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-Birthdays- -Days Off- -Fan Art- -Fan Fics- -Questions to Ponder- -YKYLCAPTMW...- |
 *Blonde Jokes* This is for all of you who don't like Chi and/or Phi or need a good laugh. This is not for those who are offended by blonde jokes. Do you want to make Chi and Phi (who are both blonde) mad? Then tell them blonde jokes of course, or substitute their name where it says 'a blonde'. To retaliate, Chi and Phi have also included some revenge of the blonde jokes. These jokes have been told to us by various people over the years. If you would like ot submit a blonde joke or revenge of the blonde joke, e-mail them to Chi or Phi. -Blonde Jokes- 1. Q.What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? ��� A.Pregnant. 2. Q. How do you kill a blonde? ��� A1. Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. ��� A2. Put spikes on her shoulders and tell her a funny joke. 3. Q. How do you make a blonde go crazy? ��� A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in the corner. 4. Q. A blonde and a brunette jump off of a building.� Which will reach the bottom first? ��� A. The brunette.� The blonde had to stop and ask for directions. 5. Q. What do you call three blondes standing ear to ear? ��� A. A wind tunnel. 6. Q. How does a blonde try to kill a bird? ��� A. She throws it off of a cliff. 7. Q. How does a blonde try to kill a fish? ��� A. She drowns it. 8. Q. Why was the blonde fired from the M&M's factory? ��� A. She threw out all the W's. 9. A blonde's friends kept telling her how much fun ice fishing was, so she went out and bought the equipment and found a spot to ice fish.� She set all her gear down and begun to cut a hole in the ice.� She was halted when she heard a voice: "There's no fish down there."� So, she got up, moved, and was prepared to cut the ice, when she heard the voice again: "There's no fish down there. "� This happened a couple more times, and the blonde, now frustrated, called out: "Well, then God, where is there fish?" The voice answered, "First of all, I'm not God.� Second of all, get off my ice-skating rink!" 10. A brunette was walking along the railroad tracks calling out "21... 21... 21..." over and over again.� Pretty soon, a blonde came along and joined her calling out "21... 21... 21...".� After a while, a train came, and the brunette jumped out of the way.� She then got back on the tracks and called out "22... 22... 22..." 11. John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," she says. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.� None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So, he goes over to Buffy's house, and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."� She leads him into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake- put the Cornflakes back in the box!" 12. The blonde reports for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.� She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin, and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheer- Yes for Heads and No for Tails.� Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the least few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing adn sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I am rechecking my answers." 13. A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.� She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of mile.� When the milkman read the note, he felt there must have been a mistake.�� He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door, and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk.� Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons.� I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?" The blonde said,� "No, just up to my shoulders." 14. A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door, and went back in the house.� A few minutes later, she went out, and looked in the mail box again. She did this several times and her neighbor, that was watching her said, "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep checking your mail box. The blonde answered, "No, I'm working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I've got mail." 15. Q. Why did the blonde have bruises around her bellybutton? ������ A. Her boyfriend was a blonde, too! (contributed by Susan-nu) 16. Q. What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brunette? ������ A. Artificial intelligence. (contributed by Susan-nu) 17. Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? ������ A. Shine a flashlight in their ear. (contributed by Susan-nu) 18. Q. Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence? ������ A. To see what was on the other side. (contributed by Susan-nu) 19. Q. Why does a blonde keep a hanger in the backseat? ������ A. In case she locks her keys in the car. (contributed by Susan-nu) 20. Q. How do you confuse a blonde? ������ A. Ask her to alphabetize a M&M bag. (contributed by Susan-nu) 21. Q. What did the blonde say when she looked inside a box of cheerios? ����� A. "Oh, look! Donut seeds!" (contributed by Susan-nu) 22. Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra? ����� A. Spot. (contributed by Susan-nu) 23. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island.� The nearest civilization is 100 miles away, and the only way to get there is by swimming.� The redhead swims out 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns.� The brunette swims out 75 miles, gets tied, and drowns.� The blonde swims out 99 miles, gets tired, and swims back to her island. (contributed by Sailor C) 24. Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? ����� A. To turn the blinker off. (contributed by Hazel) 25. Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? ����� A. She just blow-dried her hair, and she didm't want it blown around too much. (contributed by Hazel) 26. Q. Why do blondes wear earmuffs? ����� A. To avoid the draft. (contributed by Hazel) 27. Q. What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? ����� A. Trying to hold onto a thought. (contributed by Hazel) 28. Q. How does a blonde commit suicide? ����� A. She puts all of her clothes into a large pile and jumps off. (contributed by Hazel) 29. Q. What is every blonde's ambition in life? ����� A. To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. (contributed by Hazel) 30. Q. Why do blondes hate M&Ms? ����� A. They're too hard to peel. (contributed by Hazel) 31. Q. Why did the blonde stare at the jelly har for one and a half hours? ����� A. It said "CONCENTRATE". (contributed by Megami) 32. Q. What goes vrooom... screech.... vrooom.... screech.... vrooom.... screech? ����� A. A blonde at a flashing red light. (contributed by Megami) 33. There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.� All of them were being chased by the police.� So, they hid in a potato factory.� They each hid in a sack, and then, the police came in.� They kicked the first bag with the redhead, and she said "Meow."� They assumed it was just a cat, so they moved onto the second bag, which contained the brunette.� When they kicked it, she said "Woof."� They assumed it was just a dog.� When they kicked the third bag, the blonde said, "Potatoes." (contributed by Staris1013) 34. Two brunettes and a blonde were on an island.� They found a bottle with a genie.� He said he would grant each one a wish.� The first brunette said she wished to be back in civilization.� She was gone in a second.� The other brunette wished for the same thing.� Feeling lonely, the blonde wished her friends were back on the island with her. (contributed by Staris1013) 35. A blonde decided to go to flight school for a full session.� A month later, the blonde goes on a test flight.� She takes a helicopter, gets up to 1000 ft., and calls into the control tower. She says, "It's nice up here!" Then, she gets to 2000 ft. and says, "It's very nice up here!" When she gets to 3000 ft., the commander doesn't hear from the blonde, but he hears static through the speaker.� He looks through his binoculars and sees a chopper crash a mile away. The commander rides over to the crash site and sees the blonde walking away from the scene.� The commander asks, "What happened?" The blonde replies, "It got really cold, so I turned off that giant fan." (contributed by Susan-nu) 36. Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.� A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.� Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!" The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernable reason, said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandibly, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! Okay, I'll keep to my end of the deal.� Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.� When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you.� If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?" 37. Q. Why can't blondes make kool-aid? A. They can't fit two quarts of water inside that little package. (contributed by makochan) 38. A blonde was tired of being made fun of with the typical dumb blonde stereotype. After a night of being jeered at, she decided to calm her nerves by taking a walk on the high way. Pretty soon she came to a cornfield, and saw a fellow blonde rowing a boat in it. Angry, she yelled, "It's blonde's like you that give us a bad name! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and kick your butt!"(contributed by makochan) 39. There was a blonde with a backpack and inside was chickens. Someone came up to her hearing the squabbles and asked."If I can guess the number on chickens in your backpack can I have one?" The blonde replied."Sure! If you guess right, I'll let you have both of them!" (contributed by NeoQSernit) 40. Q. What was the blonde's greatest invention? A. The solar powered flashlight. (contributed by NeoQSernit) 41. A woman walks into the doctor's office and says: "Doctor I hurt all over." And the doctor says, "That's impossible." "No really!" she said, "Just look, when I touch my arm, ouch! it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts", she replies. The doctor just shakes his head and says, "You're a natural blonde aren't you?" The woman smiles and says "Why yes I am. How did you know?" The doctor replies, "Because, your finger is broken." 42. Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment, to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down." 43. Legend has it that there is a restaurant in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie--*poof*--you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. So, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."--*poof*--The mirror swallows her. Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm losing weight."--*poof*--The mirror swallows her. Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." *poof* 44. Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. 45. Q. What do you call a blonde with a map, compass, and set of directions? A. Lost. 46. Q. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? A. They drowned in Spring training. 47. Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A. �Look! They spelled MACY�S wrong.� 48. Q. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A. To see what was on the other side. 49. Two blondes walk into a building.....You'd think ONE of them would have seen it! 50. Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. "Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" "I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself." 51. Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk? A. The cow stepped on her. 52. Q. How did the blonde burn her nose? A. Bobbing for French Fries. 53. Q. Why do blondes have more fun? A. They are easier to amuse. 54. Q. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A. They keep breaking them with the hammer. 55. Q. What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear? A. Data transfer. 56. Q. What do you call an eternity? A. Four blondes at a four way stop. 57. Q. Why did the blonde return her new scarf? A. It was too tight. 58. Q. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? A. Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese. 59. Q. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? A. She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind. 60. Q. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? A. She needed them for the darkroom she was building. 61. Q. Why are the Japanese so smart? A. No blondes. 62. It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her Daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snowdrift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snowplow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snowplow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite sometime had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her Daddy's advice to follow a snowplow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Kmart next. -Revenge of the Blonde Jokes- 1. Blonde's mating call: I'm drunk. ��� Ugly blonde's matting call: I said- I'm drunk! ��� Brunette's mating call: Hey! All the blondes have left! 2. Q.What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette? ��� A. A hostage. 3. A blonde walks into a bank in New York city and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out further and discovered that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" |