EULOGIES should me more along these lines....
THE GIRLS PLAY BALL
INTELLIGENCE is not as common as you think!
Fun and games at a UNIVERSITY RIOT!
There are SOME DAYS...
A KUMI KUMI Guide for the novices. A MUST read!
A POEM for someone special!
DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues raised by her worse half!
DEAREST JANE: A man addresses issues such as crossing rivers for his beloved...
FAVOURITE MOVIES Some notable personalities share their favourite flicks
PRESS RELEASE FROM THE AFGHANISTANI BROADCASTING CORPORATION The proprietor of Afghanistan's first TV studio shares his visions
DEDICATIONS: Music is the language of the heart -- touching messages to loved and not so loved ones

For all the people I know and who know me let me be the first to say:

THIS IS YOUR DAY! APRIL 1ST IS YOUR DAY!

I have a lot of interesting things planned for those nearest to me but I shall let the cat out of the bag as soon as people have made fools of themselves at my expense.

Even the most naive creature upon this planet would be hard pressed to expect objective coverage from any of the media houses. From what I can discern there is no such thing.

CNN

According to this media house,
The Coalition forces on average take over Um Qusar and Basra every hour or so.
A gentleman who brought tears of laughter to my eyes informed me that all external media houses had external agendas and the only media houses that could be truly objective were American. I forget his name but I recall that he used to work for NBC.
Iraq does not need an army to afflict the Coalition. All coalition losses are due to either farmers or other coalition troops.
Iraqi troops violate UN and Geneva Conventions at every opportunity. Apparently only Americans are allowed to:

• Parade captured soldiers
• Bomb communications and amenities facilities
• Drop bombs on buses and market places by accident
• Invade sovereign territories on the strength of hunches
• Treat with a fine disregard established procedures and protocols of International decision making
• Handcuff, blindfold and gag, and parade on media "terrorists" who have yet to be proven thus in Cuba

SKY NEWS

The milk of human kindness can only ooze from British troops. They probably ask permission before shooting to kill.
Iraqi citizens cheer and throw parades whenever they behold the Union Jack, rejoicing at their delivery from tyranny and devilry.
British Commandos captured a senior Iraqi general. Sky waxed lyrical about this.
I personally was amazed when the captured General gave a radio interview some hours later. It was news to him that he had been captured. He was amazed, and wanted to know if he had sustained any injuries during this capture.

BBC

I do concede that they try to be as balanced as possible. At least as far as the radio section is concerned. But they ought to try a bit harder.

FAMILY TV

On the occasions when circumstances have forced me to direct my attentions at this station I have always emerged incredulous at the gullibility of fellow man. These past few weeks have led me to believe an equally appropriate name for this channel is Bullshit TV. According to the assorted bigot preachers and the resident know it alls:

George Bush is the Messiah and saviour of the hapless Iraqi people.
Saddam Hussein is a willing tool of the Devil.
All the current predicaments befalling the US lie squarely at the door of one Bill Clinton who did NOTHING in his tenure as president.
The fact that France and Germany refused to back Bush is evidence that at last the Anti-Chrirst is in the process of birth, and it will grow and develop from Europe.
This current battle is a foretaste of the inevitable battle between the Forces of God on one side and the Nations of Islam on the other.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

The greatest weapon of mass destruction is sheer stupidity!

Do Tell... Questions that beggar an answer!
Read Issue 53: Some brutal truths and a truly cynic look at the war so far.
Visit le Journal
Keep up to date. Visit the Information Desk
Intense fighting for room at the Agumbaru Corner!

1 April: April Fool's Day. All ye who know me well BEWARE!
4 April: Right royal Boyz Nite Out!
5 April: Meg's Birthday
19 April: Happy Birthday Gathoni!!

Frequently Asked Questions: These need addressing

We may be out of the Champion's League but there are 2 more to chase. Go Gunners!