A husband was so in love with his wife that his house was full of modern equipment - Hi-fi radio, remote control television, electric fan, heater, iron, washing machine, etc. Wife : Hubby, you have bought so many household equipment that it seems there is no place to sit. Husband : Oh, honey, don't worry. Tomorrow I'll buy you an Electric chair. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Employee : I have been working here for the last ten years, doing three men's work for one man's pay. Please give me a raise. Employer : I'm sorry. I can't give you a raise just now. But if you will tell me who the other two men are, I'll discharge them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Father : What subject do you like most? Son : Maths. Father : Why? Son : The Maths teacher is always absent. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patient's wife : Doctor, my husband thinks he is a TV antenna. Psychiatrist : I think I can cure that. Patient's wife : No, don't cure him, Doc. Can you adjust him to pick up Channel 8? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fellow walks into a psychiatrist's office and stuffed tobacco up his nostrils. The doctor observed this and said: "Wow .... do you need my help?" The fellow replied, "I'll say I do, Doc. Got a light?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A mental patient was due to be discharged after a year's treatment in a mental hospital. Before the final okay, the doctor took this particular patient into a room to give him a final check over and a little test. The doctor switched the lights off and shone a torchlight up the ceiling and pointing to the beam he asked the chap to climb to the ceiling by the beam of the torchlight. The patient looked up at the ceiling, looked at the doctor and scratched his head and pondered for a while, "Why should I," came the reply, "if I were to climb up this beam and half way up you might switch off the torchlight and I'll drop!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A chap walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "A Martinez please." The barman turned around and said, "I beg your pardon." "A Martinez please," was the reply. "You mean you want a martine, sir?" says the barman. "If I want a double I'll ask for it," came the reply. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young and handsome doctor, who had just graduated, set up his own practice in Petaling Jaya. He noticed that one of his regular patients was a young and sexy girl. One day he asked the girl, "Don't you know that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?" The girl replied, "Of course I know that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but .... if the doctor is handsome, keep the apple away." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- During a Geography lesson: Teacher : Jack, what is a desert? Jack : A place where nothing grows, sir. Teacher : Can you give me an example? Jack : Yes, my father's bald-head, sir. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Judge : What were you doing when the room was raided? Locksmith : I was making a bolt for the door. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Why don't we have another game tomorrow morning?" "Good idea," someone replied. As the group of youngsters were moving home, somebody remembered, "Hey, bring along Dakin and Potter, okay?" "Sure thing," came the reply. A loud and vehement protest was heard from the youngest member of the gang. "Must you guys always call so many fellas to play? I never get a chance as it is!" Everybody roared with laughter. "You silly boy, 'Dakin & Potter' are the authors of our Maths textbook!" The boy was heard to sigh with relief (as well as with embarrassment perhaps?). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife : How did you get that puncture in your left front wheel? Husband : I ran over a milk bottle. Wife : Why didn't you see it? Husband : Because a stupid kid had it under his coat! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Professor wrote on the blackboard, "Chp. LXXX". He then pointed to one of his pupils and said, "Please read that." Pupil : Chapter on Love and Kisses. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Professor : If there are any dumb-bells in this room, please stand up! After a long pause, a lone student stood up. Professor : What, do you consider yourself a dumb-bell? Student : Well, not exactly that, Sir, but I do hate to see you standing by yourself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Student : I don't think I deserve an absolute zero. Professor : Neither do I, but it is the lowest mark that I'm allowed to give. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Radio Announcer : The 10 minutes' silence on you radio, ladies 'n' gentlement, was not due to a technical breakdown, but was sent to you by the courtesy of Blanko Noiseless Typewriters. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a death-bed scene, but the director was not satisfied with the hero's acting. "Come on!" he cried, "Put more life in your dying." |
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