I Hate the Sopranos

Just before I get into any Sopranos bashing here, I need to make sure that it is clearly understood that I am not a part of, nor a supporter of any anti-defamation league that believes that the Sopranos gives Italians a bad name or propagates any Italian stereotypes. I think people involved with said organizations are just whiny little bitches that really need to lighten up.

The show does not offend me or my television watching morals. I have nothing against a program or movie using violence or excessive use of foul language to add realism to a storyline or character.

What I do hate, however, is when a program or movie of little or no merit gets blown out of proportion, the actors worshipped for their mediocre talents, the writers likened to Shakespeare and the creators compared to gods. Sopranos fits all these categories magnificently. If this show wasn't such a watercooler hit, I wouldn't be hearing about it all the fucking time and therefore would have nothing to bitch about. But seeing as it's in my face every fucking day, I feel that I have the right to speak out against it considering how many people I have to listen to blubber about how amazing and groundbreaking the series is.

The acting is typical and boring, all the players having been typecast. While I admit that saying that these people breathe life into the characters on paper might not be a stretch of the truth, who was the last person to win an award for their ability to breathe?

The characters themselves are banal and useless. Again, I'm not saying that I'm offended by stereotypical Italian mobster characters walking around shooting people and saying 'bada-bing', but I'm sure as fuck sick of them. I was pretty fond of James Gandolfini's character the first time I saw him, when DeNiro played him in Analyse This. A mobster with feelings and anxiety attacks? Oh boo-hoo, he can blow his nose in wads of cash and wash his hands in the blood of those he has killed without remorse. I find it pretty hard to feel sorry for a character like that.

As far as the writing of the show is concerned, there is nothing new here. We aren't (at least not in the epsiodes that I've seen) getting any new views on what the life of a mobster is like. They swear and shoot people and spout out Italian catch phrases that no one uses in real life just like in every Italian mob movie that I've ever seen. He has problems with his bitchy wife and his down-syndromatic children just like in Life Goes On. And don't forget that every once in a while, just for watching the show, you are rewarded with an episode of sitcom hilarity, just for good measure. Yeah, seen that already.

Why do I hate the Sopranos so much? It's probably because I'm inundated with their shit almost all day, almost every day, and every morsel of crap I hear about the show sounds just like the last puddle of bile. This is the Ally McBeal of gangster shows, and hopefully it will be recognised as such and served the same fate.

My Character Synopsis

Tony Soprano Fat fuck slash depressed mobster. Cheats on his taxes, cheats on his wife, kills people for cheating in poker.
Tony's dumb wife I'm fairly certain that the writers gave her an actual name, but they neglected to give her a personality. She must not move much because Tony fucks anything that moves. Complains about everything he does, never complains when he pays off her credit cards.
Tony's slut daughter Dumb bitch daughter. Released an album in real life. I'll never listen to it.
Tony's retard son Every show needs its Corky. Once used his dad's gangster influence to scare off a bully at school. Will grow under father's protection until old bastard bites it in a drive-by, then will bite it himself.
Tony's slut shrink This raspy-voiced manic-depressive alcoholic is treating Tony. He gets boners around her.
Tony's uncle? Some old dude that they put in charge of their little club. Does stupid old man type of shit but doesn't get blamed for it. For some reason they need a figurehead, so he's the gang's scrotum, he holds it all together.


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