Waitress (a very pretty girl) : What would you like to eat, Sir? Customer : First, I would like to know your name. Waitress : Call me what you like. Customer : You've got a pretty long name! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A seven grade teacher assigned her class to write their first novel. She explained that the four basic elements of successful fictions are religion, royalty, sex and mystery. After about 10 minutes, little Peter walked up to the teacher's desk and said, "Teacher, I've finished." "In 10 minutes?" asked the teacher. "Are you sure you included the four basic elements - religion, royalty, sex and mystery?" "Yes, I did," said the boy. "I'll read it to you." "HOLY MOSES!" SAID THE PRINCESS. "PREGNANT AGAIN! I WONDER WHO'S DONE IT??" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher : Who is the one who is suppose to see me for copying the essay from an essay book? Students : (Alll looked around and stared at one another). Teacher : Ah! I remember it is you, Seng Hock, why didn't you see me when I asked the class? Seng Hock : I don't know, Sir. Teacher : What, don't know? Don't tell me you don't know what T.S.M. stands for? Seng Hock : Sir, I thought T.S.M. stands for your name 'Tan Seng Meng'. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My father was watching the television. It was a detective story and full of action. At one point a gunman aimed his gun straight towards my father. My father yelled loudly. "Don't kill me, I'll give you anything you want." Seeing this, my mother went straight and switched off the set. Then he said excitedly, "You saved my life." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Advertising sign of washing machine: "Don't kill your wife. Let our machines do the dirty work." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mrs Matt was going out for the day. She left a note on the doorstep for the grocer: "Nobody at home. Don't leave anything." When she came back, the house was burglared. On the back of the note was written: "Thanks. We didn't leave much." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sam, back from his visit to the city was proudly showing off a beautiful diamond ring. When asked if it was genuine, he replied, "If it isn't, I've been cheated out of $8.00 ." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My aunt grows cactus plants for a hobby. My brother and I gave her one which puzzled her. She said she did not know what it was at all. She had never seen one like it. No wonder! It was the top of a pineapple we had "planted" in a pot. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Clown : I'm not going to the ring again. Ring Master : And why not? Clown : Because everytime I go out there, people laugh at me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An American tourist in Switzerland decided to open one of those secret, numbered bank accounts. He didn't know how to go about it, so he asked the bartender. The latter, said that by coincidence, he had a friend in the Secret Bank Account business. Next day, the bartender led the American through the back streets of Geneva to a walk-up room in a derelict building. There a bespectacled man agreed to give the tourist a secret bank account. The American handed him $25,000 cash, and the banker gave him a slip of paper, folded tightly. "Your secret number is written on this paper. Do not read it until you are alone. Then memorise it, and destroy the paper," the banker instructed. The American rushed to his room, unfolded the piece of paper and read: "Your Account is No. 1. Please recommend us to your friends." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kuala Trengganu is famous for copperware. So, once upon a time, an American tourist came to a village which produces this ware, pointed to a locally made areca nut pounder, asked the maker, a half-century old man, what it was. The Malay man, who understood the question, answered, "Gobek, Tuan". The tourist, still doubtful about the answer, asked again. The old man, still having self-control, patiently answered, a bit raising his voice, "Gobek, gobek, Tuan." The tourist, on hearing the answer, thinking that it must be to him made a decision to ask for the last time. The old man, losing his patience, yelled, "Gobek, gobek, Tuan," remembering the work "I" and "you" which was spoken by his niece, continued, "gobek, gobek, gobek, you!" The tourist, on hearing this, decided that he had no other way but to go back or rather, go away. |
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