Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller. In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted."
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STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
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Asshole.
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Bitch.
Male Language Patterns
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."*** "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."*** "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."*** "It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."*** "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"*** "It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."*** "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."*** "We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."*** "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."*** "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, �Are you still talking?"*** "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."*** "You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."*** "It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."*** "You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."*** "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."*** "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."*** "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."*** "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."*** "What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"*** "She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."*** "I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."*** "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."*** "I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."*** "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."*** "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."*** "This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck."*** "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."*** "I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."***
What is a Cat?******1. Cats do what they want.*** 2. They rarely listen to you.***3. They're totally unpredictable.***4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.***5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.**6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.***7. They're moody.****8. They leave hair everywhere. ***CONCLUSION:**They're tiny women in little fur coats. *******What is a Dog?******1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of**furniture in the house.***2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't**hear you when you're in the same room.***3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.***4. They growl when they are not happy.***5. When you want to play, they want to play.***6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.***7. They leave their toys everywhere.***8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you**a kiss.***9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. **** CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats. The best way to beat one is NOT to get one, so we'll deal with that first.
His ATM experience: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Drive away. Her ATM experience: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Back up and pull forward trying to get closer 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse. 5. Hunt for card in purse 6. Get out of car because you're too far from machine. 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it. 9. Enter PIN 10. Study instructions on screen. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Reenter PIN number correctly 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car. 22. Check makeup in mirror 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup in mirror 26. Start pulling away 27. Stop 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car. 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car. 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook. 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook. 36. Check makeup in mirror. 37. Put car in reverse. 38. Put car in drive. 39. Drive away from machine. 40. Drive 3 miles. 41. Release parking brake.
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!
ALL ARE WELCOME OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS-DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. �Desperate
Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3. Also, running Nagging 5.3 too often can sometimes cause Husband 1.0 to secretly install Mistress 1.0,which would then require you to run Private Investigator 7.5 utility and possibly even Attorney 9.0, which could lead to a system wide failure and the need to reboot Husband 1.0! Everybody clear on this now?
--Tech support.
Subject: RULES GUYS WISHED WOMAN KNEW
1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2.. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
3.. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4.. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
5.. Get rid of your cat.
6.. Sunday = Sports.
7.. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8.. You have enough clothes.
9.. You have too many shoes.
10.. Crying is blackmail.
11.. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
12.. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13.. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14.. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
15.. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16.. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17.. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18.. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19.. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20.. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21.. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
22.. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done... not both.
23.. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
24.. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
25.. Nothing says "I love you" like sex in the morning.
MEN FIGHT BACK How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the stove! Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure. Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're gonna want to shoot it. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in. All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... Wedding cake. Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffe-ring. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her." Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Men vs Women
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. *** A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.*** To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. *** Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die. *** Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. *** A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman hoping that she won't change but she does.*** A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
IT MUST BE GREAT TO BE A MAN
(IT IS, IT DEFINITELY IS)
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat�s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too icky.
Same work .... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress, $5,000; Tux Rental, $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
You can get into a fight with a friend, the next day arrives, what fight?
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 30 minutes.
By ANASTASIA TOUFEXIS--With reporting by Hannah Bloch/New York and Sally B.
Donnelly/Los Angeles O.K., let's cut out all this nonsense about romantic love. Let's bringsome scientific precision to the party. Let's put love under a microscope.
When rigorous people with Ph.D.s after their names do that, what they see is not some silly, senseless thing. No, their probe reveals that love rests firmly on the foundations of evolution, biology and chemistry. What seems on the surface to be irrational, intoxicated behavior is in fact part of nature's master strategy--a vital force that has helped humans survive, thrive and multiply through thousands of years. Says Michael Mills, a psychology professor at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles: "Love is our ancestors whispering in our ears."
It was on the plains of Africa about 4 million years ago, in the early days of the human species, that the notion of romantic love probably first began to blossom--or at least that the first cascades of neuro chemicals began flowing from the brain to the bloodstream to produce goofy grins and sweaty palms as men and women gazed deeply into each other's eyes. When mankind graduated from scuttling around on all fours to walking on two legs, this change made the whole person visible to fellow human beings for the first time. Sexual organs were in full display, as were other characteristics, from the color of eyes to the span of shoulders. As never before, each individual had a unique allure.
When the sparks flew, new ways of making love enabled sex to become a romantic encounter, not just a reproductive act. Although mounting mates from the rear was, and still is, the method favored among most animals, humans began to enjoy face-to-face couplings; both looks and personal attraction became a much greater part of the equation.
Romance served the evolutionary purpose of pulling males and females into long-term partnership, which was essential to child rearing. On open grasslands, one parent would have a hard--and dangerous--time handling a child while foraging for food. "If a woman was carrying the equivalent of a 20-lb. bowling ball in one arm and a pile of sticks in the other, it was ecologically critical to pair up with a mate to rear the young," explains anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love.
While Western culture holds fast to the idea that true love flames forever (the movie Bram Stoker's Dracula has the Count carrying the torch beyond the grave), nature apparently meant passions to sputter out in something like four years. Primitive pairs stayed together just "long enough to rear one child through infancy," says Fisher. Then each would find a new partner and start all over again.
What Fisher calls the "four-year itch" shows up unmistakably in today's divorce statistics. In most of the 62 cultures she has studied, divorce rates peak around the fourth year of marriage. Additional youngsters help keep pairs together longer. If, say, a couple have another child three years after the first, as often occurs, then their union can be expected to last about four more years. That makes them ripe for the more familiar phenomenon portrayed in the Marilyn Monroe classic The Seven-Year Itch.
If, in nature's design, romantic love is not eternal, neither is it exclusive. Less than 5% of mammals form rigorously faithful pairs. From the earliest days, contends Fisher, the human pattern has been "monogamy with clandestine adultery." Occasional flings upped the chances that new combinations of genes would be passed on to the next generation. Men who sought new partners had more children. Contrary to common assumptions, women were just as likely to stray. "As long as prehistoric females were secretive about their extramarital affairs," argues Fisher, "they could garner extra resources, life insurance, better genes and more varied DNA for their biological futures. Hence those who sneaked into the bushes with secret lovers lived on--unconsciously passing on through the centuries whatever it is in the female spirit that motivates modern women to philander."
Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological--or, shall we say, chemical?--process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. -- Greta Garbo to Melvyn Douglas in Ninotchka
Lovers often claim that they feel as if they are being swept away. They're not mistaken; they are literally flooded by chemicals, research suggests. A meeting of eyes, a touch of hands or a whiff of scent sets off a flood that starts in the brain and races along the nerves and through the blood. The results are familiar: flushed skin, sweaty palms, heavy breathing. If love looks suspiciously like stress, the reason is simple: the chemical pathways are identical.
Above all, there is the sheer euphoria of falling in love--a not-so-surprising reaction, considering that many of the substances swamping the newly smitten are chemical cousins of amphetamines. They include dopamine, norepinephrine and especially phenylethylamine (PEA). Cole Porter knew what he was talking about when he wrote "I get a kick out of you." "Love is a natural high," observes Anthony Walsh, author of The Science of Love: Understanding Love and Its Effects on Mind and Body. "PEA gives you that silly smile that you flash at strangers. When we meet someone who is attractive to us, the whistle blows at the PEA factory."
But phenylethylamine highs don't last forever, a fact that lends support to arguments that passionate romantic love is short-lived. As with any amphetamine, the body builds up a tolerance to PEA; thus it takes more and more of the substance to produce love's special kick. After two to three years, the body simply can't crank up the needed amount of PEA. And chewing on chocolate doesn't help, despite popular belief. The candy is high in PEA, but it fails to boost the body's supply.
Fizzling chemicals spell the end of delirious passion; for many people that marks the end of the liaison as well. It is particularly true for those whom Dr. Michael Liebowitz of the New York State Psychiatric Institute terms "attraction junkies." They crave the intoxication of falling in love so much that they move frantically from affair to affair just as soon as the first rush of infatuation fades.
Still, many romances clearly endure beyond the first years. What accounts for that? Another set of chemicals, of course. The continued presence of a partner gradually steps up production in the brain of endorphins. Unlike the fizzy amphetamines, these are soothing substances. Natural pain-killers, they give lovers a sense of security, peace and calm. "That is one reason why it feels so horrible when we're abandoned or a lover dies," notes Fisher. "We don't have our daily hit of narcotics."
Researchers see a contrast between the heated infatuation induced by PEA, along with other amphetamine-like chemicals, and the more intimate attachment fostered and prolonged by endorphins. "Early love is when you love the way the other person makes you feel," explains psychiatrist Mark Goulston of the University of California, Los Angeles. "Mature love is when you love the person as he or she is." It is the difference between passionate and compassionate love, observes Walsh, a psychobiologist at Boise State University in Idaho. "It's Bon Jovi vs. Beethoven."
Oxytocin is another chemical that has recently been implicated in love. Produced by the brain, it sensitizes nerves and stimulates muscle contraction. In women it helps uterine contractions during childbirth as well as production of breast milk, and seems to inspire mothers to nuzzle their infants. Scientists speculate that oxytocin might encourage similar cuddling between adult women and men. The versatile chemical may also enhance orgasms. In one study of men, oxytocin increased to three to five times its normal level during climax, and it may soar even higher in women.
One mystery is the prevalence of homosexual love. Although it would seem to have no evolutionary purpose, since no children are produced, there is no denying that gays and lesbians can be as romantic as anyone else. Some researchers speculate that homosexuality results from a biochemical anomaly that occurs during fetal development. But that doesn't make romance among gays any less real. "That they direct this love toward their own sex," says Walsh, "does not diminish the value of that love one iota."
A certain smile, a certain face -- Johnny Mathis
Chemicals may help explain (at least to scientists) the feelings of passion and compassion, but why do people tend to fall in love with one partner rather than a myriad of others? Once again, it's partly a function of evolution and biology. "Men are looking for maximal fertility in a mate," says Loyola Marymount's Mills. "That is in large part why females in the prime childbearing ages of 17 to 28 are so desirable." Men can size up youth and vitality in a glance, and studies indeed show that men fall in love quite rapidly. Women tumble more slowly, to a large degree because their requirements are more complex; they need more time to check the guy out. "Age is not vital," notes Mills, "but the ability to provide security, father children, share resources and hold a high status in society are all key factors."
Still, that does not explain why the way Mary walks and laughs makes Bill dizzy with desire while Marcia's gait and giggle leave him cold. "Nature has wired us for one special person," suggests Walsh, romantically. He rejects the idea that a woman or a man can be in love with two people at the same time. Each person carries in his or her mind a unique subliminal guide to the ideal partner, a "love map," to borrow a term coined by sexologist John Money of Johns Hopkins University.
Drawn from the people and experiences of childhood, the map is a record of whatever we found enticing and exciting--or disturbing and disgusting. Small feet, curly hair. The way our mothers patted our head or how our fathers told a joke. A fireman's uniform, a doctor's stethoscope. All the information gathered while growing up is imprinted in the brain's circuitry by adolescence. Partners never meet each and every requirement, but a sufficient number of matches can light up the wires and signal, "It's love." Not every partner will be like the last one, since lovers may have different combinations of the characteristics favored by the map.
O.K., that's the scientific point of view. Satisfied? Probably not. To most people--with or without Ph.D.s--love will always be more than the sum of its natural parts. It's a commingling of body and soul, reality and imagination, poetry and phenylethylamine. In our deepest hearts, most of us harbor the hope that love will never fully yield up its secrets, that it will always elude our grasp.
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