Mercury and Vander at a recent function. Click to enlarge picture.

I was sick too, for years we had been producing these amazing choir like harmonies but they had been going down the shitter because our rhythms were too simple and amateur, or shit in another language I guess... oh never mind, life’s long!".




Roger accepts his award from Guiness Book of Records.

Roger Taylor made internet history last night with his concert, "Live at the Cyberbarn". The event which lasted just over an hour managed to had the biggest amount of "hit" drop-offs after the first five minutes, more than any other web site in history. Technicians at the event couldn't understand it "it was like man, one minute they were there and the next they weren't…. there was no one connected to our servers, no one streaming the footage, nothing! There weren't any technical problems, the people just weren't staying connected, I don't know why!". Later, another technician commented "We were using Microsoft keyboards, that was probably the cause of the problems."

"Wow what a gig I had!" Roger proclaims. "It's just such a pity that not many people actually saw it because of those shitty Microsoft keyboards".




Old friends, in Better times. Click to enlarge picture.

Plans for a Roger Taylor - Greg Lake album have been shelved again. Problems arose when the title of the album was being discussed. Lake wasn’t too pleased at Rogers suggestion of "We've had enough of that Christmas bollox" as a title. While Greg's alternative title "Love me till we fall in love again" didn’t go down well in the Taylor camp, Roger comments "I don’t have much to say, but I'll tell you what I told that old fart. There ain’t no 'love' in 'sex, drugs and rock'n'roll' baby". Mutual friend Jon Anderson is currently in negotiation with both parties.




We Will Rock You advertisement poster. Click to enlarge picture.

A major storm has blown up in the Roger Taylor vs. Queen saga. The dispute lies over the Musical Roger has recently produced, "We Will Rock You". Both the title and the music included in the production have been accused as being direct rip offs of Queen's music. Even though the musical has been a flop of epic proportions, Queen aren’t going to let this one go. They are planning to pursue a jail sentence for Taylor. Current Queen drummer, Ian Paice candidly commented "Christ... I thought I had gotten away from fuck wits when I left Deep Purple".

Ironically as news of the Musicals infamous production spread, ticket sales have increased. John Deacon, Queens bass player had this to say, "I suppose its a bit like a car crash isn’t it really, people just love to see a disaster...". The story to the musical was written by pornographer, Ben Dover.



Reviews of the Roger Taylor's musical "We Will Rock You" have started to flow.

Fiona Sturges from The Independent was disappointed: "Surely they could have come up with something better than this. Ben Dover, the brains behind the book, claims to be a rock fan but he has done Roger (and Queen I might add) a disservice with such a trite and tacky storyline."

Brian Logan from The Guardian agreed, claiming that "it would be hard to imagine a less appropriate vehicle for Taylor's music" and dismissing the production as "ruthlessly manufactured."

The Times' Caitlin Moran: "Taylor's songs, plus the few Queen numbers, were not written as part of an ongoing narrative structure... the script remains little more than two-minute blasts of knob gags and misplaced polemic between songs, and the musical numbers have nothing to do with the script."

Michael Coveney of the Daily Mail declared: "Pantomime has arrived a little early in the South End, in the shape of this shallow, stupid and totally vacuous new musical."

Daily Telegraph critic Charles Spencer also confessed that this did not seem to work, as he concluded: "Far from being guaranteed to blow your mind, We Will Rock You is guaranteed to bore you rigid. The show is prolefeed at its worst."

Robert Gore-Langton of the Daily Express summed it up nicely: "The show is so awful it's almost entertaining."




Brian forces a smile while Ben Dover keeps the peace. Click to enlarge picture.

Things have calmed down regarding Roger Taylor's Musical. After reviewing the content Queen say they are happy to leave the case drop but will press on the musicals title being changed. "We had a look at it [the musical] and to be honest I feel a bit sorry for Roger." Brian laments. "The whole show is a joke; bad set design, gaudy costumes, awful awful characterisations and the sound production is rookie to say the least. We decided to let the case drop because while there are a few queen songs in the show, they are just songs that Roger wrote himself and while we hate to see Queen associated with this, well frankly, this shit, we don't feel there's any point in going ahead with a lengthy legal battle, people will stop going soon enough. Roger can have his musical, but he's gotta change the name; its my song God damn it [laughs]".



Roger Taylor was in court today to change the name of his musical which is currently running in the South End of London. The musical which was previously called "We Will Rock You" was ordered by the court to have its named changed because of its infringement on the title of a song written by Queen's guitarist Brian May. Things didn't get off to the best of starts when Roger suggested that the musical should be renamed to "Masters of War". He was feverishly reminded by his legal council that he didn't actually write that song either. The name finally settled on was "Man on Fire". Out of court Roger gave a few words: "Yeah it went ok… to be honest I never really liked that title anyway, it was just some silly suggestion by our producer Robert de Niro… I don't want to come down hard on him; he's my favourite actor and all but he's just not in the music scene like me".




Roger beats his drum in new Pepsi add. Click to enlarge picture.

Roger Taylor has signed a major deal with Pepsi Cola. The deal worth a non disclosed figure could see the re-emergence of Taylor's album "Happiness?" as a side benefit. Taylor has agreed to allow Pepsi use his song "Revelations" from the said album in an upcoming add campaign to promote Pepsi soft drinks in east European countries. Roger has confirmed that he has already gone into the studio to rework some of the lyrics to the song. The song will now start with the words:

I went to the Ukraine
They don't have much to eat
No sugar on the table
But the people stay sweet
(Because they drink Pepsi Cola)

Roger has gone on the record to say he always preferred Pepsi over Coca Cola; "Yeah man, that Coke stuff is crap!".




Roger and Britney stand together at Pepsi premiere.

"That dirty fucker molested me" screamed Britney as she ran out from a dinner party organised by Pepsi after the Premiere of their new "Revelations" advert. The three stars of the ad, Britney Spears, Pink and Beyonce sat down to have a meal with the ad's music composer, Roger Taylor. Things were going well until Britney left to go to the toilet whereupon shortly afterwards screams of "Fuck off you fucker" could be heard before the pop princess stormed out of the building. She later alleged that Taylor tried to feel her up outside the ladies bathroom while saying that he'd have sex with her if she gave him money. Police are investigating.




Doppelgangers, Eddie Jordan and Roger Taylor. Click to enlarge picture.

All charges against Roger Taylor regarding the molestation of Britney Spears have been dropped. It appears to be all a case of mistaken identity. The actual culprit is Formula One racing manager Eddie Jordan, who happens to be quite a ringer for Taylor. "Well yeah I can see the similarities really" Roger acknowledges, "We both wear sunglasses, sport trendy little goatees and are involved with fast cars; well I am anyway [laughs]".


Jordan always liked to fool around with the chicks. Click to enlarge picture.

Eddie Jordan came forth to the police after hearing about Rogers arrest. "I couldn't live with myself… My hero, the guy I wanted to emulate on the drums all my life was being put away for something I did… it was horrible. I can't believe things have gotten this bad in Jordan Racing, where I need to offer my body just to get some basic funds. I think I might need help". Roger told press reporters how he feels about it all now. "I can understand how he feels, when I was kicked out of Queen I was down on my luck, but I bounced back. I can't condone his actions but I admire his choice of women, that Britney is one sugary babe!".

Brian May and Keith Emerson trade blows. Click to enlarge picture.

Declared a huge success, Queen's live perfomance recently at Albert Hall with special guest star Keith Emerson. The group performed both classic ELP tracks as well as their own progressive ventures. All thouraghly enjoyed themselves, with Keith adding "Now thats how Tarkus was meant to sound!"