Oh, anything with a (TM) by it is our original phrase. There have been a few of those in previous fics, and there are more in here. We'd appreciate it if you didn't steal them, as some thought were put in them. ANYWAY, moving on. With all the warnings out of the way, here is the 5th part of Sleeping Bishounen.

"What are they DOING!?" Floraboshi demanded.

Faunaboshi looked out at all the happy people, most of whom were drunk, and realized that they had no idea what happened. "Well, they don't know that Prince Nakago is unconsious...my poor baby..."

"Let's kill them all."

"SHUT UP, MERIBOSHI! Nobody wants to hear you talk!" yelled Floraboshi. "If we leave them like this, sooner or later they're going to figure out what happened."

"Let's put them all to sleep. That way when he wakes up, so will they, and it will be like nothing ever happened."

And so, the three Magical Winged Guardians set out to put everyone in the castle to sleep, right where they stood...or drank, or lay on a table in a drunken stupor, or whatever frivolities they were engaged in at the time. Faunaboshi floated around playing his flute, having the time of his life.

"Guys, can we do this more often? This is fun!"

Meriboshi, who was also floating around, was clonking people in the back of the head to knock them out. "Bear in mind you're doing this because Nakago is in a coma."

Faunaboshi paused, and, near tears, continued to play. Floraboshi realized what was going to happen and smacked the flute out of his twin's hands.

"ANIKI! NO! I know you, when you get like this and play, you'll make people SO depressed they'll slit their own wrists! Play something happy!"

"But my little Newton is in a coma...!"

"DO IT, ANIKI."

And so, reluctantly, Faunaboshi played something happy. Everybody was finally asleep, including Seiryuu, Genbu, and the Miko, and the three fair-- Magical Winged Guardians set off to find Prince Tomo and kill Malefesoi.

Seishi Interlude:

Suboshi started cheering. "YEAH! BLOODSHED! BLOOD GUTS GORE AND MUTILATION INTO TINY BITE SIZE CHUNKS! NOW we're getting to the GOOD part! GO FLORABOSHI!" he waved Miaka Genki Japan Flags (TM) and cheered himself on.

Story:

Meanwhile, Prince Tomo was chained to the wall, beaten and bloody like they couldn't do in the Disney version, because Disney is a bunch of wusses (Dreamworks is better). Malefesoi stood before him in all her raging hormonal glory. Tomo rested his head in his hands.

"Oh, come now, Prince Tomo, why so melancholy? A wondrous future lies before you!"

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago snorted. "Not for ME, it doesn't."

Story:

"You, the destined hero of a charming fairy tale come true," Malefesoi told him. She raised he staff, projecting an image of a castle. "Behold; Seiryuu's Castle. And in yonder topmost tower, dreaming of his true love, the Prince Nakago. But see, the gracious whim of fate. Why, 'tis the self-same peasant lad who won the heart of our prince but yesterday!"

Tomo spit on her shoes. "I know who he is, bitch."

"Oh, just for that, let me continue. He is indeed most wondrous fair, gold of sunshine in his hair and lips that shame the red, red rose-"

"Red lips? If that's supposed to be Nakago, somebody lied to you about his looks-"

"SHUT UP, it's all on these note cards they gave me.... great, I lost my place... oh, okay... In ageless sleep, he finds repose. The years roll by. But a hundred years to a steadfast heart, are but a day! And now the gates of the dungeon part, and our prince is free to go his way. Off he rides, on his noble steed--

"Noble steed? After a hundred years? Lady, horses DON'T live that long..."

Malefesoi glared and continued, "...a valiant figure straight and tall, to wake his love with love's first kiss, and prove that true love conquers all!" She laughed evilly. Her loyal hound, ever at her side, panted happily and howled.

Tomo, who didn't like being mocked especially when it concerns Nakago, tried to jump the bitch and beat her to a mushy Heap O' PMS Fairy (TM). But, as he was chained to the wall, couldn't.

"Come, my pet," Malefesoi patted her loyal hound on the head. "Let us leave the prince to these... happy thoughts." And she went on her merry way, leaving the prince alone, assuming that no one would come to help him, which is often a villain's downfall.

Seishi Interlude:

Everybody looked at Soi. "Man, you're a bitch."

Soi pouted. "I am not! I'm just a good bad guy!"

Tomo was focused on the part where he was insolent.

Story:

The three Magical Winged Guardians had gone to Malefesoi's castle and watched the entire exchange through the convenient window in the dungeon.

"Oooooh, that BITCH, I'm gonna kill her..."

"I kinda like her."

"WHY YOU ****ING BITCH, I'M GONNA RIP OUT YOUR TONGUE AND ROAST IT ON AN OPEN FLAME WITH A STICK I'VE RUN THROUGH YOUR EMPTY BLACK HEART AND SERVE IT UP AS COCKTAIL WEENIES!"

"For crying out loud, Aniki..."

Seishi Interlude:

"Seiryuu, but you ARE cool, Aniki!"

Amiboshi just blushed.

Story:

And so, the guardians wrenched themselves through the window (Meriboshi's head got stuck and Tomo got a good laugh out of watching the other two squeeze him through) and greeted the Prince.

"Hello, dear Prince Tomo," Faunaboshi said graciously. "We are the three Magical Winged Guardians, and we raised Prince Nakago."

"Oh, cool! What was he like as a little kid?" Tomo asked anxiously.

Seishi Interlude:

"Tomo, you make a lousy hero," Soi commented.

"HEY! I'm not the one who's tongue Amiboshi's gonna rip up and serve as cocktail weenies."

"That's because I'm a good villain. You're a lousy hero."

The authors appeared. "He's focused on his goal, that's all! Prince Tomo couldn't give less of a rat's ass about you!"

Story:

Faunaboshi whipped out a photo album. "OH, I could tell you STORIES!.. There was that time when he saw a caterpillar for the first time, and that time he wanted to keep that peach he found as a pet because it was furry..."

Seishi Interlude:

Soi and Tomo cooed over how disgustingly cute that is, while Nakago blushed and wondered how anybody found that out about his childhood...

Story:

While Tomo and Faunaboshi were gawking over the cute baby pictures of Nakago, Meriboshi debated killing them both and Floraboshi smacked Faunaboshi across the side of the head.

"Come ON, Aniki! We have to get him out of here so he can rescue Nakago with that big kiss!"

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago turned white, and this is no easy task when you take into account how very pale he is naturally.

Story:

Faunaboshi nodded and put away the album. They got to work on the chains and freed Prince Tomo from his bonds. Tomo stood up and stretched, working all the kinks out of his system before heading off to rescue his beloved Nakago.

"Wait!" Floraboshi said. "You're heading off to Seiryuu's castle, and you think Malefesoi's NOT gonna come after you? Please, let's be smarter than that. You need weapons."

Faunaboshi said, "Can't we give him some nice armor instead? That way he won't have to fight, because nothing will hurt him."

Floraboshi rolled his eyes. "And he's not going to be able to do jack shit if Malefesoi comes after him."

Faunaboshi started to get mad. "But it won't matter because she couldn't hurt him."

"And how is he supposed to fight her?"

"He doesn't HAVE to! He can just run right by her and not get hurt if we give him armor."

"Why does your masculinity come in spurts?"

Seishi Interlude:

Yui shot a look at Suboshi. "Seiryuu, Suboshi! That's harsh..."

"Nobody minded when you were all calling us gay."

Story:

"Since when is idiocy necessarily masculine!?"

Seishi Interlude:

Soi and Yui snickered.

Story:

"Idiocy?! It's bad enough you tried to turn Nakago into a pansy, don't let his husband turn into a wuss, too!"

Tomo didn't appreciate the fact that one of Nakago's 'parents' was calling him a pansy, but he kept his mouth shut because this was beginning to be funny (and they were going to continue until it really was funny).

"IF HE'S GOT GOOD ARMOR, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO FIGHT!"

"THE BEST DEFENSE IS A GOOD OFFENSE!"

"THE CURSE--"

Meriboshi slapped them both across the face. "WILL YOU TWO IDIOTS PLEASE STOP YOUR STUPID POINTLESS BICKERING!? I want to get OUT of this STUPID dress, it's so close I can TASTE it and I'm NOT going to let you morons delay it any further, is that clear!? We're giving him a sword-"

Floraboshi beamed.

"- and a shield, like we're supposed to."

Faunaboshi nodded.

Tomo said, "Okay. Can I have them now? I'd really like to go get my fiance and wake him up before they cancel the wedding or Malefesoi kills him or something."

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago screamed, "KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"

Tomo looked at Soi. "You wouldn't kill him, would you?"

Soi looked apalled. "Of course not!"

Story:

Floraboshi produced a sword from nowhere and handed it to him. "This is the sword of... sword of... Meriboshi, which sword is this?"

"I don't know. You gave it to him."

"We can't give him a sword if he doesn't know what sword it is! Aniki, do you know which one this is?"

Faunaboshi smiled. "It's the Sword of Peace and Love For All People."

Floraboshi grabbed the blade away from Tomo and threw it out the window. "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!! NO Peace and Love Swords! NO! I know, I'll give him one from MY personal collection!" He reached into his extradimensional swordspace and retrieved a long, pointy, barbed weapon, whose blade was as black as any onyx, and gleamed with an unholy red glow. "This, dear Prince, is..."

Seishi Interlude:

Suboshi raved in his chair. "YEAH!!! Here it comes!"

"I get a sword!" Tomo said happily.

Story:

"...the Godawful Sonofabitching Bastard Sword of Unholy Demons Of Impending Doom And Other Things That Just Aren't Very Nice! Use it well!"

Meriboshi blinked. "Cool. I didn't know you had one of those."

Tomo took the sword and "Oooo'ed" at it. "This is a WHOLE lot cooler than any sword of Valor."

And Faunaboshi, who was not about to be upstaged, huffed and said, "Well, I guess I'll have to reach into MY private stash, too!" He reached into his shield space and said, "Prince Tomo, I give you..."

Seishi Interlude:

Suboshi rubbed his temples. "Oh, here it comes..."

Amiboshi shot him a Look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tomo smiled. "I get a shield, too!"

Story:

He pulled out a huge shield, glowing an insanely pure white, shaped like some kind of sick, sadistic buzz saw and covered in spikes and barbs and various painful looking devices embedded in it.

"... The Heavenly Shield Of Strictly Enforced Eternal Peace, Love And Happiness... OR ELSE!"

Seishi Interlude:

Amiboshi grinned proudly at everyone around him.

Suboshi applauded.

Story:

Everyone blinked. Tomo slipped it onto his arm and checked out his new gear. "Yes, I am a badass. Cool."

Meriboshi frowned. "You're welcome."

"Oh, right! Thank you, good fairies!"

"MAGICAL WINGED GUARDIANS!"

"Thank you, good winged guardians... I'm going to save Nakago!" And so, Tomo headed out the door and toward his love's prison.

<Cue cool battle music, "Wounded Wings" works nicely>

Prince Tomo raced to the gate on his steed, and he thought he was home free, but no, fairy tales heroes are rarely that lucky.

Seishi Interlude.

Nakago said, "Damn it."

Story:

Legions of Kutou assassins, all lined up on top of the walls, started throwing boulders at him! The horse wasn't very agile and only narrowly dodged the falling rocks.

The Guardians knew that he didn't stand a chance if they didn't help him.

And Meriboshi, who was so close to getting out of the stupid dress, was so close he could taste it, finally lost his temper. "OKAY YOU DISPOSABLE, REPLACEABLE, THERE-TO-BE-KILLED WORMS! FEEL THE WRATH OF MERIBOSHI'S DARK UNHOLY POWER!"

The boulders turned into happy face stickers, fluttering to the ground like black and yellow butterflies. As for the Kutou assassins, they were transformed into really ugly UFO catcher dolls.

Floraboshi scratched his head. "That's your dark unholy power?"

Faunaboshi tilted his head. "I thought it would be more.. Dark.. and Unholy..."

"SHUT UP! I didn't see either of YOU do anything!"

Tomo gestured to the gate and rode off.

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago looked at Miboshi. "Can you really do that?"

Miboshi shrugged. "Never tried."

Story:

In pursuit of his love, Tomo raced to the castle. As he went, he didn't notice that he bypassed a very sick loyal hound, who was very, very, pitifully ill from eating wayyy too much cake, which he had been given after the cottage was demolished. He was munching on the grass and feelings sorry for himself, when he realized that that was Prince Tomo haulin' ass to Seiryuu's castle!

But it wasn't this simple, because the Loyal Hound, while loyal like you wouldn't believe, was not very smart.

He saw Tomo. He thought, "I know him. Mistress has him in the room where people are in chains. Why is he here? If he is here, that means he isn't anywhere else. If he isn't anywhere else, he's not in the room where people are in chains. If he isn't in the room where people are in chains, that means he escaped! I have to go tell Mistress!" Thus is the loyal hound's train of thought. It took all of eight minutes for him to process this.

And he told Malefesoi, who was RAGING with PMS and her own general irritability and the knowledge of her prisoner's escape, then ran away before he got in his Mistress' range of destruction.

Meanwhile, Tomo continued his journey to Seiryuu's castle. When he was within sight of it, he saw that the entire place was surrounded by a thick jungle of thorns and briars, which he proceeded to slash at with the Godawful Sonofabitching Bastard Sword of Unholy Demons And Other Things That Just Aren't Very Nice.

Malefesoi, who had been dealing with her PMS for sixteen years now, finally snapped.

"OH, NO YOU DON'T, YOU LITTLE HIGH BORN PISSANT BRAT! YOU AND YOUR ANNOYING LITTLE FAIRIES, INCLUDING THAT IRRITATING FLOATING DRAG QUEEN ONE, ARE GOING TO DIE SO INDESCRIBABLY HORRIBLY THAT EVERY LAST PERSON WHO EVER LAID EYES ON YOUR SORRY CARCASS WILL WEEP UNTIL THERE ARE NO TEARS LEFT IN THEIR PATHETIC WORTHLESS BODIES! AND YOU, YOU BASTARDLY LITTLE SON OF A BITCH BLEACH BLOND MAGGOT, ARE GOING TO SUFFER TWICE AS BAD A FATE AND DON'T THINK I'M GONNA SPARE YOU ANYTHING, YOU STUPID ROYAL
BRAT! I HAVE DEALT WITH SIXTEEN YEARS WORTH OF VIOLENT MOOD SWINGS, HORMONAL IMBALANCES, CRAMPS, BLOATING, HEADACHES, AND A WHOLE SHITLOAD OF OTHER THINGS THAT I AM GLADLY GOING TO TAKE OUT OF YOUR WORTHLESS HIDES!"

Seishi Interlude:

Awed silence, except for Soi, who crossed her arms and grinned.

Story:

Tomo finally sliced a decent path through the thicket, and he was about to bust in through the gate. But, before he could get close enough to even think about it, a swirling cloud of black and cranberry red came wailing through the sky, ending in a wide funnel cloud in front of the tall, iron gates.

The explosion knocked Tomo back a few yards, sending him head over heels across the pavement. When he finally righted himself, he raised his sword and took a better grip on his shield. The cloud began to take the shape of a long, lithe, HUGE dragon, black and red and spewing flames and poisonous fumes.

"Oh holy mother of shit..." Floraboshi whispered in awe. "If I had known she'd get this pissed, I'd've just let her kill Nakago."

Tomo smacked the red-robed guardian and stared at the horrifying lizard bitch from Hell that arose from the smoke. "How am I supposed to get past that thing!?"

Malefesoi-dragon laughed, which is a scary thing when you think about a dragon like that laughing, and roared, "YOU DON'T!"

She shot forth a long gout of green and black and yellow fire, laced with pungent, acrid fumes, burning the eyes, throats, and noses of everyone around. The dragon sent a line of fire straight for Tomo.

Tomo raised his shield and crouched behind it, the flames and fumes bouncing off in all directions by the Heavenly Shield of Strictly Enforced Eternal Peace, Love And Happines, OR ELSE, and he survived, unscathed.

"OKAY YOU SCALY BITCH, THAT'S HOW YOU WANNA DO IT?!" Tomo drew his arm back and chucked the Godawful...sword of...nice straight at the dragon's heart. It flew straight and true, headed flawlessly for the beast's vulnerable chest, fully prepared to gore it and kill it instantly.

Malefesoi dodged.

Seishi Interlude:

"WHAT THE HELL!?"

Nakago breathed a sigh of relief.

Soi stuck her tongue out at Tomo.

Story:

Tomo watched the blade bounce down a crevice. He debated whether or not it would matter if he were to soil himself right now.

Floraboshi, however, was just pissed. "Damn it! Damn it all to Hell! Screw this medieval weaponry sword-and-shield shit! What do you guys think?"

Meriboshi nodded. "I want that whore dead."

Faunaboshi smiled. "Let's get her."

The fairies gathered in a circle, combining their powers in a huge tricolored glowing ball of light. The dragon was temporarily blinded by the bright nimbus of energy, and shied away from it.

"Yo, Prince Tomo!" Floraboshi yelled.

The three Guardians threw something into Tomo's arms. "Consider this your dowry!"

And there, in Tomo's hands, lay a five-foot-long piece of glinting steel, complete with trigger and a sight lined up nicely across the top. "What is it?!" Tomo asked.

Faunaboshi, with a sparkling homicidal gleam in his eye, threw back his head and cried, "A NAPALM CANNON!!"

Seishi Interlude:

Amiboshi and Suboshi were standing on their chairs, urging Floraboshi and Faunaboshi on. "YEAH!! GO FLORABOSHI! GO FAUNABOSHI! FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE!!"

"Go Tomo!"

"Run, Malefesoi!"

Nakago curled into a fetal position.

Story:

Tomo located the trigger and hoisted it over one shoulder. He took a good, hard look at Malefesoi, who was still raging about being unable to see, due to the blinding light of the Guardian's combined powers of Napalm Cannon Summoning. He lined up the dragon's head in his sights and smiled serenely.

"Happy Anniversary, bitch."

He fired. A glowing red-hot burst of fire and acid and toxins shot out from the cannon, the kickback sending the disheveled prince back a few feet. The flaming projectile caught Malefesoi full in the face, burning out her eyes and down her throat, reducing the obsidian lizard into obsidian slime, which ran across the ground and down the crevice, leaving only the lower half of the dragon intact, oozing and bubbling and stinking like a marshmallow Peep microwaved, without the stench of burnt sugar.

Seishi Interlude:

"Aw, come on, I deserve a better end than that!"

The authors appeared! "You do. Malefesoi doesn't."

Tomo cheered and bounced around. "YEAH! LET'S GO! NO MORE SEISHI INTERLUDES, GET TO THE ISS SCENE! COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON!"

Nakago, still in a fetal position, whimpered.

(Aeanagwen) Don't worry about it, Tomo-chan. I'll post the last part tonight or tomorrow, depending on how much feedback this part gets.

(Tomo) PLEASE! *turns to ML* PLEASE! SEND HER FEEDBACK! I CAN'T WAIT FOR ANOTHER DAY!!

(Aeanagwen) *rolls eyes and grabs Tomo by one head-dress feather, dragging him kicking and screaming back into authorspace*