EULOGIES should me more along these lines....
THE GIRLS PLAY BALL
INTELLIGENCE is not as common as you think!
Fun and games at a UNIVERSITY RIOT!
There are SOME DAYS...
A KUMI KUMI Guide for the novices. A MUST read!
A POEM for someone special!
DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues raised by her worse half!
DEAREST JANE: A man addresses issues such as crossing rivers for his beloved...
FAVOURITE MOVIES Some notable personalities share their favourite flicks
PRESS RELEASE FROM THE AFGHANISTANI BROADCASTING CORPORATION The proprietor of Afghanistan's first TV studio shares his visions
DEDICATIONS: Music is the language of the heart -- touching messages to loved and not so loved ones

Can't really say that it was a normal weekend, particularly my Friday. Why, you ask? Well, that was the day when passing through town I ran into some four large gentlemen who wasted no time in informing me that they were in a very charitable frame of mind and were going to relieve me of my shoes, bag, phone, wallet and gold teeth (if I had any!)

The went on to display a fascinating array of the latest weaponry, including very large knives and very large fists. I can tell you that I was not willing to surrender my shoes, bag, phone and wallet. I was also unwilling to find out just how sharp the knives were, or how hard the fists were. What followed was intense negotiations that even impressed those gentlemen. Koffi Annan himself could have learnt from me. At the end of it all I ended up giving the gentlemen a hundred bob apiece and departed with their blessings and good will. Possession of shoes, bag, phone and wallet did not change.

Gidi Gidi Maji Maji found out that they were very much Bwogable. It would seem that a Ting Badi Malo Haree session converted into a brawl over an Atoti. The phrase Cheki Mona Lisa came to the mind of one of Gidi Gidi's friends and he tried to Fanya Mambo. Unfortunately there was Moto and rivals decided that Ni Wakati and proceeded to Teremka. The Manzi Wa Nairobi's net effect was that of men were yelling Niokoe! and others yelling 'Leo ni Leo'. It would seem that Pesa Pombe Siasa Na Wanawake indeed Zitafanya wanaume wauane! They tried Running From The Cops to no avail.

BUSH: I understand that you've got some sort of weapons thingy running.
KIM: That's right Georgie Porgie. And it's not a weapons thingy. I am restarting my nuclear weapons program. The sites are now live and we are thinking of using Grade A Plutonium in our site A and Grade C in our site B. What do you think?
BUSH: I'm not happy about that. Let's have a chat about this....
KIM: Tours are ten dollars per head. We accept money orders, cash, cheque, Master Card and Visa.

BUSH: You have weapons of mass destruction.
SADDAM: Tell me, is the uttering of that statement some genetic disorder? Your old man also used to harp quite a bit about it!
BUSH: You have weapons of mass destruction.
SADDAM: No I most certainly do not!
BUSH: You have weapons of mass destruction.
SADDAM: (Sotto voice) If I did I jolly well know where I'd stick them! Ahem. Well, if it makes you happy come on down and take a look.
BUSH: You have weapons of mass destruction.
SADDAM: &^%^@%^^^@$#@#@#@#~!!!!!

The moral of the story? The US is a net exporter of technology, literature, HYPOCRICY and BULLSHIT!

A variety of descriptions have been used to describe me by both friend and foe. I'd list the more flattering ones here but there would be global outrage and accusations of boosting myself to the skies. However, an interesting description joined the ranks. This weekend I was told that I am a collection of impossible contradictions. This innocuous statement was arrived at as it was established I have equal enjoyment of Bach, Beethoven, Busta Rhymes, Bone Thugs, Brian Mc Knight, Brandy, Bare Naked Ladies, Bryan Adams, Bee Gees,Ben E King Buju Banton and Beenie Man.

As is usually the case when I attempted to discover what sentiments were behind the raising of such a statement, my attempts were roundly unsuccessful. And again as is usually the case I did not attempt to defend myself.

Being versatile, I have found, makes for a very fascinating and enjoyable life.

"When I read about the dangers of smoking I gave up reading"

Some new additions to the links page. Am open to suggestions!
The Journal is back up and running. What have I been up to?
Read Issue 48: One man guitars and of fools and riots

February 2: Jimmy is a year older. Donno about the wiser part ;-)
February 8: Bert's Birthday.
February 13: Listen to people whining about the commercialization of Valentine's Day while the ones with dates whine about the cost
February 14: While some people will be meeting the loves of their lives, others will be meeting their Waterloos. The fact that it falls on a Friday is scary stuff
February 15: The Gunners wipe the floor with Manchester United. OXYGEN!!!!
February 16: Continue to celebrate the good fortune of the Gunners!

Since am too lazy to reply to you all, this will have to do
Kris: Flattery will not get you anywhere!
Were: When are you back online man?!!
Irene: One of my greatest idlers! How's life taking you?
All those idlers who swamped my mail with irate mail demanding restoration of this hallowed room, LEAVE ME ALONE!

Frequently Asked Questions: These need addressing