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An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
An archaeologist is a person who's career lies in ruins.
An architect is someone who makes beautiful models, but unaffordable realities.
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
A chemical engineer is a man who is doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
An editor is a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
A journalist is someone who spend 50% of its time not saying what he knows and 50% of its time talking about things he doesn't know.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief".
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
A philosopher is a person who doesn't have a job but at least understands why.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
A psychologist is a man whom you pay a lot of money to ask you questions that your wife asks free of charge.
A schoolteacher a is disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A sociologist is someone who, when a beautiful women enters the room and everybody look at her, looks at everybody.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
**************************************Dhanush********************Jokes********************************
How many archaeologists
does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.
How many architects
does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this
quiet complicated task.
How many brewers
does it take to change a light bulb?
Third as many as for a regular bulb.
How many carpenters
does it take to change a light bulb?
"Sod you! That's the electrician's job."
How many cashiers does
it take to change a light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."
How many civil servants
does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.
How many film directors
does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone
says that his last light bulb was much better.
How many fishermen does
it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.
How many librarians
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"I don't know, but I can look it up for you."
How many social
scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs; they search for the root
cause as to why the last one went out.
************************************Dhanush********************Jokes****************************
An agriculture student said to a farmer:
"Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give
you less than twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree".
************************************Dhanush********************Jokes*****************************
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer, "What do you use to feed
your pigs?"
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed
them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.
Some days later, another person arrived
and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well.
I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that
you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.
Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."
**************************************Dhanush********************Jokes************************
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She's not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?"
The farmer writes back: "Honey, don't go near that field. That's where all my guns are buried."
But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don't find one single weapon.
The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."
**************************************Dhanush********************Jokes***************************
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