A journalist rang up a Government department to check up some facts about imported canned salmon. "I'm afraid they've given you the wrong extension," said a young man's voice, just a little weary, "I only deal with sardines." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once a boy went for a show. The show was about some mummies in Egypt and how a mummy came out of his coffin. So when the boy went home, he asked: "Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?" Dad : "No, why do you ask that?" Son : "Well, then where did you get Mummy from?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A daddy asked his three year old son, "Son, where do you think you'll go when you die?" His son replied, "I can't go anywhere if I am dead!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man was sticking a poster on a wall when a policeman came along and told him that he must not stick posters on the wall. But the man objected and carried on sticking up his poster. It read, "Do not stick posters on this wall." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mother : I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you only gave him a pound and a half. Grocer : My scales are alright, madam. But have you weighed your boy? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Danny had a string tied to his finger. Peter : Danny, what is that for? Danny : Oh, my wife tied it so that I won't forget to post her Christmas cards. Peter : Well, have you posted the cards yet? Danny : No, not yet. Peter : And why not? Danny : Because she has forgotten to give me the cards! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, a Standard 6D class was asked to write a compostion about 'Kings'. One pupil wrote this to her English teacher: "The most powerful King on earth is wor-king; the laziest, shir-king; one of the worst kings, smo-king; the wittiest, jo-king; the quietest, thin-king; the thirtiest, drin-king; the slyest, win-king and the noisiest, tal-king." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A party of dogs were taking a flight in a ballon, when it started to lose height rapidly. They quickly decided that they would all crash to their deaths unless some ways could be found to lessen weight. Suddenly an English Bulldog stood up, shouted, "God Save The Queen" and jumped overboard. Not to be outdone, a German Alsatian lifted one paw in a salute and said, "Deutschland Uber Alles" and threw himself overboard. A French Poodle was next to go, with a last cry of "Vive la France!" After several moments of anxious thought, a large American Doberman stood up and shouted "Remember the Alamo!" at the top of his voice, and threw a small Mexican Chihuahua over the side. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young naval student was being put through the places by an old sea captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the star board?" "Throw tout an anchor, Sir." "What would you do if another storm sprang up?" "Throw out another anchor." "And if another terrific storm sprang up, what would you do?" "Throw out another anchor." "Hold on," said the Captain, "Where are you getting all your anchors from?" "From the same place you're getting your storms, Sir." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two boys sat together in a classroom to have their test. The next day, the teacher called out the two boys. The teacher said, "Did you two copy from each other?" The boys said, "No." Then the teacher asked them, "Why di you two have the same answers?" The boys replied, "Because we're twins." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, in a bus, I overheard one mother saying to another: "One daughter is mad at me because I won't let her wear a bra yet, and the other is mad at me because I won't let her throw hers away." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jenny asked James this, "Am I the only woman you ever loved?" "Oh no," James answered promptly, "you are the seventh." "The seventh?" Jenny exclaimed! "Yes," he said coldly, "there were six before you - my mother, an aunt and four sisters." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You say he called you a donkey?" "Yes." "What did you do about it?" "Nothing." "Well, if a man should call me a donkey, I'd kick him." "Certainly, any donkey would naturally do that." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was once a Czechoslovakian who had just arrived in New York and was having trouble with his eyes. He went to an eye doctor who pointed to a sign and said, "Can you read that bottom line?" "Read it?" cried the Czechoslovakian, "why I know him!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Through a coincidence in published names, Louis Zucconi of Singapore was thought by some of his friends to have died. A couple of weeks after the announcement, when he was walking down a street, he bumped into an old buddy. The latter paled slightly, then blurted, "Louie! Hey, I'm sorry I didn't make your funeral, but I did send flowers!" |
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