Living with Hayley
This is what I go through...everyday...
Seen Ocean's 11
Cleaned my room
Straightened my desk
Bought myself a new pair of AE shoes and Abercrombie pants for only 30 dollars
Eaten two candy bars, with three more to go
Finished all my Christmas shopping
Watched 'Se7en' on my computer
Talked to my roommate endlessly
Harrassed people on IM
And done everything else imaginable but study, including the animation below...
.....Spectacular
So we've been getting yelled at for not updating our page. As sorry as we are, we would like everyone to know we ARE in college and we DO have things to do. I mean, which really is more important, updating this thing, or getting drunk almost every night? We thought you'd see it our way. Also, I've taken the liberty of creating my own personal little page for pictures of my people from back home. Unfortunately, I only have a digital camera, not a scanner, so it might be a while before all of them get put up. Don't worry though, they'll all be up eventually, whether I like you or not ;) Kidding of course, I love and miss everyone from back home, Click Here
So it's 1:30 and Hayley and I went down to the vending machines to get drinks and candy. While she was getting her drink, I was pressing random candy bar buttons and got two candy bars. I left them in there, and asked Hayley to get them when she got hers because my hands were full with insurmountable quantities of change. Well she decides to get a 3 Musketeers Bar while I'm getting a soda. She pushes the buttons and watches it fall. Only when she goes to get the three out, there's only two. Her 3 Musketeers Bar is missing. We don't know where it went. We searched everywhere, we mean everywhere. We searched so well that the vending machine probably feels molested right now. So yeah, we don't know where it went. It's gone. And that's not the worst part. The worst part is this story is actually true. My roommate was actually able to lose a candy bar within a vending machines. Next she's gonna be blaming it on little gnomes again...
It's amazing how much gets done the week of finals. For example, I have successfully done the following in the past 24 hours:
We went to the beach this weekend! We left Friday morning, got there around 3 in the morning and slept about 4 hours the whole weekend. We saw the sunrises and sets, well, I'm the only one out of the four who actually SAW the sunrise, the full moon reflecting off the ocean and the Boardwalk of Lights. It was so much fun, we had a 10th floor oceanfront room with a balcony, it couldn't have been better.
Yeah so we went to court today. And evil naked peeing guy got off so easy. 12 month suspension, keeping 3 charges open for a year, 100 hours community service, and restitution for what he destroyed. Basically, nothing happened to him, this is so not fair, the entire court was surprised, we're suing him...
So the ride home involved Hayley's brother Blake squeaking and dancing to his music while grunting to the bass and farting, and Hayley almost murdering her fish, Chicken, by kicking him out of the car and his tank onto the hard asphalt of a McDonald's parking lot. Then the way home involved Mary getting sick in the car, us moving 3 miles in 30 minutes, and me running around on the interstate to switch seats with Mary, and us getting lost trying to find KFC.....and these are the people I'm going to be riding with in a car for eight hours on our way to the Gator Bowl in December, good lord somebody save me, we're not going to make it without some sort of wordly catastrophe occurring...just be warned, when the world is overtaken flying popcorn chicken, we probably had something to do with it...
So I'm still sick, taking NyQuil through IV now, no longer can breathe through my nose, and am spending hours on end trying to finish architecture sketches...and does anyone bring me soup? No, of course not, they bring Bud Light and Smirnoff's, what a way to get rid of the flu, just kill as many brain cells as possible so you're too stupid to realize you're sick and dying...wonderful...
Don't get sick when Hayley's your roommate, ever. She laughs at my nasality problems and tells me the room smells like snot. Far be it for her to be nice for a change when I'm balled up on the bed downing an entire bottle of NyQuil. But no, she's gotta laugh at every pitiful thing I do and say while I'm over here striving to overcome pneumonia, anthrax, and the flu all at once...spectacular...
So when it's four in the morning and you wake up to your throat swollen larger than a basketball and you've lost the ability to swallow and all you can do is stay awake tired and in pain with four hours of sleep behind you, you really really really really really want to kick your roommate and wake her ass up. Not because any of it is her fault, however, but she is your roommate and she should share your pain. Unfortunately, if I do wake her up, I'll probably end up being in more pain than I am now. Damn getting sick at four in the morning the day you have eight and a half hours of class...
We survived our road trip, despite listening to God-awful amounts of country music...Hayley kept attacking me for the country cd she made until I told her I put it down my pants, what else was I supposed to do? Anyway, on the way back we had fourteen truckers honk at us, possibly because we're the sexiest college girls ever. What do you think? I think we are.
So yeah I was gonna just let Hayley have the bottom bunk next semester because I'm a nice roommate, but you know, because she's mean to me and thinks it's funny to document everything about me on video and exploit it, yeah, I'm not thinking it's gonna happen. Oh well, sucks for her...Just wait til I document her with her daily face mask on, and exploit that on the web, we'll see how happy she gets...
So Hayley did my makeup for the pictures we took today. I have to give her credit that I didn't look like a whore like I did when we went to a frat a while ago. And she didn't poke me in the eye nearly as much as last time either. Yay for Hayley improving her hand-eye coordination skills!
I don't snore. Hayley's just bitter that I know her fish masterbates. I think I'm regretting showing Hayley how to edit and upload her own little webpage...That's ok though, I accidentally kicked her this morning getting out of bed and woke her up, and now, well, she deserved it. ;)
Hayley's obsessed with people signing our guestbook. It's creepy, she's even resorted to IM'ing people she doesn't even know and threatening to come after them with a knife if they don't sign. Oh wait, that's me...only I do it for no reason other than amusement...still, sign our guestbook, if Hayley's happy, then she won't bitch to me...
So the Head RA came to our hall last night. Apparently our dry erase board on our door was 'innappropriate' material and had to be removed. Excuse me, but we're in college, there's no such thing as 'innappropriate' material. If anything, college students themselves are innappropriate. People have sex in the showers here, I don't think a masterbating fish is causing any discomfort...
Apparently, Hayley loves Japanese people. Maybe it was lack of sleep, maybe it was the drugs I've been slipping her while she isn't looking kicking in. (Different from the ones I've been slipping her while she is looking) Or maybe it's one of those things that we'll never know the answers to. Like why campus mail takes a two week grace period from the day they recieve your letter to the day they actually put it in your mailbox...and then when they do deliver it, it ends up in your brother's mailbox who lives across campus from you...damn Tech postal service...
So Hayley's fish jacks off. That's why his water is so cloudy, it's the fish semen. He's gonna work his little fish fin so hard it's going to weigh his body down. He'll be swimming sideways before we know it. Maybe Hayley should get him some little fish porn magazines, I'm not comfortable with him jacking off looking at us...Here's our door board, haha, chicken jacks off...
So have you ever been into the girl's bathroom right before everyone leaves for this big party. Everyone has to shower. And for some reason, everyone forgets how to use the shower curtain. I walk in there and it looks like there's been a flood. Not even my three inch heels could save my ankles from drowning. I swear I saw Flipper, he now lives in our bathroom. He's starting a family. And I don't want to be seeing dolphins mating up in our bathroom while I'm showering. I'm thinking of moving Hayley's fish, Chicken, in, he'd probably get more action then he's getting with just him and his fin. So yeah, anyone wanna study oceanography? Check out our bathroom floor, it's a fucking ecosystem...
So we're sitting in the dorms giving out candy to the little trick-or-treaters. Now, half these degenerates didn't have a costume! I'm sorry, no costume, no candy. And a pair of jeans and a VT sweatshirt with a skull mask does not constitute a costume. Don't these kids not own anything black? Can't you make us think you made some sort of attempt at the spirit of Halloween? When I was a kid, we dressed up, none of this, 'I'm dressed like a Virginia Tech fan' bull shit...
Hayley likes to stick those big shiny Virginia Tech stickers all over the wall. Not only that, she sticks them all over my stuff. She better watch it, or Chicken's gonna be stuck to the wall under one of those things...
