Yaani people are real vegetables. NO MORE MAIL asking for past issues! For the last time: Past issues of Thinker's Room can be found HERE!!! And reading any further means that you agree to the DISCLAIMER

March 23: Impala Floodlit Tournament finals!
March 25: Some poor sap with very energetic and practical friends is going to have a birthday. He had better have a change of clothes and antiseptic soap on him. Step up Njoro!
March 29: Will be Good Friday in more ways than one! It is also payday!
April 1: My nearest and dearest had better beware! My plans for my April 1 are complete! :-)

Fun and games at a UNIVERSITY RIOT!
There are SOME DAYS...
A KUMI KIMI Guide for the novices. A MUST read!
A POEM for someone special!
DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues raised by her worse half!
DEAREST JANE: A man addresses issues such as crossing rivers for his beloved...
FAVOURITE MOVIES Some notable personalities share their favourite flicks
PRESS RELEASE FROM THE AFGHANISTANI BROADCASTING CORPORATION The proprietor of Afghanistan's first TV studio shares his visions
DEDICATIONS: Music is the language of the heart -- touching messages to loved and not so loved ones

EXPOSE

After a few years of underover work I have finally reached the conclusion of my investigations and I am most keen to share the results with you my friends, Romans and countrymen.

It would seem that for some time now a product called IQ Free has been sold and used under the counter to disastrous effects on our society, more far reaching than drug or alcohol abuse. What it does is render the user to a state close to being a moron. For all you know, some of your nearest and dearest may be abusing this substance that simply reduces your IQ by a half every time you take it, and some people are heavy abusers.

IQ FREE

Despite my best efforts I have been unable to get my hands on some of the substance but I think that it is distributed by a network of users and abusers who distribute it only to known individuals. However I am still attempting to get hold of some of it.

SYMPTOMS TO WATCH FOR

TOP OF THE LIST:
ABUSER: All <tribe-name> are <characteristic>
ABUSER2: All <tribe-name> people should unite and choose their son to contend for presidency!

ABUSER(To me): Oh! You've come? (Nah dude, I am sitting impatiently in my car in the traffic some kilometers from here.)

ABUSER(To my soaked person, to the background sound of drumming rainfall): My! Have you been rained on? (Nah dude. Just took a shower and discovered I forgot to take my suit off!)

ABUSER: Half of you go left, half of you go to the right. The rest of you follow me! (Words cannot express!)

ABUSER(To me at 3 in the morning over the telephone): Hello? Hello? GUESS WHO!!! (Guess who? A jackass of the highest order!)

ABUSER(To a pair of workers): What? Are you sharing instruments?
REPLY 1: One of us forgot our tools in the workshop.
ABUSER: Whose tools are those then?
REPLY 2: Mine sir.
ABUSER: Right. Then who left his tools? (Ahem!!)

ABUSER: Say, do you have any brothers or sisters?
ME: We are four children in the family. All are boys.
ABUSER: Any sisters? (Well...)

ABUSER: Wee! Waiter! Nyama mbili na meat moja! (Not the sharpest tool in the chest are you?)

ABUSER: Na kutoka leo...<whatever follows is immaterial> (Dude, whenever you start saying this all of us in our right minds should switch off our TVs and radios and find other things to do like weeding a soccer pitch with nail clippers)

And last but not least,

ABUSER: All kiosks in Mombasa should be demolished to make it look better (It would look a darn sight better if you moved to another city your cabbageness!!!!)

And there is this boy from Bangalore who despite his loving parent's best efforts refuses to finish his dinner or indeed any other meal. His name is now Baki Shah!

Finally summoned the energy to start work on those articles that I have been promising and have already done two or three. Watch this space!
Postpone the idea of the essays at least for the first few months. I shall get to them in good time
Write lots more of those articles that everyone is harassing me to write.
Change the entire layout of the page

Otherwise everything will pretty much me the same ;-)

I have a constitutional right to give My own shout-outs to whoever I please!

Doreen: Is intelligence acquired or inherited? And if it is, does it skip generations?
Beatrice: Very funny, very funny indeed!
Aida: Where on earth have you got to then?
George: Continuing doggedly to be a first class jackass. Dude, don't you get tired of doing it??
Laura: Now you, I have no words for you. But I can take a hint!
Anissa: Singing to me is a sure way of getting me to sell BOTH my kidneys!
Jozie: We have taken the maiden from the village. Can we take the village out of the maiden?
That jackass trying to sell me mailing lists: I shall make sure I subscribe you to as many mailing lists that I can find!
Jimmy: You, sir, are the don of dons!
RIP: What's cooking man?!!
Judy: Time's A wasting!
Cherie: Silence is not always golden!
Byran: Am open to suggestions
Geff: How did it go? Did you go all out then??!