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Today's been great... I feel like I'm slipping away again. Theres nothing that can stop the outcome of today's events, nor the last few days events from occuring, since they've already been set off the ground. Lately, all I've been hearing is more stuff to confuse my mind. Personal stuff, friend stuff, and now this God forsaken fucking war over that God damn oil, I think its fucking crazy. Everyone's been asking my personal opinion about this war thing with Iraq or whereever the fuck its located with Saddam whats his face and all this oil that they have... burning the oil fields and having all these air planes fly all over place, I think its fucking stupid personally. They told me that Saddam lit his own oil fields on fire, and the United States were trying to salvage whats left of it... just because they want it for themselves? People told me about Bin Laden, flying air planes into the side of the World Trade Centre... the crashing of the Trade Centre lowered the American currency and economy substantially. Funny how now, after the United States funded Bin Laden, and gave weapons to Saddam Huissan or w/e his name is, that now they're using it to fight back against them. Not only is the American economy at an all time low, but because of this war, oil prices per barrel have dropped $3.00 and funny how if the US wins the 'war' then they will now be the single-handed most powerful country in the world, all because they took oil from another country. If the US gets ahold of Iraqi oil, then their economy will no longer be low...
It's been a while since I've made a journal entry. Hell, its been a while since I've really even wrote anything that actually got finished. It almost feels like a major release for me to write this shit down, even though only a handful of people will actually read it. It's funny how writing how you feel, even if its not to an actual person, makes you feel so much more at ease. And when people finally do read what you wrote, they almost instantaneously know exactly how you feel, if possible for that individual to relate to the message the writer is sending. I feel so compelled to write now, even though I'm only writing this shit up because a friend wanted to read about my life... I have When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down in my head, and all I really wanna do is curl up in a ball and probably cry. Hearing about peoples problems, and the problems of my friends, just seems to weigh me down, one of the many reasons I hate being a Pisces, but also, surprisingly one of my favourite reasons to be a Pisces. Being who I am, not only do I relate on a lower level than most normal, or in my case, abnormal people, I also relate as far as emotions and feelings are concerned. I swear, when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, I have to be the most understanding guy a person could ever meet... An example would be yesterday. A girl I hang around now, Alice, was having some problems, still is actually, and her problems were all I could think about all day. If you're in a shitty mood, then you can GUARANTEE I'm gonna be there, blowing away my fucking life trying to relate to you, or sometimes, not even trying. Looking over at her depressed face just sinks me into the brink of depression, just because I feel like I can't reach out to help her or anything like that. I wish people would be a little more open to their feelings so I could know what the hells going on sometimes, but yeah... like that'll happen anytime soon. There used to be a time when everything was open for discussion... now the only times I ever get in those situations is if I stay at someone's house or vice versa... which would hardly ever happen with my friends, let alone a girl. The only time I've ever been really open with a girl is when I was hyper on the way back from the Halifax trip with the 2003 Grads... Alice kept trying to go to sleep, so I pushed nudged her to stay awake cause I was in a really good mood, and then she pushed me back... that went on for a while, just trying to get the other person to stop...
Lately it seems like I've been getting even more confused... with my emotions and feelings, and that of everyone around me. Don't know what to think anymore, and then I get that God forsaken feeling of being asleep when I'm obviously awake.... I HATE that, sort of.
I've only had a few people actually relate to the way I said I feel... I called it the sleeping feeling. Everyone knows this feeling, they've had it occur more than once. It's the feeling where you feel like your head is so heavy, not like, "I need to sleep" heavy, but like, "Where am I... who are you" kind of heaviness. While you're having this heavy feeling, everyone is like, "Am I asleep?" so they want to pinch themselves or something like that to achieve pain to assure themselves. Well, for me... having this feeling like, a couple times a week or upwards of everyday, and have it last sometimes all day, you can imagine how I feel. But to make matters worse, being who I am... being a PISCES, this feeling is heightened, like some supernatural power. Not only do I feel that heaviness, but it feels like everything changes. My vision, my perception... everything! The way I described it to my friend was that its like, normally my vision is black and white, or hazy grey, but when I have this feeling, my vision is more of all bright colors, or simply just color instead of greyish. My vision doesn't like, literally change of course, just that it feels like I notice more things. Like, instead of seeing one person in a group, I see the big picture; I see everyone in the group. Also, it seems like my vision was normally tunnelled... Tunnel Vision, like when you're driving in a car for a long time and all you see are the lines on the road, and then when I get this 'heavy' feeling, its like, my peripherial vision is on high-beam. I can see everything, not just whats in front of me, like I normally see. I wish I could just help the people in need.. understand how everyone feels, and make a change the best way I can... Then, and only then, will I feel like I have suceeded.
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