
And lost it through my loosened fingertips.
I’ve faltered when I had but to ask,
Spoken when all I needed was firm grip.

Yet I still yearn for love so deeply,
Hope for one as imperfect as myself,
I wait for softer words, spoken sweetly
For one with more than just a worldly wealth.

Though if perfection I cannot find,
Perhaps my dreams should be knocked down a notch.
The moment plays sullen in my mind,
One more candlelight play for man to watch.

As fire in wind does leap and strengthen
So my tender and cautious faith does rise
Until the certainty has lengthened
And doubts fragmented at my feet do lie

Pulsed grand visions of my afterglow,
Bodies that burn in a brightest wonder.
I traveled today to newfound low,
Yet returned to take my fill of hunger.


I Swallowed my Pride

I went to meet the eyes of some lone passerby
But found myself lost in a tide of wonder why
The curves of his eyelids held nothing but questions
A sort of need for wisdom or life long lessons.

But words clarified for me this pale strangers need
And the odd question asked was a strange one indeed…
“Might I trouble you for some help in the bathroom?”
I hoped perhaps he meant for someone else this doom.

I looked around, behind me, eyes opened crazy,
I mean, it’s not as though I’m helpless or lazy
It’s just that I have never done something so low
Or even heard tell of this from anyone I know

I grimaced, wondering just what the job entailed
Wondering if I answer yes I’ve somehow failed
I tasted, gulped and finally swallowed my pride
It felt as though a part of my rebellion died.

But the gentle voice of this old and tired stranger,
Filled a silent void that left no room for anger,
I stretched, took a long deep breath and followed him in
I waited a bit, not knowing where to begin

It soon became apparent the help that he needed,
I started to ask myself why I conceded,
But I Stood my ground, held firm in my conviction,
Sure that this was just some poorly written fiction.

But alas it was truth, so real, harsh and biting,
Finally convinced that this was not worth fighting,
I turned my eyes helped until I’d had enough,
And so I swallowed my pride, but it came back up.


Temptation

My eyes befriend this dance of passion,
They watch and sparkle with her movement,
She walks sinuous… lips pouting perfect,
Her skin is soft, warm and ripe for biting.

I long to touch this pastel pleasure skin,
To meet these entrancing near black eyes,
My mind wanders, lost in curves of flesh,
I have forgotten even learning caution.

The scene around her wanders to me,
Neon tubes and cold hard concrete,
Passerby’s in happy content dazes,
Or gawking in a stupor at the beauty.

She is a shining star amongst the rot
Of street corner junk and trashy people
Her finger invites each man that passes
A spontaneous smile practiced to perfection.

As my turn comes and our eyes lock
It was not what I expected in the least
Not quite empty, and not quite real.
I almost heard her crying out for something

My own eyes somehow lost control.
And glazed with tears of complex crystal,
As her story played out in my mind,
Of loss and regret, pain and flesh.

Her smile faltered… straightened,
And she looked away, vulnerable.
Still, I do not know if I approached,
Or lost my chance at imperfection.


Questioning

You think you’re wrong, but you’re not
You think you’re wrong, but you’re not
You think you’re wrong, but you’re not
And when you fall,
And when you fall,
And when you fall,
You’ll be worried 
That you cut yourself
That you broke yourself
That you lost yourself
And when you fall,
And when you fall,
And when you fall,
You’ll keep falling
And keep thinking
And keep lying to yourself
You think you’re wrong, but you’re not
You think you’re wrong, but you’re not
You think you’re wrong, but you’re not


I dream of close-fist tears
I see closed and open eyed.
I dream the darker dreams
A weakness I can only hide.

I feel pain and joy
I feel them deep, uncaring.
I feel the darker touch
A cold burden not worth bearing.

I smile but half a smile
I share it with denial.
I smile a darker dance
A man accustomed to the vile

I walk the night and day
I walk them slouched and hiding.
I walk the darker paths
A voyeur of lighter findings.

I speak both truth and lies
I cannot seem to discern.
I speak the darker words
A lesson I have yet to learn.


In sky hiding worlds
Of milky swirls
The one deceased
Is now released
His skin burns
And blood churns
The vision passes
From the ashes
Of man undone
And life to come
He opens hands
Lets fall sands
And opens eyes
To see the skies
Miles upon miles
He drifts awhile
Down starlit halls
Of obsidian walls
Through darker depths
Where children wept
With no laughs
Or peaceful pasts
For troubled souls
With wilted goals
He soars beyond
To shattered ponds
Of tears for some
And hope for none
Then comes the star
Bright but far
Soothing cool-white
The brightest light
Where joy was found
And smiles compound
Touch remembered
And love unhindered
Through wondrous slopes
Of joyous hope
And so he entered
Pure white center
But did not halt
This was his fault
His imperfection
And dark reflection
He returned again
Through darkened ends
Of blighted hells
And tolling bells
To find new brightness
Amongst the darkness
To each star and sun
Till he is done
To find good will
He travels still


Faded blue, 
Crimson red
White upon white, 
Dead upon dead.
Is this the price we pay for freedom?
The death of all that is sacred?
The death of our young men
Our unborn children
And blinding of our forefathers sight.
Who then holds the hot iron?
Held to pupils, cauterizing vision.
Who then herds our thoughts
Manipulating our decisions
Have we lost our will?
Or lost our hope?
Or lost our sanity…
An elected leader
Plays by no rules
He need not lead
Only keep our favor.
Freedom of choice:
We can choose life
We can choose death
Freedom of speech:
We can choose to preach good will
We can choose to poison minds
Right to bear arms:
We can choose to protect ourselves
We can choose to take all freedoms
Our leaders do not choose
They do not force our hands
We must stand
Before our peers
And defend our actions
Whatever they may be
This is not religious
Though god help us
This is not man-made
Though man has made it
And in the night sky
Of our great country
A white star
From a flag unknown
Flies to heaven sent
Upon a wisp
Of stagnant smoke
From country darkened
Where choice
Is to close your eyes
Or have them forced closed


Fire burnt eyes of golden treasures
Wrapped in velvet lids of pleasure
Bearing into soul and conscience
An image of which makes no sense

Perhaps I see the face of politicians
Or meet the eyes of dead musicians
For as I search deeper in the depth
I feel a silent lack and loneliness

And hear the fading of the screams
Of those who must have really seen
And why can’t I just open my eyes?
I want to see through life’s disguise

I want to scream my own findings
And to catch the world’s unwinding
And grasp the meaning of the faces
Lost in all my darkest places

Just don’t tell me that I have to cry
It doesn’t do to simply wonder why
I need to bite truth by the throat
Make it sing its sullen broken note

And suck dry the wisdom that I find
Making sure nothing’s left behind
For those who wander and will ask
Will need an ever greater task

When I am god and I am truth
They will be the tearing tooth
And I will hide and grow thick skin
So they will never get within

I find that I am perhaps bitter
And feel as though a hopeless sinner
Yes, a politician it must have been
Musicians share where they have been


It was a dream, it's not a dream
Well let me tell you what I've seen
As I dreamt the dream, I felt the wing
Upon my chest befall
Yet no bird nor angel soared
Nor anything at all

This unthing, this lovely thing,
A creature of my own creating?
As I watched this thing, I saw the strings
Upon it's wings release
Yet no move nor dancing came
Except perhaps belief

Fair were eyes, dark were eyes
Upon the brightest face they lie
As I caught her eyes, they caught my lies
And placed them at my feet
Not for stepping nor for tripping
Only for my trail to meet

Slow was time, fast was time,
I wanted to be one with her sublime
The touch of time, cold flesh on mine
In answer to my call
It was not as though I felt her skin
Or even touched at all

I don't remember, but I remember
As though swimming in december
I can't remember, if her touch was tender
But look upon her face
And breathe the air she breathes
See the solemn grace

It came to end, yet does not end
She touched my heart, my soul to mend
It will not end, nor my will bend
To any fates untrue
Or even fates that darker fade
As candles always do.


Every laugh and every smile,
Any speaking of denial,
And I face you.

All my love and all my time,
The fuel to make you shine,
I feed you.

I think I mean nothing to you
If you could only tell me true

You think you mean something to me
You're nothing more than everything

You're my season, and my sun,
Just look at all I've done,
I heal you.

With something left to find,
If I felt that I was blind,
I'd see you.

I think I mean nothing to you
If you could only tell me true

You think you mean something to me
You're nothing more than everything

A twisted sort of half-desire
If I had any sort of fire,
I'd burn you.

Everything I breathe,
It's all the same disease,
It's you.


I wish that blue was blue 
And red was red 
And nothing left unsaid

I wish that words were words
And truth was truth
And noone preached abuse

I wish that games were games
And fun was fun
And nothing left undone

I wish that joy was joy
And hope was hope
And noone had to cope

I wish that sands were sands
And sky was sky
And nothing had to die

I wish that life was life
And death was death
And noone ever left

I wish that days were days
And hours were hours
And nothing ever soured

I wish that hearts were hearts
And stone was stone
And noone was alone

I wish that smiles were smiles
And tears were tears
And nothing ever feared

I wish that sight was sight
And touch was touch
And noone felt this much


A stumble
Tuck and tumble
Back…
On my feet again
Teeth…
I smiled today
Thought you should know

Soft spoken
In lost desires
Wait…
Tried not to taste it
But…
It is too foul
Don’t want to show

Your hard hand
It hurts to grasp
Pain…
At least it’s deserved
Don’t…
You are too strong
I shouldn’t go

Velvet voice
Trembling tenor
Tears…
Of complex crystal
Sigh…
Traveled today
To newfound low


The Night

The night is crisp, cold and beautiful.
She lounges languidly on rooftops
Caresses grassy green pastures
Tucking children into bed to sleep.

She is all to wary of those she hosts
Delighting in some of her patrons
And shunning others that have used her
The night is not one to be abused.

The moon dances over mountain tops
Smiles a sideways crescent smile.
She is beyond the nights frozen beauty
Or the days warm caress.

Her gaze raptly holds my attention
But only for the slightest moment
For night is calling to me, whispering
Singing songs for me to sleep.


No Rhyme or Reason

All the crying winter tears, frozen in perfection
Any want and loneliness a sight of self reflection
A word from lips from mouth from stumbling tongue
A simple word, yet wishing it could be undone

It sings, it sleeps it haunts and ever wanders
Slips out, sometimes cold and sometimes fonder
Yet ever asking, ever watching, ever waiting
Sometimes bitter, nervous, old and failing

It loves, it hates, it dies and crawls from grave
A twilight fading, never one to just behave
Wonder, beauty, fading memory of love,
A song upon an angel’s wing or pure white dove

Tempting, forever one with pain and caring
Attempts to keep them all from staring
Never pan out quite the way it wants them to
If only there were something else that it could do

But be…  All it is, is being, simple and sound
A single word that those who breathe have found
You hear it in the darkest nights of despair
You hear it when you’re wanting most to care

It’s called out, shouted out, whispered once or twice
Just what we were wanting when trying to be nice
It has been yelled, screamed, but sometimes softened
Like a song or under breath, but shouted much to often

And you, your lips pressed to my forehead
Feeling like a gun barrel, I may as well be dead
As I hear this word for the millionth time
“No” and I, I have no reason, have no rhyme.


Love was, for just one moment
All that I wanted her to be
A sweet feast so succulent
My tongue tasted happily

But what of Love, the morning after?
When lines are drawn, rules made,
And I fall to knees much faster
She makes me wish I had not stayed.

Love took hold of me and shook
Began to shake me from my very soul
I wish that I had not returned her look
Nor eaten till I was over full.

Love was a beauty, a softness,
But somehow not what she seemed
For there, below the surface
Was something dark, unseen.

It took a while to realize…
What I see now so easily,
For even though she cries
Love was killing me


Hell Bent

Carefully conscious, quietly contagious
Flower bud lips bloom to smile flesh
Tasted trembling from vulnerable eyes
Sunk my nails thick in her disguise

Sensitively sober, child smiling,
Seamlessly flow down the wild, dying
Loathsome to my skin the pinprick
A tired gentle touch, pseudo quick.

Jet black all-pupil eyes perform
Charcoal constant burned to warm
Soul searching soft, she touched me
Abrupt as a cool breath of sanity

There is no beauty I forget
The temptations, the simple test
The touches, purely wrought
Or those lessons freedom taught

Dangerously red rose under luck
Fingers bleeding painted touch
I lived more in that warm moment
Than had I touched, to hell bent


Not Much

You tremble there, alone with pain
I can touch and soothe it, but in vain.

As a flower I would comfort you
Lather you in scented morning dew.

A gentle rain of humming fingers,
Across your back they linger.

A wind of gentle pressure
A tune of simple pleasure.

Lost dazzled, in your lack of hope
Maybe mine could help you cope.

I hear this song within my mind
It offers all that has been mine.

"If you, you don't want much
I can show you where to find it

And if you, you got no luck
Maybe I can help you change it."

Everything, I give openly
All the joy that I have seen.

I know it's still not much
But maybe... Just enough.


Never give anybody a fruitcake.
Words of wisdom from my brother,
I've followed them to this day.
One time my father leaned close,
He said, Son, you know...
They stopped using rats for laboratory expiriments.  
Now instead they're using lawyers 
which is great because peta doesn't complain
And besides, there's some things that rats just won't do.
I hear this and laugh again, 
For the 50th time he's told me this joke.
No but seriously, because I do have something serious here...
What the hell is wrong with people,
Seriously.
There my ex goes on her high horse
She rides it well, maybe too well.
Well, all this talk of rats and horses
I just realized, I haven't thought about sex at all today!
Well, until just now I mean.
And of course I just woke up 5 minutes ago.
My good friend once told someone they had cancer of the face
We all had a good laugh at their expense.
It's ok though, really he deserved it
His face was really ugly.
Another friend of mine has a fat head.
And I mean it's just huge, enormous.
Of course he laughs just as hard as we do.
Sometimes I think about who I am
And what I came from
And I...  I want to be another kind of something
Don't ask, it's all going 'round my head so fast...
It's like I can't even take a look
Without doing something to be laughed at
Like stick a sign on my desk that says:
Arguing with me is like competing in the special olympics
Even if you win, you're still retarded.
What the hell is wrong with people,
Seriously.


Slow Down

Whoa there, hey there, 
Calm down, count to ten, 
Take a deep breath, let it out... 
You've gotta slow down. 

Your mother shouldn't have to tell you that 
Your father shouldn't have to tell you that 
Your brother shouldn't have to tell you that 
Your wife shouldn't have to tell you that 
Your friends shouldn't have to tell you that 
The world shouldn't have to tell you that 

I-should-not-have-to-tell-you-that. 

You think its hard for YOU, drinking yourself into depression? 
You think its hard for YOU, losing all your friends to apathy? 
You think its hard for YOU, losing your job along with your dignity? 
You think its hard for YOU, spending nights in jail sobbing for your life? 
You think its hard for YOU, never knowing whats up and whats down? 
You think its hard for YOU, drowning in darker depths each night 

Than I have ever known in my entire life? 

I have seen you laugh harder than anyone that I have ever known 
Crying tears of laughter, smiling smiles brighter than any sun that I have -
ever known 
I have watched you speak out for the first time, solid, immoveable 
Working for a cause greater than any that I have ever found 
I have watched you cry in empathy for war torn lands and lonely children 
Sobbing over deaths millions of miles away while I watched, wishing for the -
same strength 

You have made your mother proud, told her stories that made her blush and -
love you even more 
You have had long talks with your father ending with him crying on your -
shoulder 
You have looked at your brother and known his secrets, helped him when nobody -
else even knew 
You have smiled at your wife, kissed her long and hard and made her hope the -
moment would never leave 
You have consoled your friends, talked them out of suicide and other such -
nonsense 
You have come to this world, a single man making his mark and leaving comfort -
in his wake 

So you can call me selfish here, for wanting you to stop 
Perhaps it is all out of selfishness, I can't stand to see it 
Your apparent distaste of this life rocks my world 
You gave me strength, picked me up when I was down 
And now I see that strength being sapped away, distant 
Losing it to toilet bowls as you flush it down, out of sight. 

Take a look at me 
Take a look at the world 
Take a look at your friends 
Take a look at your wife 
Take a look at your brother 
Take a look at your father 
Take a look at your mother 

Really look... Take a good long look 
And for gods sake, for our sake, 
Slow down 
I shouldn't have to tell you that...


I Was Told This Represents My Ego

Sitting, stalking, always walking 
To the sea or to the sun 
It doesn't matter none. 

Ticking, tocking, always talking 
In my head or in my ear 
I only listen out of fear. 

I opened my eyes once, long ago 
And was told this represents my ego 
A little spider, shiny and clean 
And ooooh, what beautiful wings. 
Why aren't you flying away from me? 
Ah, perhaps you're my angel of mercy. 
Come to save this poor wretched soul 
But I'm so perfect, you should know. 
You skitter past my eyes, open and daring 
Failing to embrace me, lost to caring. 
I could only hope to know your mind 
As you steal words, but stop this time 
You scare me you know, but I still listen 
Lost in a daze of lavender glistens 

Listing, lasting, always laughing 
At myself or at the world 
That thinks I can't be cured 

Sulking, slashing, always crashing 
In the sea or in the sun 
It doesn't matter none.


I Know What Peace Is.

I know what peace is. 
I know what pain is.

Peace is wandering through lavish gardens found only in your eyes.
Pain is watching rain fall through the gardens, tears from your eyes.

Intermixed and Intermingled 
In every thought, 
Every word and every action

Peace is the soft silk of satin sheets that is your skin.
Pain is holes and tears in these sheets that I see right through.

But as water and oil are separate, 
So are peace and pain.
They dilute and saturate
Then pull away like lovers

Peace is rare music, soft and gentle to my ears, escaping from your mouth.
Pain is thunder, angry and harsh, escaping also from your mouth.

The difference is clear, poignant
Obvious and blatant.
While every breath reeks of both
They never are and never will be one.
Peace and pain are found in opposites...  

Peace is the taste of roses and candy that accompanies your lips
Pain is the taste of blood, cool and unsavory to my lips.

And while you give me peace and cause me pain
I also cause you pain, and hope to give you peace
I believe that the peace drowns out the pain
And pain drowns out the peace for sure

Peace is dreaming, eyes closed in expectation of intimate fantasies.
Pain is eyes clenched closed for fear of seeing what you hope are only dreams.

But there is always more of the other
Just on the surface, separate and waiting
To be mixed again, then slowly pull apart

Peace is lying in soft pillows gently held in your protective arms
Pain is holding you, watching you, protecting you as your tears stain my chest.


I Am
 
I want everyone to know exactly who I am
But lack the confidence
Am I the sum total of all my thoughts?
I am a gentle breeze
And a cool winter storm
A jovial old man
Some rotten listing ship
A mother, distraught and weary
Sun and rain
Fire and brimstone
 
I am beyond the nights frozen beauty
Or the day’s warm caress
I lie to spare your fears
And listen to show I care.
You know me
And caress me as a child
But lack the luster
To give me shivers
I have known many
But not I, I search for who I am.
 
I am tempted by power
Worn by those who abuse
Spit upon by those above me
Looked upon by those below
I am a love unhindered
I am hate incarnate
A worn book
A dying candle
I am nothing
I am the great I Am.


This new day mocks me
Resonates in my mind
A soft cacophony
Of pain lost with time
 
The silver lining
Of clouds sent to smother
The cold sun is shining
Burns for some other
 
What have I got here?
What cravings in my heart?
A skull packed full of fear
And life yet to start
 
Tears... for you and I
For I and I alone
I long to touch the sky
Stranded on this stone
 
Your words caress me
Dissonant to my soul
I hear, but ever reach
Reaching from my hole
 
Can you see? The pain...
Hiding past the surface
I pass the tears as rain
My lie is perfect


A musty smell, loathsome to his nostrils came
The small branch, once braced between his legs
Lay scattered haphazardly upon the ground
Unassuming in demeanor, of course broken.

Tin cans ringing as though screams of pain
Writhing through his brain as snake heads
The bluish eyes of mothers/fathers/children
Lost his gaze as it spiraled out of control.

The smell tasted crimson, pudding or death
Impossible to tell from this angle
One thing was certain, he was not himself
And from this other self came words of power.

He listened well, perhaps too well as he recovered
Following blindly what was given to him
He became the thing of legends, a vital player
In his mind, there was no other, only power.

Of course the smiles betrayed him...
As any trusting man would be beguiled
His heart found ways to bury itself from pain
Walls nigh unbreakable by any but the best.

Grizzly dog in an alleyway purring a gentle caress
A shiny penny found in cardboard right beside
His smile outshone even the merriest of men
For he knows... oh he knows... the words of power.

The doctors with their shiny teeth so placated
He felt for them, he really did as they were lost
Never did they realize his true potential
But could he blame them?  He wasn't even himself...


Dialogue With a Dream

Fall into a slumber
Lost in wonder
Drowned in flames
And pointed blames
All speak of you
The trusting fool

Face of black
Picks at scraps
Meets your eyes
Sees your lies
Laughs unheard
Speaks these words:

"Words weave around me with a loathing,
They flow through me like nothing.
I smile the smile of a living sun
And lie the lies on deaths sweet tongue."

Your world turned red
A blooded bed
And you respond
To right the wrong:

"Forgive my stupid insolence,
I search for gentle innocence,
Forget my lonesome greed,
For I forget the things I need."

Bent and aged
Seen better days
His smile torn
Dark and worn
Riddles twists
Escape his lips:

"Find for me this turning moment...
Where life began with new intent
Twisted to the darker highlights
Lost in shadows deeper spites.
Give me this moment, in all honesty
And all the warmth you no longer see
The starlight music of angels chords
Will be returned to you once more."

Heart stutters
Willfull mutters
Peer inside
To where it hides
Elegant and cruel
A blackened pool
Avoids your gaze
A sultry maze
Utter confusion
Deep illusion
Eludes your grasp
No simple task
His visage fades
Mind is made
Fear... He escapes
And you awake 

Despair... Your moment, gone forever.


Dreamin

A wholesome half smile
A few shy words are heard
Lost within a maze
Of ever changing melancholy eyes
Opened unto dreams

Dreary day drifting
Lazy daisy laughter
Softly spoken smiles
Eyelids dropped to offer their protection
From the real world pain

Grey skies shining down
Mossy stumps to stumble
Running with the wind
Body sleeping sound in fear of darkness
That weaves tangled webs

A curious shape
As black as ice is cool
Tingling the spine
Somehow thoughts no longer feel comforting
And eyes are opened



You doused the fire in my eyes today
Turned from piercing blue to cloudy gray
The laughter eager to be released
Was slaughtered, now deceased

You burned the hope from my heart today
What once beat strong is now delayed
The warm smiles I used to give
Are now cold stares that long to live

You told me you would leave today
What was always there, now gone away
All the soft kisses I remembered
Haunt my thoughts in dark Decembers.


I Let Myself Forget

Sometimes my mind slips away,
Forget the things I taught myself about trust.
Were you watching?  I forgot...
I didn't mean to show you how I feel,
This darker depth that gnaws at me.
I smile the hollow smile of lost desire.
Meet your eyes with every truth I can muster.
Choking back the tears I know you feel.
Hands stained black with dark ink of abuse.
A lonely tear travels down my cheek,
Searching for a heart to meet...
Sometimes, I let myself forget...
Forget that I'm not supposed to tell you,
And let out glimpses of my past, I'm sorry.
Just ignore me, try not to listen.
I know you don't want to hear the pain,
Any more than I want to relive it.
Doe eyes pierce me and I know you know,
But smile, and hold me... Thank you.


Waiting for that long hard kiss
It gnaws at me as tortured bliss
A kind reality known to me
Only as a sleepless dream

Longing for the tears to dry
It sings to me as I lay and cry
The soft comfort of human touch
Quickly turns from love to lust

Just don’t… don’t let me go
Waited my entire life to know
That all I want is something real
One emotion for me to feel.

If only I could sleep again
Could rest and not pretend
But I stare at ceilings lined in lips
Waiting for that long hard kiss


It is amazing, the way you touch, the way you feel… 
I feel your breathing, oh yes… Breathing, don’t forget.  
I stand in awe, lost within your eyes, 
Reaching for your heart and studying your beauty.  
I slip into a deeper desire, somehow clinging 
To a reality that seems so alien, 
Lost inside the warmth I know I don’t deserve.  
Tell me how you feel, and I’ll tell you not to worry, 
Safe from all the tears and burden that I feel.  
You make me cry…  And I wouldn’t have it any other way, 
I don’t know why…  I know I’d do it all again, 
And perhaps lose myself to wonder.
Or fall into a slumber filled with gentle dreams
And silent streams of woven hair,
Encompassing your face and shadowing your eyes.
My love lies upon your breast, a soft touch
Brings me from the spiraling dark void,
Awakening the starlight in your voice
As I hum to music wrought by visions
Once desired, and twice unknown, but light…
Like a sultry wind scattering my thoughts.
The touch is over..  Lost in smiles.


A sigh… Gentle breath escapes it’s prison mouth.
Content… Smile glows against the sky face.
Blink… Eye’s open, still see between shell lids.
Touch… Fingers tremble, pressed to ocean hair.

The wind whispers send a tingle to my snake spine
A song voice calls me, piques my puzzle curiosity.
Web lips entice me with their river passion.
Bone fingers tickle me into giddy moon sleep.

Seconds weave around me as lava time stops.
Warmth surrounds me as moss light shines.
Water blankets me as star bodies swim,
And fear forgets me as dream souls entwine.


Your face, each curve a different sort of passion…
Your body, each touch a different sort of elation.
Your mind, each twist a different sort of puzzle,
Your soul, each breath a different sort of tenderness

So changing, an ornate statuette of wonder.
So familiar, my hands follow your lines with no eyes.
So safe, I hide within your blankets, no worries
So giving, I take, but not too much, I give too.

Your hand pressed upon mine, entangled fingers
Your body, lies with mine, entangled arms
Your breath, mixed with mine, entangled lips
Your mind, is one with mine, entangled thoughts


An apology?  I owe you so much more…
My life?  It’s not much, but all I have.
The scars I sense inside of you
Tear me to my core, how could I?

Abandoned you to darker deaths,
Left you to your own devices.
Somehow, in all my love and caring,
I never understood your needs.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh?
Perhaps you’re better off without me,
But I know somewhere, you hate…
And that brings tears unhindered.

If I could do it all again, I would,
So selfish of me, to learn my lessons,
At the expense of your feelings.
But I’m only human, I have needs.

What now?  I suppose it’s over,
I should move on and forget…
But forgetting takes it’s toll
And I will always wonder…

What if…  One of your favorite games,
If I had stayed, tried a little more,
If I had left, and severed all ties,
If I had never been, and saved you…


I Wore my Clothes to Bed Tonight

Fall down to my knees, I stay there for a few…
I Look up to your eyes, and wake up to the sound
The voice resonates softly, like a purrrrr…
The soft touch of slender fingers in my hair

I wore my clothes to bed tonight, you never know
When you’ll wake up to a tender caress,
A smile on your lips, a foggy dream,
Or to a blaring horn, sleeping in the car.

You use me, and I’m used to it… The use.
Reward me, punish me, it doesn’t matter.
I’ve done all I can, and I will continue to.
Until I’m spent, angry, alone and bitter.

I just wish I knew where I’d be sleeping
Before the apparent random choice you make
To love me, tender and attentive…
Or throw me out, send me to the wolves.


Mind and Body

So there you are my pretty little slave…
Counting blessings as I once did at night,
A bit naïve, or perhaps a lack of sight,
Come looking for me from your grave.

A weapon known to some as love or lust,
Or a gentle pressure, bent and aged,
Guilt deprived, a tangled soul enraged.
Perhaps I’ve pulled, carried you too much.

Your faith I find amusingly refreshing,
A ruined crop, rotten to the very center.
I ask for all that you can give to enter,
And you agree to find out what I’ve seen.

You are so enticingly predictable,
Forgotten in your minds innocence,
Pulled taut, so brittle, I almost wince
I know… Aren’t I so detestable?

I am repulsed, you... you are so lovely.
Sometimes, in the corner of my thoughts,
I wonder, who is sold and who is bought.
I am your mind and you... you are my body.


Gather pain together, like a soft bouquet of void,
Blocking all the calls to reflexive actions from my mind.
Slither through sub-consciousness, deeper than destroyed. 
A lonely pinprick, forever hiding pain, the gentler kind. 

A scarlet morsel of shivering, spine tingling fear. 
Raw and tender, like blood and nerves from a newborn scar. 
Clawing from the inside of your veins like a hungry tear. 
The highlight of your life, a burning temple gone too far. 

Honest footsteps pad across this morbid dedication, 
Entrusting grand visions to a mind prone to forget. 
Clinging to the memories, longing for some lost elation. 
Involved, temperamental and depressive - like new day’s sunset. 


See like a child,
Free, worth the while,
Tears falling down,
Words spinning 'round,
Smiles like the sky,
Dark makes me cry,
Jump to the sun,
Laugh just for fun,
Think with your heart,
Try to act smart,
Look to your friends,
Bow at the end,
Hug your Mother,
Respect Father,
Know all your fears,
Hold back the tears,
Got to be strong,
Moving along,
Wake up one day,
No time to play...


Not my fault... Not my fault...
The words like bleeding wrists
Gnawed upon the back of my thoughts
I know what you will never know.
Not my fault... Not my fault...
Stooped and bitter like death
Black pools that pass for eyes
Stare me down and bring me shame
Not my fault... Not my fault...
And like a martyred lamb
I cannot bring myself to believe
Those words that bring such pain.
Not my fault... Not my fault...
The words escape like whispered prayers
From lips too cold to feel
Still burning from the lies of yesterday.


Life is so worth living,
Most of the time...
I feel like fading away,
Sometimes...
Happiness I know intimately,
That, I remember...
I am stricken with depression,
That, I know...
A smile erupts on my face,
When I see...
Tears fog my vision,
I can't see...
I love a fast paced walk,
If I know where I'm going...
My leaden feet drag along,
I have nowhere to go...
I am more awake than ever,
Right now...
Life is so worth living,
Most of the time...


I Want To Hear You

I want to hear you...
Breathing as I once did at night,
Shallow, expectant.
Falling into darker highlights,
Can you even touch?
It seems too far away to stare,
Obvious, blatant.
I feel your breath upon my neck,
Sense your fears, crumbling.
Warm with reason I approach you,
Reaching, calming eyes.
Ripple with the touch of desire,
Entwined in your fire.
Soothing, sensitive and weary,
Lean on me my friend.
Shed the drops of innocent tears,
Stain me, desecrate.
I am strong, I ask only once,
Please, no fear from you.
Eyes meet for one breif kiss of peace.


In a rush to get where I have been so many times before
A wave of nausea, so strong it almost sends me to the floor
I have made myself a finely tuned instrument or polished weapon
In this cacophony I do not stumble, I scoff at rough or sudden

Weakly, deliberately, I dine on dainty meals made for others
My generosity, and my once kind nature completely smothered
I am no more a man than my father before me was a husband
To me, it is a compliment or gift that I heatedly demand

Trusting eyes overtake me, lead me into their neat little prison
Hold me there, in control, yet know deep down that I have risen
I am beyond the night’s frozen beauty or the day’s warm caress
Fear is but a powerful tool, men are bound and serve me in duress

A slower smile, a deeper shadow, a wondrous faerie tale
My invitations express perfection, for me, an easy sale
A lack of wisdom binds me where I am, I see no more
My winding path falters, dims… I had my chance to soar.


A noble creature or a sordid affair smiling intelligently
as if to squelch my fears.  Time stopped, rational, undying.
A twisted form of spiteful lies, words meant to go unheard
yet vivid, biting. Heard it all the first time, and here I
am at the last time, still stumbling… Makes you wish you
learned your lesson, or maybe the pain would have made you
bite your tongue and shake your head in the confusion that
was intended.  Pushing… The smell of fear goading the 
lifeless taunting and confused mutters of the willful child.
Sick in the head lies the mother distraught for having dirty
laundry folded on her child’s lap.  Smiling child, dying wild,
crazy if you ask me, but no of course you wouldn't...  The rolling circle
of eternal wonder fills the void that I sometimes make myself
remember, no matter how much it hurts.  Ask me again some
other time… I’m too busy chopping down the walls that hold me
in my mask of brutal agitation.


The Dance

Heaven… She was more
The smile, shy and warm
Lonely eyes so vulnerable
A heart to match her eyes

Fear… She was so afraid
The tears, warm and biting
Nervous fingers shaking so…
She smelled of loneliness…

Love…  She was searching
Her lips, soft inviting
Trembling knees so telling
An invitation on it’s own

Peace… She was only hoping
The words, soothing hopeful
Her glance spoke eloquently
A sudden momentary confidence 

And it was over… I closed my eyes.



Absently upon the wildly flickering shadows I mourn,
I mourn a loss, still basked within confusion…
For I have lost my once love, to love once more.
The loss was chosen, thought upon and understood.
But now the freedom pricks my tongue as bittersweet.
Every time I hear of my once loves happiness…
It brings a tear, and sends a shiver to my soul.
I question my decision, wonder of my own worth,
And long for days when I can laugh without guile,
Or stand upright in the face of her that once was everything.
When will I return to dine with peace?
Or lie upon this tomb of uncertainty with a smile?



The blind incompetence of weak-minded fools
Startles me in its glaring contrast to those elite few
The power that they reap from sowing their own tools
And evil that they create and distill as dew

A tainted monarchy, or viper’s slithering tongue
A smiling wanderlust to play with minds
A puzzle of complexity never to be undone
A road that does not branch, simply winds…

Knees pressed against my chest as best I can
Trembling uncontrollably against my will
The Dark is here, has taken form as man
His silence sears my soul, makes me still



Unseen gentleness, a hidden hue
Dark wisdom, a relentless burden
Darker secrets, a respect undue
Soft smiles, warm and golden

An inner rage, not so public
A mind full of deep deceptions
A kind word, a nobler stick
To pacify the true perceptions



Guileless rage, bittersweet splendor,
My two faces have yet to see her,
My uncompromised dark perfection, 
And it’s joyous marred reflection.

We can’t have everything I want,
What I save, we desperately flaunt,
My omnipotent stride defies you,
Warns you of what I intend to do.

The angel’s face, the doves heart,
She has a voice to make me start,
Grind my teeth and grip like steel,
Imagine her passion, how she’ll feel.

How could she desire my black soul?
With my lips of ice and heart of coal,
My eyes grasp their beautiful prey,
But know she leaves, and cannot stay.

I better myself in attempts to win her,
But I’m no prize, just a lonely sinner.
She never even had to look my way,
I knew her fear that eyes would betray.

So I slip back in my mournful reverie,
My mind strays, I can no longer see,
Old and haggard, I wish for the chance,
To have felt but once her peaceful romance.

No lying with the scraps I took,
If she had stayed to take a second look!
But I forget myself, for she looked not,
And all that I have left is to die and rot.

I sustained my hunger, but was never full,
And that truth gnaws within my skull,
If only I had been rich before her eyes!
Had played my games without the lies…

I will never have my truest desire…
I’m alone for my death, a dying fire.
I’m lacking breath, no more wants,
Now I find her, to forever haunt…



Exquisite beauty always changing,
Lovely woman never aging,
Meet with pleasure her desire,
Entwine myself within her fire.

Frozen beauty, angelic features,
Lovely goddess, man’s own creature,
Fill my arms with heavenly light,
My ears with whispers of the night,

To feel your lips play upon my own,
To feel your hand in mine and find myself alone,
I wake and find I’m breaking at the seams, 
I sleep once more, to feel your dream…



Love... A lighly fluttering heart all but bursting. 
Overwhelming joy, a kinship thirsting... 
Love... 
A pure white dove, 
A song upon an angels wing, 
A breath of better things. 
I love you, 
I'll hold you...
Don't go, never leave, 
I'll stay.. Please breathe.



Forgotten mists, smooth flowing ground clouds
Dark reserve of tangled soulful thoughts
Gentle twisting blinded razor crowds
Melt like butter, burning hearts are bought

Murmers... Soft and quick like fearful panting
Rising in an 'on the edge of turmoil' state
Gliding eyes and lonesome words a truer ranting
Luminescent death, the only wanted fate

Strong hands tearing down what once was built
Molten lava through your fingers, enticing evil
Moving as one great wave of destructive guilt
Moonlit candle glass is shattered still

Riotous obnoxious bashing heads of once children
Saving strength for one last burst of petty onslaught
The unlearned rule stands timestopped, lost and golden
With none to blame for lack of having taught.



Love is no longer the moment of my life...
Richly strewn about this world of black...
Tender, calm, lonely fear and strife...
I sometimes wish I had my moment back...

No greater desolation than my memories...
No words so splendidly around my hopes...
I would not live against this bitter breeze...
I would not die when icy fingers grope...

Learning about this final resting place...
Walking through this lovely phase of bone...
The strangers eyes beheld my haggard face...
I wish for all the joy my dreams have known...

I'm not alive enough to die right now...
I'm too dead to live my life anyhow...



And so I leave this bitter sunken doom,
Find a lonesome shadow in which to hide... 
Free myself from this hateful world in which I live... 
In which I suffer. 
Destroy my passions, 
Join my pain, 
Help me hold my own. 
Destroy my inhibitions. 
I hate it when I look at me like that. 
I hear you laughing, 
Mocking my integrity. 
Well stop now. 
I don't hear you calling out on my behalf, 
So die... Squeal in the ecstasy of my words. 
Die... Live for all your endings... 
End it with a smile.



However could I find a true happiness in this wolrd of death. 
In this life of longing, 
This reality of hate. 
I hate love with an overwhelming passion of despair. 
Do not live within my grasp or face my wrath, 
But hide in pathetic hunger for your words to drift around me.
Flow your bitter pangs of wanting, 
Your loveless life so daunting and I'll laugh for you, 
Feel your death upon my tongue. 
Live. Die... Either way I see your pain.



I wish sometimes that the light that fills my heart would be set free, 
Not deep within the molds of this prison we call civilization...
Not caught behind a veil of tears or strewn about upon a forked tongue... 
I cry in desperation at my moments of greatest heartache. 
My mind simply listens to the world, not my heart... 
The light inside has dimmed over the years, 
Not really lessened, simply mingled with the darkness. 
My capacity for hate has grown a hundredfold since I was a child.
And now I hate myself for hating... 
Hate myself for loving when I'm not loved... 
This complicated death that we call life destroys me.... 



I cannot feel your warmth anymore. 
The numbness brought about by your cold demeanor stifles me. 
It's hard to live in exile of the one you love. 
It's hard to break the ice when it's so thickly entwined about you. 
I long to kiss you, but you glare back with eyes that freeze me. 
I want to hold you, but you surround me with unworthiness. 
I wish I loved you, but now all there is for me is bitter hate. 
If only we'd been honest, I doubt it ever would have come to this. 
If only this had never happened. 
I hate to admit it, 
But to have loved and lost is tearing me apart and now I hate myself.



Sir Loneliness

Words keep me warming, 
Thoughts hold me still, 
No love now forming, 
For words can kill.
  
I've seen the breath, 
Felt the hand, 
Of sir loneliness, 
Ominous and grand.  

I've counted on, 
Waited for, 
Eyes that long, 
And one to adore.  

Been gulped down, 
Spit out, 
Pushed around, 
Talked about.  

But keep faith,
Hold head high,
Never waste,
Or want to die.

I smile the sun,
See the smiles,
Never run,
Or walk long miles.

Just stop now,
Leave him alone,
Don't ever bow,
Or throw a bone.

Sir Loneliness,
Needs no company
No tenderness
Nor Mercy



Wanton reality drops from suicidal dreams.  
Pestering my lifelesness, gnawing at the seams.  
Incomplete longings for a night of rest again, 
Killing all the pain as if it weren't my friend.  
Parting all the clouds for the mirror in the sky, 
living all my hate as if the tears weren't in my eyes.  
Swearing by the glimmer in your heart, 
I'm a living, breathing work of art.  
My soul entangled, wearing thin towards death, 
A bit belated I suppose I breathe my last breath.



A scathing breath of icy fire, 
Gaping maw of death's desire, 
Longing touch of helpless rest, 
Ranting love the truest test.
Fairly bland interpretation, 
Blackest stones of degredation.  
Heart chewed out by gnashing teeth, 
Groping blindly for some grief...  
Hating all over inside, 
Prayers of hoping here abide, 
Death still coats my hands in red, 
Razor inlaid sleep my only bed...  
And I scream, scream at you, 
I would have died, died for you...



If I ever intended to be someone, 
You should have told me... 
Should have let me know how wrong I was, 
Maybe helped me overcome my misbelief... 
It starts upon my tongue as a stutter 
Ending in my heart as pain... 
I licked the softness from the pouring rain... 
I've chilled the wonder of amusing myself. 
I've killed the hunger of losing myself... 
I HATE IT! Why don't you just stop where you are, 
Cover your mouth, shut up and let me know how scared you really are. 
Are you even perturbed by me? 
Can you even see my pain? 
I really don't care whether you're dead when this is over, 
I really don't mind if I'm a freak or even if you care... 



The beauty through your endearing smile...  
Always wishing I could stay awhile...  
All the words in the entire world couldn't kill, 
All the thoughts in your petty mind couldn't thrill.   
Laughing at the looked upon, 
Pushed around and doing wrong.  
You make it worse you know, 
With all your little talent shows... 
Finding new exciting ways to fit in, 
Dying for a way to live again.  
You always mocked me, put me down, 
I bowed my head without a sound.
You, looking for a confrontation, 
Longing for some lost elation.  
I could be like you if I so chose,  
I wouldn't even want to though... 



Living, loving, tender words and content smiles, 
Wearing, walking, bright days and long miles. 
Upon some special times when fears are washed away, 
When feelings fade, leaving desires to play... 
One look and I'm gone, filled with love, loving life, 
Loving the woman who cared so much she became my wife. 
Overjoyed, bursting at the seams, 
My heart uplifted on silver wings. 
Life... This love that we call life and laugh along with, 
Could only end in sweetest bliss. 



My life flows down this stream of tears, 
It hides my sorrows and calms my fears, 
This love I hold becomes a ripe red rose, 
My eyes no longer shall be forced to close.  

A brilliant burst of joy this day, 
Another tender loving thing to say, 
I smile the smile of a living sun, 
My vision clears, my life's begun.  

Into the darkness I walk with radiant light, 
It follows me as if to make things right.  
Never have I heard this tune before, 
I stride so boldly through this door.  

Flowers bloom and children play... 
The tension of this world slips away... 
Streams now play within my eyes, 
Happiness for once, before me lies.  



Infectuous inflamations of mortality, 
Death in morbid finality, 
Beckons guilely to it's prison, 
Strikes you down before you've risen. 

Lower your voice, lower your head, 
Trying to hide, already dead. 
You seek escape so wrecklessly, 
Yet avoid death's touch endlessly. 

Death is a seeker, Death finds, 
It's gaze hypnotically binds. 
Meet it's eyes, meet your demise, 
No more worries, no painful lies. 

This fatal immortality, 
This lonesome reality, 
Touches all with steel grip, 
Burns you at it's fingertips. 



I see the sky again in it's own little world hiding worlds.  
I feel the breath of wind shadowing my world, 
Engulfing in it's pool of black.  
I hear the pounding of the heart of time... 
Steady... Steady... Calmly flowing as a river, 
Never ending to the sea.  
I mourn for all the friends I've lost to hate 
And all the hate I've born from loss.  
I no longer sense another way.  
It's all downhill from here, 
Don't forget to pray... 



Goodbye... My forlorn friends of lonliness... 
My subtle someones of despair... 
Your calming touch will not stay my hand this time... 
I'm too frenzied... 
Too set in my ways to care or even notice.... 
Goodbye... Don't die... 
I don't know, find some gentle place to hide... 
I never found my own... 
But maybe... 
Maybe you could find a home... 



You mock me... 
I feel deaths icy touch upon my tongue... 
Hear it calling for warm blood. 
The cool serenity of heart in hand and time in your head. 
You will die. 
I don't have to touch you... 
It's not up to me, 
You're all alone and death whispers your breath... 
Die, freak... 
Live no more upon the ends of my fingers 
for you know it is I who give you life and death is simply nonexistence.



I say screw the world, 
Leave your icy grip for something that matters. 
Clutching at your memories and wishing you still lived.  
It sickens me to see you like this, living on instead.  
If you wanted to die you could have simply asked...  
Don't take it out on all the ones who cared for you, 
All the ones who helped you through your own facade... 
Smiling with your guileless grin, 
Hiding behind your trusting eyes... 
Looking deeply at me with your lying soul.  
It burns me...  
Kills me the way your eyes so lightly fall upon the world
Yet your touch is as an icy burden to my heart...  
A seamless perfection wrought about a blackened pool of death. 
Walk into my life...  Tear me down, strip me to the elements. 
And leave, the same way you came in... 
Hiding, weaving your lies to kill me.  
Destroy me...  I now walk the world as a martyred lamb, 
Looked upon with hate and greif.  
It was not I...  It was you.  
Only how could the world be so stinginly harsh to a gentle soul like mine.  
When all I ever did was fall into your trap.  
I hate you...  
I could kill you with a look across a distance of a nightmare.
Don't you ever show yourself to this young leper again...  
Spit upon in disgust.  
Or I will show you my true face.  
The one I hid from the world.  
I will show to you.  Watch out.  
You have hundreds of me awaiting our chance to spit in your face
And stab you in your back.  
You caused my biterness and I will cause your end.  



I wanted to be able to be another kind of something...  
Don't ask, it's all going round my mind so fast
I don't think I'm going to feel it again...  
Time flowing through my mind as if to catch the wind upon my thoughts 
And hear it's voice calling me home...  
Whispering delights of death and loss of life.  
Smiles come unbidden to my face but I laugh with them, 
Kill for them to come again in this lonesome world of black nothings
That so securely holds me in my place... 
I would not stand for such injustice lightly, 
But when darkness overcomes I wish it wouldn't...  
I wish sometimes for a stream...  
A stream of light...  Of hope perhaps, 
Flown upon an angel's wing and promised better things.  
My mood darkens... My smile fades...  
I lie again in the foul stench of hoplessness.  
Fall upon the cold floor of death and find my home at last upon the floor...  
Alone...  Cold... Hungry and dying. 
My last breath is frozen into memory as my blood is frozen in my veins... 



Raven hair, darkest snare, 
I love the world and it doesn't care.  
Turned upside down and all around
A dying world makes deadly sounds.  
Helping wounded, life has ended, 
Suddenly the sky is grounded.  
Bent and raged, better days, 
Stealing suns most precious rays.  
Smiling child, crying wild, 
Making death seem somewhat mild.  
Helping hands, break the bands, 
We all know life will take it's stand.  


Stickin your neck out, 
Holding your hands out...  
A knife gently lowered to your skin...  
Bleeding rain as if the red would wash you clean of life...
Stupid freaking death.  
It couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a helicopter.  
Wrapping your drugs up, 
Stickin your tongue out...  
Swallow now.  
Insane psychodelic twisting rain... 
Where's my brain.  
Holy crap man I'm going to the can and feel a little gray... 
Althought the world around me looks amazingly bright tonight,
It's not as if it couldn't swallow me up if it really wanted to...  
What in the world do I have to do to get the attention I deserve?! 
Why can't I just die...  
Hold my head high, 
Mind's already fried...  
The noose around my neck halts me from falling.  
Freaking tired of waitin round by now...  
Looking down, 
Falling all around...  
Nothing to stop me this time, 
Finally I'm free.



Real world pain writhing in your words and I fail to feel your lies.  
Stripped of pride and spinning downwards towards desire....  
My wildly glowing eyes expect the truth.   
Not finding, yet agreeing you step towards light only to be shunned.  
The darkness of a million souls pounding you to death.  
Sticky fingers raw like bone to all those lovely people within...
Another candlelight play for man to watch, 
Dazzled by thier own incompetence...  
Blood, warm pulsing over gnarled bones to escape the test of heaven.  
Opened unto the skies and longing for the stars to join, 
The brightest light of degredation following the tip of guilt upon your tongue... 
Lap it up, drink it down to strenghthen your will...  
Resolve your hate into one great lie that you call life and die....  
The world passes on with blowing winds and heavy rains...  
You lose your pain to bitter tears in seas of existence never dreamed.



Around the bend, over the hill... 
Around the corner, another thrill... 
Brighter days than nightstars shine, 
Drink it down another time...  

Flow the love of life over my eyes, 
Through my heart and soothe the cries.  
Blue and true shines the rainbow mists
Of thoughts most gentle twists...  

Again in order and in chaos once beheld, 
The tyrants strangled laugh be felled...  
Free...  Falling though the clouds rise above you, 
Sweetly covering your life now through...  

Kissed upon the cheek and smiled upon by all...  
There is no one out there strong enough to make you fall. 



Perfection falling through your fingers like rain through a cloud of leaves...  
As a light it must raise itself above for all to see... 
As a thought it is drowned and carried to the sea...  
There is no in between that it could rightly be.  
Simply a home...  Above or below, knowing nothing in between.  
Searching for some darker corner or brighter sky to seam.  
Laughing at it's homely fortune that it so despises.  
To believe after all these long years that it realizes, 
The strongest power in this world is human touch, 
And it will never feel anything so much...  
I would never reach for something that so fully eludes me, 
Simply make my own perfect attainable place to be.  
I stand in pity for those lost in life and reaching yet falling short...  
For I remember when I too was just the same sort...



Red vines entwined her in her innocence
Cut like lies into her pale skin
Pain grating as if in self defense
My eyes closed and saw her falling in

The dark blood of self abuse
The darker smile of defiance 
The shady tears of breaking loose
Paled with hindsights dance

Her love opened unto me much like a book
Her hate stormed down like pelting rain
I swore I'd love no matter what it took
But nothing knew the latest pain

Upon the floor it stuck like dreams
Weblike, wonderful and mocking
Laughing as though tearing at the seams
Life caught me almost dead... walking


It was as if I had never been before...
All these wonders, I had yet to adore,
I knew without words, I had been caught,
Knew I would be coming back, never lost.

I found my calling, my home at last,
My wondrous land that was so vast...
Filled with friends and vile demons,
I smiled so often at my kingdom.

A builder, creator, breaker and destroyer,
I love this world and so I hold her...
Me, a simple trying patient man,
A worker, holding on with callused hands.

It all will end... I know so soon,
I reserve myself to serve this doom...
My grip slipping, I close my eyes,
And hold my tears as my world dies.

No more lighted days and sleepless nights,
No more times of joy and helpless flights,
I will wake one day and know my sorrow,
With only your sweet memories to borrow...


Disaster... My life is in this moment...
It flows through time like nothing...
The rush of seconds passing their intent,
It weaves around me with a loathing.

It stills me, halts me, tirelessly passing,
Too much time on my hands... too much pain,
Not enough to fill the gaps of all my lying,
Shrouded in a gentle mist, a blinding rain.

And with these spare moments grasping me,
I somehow find a way to love another,
To hear anther’s fear and set it free,
Another gust of blissful sleep my brother.

Push yourself, walk forward in this life,
When finished find a quiet place to lie,
Cut the strands of time with this dull knife,
Allow yourself some little time to cry...

And you wait now for your death. Sleep no more.
Your world isn't going anywhere without your say!
You have all the time you need to win the war.
It could be so perfect... If you were willing to stay...

Despair… My moment, gone forever.


Hunger, painful hunger gnaws at me,
Binding with my untold sleepless dreams,
Take me away, let my great soul be free!
I pull together breaking at the seems...

Death would be my valiant savior,
If only I could know what is to come,
But in reality, I'm just a liar,
And my great hate is only known to some.

I fall behind in life’s little game,
Confuse myself in rampant spiteful hells,
And nothing can stop this unending pain,
My hunger, lust and petty weakens swells.

I find myself in a little black room, 
Alone in darkness like an unborn child,
It seems I finally found my lonely doom,
Where thoughts are stilled, and fears run wild.


Love lies to all who forget faces,
Cry your bitter tears of forgetfulness,
Remember only your own poor life,
Care not for those who brought you.

Families lie to say they are together,
They are apart, torn and broken,
Why have you buried your memories?
Burned them with their bodies.

Another comes and smiles at you,
People laugh when they are not known.
He takes a walk in life as the forgetter,
To be forgotten is eternal rest,

To be remembered is ceaseless bliss.


I dream of stars in my frozen heart,
Think of things I’ll never start,
It is my hideaway, my sanctuary,
When reality becomes too scary.

My mind cannot be controlled,
My body is weak, but not my soul,
Love can penetrate this hate,
And I am soon becoming great.

For I love with all my heart,
And plea you don’t depart,
Stay with me as the morn appears,
Leave me not alone with fear…


I’m a liar, loser, killer,
Deceptive attestations of my worth,
I am what I am, when I want,
I want nothing more than peace.

This life of mine is so unclean,
So changing and so morbid…
Why do I hunger so?
I just want to be alone.

Don’t touch me! Don’t think.
I’m fine, I’m all right,
Just left alone, where I want,
Nothing pleases me more.

When I’m alone I hate,
Hate with no commiseration,
I can’t do that in the open,
Show my inside to a crowd,

When others are around,
I must hold back my desire,
Chain my hate and passion,
Leave me, so I can live in peace.


I wish I could cry myself to sleep sometimes,
But no matter how much I cry, my eyes won't close...
The breaking of a heart is quite a harsh crime,
Anyone who's ever had their sunshine fade knows.

You walk into darkness, sudden confusion,
All your constants gone, your life a lie...
Until drawn out much later through gentle persuasion.
And you call your cherished love a demon, say good-bye.

It's not them you know... It's only your stupidity,
But when blood is drawn, it flows, and you will drain.
You hope for some way to plug the gap, end it instantly,
But through the loss, you bleed and in the end you gain.

Coping... It sounds so harsh, as if love were solid,
But it's not like that... It's unimaginable...
It's lack is like a leech and turns you morbid,
And wanting it a second time is unacceptable.

I much prefer a broken skull... at least it heals,
Leaves a scar so all can see, but no one knows your soul...
Entangled in it's pool of black and you no longer feel,
But put a smile upon your face, forgetting takes it's toll.


It sits beyond me in its might,
The dark one, destroyer of light,
Intended victims it ignores,
Sweat oozing from my pores...

It knows me, It avoids me,
I know of it's mentality.
Cruel and elegant it melts you,
Bloodied hearts it calls to...

It calls for mutilation,
Empowered with destruction,
It shows it's incarnate force,
Raining down with no remorse.

Yet I withhold this darkness,
This laughing sunset will be missed,
To give in would be the end,
Of all the souls it has yet to send.

Alone I stand my bloody ground,
Search for others, falling down,
I waver... The world holds it's breath.
I fall and now the world rests...

This blackened pool overcomes,
Ripping, shredding everyone,
I'd cry for them but I am gone...
Forever for my life to long.


Rest well my friends, if you sleep,
I know when it all ends, you’ll forgive me,
Pain is good, as long as you can weep,
And what else do you have that sets you free?

Any love that I once felt is gone,
Thrown away with my old hate,
I am numb, but not for long,
I find myself growing great.

It seems no feelings are needed,
When all you’re doing is controlling,
When teacher’s words aren’t heeded,
And you think you are all knowing.

Who knows life’s little twists?
Not I, my leaders or a child,
When bound by slavers by my wrists,
It all seems so calming, so mild.

Thinking requires too much energy,
Lie awake at night and dream,
But nothing now can set us free!
For we no longer even scream.


How I hated, how I loved,
How I envied the pure white dove,
To live one’s life and never see,
Is nothing against never to be.

Help is coming it’s on it’s way,
Should be here soon, no need to pray,
I question life’s integrity so often, 
And now it leaves no room to soften.

My life is over, still no help,
I continue living in life’s own hell,
Immortal happiness is naught but lies,
A petty comfort for those who cry.

Intent on success, bent and depressed,
Listened too hard when life wasn’t stressed,
The bird of prey grapples with strays, 
And never stops till old and gray.

Never listens enough to hear it’s name,
To be crippled, crushed and still be vain,
Life is worth it’s nonexistence,
When death knocks with such persistence.

Lay down, die, you care, I don’t,
Doing things you never wanted, I won’t,
Live life to it’s fullest, to it’s end,
For death alone my knees will bend.


Small crystalline shadows portray their awesome splendor,
Crisp clear whiteness finds it's home upon the ground,
The sky fills the earth with snow, and longs for more.
The blissful flakes meander home and sleep so sound.

Blinding sun becomes love, the warm touch of a soft world,
It reflects upon the fallen snow and warms each persons soul,
This grand miracle, hidden for long seasons, again unfurls,
A profound touch that finds your center, makes you whole.

A spirit of sunshine in the air, yet clouds linger still.
This joyous time of year where warmth receives appreciation.
Unmarred perfection, a dream that has yet to be fulfilled,
But a closeness felt in winter's heat, loves pure manifestation...



Where I find myself, I don't know,
I hold myself together by a thread,
I don't have a cheery place that I go,
My sadness is my life bread.

And I am full of sadness.
At least I won't go hungry,
It's not as if I'm helpless,
Only confused, and wanting.

And you take me by the hand,
All I do is devour you,
Long for what I've always had,
This darkness is not new...

To me it is my life blood,
It pours from me as I drink,
Engulf this darkened flood,
Make it mine, and hope I sink.

But darkness dawns for all man,
Only my head seems always covered,
It seeps through me as it can,
Attempts to keep me smothered.

And I lay down and await it's taste,
Listen for signs of heartache,
My life is nothing, gone to waste,
Alone I sleep and my darkness breaks.


I feel so sick...
Like I'm not supposed to be here. 
Like for some reason I was left behind,
And laughed at, and kicked in the head.
I feel spit upon, and scorned, and I've done nothing wrong.
Wrongfully accused. And lied to, to soothe me.
Why tell me lies? The truth hurts so much more...
Don't even think about not saying anything...
I'd probably laugh, then kill something...
Or else I'd show how I truly felt and cry,
And never hurt another thing in my entire life.
But how could I not hurt something after you destroy me?
I would be forced to lie... and laugh as if it were all just a joke.
But it's painfully real. Very painfully.
I don't think I'll ever smile again, or hope...
I think I may lay down to die. Or lay down and be forced to live.
I don't want to live with my pain.
But I'm too afraid to die now, after all I've done.
What if I'm punished, I'll have to try to make it right.
But now that it's all wrong, I don't want it to be right again.	
I am disentangled... And I still reach and grasp at nothing.


Dancing flames entice me,
Flailing arms embrace me,
Cries of anguish fill me,
Death enters and entwines me,

Uncolored oblivion,
No more pain for now,
I could die or kill,
Death hates me still.

My mind halts,
My heart breaks,
My life starts
And I die.

Thunderous silence,
Web like destiny,
Reaches out,
Carries me along.

Following the darkness,
I grasp a hand,
I am pulled away,
My life was a lie…


My mind racing I fall into a slumber,
My heart pounding, I become faint,
Two paths I see before me, 
Two roads ending in destruction,

Save myself and be destroyed,
Lose myself and be destroyed,
Now I choose my way,
Now I lose my way.

Without thought I turn to night,
A hundred souls I kill for my sake,
I look away and cry,
Forever I shall destroy and die.

Find yourself within the night,
You don’t care for others life!
Follow me if you will,
I would rather rest in peace.


Darkness threatens to engulf my sanity,
As candlelight plays across my eyes,
I rid myself of endless painful vanity,
Fail to remember my fondest lies.

I open myself to pain, love, strife, hate,
I embrace all evil, tolerate the good,
I fail to accept the lowly’s fate,
Don’t appreciate doing what I should.

Hate can destroy, I love destruction,
Love, something I disgust, but must admire,
And in my moment of darkness… HA!
My life of darkness turns to hell fire.

My death begins anew, not caring,
Struggle through life, for death goes on,
I feel my limitations disappearing, mind tearing,
Realize too late I’ve been passed by, death is gone.


Crooked finger beckons on,
Lying eyes sing their song,
I'm alone without their sound,
Left alone on bloodied ground.

Forgive my stupid insolence,
I search for gentle innocence,
Forget my painful greed,
For I forget the things I need.

Leave my tears and I alone,
I can't cry with eyes of stone,
With my heart of bloody steel,
I long for days when I too feel.

But trees shroud my vision,
Winds halt my decisions,
I have no dreams of grandeur,
Only nightmares make me stir.

The days go by so quickly,
My dreams fade so swiftly,
Nights roll on so long,
Nightmares are my painful song.


Lies no longer faze my soul,
I am uncaring, life will end,
My crazed mind lives without them,
But my body breathes their life.

Helpless cries wrack my soul,
I cannot help, for love withholds me,
Pain is but a thankless gift,
That opened eyes fail to see.

Breath leaves me in the form of lies,
Close your eyes and feel your pain,
No more sorrow, laugh and die,
I plead for cares to go away.

Gasp in agony and ecstasy,
Carry your hate to your grave,
Love the hurt and hate the one who hurts,
I cannot live in gentleness…

So I die in helpless rest.


Death and carnage in this slaughter,
And you lay idly in this crimson grove,
The dead and dying squirm beneath you,
You twist to find some sort of comfort.

Life is no longer an option, no decision,
Silken blood lingers on you, laughs at you,
You did this.  Death at your hands,
It sounds all right, so you succumb,

Stars fulfill their blackened purpose,
They lay down to sleep in peace,
Colliding with you they are swallowed,
And you awake to nothing, all you gave yourself.


My child grows, 
Addictive pleasures,
Blood will flow, 
Drastic measures.

I have the means,
Wield the power,
So simply serene,
The child flowers.

Create a maker,
Destroy the ender,
Your life’s taker,
Your soul sender,

Incomprehensible,
Mind plays tricks,
It’s so sensible,
Much too quick.

Incarnate fire,
Quick to flare,
Burns the liar,
We don’t care.

We’re deceived,
Unknown anger,
No one believed,
Kill the stranger.

Loose demons,
Purge their guile,
No more free men,
Worth your while.

Good-bye life,
No more world,
Free from strife,
Death unfurls.


Darkness is my ecstasy,
My love and my desire,
Of all that I have seen,
Shadows light my fire.

It brings peaceful sleep,
Blinds my eyes to hurt,
Gives me shade to weep,
Lends me time to work.

Black comforting bliss,
Brings my world in focus,
Shields me from evilness,
Nothing will  I trust.

Heralding dreams it comes,
Alone at last, I ponder,
No longer lives the sun,
The stars forever wander.

Blind eyes live memories,
Close my eyes in passion,
My sight seem to freeze,
I see only in this fashion.

And I love this world,
Long for it to feel me,
For darkness to encircle,
Allowing me to see…


There shall be no pain as I walk this earth,
While I tread these grounds, intently caring,
I lead, but wear no crowns, only give birth,
Bound to me as slaves, you offer me as king.

And I call the night to bring her awesome hue,
Confound the confined minds of fearful leaders,
All who oppose I will bind, for respect is due,
I am the creator, the lover, sinner, your pleader.

In minds not nearly as fogged as your own,
You find some hope, they struggle to bring hate,
Their only way to cope, insanely they condone,
And freedom is oppressed, in this carnal state.

Vengefully, lustfully, they dig their own holes,
For I allow no such bitterness, no sorrow as theirs,
Allowing only love and sweetness, and the bell tolls,
Those few who obey, my pitifully deprived heirs.

All is lost, no more hope, salvation is no more,
In blood is written, the perfection of the night,
All those live with sin, the veterans of this war,
They shout me down and I resign my throne in spite…

I leave them to their own defiant endeavors,
They forget me now, in ever increasing numbers,
Then wonder how, in fire I purge their sores,
Embrace them and they struggle, this world I sunder.


In my existence I have been blessed,
To stand firm in the face of death,
I hold my head high, above the clouds,
My stalwart spirit bright and proud.

No one can take from me my life…
Not I, even when I hold it in my sight,
Nor others, for their boldness lies,
They see my death through tampered eyes.

Wallowing in self hate and spiteful pity,
It is not my end, there is more to see,
For I see an end, not a death but a birth,
And this new life calls to me its mirth.

It seems endlessly real in my mind,
But this world is fading, I’m going blind,
Should I even trust my own thoughts?
Or fear that they have been bought…

My only constant is my ceaseless pain,
It rules my life in its grand reign,
Destroys my sight without a care,
I wish to end it, but wouldn’t dare…

But burnt into my soul I see the light,
The end that is a start, a way to fight,
It beckons to my heart, tempts me onward,
And I hide inside the shadows, as a coward.

So engrained in my existence is my sadness,
I’m afraid to let it go, to the point of madness,
I have only to say no, And destroy my hurt,
Engulf it in it’s own flames and have it burnt.


Powerful words, they say,
Intricate simplicity,
They bring the new day,
A time which I see.

For me silence is blissful,
Brings forth true feelings,
And my words are wishful,
Made for lower beings,

My thoughts are not worthy,
My deeds are unforgiven,
Words mean nothing to thee,
And from you I am driven.

I am not so powerful,
Nor so enchanting as you think,
I am a man, a boy with no soul…
You walk on air, and I sink.

Drowning in my own remorse,
Wanting to be loved by some,
Hated by some immortal force,
Knowing love will never come…

And how I long for some pride,
But I have no reason for that.
With all the no ones on my side,
I bow my head, remove my hat.

Attend my death alone…
Not worth the cares of others,
I reap what I have sown,
And I have nothing, no one stirs.

You say that words have healed you,
Have changed the world we live upon,
But I know they lie so you get through,
Act on these words and become strong.

I close my eyes and fall away,
All the while laughing,
At the people which have gone astray,
Listening to me, and crying.


Ambition

I am empowered rage, 
Bind you in your mortal cage,
I am incarnate death, 
You’ll find me within your head.

My fears and anguish lay in hate, 
The grief of slaves left desolate,
Vengeance is peaceful in it’s might,
The morbid strife of those with sight.

The sunken gloom of minds at play,
Desecration of those who pray,
Twisted into hunger and infliction, 
My perfect mind a work of fiction.

There is nothing more worth fearing,
Feel my limitations disappearing,
Imposing force of conscience,
Fades when making no sense.

You know me and caress me as a child,
An early deception from my smile,
Grasping that all I am is you,
Gasping, your world is mine too.


All this weight upon my shoulders,
It's a wonder I can stand here.
All those harsh words I must withhold,
It burns me how I'm being pulled.
All these pinpricks in my soul,
It chills me that I hunger so.
All the pain of this mortal life,
It sickens me to stay this knife.
All the carnage ridden hearts within my skull,
It kills me I can smile at all.
This screaming world of desolation
Calls to me in mock elation.


A simple embrace

Wanting for your gentle caress,
Your warmth pressed against my chest,
Your arms around me and I crave more,
Long for lips I've never met before.

To hold you so closely to me,
If only I could make you see,
The love upon my twisted tongue,
Stumbling to be undone.

I cannot reveal myself for fear this moment will cease.



I’m scared, so scared of myself,
I’d rather die than find out what I know,
Rather forget, than learn of what’s been told,
But I hunger for the warmth I feel when I lie.

Fire churning through my heart and veins,
My love doused by flushing fiery rivers,
My joy kindled at the thought of others infliction,
My eyes go wide as others die, my smile goes wider still.

I tell these people lies so that I may hear,
May grasp the fullness of their desire to be deceived,
I am the deceiver and so only I know the truth,
The truth makes me scared, so scared of myself,

So I lie to spare the others fears.

            

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