Everything has been confusing lately, as usual, but this has been extreme. The last week, everything has been focused around my friends... nothing more, nothing really less. I never realized how fast a week could go by... especially March Break of all weeks too! Kevin came down for the week, so of course, this has been a riot to remember, like always. Unfortunately, not under the best terms though... Kevin was having some girlfriend problems when he called me up to make arrangements to get picked up, so that was on his mind all week. When he got here, like, half way through the week, I came down with a cold that I probably caught from Brian... now I feel like shit! My nose is always in need of a good blow (ha!) and my stomach is so sore from coughing all the time... why would I hafta get sick now?? ugh!! Everything happens to me when I don't want it to! I'm probably better off saying, "I don't want to be happy" just so I can finally BE happy. I've had so many friends over this past week, I'm almost confused on what it feels like to be alone... I almost wanna take a walk, but I don't want to catch pneumonia or something, if I don't already have something bad enough as it is.
In the course of a week, Kevin, Jer, Soup and Alice in my house at least twice, with the exception of Brian, who came here one day. During those 7 days, we rented about 5 games, and a movie, ate about 5 bags of chips, 2 bags of popcorn (Kevin himself) drank about 6 bottles of pop, 8 cans of pop, and however many meals we managed to make it to on time. We had a PS2, a GameCube, and a pathetic 13" color tv with a VCR to hook them up.
It seems this whole week, the only things I heard were dealing with either games, sex, drugs, alcohol, girls, driving & school. As if what I've heard already isn't bad enough with trying to keep my feelings non-involved, I got all this other shit to think about as well. Kevin had g/f problems that he ended up solving, Jeremy has problems dealing with a girl he likes which goes way further into confusion that I can't even comprehend to help solve... Soup has his little squabbles dealing with a girl he likes, Alice has her little troubles that I don't really know much about, but I'm not even gonna ask. As for me, I don't even wanna start with that... I'd rather just be silent, or bitch... either or would be fine. With how things were going in my head, these last two days were starting to piss me off cause of how things went down... it's so confusing! Why do people hafta make everything so fucking complicated? Just when I try to accomplish something, something else goes wrong... why the fuck is that?? can't I ever be fucking happy? Try to figure out some shit in my head, and I get sick as shit, so I can't even breathe right.. like, c'mon, gimme a fuckin break! The person I wanna talk to is never around... the person I wanna figure out is never helping me... the person I want to help, can't be helped... the person I am can't be understood... wow, like, I'm fucked! Is there no solid ground to grasp, or am I just always falling? Face first all the way?... Christ, gimme a sign... everything seems so ironic it catches my eye... I start noticing things.. everythings so typical its creepy... like, is there any basis of knowing what the fuck is going on from that?... *sigh* I just wanna sleep now...