A little girl was SO proud of her birthday presents, her first watch and her first perfume. She really made a pest of herself throughout the morning, going up to all the relatives and sticking that watch in their ear and insisting that they smell her perfume.

The preacher was coming for lunch, but before his arrival, the girl's mother had said, "If you mention that watch or that perfume just once more, I'm going to send you to your room for the rest of the day."

The meal went rather well, and the little girl held her tongue until just when the desert was being served. She wanted to make sure that the preacher, too, knew about her new watch and her perfume: "If you hear anything or smell anything ... it's me!" 

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

A man's off road vehicle breaks down in the middle of the Mojave desert. It's the middle of summer and the area is not named "Death Valley" for nothing, so he decides to hike out. By the time he finally reaches even a dirt road, he is on his last legs and dying of thirst.

Up ahead he spots a roadside stand and a shack. He gets to his feet and stumbles up to the stand.

"Water!" he croaks.

Morris, the owner of the stand smiles. "Hey, I don't sell water. My brother Sam, he sells cold bottled water in the shack next door. I sell ties at this stand......Wanna buy a tie?"

"NO, I need water," the dying man says. So he drags himself over to the door of Sam's shack, hauls himself up on his feet, and starts to walk in, when Sam, the shack owner, stops him.

"Sorry, you can't get in without a tie!"