1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three Different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic ......... and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends... you know you want to!
SMALL TOWN
You know you are from a small town if...
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what 4-H is.
3. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road
4. You used to drag "main."
5. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
6. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't-same goes with the game warden
7. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting
8. School gets canceled for state events.
9. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old they'd tell your parents anyhow).
10. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them. 11. You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
12. You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
13. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
14. You had senior skip day.
15. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
16. You don't give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).
17. The cc golf course had only 9 holes
18. You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend
19. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason
20. You think kids that ride skateboards are weird
21. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town
22. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise
23. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people"
24. The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later
25. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday
26. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store
28. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town
29. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger
30. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference
31. The city council meets at the coffee shop
32. Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday
33. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis
34. Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart
35. Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.
36. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride
37. Your teachers calls you by your older siblings names
38. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents
39. You can charge at all the local stores
40. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away
41. So is the closest mall
42. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower
43. You laugh your ass off reading this because you know they're all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town! (because you know them all!)
"You must be a Missourian if..."
1. You've never met any celebrities
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular
4. You measure distance in minutes
5. Down south to you means Arkansas
6. You know several people who have hit a deer
7. You think Kansas City is a completely different state from Missouri.
8. You know the answer to the question, "Show Me?"
9. Your school classes were canceled because of heat
10. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
11. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
12. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
13. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
14. You know 501 uses for soybeans
15. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
16. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
17. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
18. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable, unless you are in Hermann, MO.
20. You can locate Missouri on the United States map
21. Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
24. When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."
25. You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor
26. People from other states love to hear you say "Missoura" and other words with "Os" in them.
27. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun, or Six Flags.
28. You carry jumper cables, chains, a shovel, and Kitty Litter in your car
29. You know what the numbers I-70, 44 and 55 mean
30. You know what "cow tipping" is.
31. Everyone in your family has been on a "float trip."
32. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.
33. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
34. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
35. You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar." (St. Louis only)
36. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
37. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
38. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City.
39. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
40. You've ever said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
41. You know that Harry S Truman, Walt Disney, and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
42. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri (and they are!).
43. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If ...
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair" and can do the Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales " (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH " (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing " and all the Ramona books. 22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like #24, probably in neon colors, too)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do... getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes.. and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins " movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on"Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You had a pogo ball.
67. You were led to believe that in year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
68. You remember when ATARI was a state-of-the-art video game system.
69. You own any cassettes.
70. You know who Max Headroom is.
71. You could breakdance, or wish you could.
72. You wanted to be on Star Search
73. Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.
74. You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
75. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!
PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 80s or early 90s!!! ROCK ON!!!
You know if you were a teen of the 90's if....
1. You know who Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael and Donatello are.
2.You remember the Milli Vanilli scandal.
3.You religiously watched 90210, Melrose Place, and My So-Called Life.
4.You tight-rolled your jeans.
5.You wore big hoop earrings.
6.You thought bellbottoms were horrible and couldn't understand why anyone would've ever worn them.
7.You watched Dial MTV, and remember who Nelson, Slaughter, Warrant, and Winger were.
8.You knew how to do the dances called the MC Hammer, the Roger Rabbit,and the Running Man.
9.You owned a pair of K-Swiss, Keds, or Air Jordans.
10. You thought "Ice Ice Baby" was the coolest song ever, and when your parents told you Vanilla Ice would be a fad, you refused to believe them.
11. You remember when they played "I'm Proud to be an American" every 15 minutes during the Gulf War.
12. Your bangs were at least 4 inches high, and you thought it looked good.
13. A hairdryer was required to set your hair.
14. You rolled up the sleeves of your t-shirts, and tucked in the front,letting the back hang out.
15. You had any "No Fear" or "B. U.M. " clothing.
16. You wore 2 pairs of neon colored socks.
17. You wore overalls with only one side connected.
18. You had Electric Youth perfume.
19. You remember when cartoons were actually GOOD, and not scary like the Teletubbies.
20. You loved to slow dance to Power Ballads.
21.You had a "slap bracelet".
22. You wore your sweatpants pulled up to your knees.
23. You had a black Debbie Gibson hat.
24. You wanted to be just like Paula Abdul.
25.You know the words to "The Humpty Dance".
26. You owned the Bell Biv DeVoe TAPE.
27. You said, "SIKE!" or "WAY!"
28. You saw "Wayne's World" at least 2 times at the theater.
29. You loved the New Kids (and Joey or Jordan was probably your favorite.)
30.You wore jeans pulled up to your navel.
31. All of your clothes were "baggy".
32. You owned a pair of biker shorts.
33.You wore "water shoes" into the pool.
34.You had a boom box, or your stereo was a weird color like pink.
35. You bought tapes instead of CDs. 36.You never missed "Fresh Prince".
37. You or someone you knew wore "Cross-Colors" clothing.
38.You remember when TLC weren't divas, and they dressed like they were in the circus.
39.You thought "I'm Too Sexy" was such a cool song.
40.C & C Music Factory was playing.
41. You remember when Mark Wahlberg was part of "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch".
42.You owned a silk shirt, which you tucked into your jeans.
43. You had jeans in various colors, like green, brown, black. ..
44. You had a "Button Your Fly" t-shirt.
45. You had a Ren and Stimpy or Bart Simpson t-shirt.
46. You thought long-haired heavy metal bands would never go out of style.
47. You were addicted to Nintendo.
48. There were multiple rubber bands on your pony tail.
49. You gave the "peace" sign all the time.
50. You loved Beavis and Butthead.
51. If you were a guy, you had your hair shave underneath and you parted it down the middle.
52. You or your sister owned a banana barrette and a T-clip.
53. You were a punk rocker for Halloween at least once.
54. You owned a shirt that was half see through (including the sleeves).
55. You had to have a pair of Z Cavariccis' or Girbaud's.
56. You wore Zodiacks. We didn't choose to be part of an era so lame, but we all went through it. Send this to all your friends who worshipped MC Hammer just like you.
Each year, Beloit College reminds faculty of the fact that freshmen "ain't what they used to be". This year, freshman also officially became "my kid" so I will never be able to look at them the same again. Here is this year's Beloit reminder of who our freshmen are:
1.Most students entering college this fall in the Class of 2004 were born in 1982.
2.Grace Kelly, Elvis Presley, Karen Carpenter, and the E.R.A. have always been dead.
3.Kurt Cobain's death was the "day the music died."
4.Somebody named George Bush has been on every national ticket, except one, since they were born.
5.The Kennedy tragedy was a plane crash, not an assassination.
6.Huckleberry Finn has always been a "banned book."
7.A "45" is a gun, not a record with a large hole in the center.
8.They have no clue what the Beach Boys were talking about when they sang about a 409, and the Little Deuce Coupe.
9.They have probably never lost anything in shag carpeting.
10.M*A*S*H and The Muppet Show have always been in reruns.
11.Punk rock is an activist movement, not a musical form.
12.They have always bought telephones, rather than renting them from AT&T.
13.The year they were born, the death toll from AIDS was in the hundreds; finding a cure for the new disease was designated a "top priority" for government-sponsored research
14.We have always been able to reproduce DNA in the laboratory.
15.Wars begin and end quickly; peacekeeping missions go on forever.
16.There have always been automated teller machines.
17.The president has always addressed the nation on the radio on Saturday.
18.We have always been able to receive television signals by direct-broadcast satellite.
19.Cities have always been trying to ban the possession and sale of handguns.
20.Watergate is as relevant to their lives as the Teapot Dome scandal.
21.They have no idea that a "presidential scandal" once meant nothing more than Ronald Reagan taking President Jimmy Carter's briefing book in "Debategate."
22.They have never referred to Russia and China as "the Reds."
23.Toyotas and Hondas have always been made in the United States.
24.There has always been a national holiday honoring Martin Luther King Jr.
25.Three Mile Island is ancient history, and nuclear accidents happen in other countries.
26.Around-the-clock coverage of Congress and public affairs, weather reports, and rock videos have always been available on cable.
27.Senator Phil Gramm has always been a Republican.
28.Women sailors have always been stationed on U.S. Navy ships.
29.The year they were born, The New York Times announced that the "boom in video games," a fad, had come to an end.
30.Congress has been questioning computer intrusion into individuals' personal lives since they were born.
31.Bear Bryant has never coached at Alabama.
32.They have always been able to afford Calvin Klein.
33.Coors beer has always been sold east of the Mississippi, eliminating the need for Burt Reynolds to outrun the authorities in the Smokey and the Bandit films.
34.They were born the same year that Ebony and Ivory lived in perfect harmony.
35.The year they were born, Dustin Hoffman wore a dress and Julie Andrews wore a tuxedo.
36.Elton John has only been heard on easy-listening stations.
37.Woodstock is a bird or a reunion, not a cultural touchstone.
38.They have never heard a phone "ring."
39.They never dressed up for a plane flight.
40.Hurricanes have always had men's and women's names.
41.Lawn darts have always been illegal.
42."Coming out" parties celebrate more than debutantes.
43.They only know Madonna singing American Pie.
44.They neither know who Billy Joe was, nor wondered what he was doing on the Tallahatchie Bridge.
45.They never thought of Jane Fonda as "Hanoi Jane," nor associated her with any revolution other than the "Fitness Revolution" videotape they may have found in the attic.
46.The Osmonds are talk-show hosts.
47.They have never used a bottle of White Out.
48.If they vaguely remember the night the Berlin Wall fell, they are probably not sure why it was up in the first place.
49."Spam" and "cookies" are not necessarily foods.
50.They feel more danger from having sex and being in school, than from possible nuclear war.
"You Know You're from Nebraska If ..."
1. During a storm, you check the cattle before you check the kids.
2. You are related to more than half the town.
3. You can tell the difference between a cow and a horse from a distance.
4. You don�t put too much effort into hairstyles, due to the weather.
5. Your quarterback is hurt and you are hoping it is the first thing on the six o�clock news.
6. You use your life savings to go to the Nebraska-Colorado game.
7. You can wear red and white overalls in public and not feel stupid.
8. There�s a tornado warning and whole town is outside watching for the tornado.
9. The local gas station sells live bait.
10. You think Abraham Lincoln was named for the capital of Nebraska.
11. You know the Woodmen Tower is not made of wood.
12. You don�t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
13. You know you cannot tube �upstream.�
14. You go to the State Fair for you ONLY vacation.
15. You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go to the coffee shop.
16. You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
17. When little smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
18. You go the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
19. You have the number to the Co-op feed store on speed dial.
20. You know what the �sea of red & white� is.
21. All your radio preset buttons are country-western stations.
22. You try to find the cheapest motel room while going out of town.
23. You think that using the elevator involves a corn truck.
24. Your mayor is also the doctor, barber, and/or dentist.
25. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
26. You are walking knee deep in snow.
27. You call the wrong number by mistake and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
28. Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
29. You know cow pies are not made of beef.
30. Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle, and Tom Osborne.
31. You wake up when it�s dark, and go to bed when it�s still light.
32. You consider a romantic evening to include driving through McDonalds and renting a hunting instruction video.
33. You want to buy manure.
34. You listen to Paul Harvey every day at noon.
35. You can tell it�s really a farmer working late in his field, and not a UFO.
36. Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
37. You leave your snow tires on year-round.
38. You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
39. You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.
40. Football schedules are checked before wedding dates are set.
41. You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in less than 20 seconds.
42. You don�t clean up the dog�s mess because it�s just fertilizer.
43. You wear your irrigation boots to church.
44. You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays (before the Sunday drivers come out)
45. It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it�s clear across town.
46. You can tell the smell of a skunk and smell of a feedlot apart.
47. True love means you�ll ride on a tractor with him.
48. You consider a building to be a �mall� if it is bigger than the local Alco.
