My New Year began in a fabulous way when I was downtown with some good friends. We had a very expensive, tasty dinner at deSha's. I myself had a delicious bass. Then suddenly, after a night of newyearsness, I awoke at 4:30 to expell every single liquid and solid that I had consumed in the last 24 hours. This was no hangover. This was food poisoning.
At this point in the story, let me warn you - what I am about to say is not for those who are "faint of heart - or the faint of butt."
By about 8 am, my system was slowly recovering. Luckily, the alcohol that I had consumed helped to wash the germs away. Being the, slightly dependent, considerate girlfriend that I am, I immediately called Jason and woke him up to tell him I'd been sick.
Me - Ohh I got so sick at about 4:30. My system just expelled everything at once - it was the yuckiest looking puke I've ever seen in my life. There were still fish chunks in it and you could see the rice floating around.
Jason - Could you see your stomach lining?
Me - Yeah, and I think my soul came out, too.
Jason - Are you sure that's not what came out the other end?
much laughter
Me - Oh you're right!
Jason - Well I'm in the Bible belt right now. I think I could get you a new one if you wanted.
Me - Yeah they're probably selling them at half price this time of year. Oh I don't know, maybe I'll try living my life as a soulless freak with Andrew Bozio. (on a side note, luv ya Andrew!)
Jason - What is it that you call a soulless person again?
Me - A Ginger.
racous laughter
Me - Maybe I'll finally get my dearest wish of having red hair.
Jason - Yeah, but if I come home and you have red hair, freckles and genetically inferior skin, I'm not hanging out with you anymore after dark.
So....HAPPY NEW YEAR, my friends! And the moral of the story is, alcohol is a good way to kill off all those nasty bacteria and viruses in your uncooked fish. Mama Maria recommends a gin and tonic, an LIT, a few shots, and a rum and coke to get all those bugs out of your system. It will cut your food poisoning misery down from 18 hours to 5 hours in a jiffy.
Now that I am mostly recovered from the early morning horror of having my soul sucked out through my anus, I think I'm going to watch that South Park "Ginger" episode again and rethink my life course. "Gingervitis", as I have warned before on this site, is a far more dangerous disease than food poisoning. If I am destined to become a soulless redhead, I have a lot of thinking to do.
And you thought I was an innocent little girl, huh?
Posted Jan. 1, 2006
