(Nakago) NOOOOOOOOO!!

(Tomo!) LUCKY!

On with the story!

Nakago, as he had been told his real name was Nakago, was celebrating with his family. They were ready to head out for the castle the next morning and were just basking in the glow until it was time to leave.

Unfortunately, Malefesoi's loyal hound came scratching and whimpering at the door, attracted by the smell. Faunaboshi, the only one who wasn't on a sugar high from the cake, got up to answer the door.

Meriboshi swallowed the last of his seventh piece and floated around the room like a drunken housefly cheering "Wheee!" as he went. Floraboshi flicked icing roses at him.

Seishi Interlude:

"Okay, that's disgusting and undignified for someone like me," Miboshi said.

The authors appeared! "As far as this fic goes, Tomo gets dignity, the rest of you get jack shit. Stop complaining. It could be a lot worse."

Nakago glared at them. "How?"

The authors laughed. "Do the words, 'Rainbow Prince' mean anything to you?"

Story:

Faunaboshi looked out and squealed, "OH LOOK IT'S A WOODLAND CREATURE! It's so CUTE! You're just a cute little puppy, yes you are! You want some cake? Who's a good boy, who's a good boy?" He went to retrieve some of the frosting from the sickeningly rich cake and held a gob of it out over the bottom half of the dutch door.

"Arf!" the hound barked.

"AWWW!!! Who wants cake, come on! Sit up! Siiiiit up, that's a good boy!" Faunaboshi handed him the frosting blob, allowing the dog to lick it from his fingers, which got his hands all slobbery. He wiped them on his robes, thinking to himself how cute that was, and cooing over how absolutely adorable the 'woodland creature' was.

It jumped up suddenly, leaning over the top of the door and looking inside. His eyes landed on Nakago, who, decked out in his new armor, was balancing the cake knife on his nose and demanding that everyone lookit. The loyal hound turned tail and hauled ass back to Malefesoi.

Floraboshi grinned drunkenly. "Who wassat?"

"Just some adorable wolf-man," Faunaboshi said.

This worked better than black coffee and a cold shower to sober up Meriboshi, who nearly fell off of the rafter he was perched on sideways as he shrieked, "WOLF-MAN?! YOU MEAN MALEFESOI'S PERVERTED LOYAL HOUND!? THAT THING VIOLATED ME!"

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago, Soi, and Tomo thought to themselves that they had been violated by worse things than Ashitare.

Story:

"YOU LET THAT THING GET AWAY!?" Floraboshi roared. "Now we're ALL screwed! Malefesoi knows where to find us now!"

Nakago was confused. "Who's Malefesoi?"

"Just a really bitchy PMS fairy we know, and she just about wants you dead," Floraboshi explained.

Meriboshi was beyond pissed. "THERE'S NO 'JUST ABOUT' ABOUT IT! She wants you dead and hacked up into tiny bite size chunks so she can serve you at a cocktail party!"

Nakago eeped.

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago turned red this time, clashing badly with his glowing blue headlight. "I. DO. NOT. EEP."

Tomo giggled. "But you're so cute when you eep!"

Soi looked at him suspiciously. "How do you know?"

Tomo grinned a big, shit-eating grin and said smugly, "Wouldn't YOU like to know?"

Story:

And so, the three Magical Winged Guardians and Nakago headed out towards Seiryuu's castle.

Whilst they traipsed through the forest to escape the PMS fairy's wrath, Seiryuu and Genbu were at Seiryuu's castle, waiting for Tomo to bring his beloved home. While they waited, they drank. A lot.

Genbu, eternal sex fiend, made a comment. "I bet your boy grew up real nice. Fairies' gifts work wonders. You've seen how my son looks!"

Seiryuu smacked him. "My son has enough problems, you sick perverted old turtle! Go fuck a snake!"

"But I did that twice today!"

"Well... well go do it again."

"Oh, lighten up. Here, have another drink! Besides, they've been promised to live happily ever after, right? Everything'll work out just fine," Genbu said cheerfully, refilling Seiryuu's glass as quickly as he drained it.

Seiryuu muttered something about one's interpretation of 'just fine' and kept drinking.

Seishi Interlude:

"At least Seiryuu's sort of sticking up for me," Nakago grumbled.

Genbu popped up again. "Screw him! He's a lousy neglectful parent and he can rot in hell! He's just trying to keep you from being happy! But don't worry, I have two minions who work hard to change that!"

The authors appeared! "Let's get one thing straight, God of Twisted Love and Weird Sex, we are minions of TOMO!"

Tomo beamed.

Story:

And so Tomo rode valiantly through the forest, listening for the nerve-wracking, nails-on-a-chalkboard noise of Brue Eyes, Brue echoing through the forest, but to no avail. He finally came upon a cottage in the middle of the trees, and he burst in through the door.

"Nakago, my love!... Man, what a dump...What happened here?"

Malefesoi appeared, accompanied by a large, hunched-over wolf man, in a cloud of red smoke. "My Kutou assassins happened!"

Rather than be an idiot and just let himself be captured, Tomo was smart and drew his sword, slashing at the assassins left and right. However, even the most wonderful of bishounen can be overpowered by sheer numbers, and, unfortunately, Tomo was. But Tomo, being the incredibly cool person that he is, was defiant the entire time and spit on Malefesoi's shoes twice. And she tried to knock him out, but Tomo would have none of that and kept dodging the staff, because he's cool that way and everyone loved him and couldn't bear to hurt--

Author Interlude:

*metallic clang*

*thump*

Aeanagwen, a large metal pipe resting over one shoulder, stared down at Celleri, who was laying on the ground with spiral eyes. "Would you knock that off?!" she yelled. "I love the guy, too, but for Suzaku's sake, he's cool, not inhuman!"

Celleri whimpered. "But--but I don't like beating up on Tomo!"

Aeanagwen grabbed the keyboard. "Never mind that! Let's just get on with things!"

Story:

As has been previously stated, Tomo was not an idiot. He did draw his sword and fight the Kutou assassins. Sadly, even the best of anime characters can be defeated (except Goku, but Goku's a loser anyway and Vegeta's much cooler (Celleri says, "AND SO IS JUUNANAGOU-SAMA-CHAN!!) ANYWAY) and Tomo was eventually pulled down. Malefesoi was a complete bitch to him, but he remained wonderfully defiant and proud until she was forced to have him incapacitated for his "insolence". And Tomo, even being dragged away unconscious, was still a damn fine SEXY BITCH!

By now, the three Magical Winged Guardians had finally brought Nakago to his castle, where he spent an hour and a half searching desperately for Prince Tomo.

The Guardians were confused by this. "I wonder where he'd be?" Floraboshi asked no one, straightening his robes.

"Hah, I bet he's out somewhere with some other guy--OW!"

"Don't you DARE say that about my Tomo-chan!" Nakago scolded.

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago bellowed through gritted teeth (a neat trick), blue headlight a' glowin. "TOMO-CHAN!?!?"

Tomo's eyes watered. "TOMO-CHAN!!!"

Story:

Faunaboshi's eyes lit up in realization. "He must have gone back to the cottage to find Nakago! Oh, that's so sweet!" he gushed.

Floraboshi grabbed him by the collar, "YOU IDIOT, ANIKI! If he goes back to the cottage MALEFESOI will smash him into a BIG GREASY BISHOUNEN STAIN ON THE SIDEWALK AND WE'RE ALL GONNA STEP IN IT if we just LET HIM go back!"

Nakago's eyes began to shimmer. "We can't let that happen! We've got to go save him!"

Floraboshi shook his head. "No, you stay here. We've worked too hard to just let you go traipsing off to where that bitch can get to you. You stay here and we'll go save Tomo."

"Well... all right. I'll go take a bath or something."

"Okay. We're going to go get some decent weapons because... because well magic wands don't inspire FEAR in people like Malefesoi!"

Seishi Interlude:

Tomo and Soi said, "Oooo."

Nakago whimpered.

Story:

Nakago headed up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he drew a nice hot bath for himself, with lots of blue bubbles and a yellow rubber ducky.

Seishi Interlude:

"WHY AM I TAKING A BUBBLE BATH?!"

"But it's so cute!" Soi pointed out.

The authors appeared! "Because we hate you!"

One of the authors thought about it and said, "Treize Kushrenada can make bubble baths manly. So can you!"

Story:

He stripped down to his skin and was about to get into the water, when he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a tall, slender frame walking past the door, followed by a long, black trail of hair.

"Tomo-chan?"

Abandoning his bath for the time being, Nakago pulled on his Sexy Silken Blue Bedrobe (TM) and ran down the hall after Tomo.

"Tomo-chan! Wait!"

Tomo stopped at a creaky wooden door at the far end of the hall. He was gloriously shirtless and looked at Nakago over his shoulder before he opened the door and disappeared up the stairs.

Nakago followed as quickly as he could, racing up the flight of stairs and hoping he didn't fall and break his neck.

Downstairs, Meriboshi suddenly froze in mid-float. "D'you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Meriboshi got VERY angry. "STUPID PUNK! WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE ARE YOU GETTING INTO NOW?!"

Having learned over the years to trust Meriboshi's hearing (apparently those fucked-up ears are good for something after all), Floraboshi and Faunaboshi followed him to the third floor.

Meanwhile Nakago had finally caught up to Tomo. "Tomo-chan, I'm so happy to see you!"

<In the dungeon of Malefesoi's castle>

"What are you gonna do to him!?" Tomo demanded around his swollen lower lip, staring at the projected images on the wall across from him.

Malefesoi laughed. "Watch."

<In Seiryuu's castle.>

"Tomo" had his back turned to Nakago. He turned around, an ornately decorated prayer wheel in his hands. "I have a... birthday present for you, Nakago. As a token of my love for you."

Nakago blushed. "It's beautiful!"

"Here. It's for you. I hope you like it."

Seishi Interlude:

All the seishi and Yui are dying of suspense, except Miboshi who is saying "Oooo, cool! Where can I get one like that?"

Story:

<In Malefesoi's castle>

Prince Tomo watched in horror as Nakago took the prayer wheel lovingly.

"NOOOOOOO!!"

<In Seiryuu's castle>

Suddenly the door burst open, and Floraboshi, Faunaboshi, and Meriboshi rushed in, screaming things like "Don't!" "Stop", and "Don't touch that, you stupid little punk!"

"Look what Tomo-chan got me for my birthday! It's such a nice prayer whe--" Nakago, as foretold, pricked his finger on the needle. "Ooo... I'm sleepy....Good night..." and slumped to the floor in a dead faint.

Floraboshi stamped his feet and slammed his fist into a wall. "THAT BITCH!"

The illusionary Tomo cackled madly before dissolving into shapeless colors.

Faunaboshi had knelt down next to Nakago and was trying desperately to revive him.

Meriboshi snapped his pudgy fingers. "Darnit," he said merrily. "I guess my gift won't work after all."

Floraboshi glared at him. "You," he growled, "had to spend sixteen years in a DRESS because of Malefesoi, and you're just going to let her GET AWAY WITH IT?!"

Faunaboshi stood up slowly, "Listen to me, you stupid little DAMN FLOATING MIDGET MONK BASTARD!" he shouted, making Meriboshi feel much akin to a certain birthday cake. "I gave up my flute for SIXTEEN YEARS for Nakago, and I am NOT going to let that all be for nothing!" Reaching up and grabbing one of Meriboshi's oversized earlobes, he stalked out of the room, dragging his fellow Magical Winged Guardian behind him.

Floraboshi grinned and threw the unconscious Nakago over one shoulder. "Way to go Aniki!" he cheered, following the two into the hall.

Seishi Interlude:

"Way to go, Aniki!" Suboshi cheered to a grinning Amiboshi.

Miboshi grumbled and ripped long rents in the curtains with the prayer wheel.

Anything you guys liked? I don't know about Celleri, but if there were any SPECIFIC lines that you loved, I'd be very grateful if you'd share.