Out of everything I have seen and heard, as well as asked, the most desperate cry I had for anything, is the answer to the question: why... If only it were that simple, if only everything were that simple... just to ask questions, and get straight-forward answers to questions like, Why do we exist? or Why me? or Why us?... and to get an answer to those questions would be delightful, sensational, as well as incredible. The life I lead and the lifestyle in which I support and go through each day, is far from healthy, I can reassure myself of that.
To keep myself entertained, it results in the medias: television, cartoons, the news, anything that I can use to expand my mind, but in doing so, it distances me away from reality... When it involves the news, though, I wish it were anything but reality! What is with this world? How can people be so cruel? The Montr�al Massacre, the Columbine High shootings, and recently, the attack on the World Trade Centre which lead to the fighting between the United States and Iraq. Why does everything hafta be so stupid? Why can't I make sense of any of this... I wish I could just roll over and die, just so I wouldn't have to think about any of this shit anymore, but for the most part, I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying... for everything that happens to me lately, it feels like I need to find an answer; a reason for it all. Why do I hafta love someone... or better yet, why does someone hafta love me? Sometimes I wonder if thats all we're put on this world for, just to learn, work, love, and die... is there a greater meaning to it all, or is it just a death cycle for everyone? It truely makes no sense to me. Do I over-analyze everything, or am I under-analyzing the whole point of existence?