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Friday, March 25, 2005."survey"
1. name: Aimee
2. nickname(s): Aimster, Armee, Pong, Arnee, Aim, Lover, Chinatown Lover, Hippo Lover, Aimeeeee, Penguin
3. name you'd like to have: I like my name.
4. name you'd hate to have: Hank or Gaylord Focker
5. what are u doing now?: procrastinating even though I'm supposed to be studying for chem.
6. feeling now: workaholic...well..to a degree since i'm actually doing this and not working...yeah...i have a headache
7. u wish you were doing.....: at home sleeping or watching tv
8. how was your day today: work work work. drawing class was cancelled which was ok since I was stressing on finishing my assignments on time. it's a big relief i have them finished now. study study for chemistry
9. highlight of your day: besides drawing class being cancelled...i suppose it's my dreams. i had a dream that i visited chen at chicago and her apartment turned out to be a huge really nice house with a lot of toys to play and secret passageways. it snowed outside and there was like 20 feet of snow. and i had another dream in which i looked out the window and i saw jason and eric got arrested and their parents had to bail them out. i tapped on the window and waved to them as they were taken away....and oh yeah...another awesome highlight was practice with the guitar guys. we played this spanish sounding song that was AMAZING. and jono's singing in spanish.
10. non-highlight of your day: waking up for ecology class at 10 am
11. rate your day (out of 5 stars): **
12. what could make it better?: less work to do, more sleep, more time to make music and meet other people
13. what are you going to do tomorrow?: wake up early to study for chem and go feed the ducks, chem exam, play for good friday mass, pack, go home, do some homework, and chill
14. what should you be doing now?: studying for chem
15. what do you crave for?: sierra mist, bubble tea
16. drink?: water, sprite, bubble tea, mango tea
17. can you cook? what?: yeah, but it doesn't mean it tastes good...fried rice with hotdog or ham, fried potatoes with scrambled eggs, clam linguini, potato latkas, scrambled eggs, palabok (noodles with sauce, shrimp, eggs, onions), shrimp
18. worst food ever: CHEESE
19. how long do you watch tv daily?: i don't watch tv
20. last tv show you watched: fresh prince of bel-air
21. last movie u went out to see: Hitch
22. last song u heard on radio/cd player/etc: "Happiness is a warm gun" by the beatles
23. how long do you stay online?: too long
24. most people you talked to on im at once: 14
25. most preferred mode of communication: one on one
26. last person u talked on im: Leigh
27. last person u talked on phone: Mom
28. last person you received mail from: the school....no one likes me...
29. last person u received email (not counting this email): something from WILL (not as in a person...but in Women In Learning and Leadership)
30. are u expecting someone to respond to this survey: no
31. plans for next week?: work and Whitney Museum
32. pet peeves/absolutely can't stand: rude and/or pushy people, arrogance, close-minded people, sexist people, when people belittle me because of my size or because I'm female, people who tell me I can't do something (I hate restraints, I'm very stubborn as well), slutty and immature middle and high schoolers, the media, clingy people, cheese, reality tv shows, really stupid people (aka people who act stupid), sexist comments about women, how women today are more often depicted as being sexual slutty people especially in music industry, lack of originality in society, the obsession in America about money, Filipinos telling me that I should become a nurse, any restraints that hold me back, liars and cheaters, overprotective parents, mtv being crap, obsession with making sequels for movies, materialistic society
33. fetish/obsession?: MUSIC, gackt, penguins, turtles, mallard ducks, conceptual art, sophie calle, chinese characters, guitar
34. most reckless thing you've done: riding a bicycle to deliver Gackt cookies and almost getting hit by a car twice
35. scariest place: camden at night
36. brush with death?: one time I wanted to go to the mall really badly and I asked my mom to drive me to the mall since I really wanted to go there. She said she wasn't feeling that great so we didn't end up going. It turns out that at that time I wanted to go, there was a shooting at the mall. I think a person or two died in the shooting. So good thing we didn't go...and then there was the time we were on vacation and our plane had to stop at another airport along the way to philly because we were low on fuel and the fuel we had wasn't going to be enough to make it
37. horrible way to die: hiting my head on something by accident or dying a stupid death like slipping on ice, or being paralysed so i have to kill myself
38. predict your death: when I'm 100 years old, I'll go rob a bank (just because I can and it would be cool to do that before I die), drive a sportscar to get a way from the cops, go bungee jumping, and sneak in a concert hall to hear music because that's what I'd love to hear-beautiful life music-before I die. And then I have a heart attack from all the excitement. As the cops come in they find my lifeless body. They wonder where the money I stole is-I donated it to the musicians in the concert hall.
39. on lighter topics, pick 3 best friends (people who are close to you): Chen, Zoey, Pete
40. if you and these 3 people were stranded on an abandoned island, who would be voted off/eatten first? Zoey aka jellyfish would be eatten first, then Chen aka duck, and then probably me aka penguin...Pete would have eaten all of us
41. who would be the surviver? Pete ate all of us, but he would eventually die of starvation because he would have eatten everything on the island the first day.
42. who would you never be stuck on the island with? my stalker ugh
43. what would you bring onto the island (no planes, boats, other modes of transportation): a lifetime supply of food
44. list your current worries here: bringing up grades this semester, mom, jason, chemistry, ecology, finding a way to do my conceptual project
45. feel better! list a happy thought: I'll be home later today!
46. make a wish: that everything comes out alright for me and everyone
47. future job/plans: traveler, studying disease?, professor?, family
48. greatest accomplishment this year: independence
49. how do you feel, you're almost done: kinda wanted this survey to be longer...don't want to go back to work
50. what are you going to do now?: study study study
Aimee finished at [12:13 am]
singing to [Rescutio by ???]
feeling [sleepy, procrastinator]
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005."No update."
I haven't been updating this site....
I may be coming up with a new layout soon. We'll see if I have time to do it. So yeah, look out for that. In other news, my comment function doesn't work anymore. If you have something important to say, just email me at [email protected]. Thanks. A function of boredom:
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
WTF...hedonism? Wow. I got a decent amount on self absorbed and narcissism. Heh. What the hell is female cliche?
Aimee finished at [7:40 am]
singing to [I'm seeing through you by the Beatles]
feeling [stressed]
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Sunday, February 27, 2005."Just thinking..."
"Come see Pirates of Penzance. It's rated Arrrrggghhh!" (By the way, now you can click the pictures on the left to see the full image!)
I finally gave in and I let Jason treat me by taking me to see this pirate musical being held here. It was hilarious. I recommend seeing it. Two guys in my floor were pirates, along with this other junior I know. At one part of the play, pirates crept into the audience and gave out Marde Gras beads to select people in the audience. Me: "I want beads!" Long Hair Sean, who was a pirate, saw me and then gave me Marde Gras beads! Sweet. Arrghhh...I like to see some booty. I think I love pirates again.
I've been listening to Gackt's new CD Love Letter. I love it. It's all pretty songs. For some reason, it reminds me of the Philippines and airports. I can imagine myself sitting in a deserted part of an airport where a flight left a while ago. And i'd be near the window watching planes leaving while the sunset held in a net of red and orange softly mellows down. And I sit there just thinking blank thoughts, wondering where I would go if I knew where I belonged. I'm a hopeless dreamer.
Over the years, I realized my love for travel. I guess I've come to love travel since ever since I was a child, my family always travelled. Sometimes you get attached to these places you travel. Maybe I'm just like that-maybe I can't stay in one place. Maybe that describes me with relationships. Maybe I'm scared of becoming committed in relationships because I feel that I still want to be free and hang out with other guys rather than just staying with just one guy-I don't want to stay in one place. I suppose in doing so, I don't know where I belong. I'm so deep, I think confuse myself.
Aimee finished at [12:53 am]
singing to [Tea Cup by Gackt]
feeling [thoughtful]
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005."It snowed...again"
Last night we had a freakin fire drill at midnight. My roomy says that there are rumors that the alarm was caused by someone smoking on the 6th floor. So anyway, it was snowing like crazy outside. There was already almost an inch on the ground. The falling snow looked so hypnotic, and I loved the way the falling snow softened the bare branches of the trees. Even though many people were trying to find a building to keep out of the snow, I felt like walking around in the snow a bit, even though I shouldn't be walking alone at this hour of the night.
The experience of walking in the snow at night shouldn't be one to miss. Everything is all calm, white, unadulterated, beautiful. I found myself intrigued how the snow piled up on the bricks on the sidewalk and how you could see the subtle outlines layered by the snow. Everything usually commonplace looked beautiful. I felt an experience similar Louis' first night as a vampire (from Interview with the Vampire) where everything looked beautiful in the light of awakened vampiric senses. I walked by several buildings, including the science buildings which gave a very calming view. I wished I had my camera with me.
I walked back to see if the fire drill was over. It wasn't. I felt like I had free time to chill so with my feet I started to draw a big arrow on the sidewalk. Underneath it, I wrote "I'm with stupid." As I finished the last word, a guy stopped short of the arrow's nose and began to talk on his cell phone. Haha. Again, I wish I had a camera. It was very amusing.
I didn't feel like going back in yet despite the fact that it was 1 in the morning. I sat on a bunch of bleachers and just enjoyed the falling snow and the night. I thought about stuff and then a feeling of loneliness hit me. As I sat with snow piling up on me, I thought of what had happened that week.
Jason actually found me, moments later. It turns out, he followed my footsteps, which were pretty easy to distinguish considering I have small feet. We talked for a little bit until I started to make a bigger "I'm with stupid" sign on the lawn. As I was making it, some guy appeared at the window of his dorm and started to yell at me. I suppose he was drunk. After I finished my sign, I went over by his dorm and wrote "Gud Morning" in the snow. I made a snow angel after it to denote my presence following with the words, "Wuz here." After Jason threw at a couple of snowballs at a group of people playing, we headed back. I was glad he spent some time with me out in the snow. I feel like we don't hang out as much anymore. I feel bad I made him stay out late considering he had a 8:30 am class. I made a mini snowman before going into the building. By the time I was in the building, I had a ton of snow on my peacoat, my hair, my hat, and in the folded parts of my pants.
Aimee finished at [1:04 am]
singing to [silence by why is our floor freakishly quiet?]
feeling [accomplished, not sleepy anymore]
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Saturday, February 19, 2005."I dunno..."
I feel exhausted. It's been a long week. I am so tired....
I feel like something is eating up within me. How hard is it to answer a yes and no question? There are always complexities, explanations, confusions. I think I'm just a very indefinite person. I was always scared of commitments. I feel like I'm never sure of myself. I don't fuckin know how I feel. Is it real or am I pretending just to be loved? Would it grow into something beautiful? How can it grow when I'm not in the mindset? Or maybe I'm just suppressing my feelings. In my dark moment of hesitation and uncertainty, I still feel like I'm losing someone important to me. I wish I can talk to him now, we've been avoiding each other. Maybe I'm acting like an ass or maybe I'm just PMSing. *tear*
Do you ever look at people's playlist, trying to imagine what kind of person they are? Sometimes, I feel like I know I could get along with certain strangers based soley on what kinds of music they have on their iPod playlist. There are some awesome playlists out there. It would be weird stalkerish if I ever went up to someone's room and said something like, "Hi, you don't know me. But I love your iPod playlist, and I'd love to get to know you more." It's a strange thought.
Aimee finished at [1:44 am]
singing to [She Said by Howie Day]
feeling [exhausted, sad, confused]
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005."Just eventful but I want to sleep"
This week has been so busy and eventful. I feel physically and emotionally drained.
Jason and I painted a Zoolander mural on our floor. It's next to my room. It only took us 2 days to finish it.
[Whole shot]-I couldn't fit the whole thing front on, so the mural is slanted in the picture.
[Really really...]-a homage to our really really really ridiculously good looking floor
[Saying]-It says "Derek Zoolander's TCNJ Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too."
I set up my conceptual art project. It's on one of the campus lawns. When I have time, I'll take pictures of it and post it. I was surprised how it came out. It's not extravagant, but the professor really liked it. It's really something you have to experience first hand because it involves the atmosphere of the campus.
I feel like I get more emotional about things now. Today, this woman (she's a bit older, like in her 30s-40) presented part of her conceptual art project. Part of it, she made a hanging huge blue paper doll cut out resembling herself and on the shoulders, she made little chain of green paper dolls, which resembled her love for children. The professor then asked her why did 3 of the green paper dolls have wings on them, and she explained how they were 3 of her own children who died in still birth or miscarriage. And she explained how paper and life were both fragile. When she explained it, I felt myself geting all teary eyed. It was so sad because I never really hear things like that from someone. I think I felt a connection to her loss and death. It was as if you appreciate and long for people the most when they're gone. Mom's situation and my nightmares helped me to realize this. Despite the sad factor, I really liked her project. Because the whole concept of it was about rebirth. She folded a phoenix and sat it in a bunch of ashes and put it on the chair of a burnt student desk that a guy in the class made (I'm suspecting he's a pyromaniac...) and hung the paperdolls above the desk.
So I haven't decided my answer for him. I've talked to him about it. Is it that hard to make that transition from being single to being with someone? Maybe, I'm naturally just a pimpette. I'm such a hesitant person and I'm always scared of relationships. I think I've always missed out in relationships because I was always afraid to make that step. I suppose throughout my life, I've always thought of myself as a detached kind of person. Maybe I should give it a chance.
I find that I'm posting more personal entries here. I wish I could make some sections, only for certain friends' eyes only. But I can't. Putting a password would just be a pain in the ass.
Aimee finished at [1:09 pm]
singing to [Love's Cliff by Jay Chou]
feeling [tired, stressed...constipated????!]
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Saturday, February 12, 2005."I want a musician"
I want a musician. There is some kind of attractiveness with musicians, [insert: especially with guitarists.]. I just love how they can become immersed in their music when they play. They have a sense of passion when they make music. And I... I could just sit there, listen, and watch him for hours in awe. If I ever met that musician I was interested in, I would play or write him a song. Hehe.
Nothing much else is happening. I just saw Vagina Monologues which was playing here (and I help out with ticket sales and ushering). I really enjoyed it. I recommend watching it. For the "clueless" and more conservative people, it may a bit too much for them. But I really enjoyed it. A guy living on my floor saw it and loved it too.
I just got back from watching Garden State too. It kinda made me think back about high school and hanging out with friends. I need to go do more crazy stuff and have more adventures with them hehe.
That's pretty much it. I have a ton of work to do.
Aimee finished at [11:50 pm]
singing to [New Slang by The Shins]
feeling [very good]
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Wednesday, February 9, 2005."No Hallway Games"
Our CA, Alex, posted up this sign in the hallway to discourage us from playing hall games.
I think that amuses me. I think the stick figures on the ground are supposed to have XXs on their eyes. Alex is so cool. Haha. Don't ruin America, kids.
I updated my poetry section. Check it out!
Aimee finished at [9:58 pm]
singing to [Embers and Envelopes by Mae]
feeling [productful but somehow faintly bothered]
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Wednesday, February 2, 2005."Car Ride"
I've been inspired....Heehee. So I wrote a poem
The song lyrics are from Jimmy Eat World's A Praise Chorus, a song I'm really liking since I went to guitar center.
Car Ride
your peaceful face, reflected, is gently dreaming
and your cheek carefully brushes your coat
as the outside world zippers around you
we are pulled toward that destination
"Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out."
I watch your empty hands, now still and quiet
I want to crawl in that space only to be close to you
you're sleeping and unaware, wrapped in a dream
created between guitar riffs and drumbeats
"Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?
Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.
Don't don't, don't, let's start, why did we ever part?
Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart."
I watch your soft eyes open slowly to the world
And you come through that dream, alive, to change the track
"I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know."
Within this world of ephemeral trees and road signs
and music, what is static, living, and tangible is you
"...I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight..."
Aimee finished at [12:21 am]
singing to [A Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World]
feeling [artistic]
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