Shit of Time
"Shithenge," said Benny.
Suddenly the Shit Mage's Fagicians walked out from behind the Shithenge formations. Fagicians grabbed Rex and Benny and threw them on the altar. They grabbed daggers and held them over Rex and Benny. They put cuts on Rex and Benny's nipples, testicles, and penises.
"They are the chosen ones," said the naked man with pubic hair beard. "They are the ones who must take the journey and bring us salvation. You see, Rex and Benny, we're a group of Fagicians who have been lost in time by a terrible storm that is approaching. We wonder through time. Only the mighty semen emeralds can save us. You must journey to the world beyond to find the semen emeralds and free us."
"What the hell," said Rex.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. GERMAN SHEPHERD, GRAY CAT, STEPBROTHER, GIRLFRIEND, NIGGER, AND FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 8: SHIT OF TIME
"Benny," said an old, naked man with a beard. "You and Rex have been driven by something all your lives that you do not understand. It is your destiny to make the leap of shit."
"You make one hell of a gay entrance," meowed Benny. "Let's do this."
Rex and Benny stood before a fire. A Fagician came to the fire and bathed his dick and balls in the flames, yet there was no harm being done to them. Suddenly piss fog enveloped Rex and Benny. They inhaled urine droplets. The visibility was zero. What the hell have they fucked themselves into? And suddenly the piss fog evaporated and cleared. They stood on a sunny beach where waves from the ocean lapped at it.
"Now what the hell are we supposed to do here?" barked Rex.
In the real world Alexei's stepdad came out of the woodshop. The owls that were affected by compound called Penisfaggot attacked Alexei's dad. They fucked him up the ass. Alexei's dad shit owls out of his ass. They pecked his penis. The owls flew into power lines and exploded into shit. Alexei's dad got covered in shit. Transvestite Hooting Faggoty Ass Owl fucked Alexei's dad.
In another dimension Rex and Benny stand on the beach when they hear growls. There is three mountain lions standing, and coming at them.
"Don't make any sudden moves," said Rex.
The mountain lions roared. Rex ran up to one and hit it in the face with his tail. The second one howled and chomped at him. Benny hissed and fur on his tail stood up.
"I'll fart a shit out of my ass into their faces," meowed Benny.
"No, it will fuck them into a feeding frenzy," said Rex. "Make for the forest."
Rex and Benny started running across the beach toward a sand path that led into the forest. As they reached it, they turned their heads, but the three mountain lions were gone as if they never were.
In the real world Alexei was walking in the woods, looking for Rex and Benny. Alexei's glasses are made of plastic. It means Alexei wears gay plastics. Suddenly a coyote jumped on Alexei. The coyote bit in Alexei's bladder and sucked piss out of him. Alexei's bitchy mom found Alexei in the woods. No one could find a piss donor for Alexei so Alexei died.
In another dimension Rex the German shepherd dog and Benny the gray cat walked through the forest. It was midday since they left the beach and now the sun was setting behind the trees. They came to a grass field and followed the path.
"Why are we helping the Fagicians?" asked Rex. "It doesn't make sense. Fagicians are a week old and they said they were lost in time by an approaching storm."
"Once we find the semen emeralds," said Benny. "I plan to question them. Their fate may have something to do with our destiny."
They came to a fork in the road. Now it was the question which is the right path to take. Rex went to the right and Benny went to explore the left path. They will meet up after 20 minutes back at the fork. The sun set behind the trees. Rex went off into the darkness.
As the sun set, at the same time it rose in the real world. Alexei was walking through the woods at daytime. Suddenly a coyote jumped out in front of Alexei. Alexei decided to self-destruct so he exploded into a pile of shit.
At the same time the sun that rose in our world, has set in the other dimension in which Rex walked through a field of grass. Suddenly he heard loud meowing. Shit! Benny was in trouble. Rex ran back down the road, took the left fork and ran down it. He found Benny halfway sunk into quicksand.
"Well, get me out," meowed Benny.
Rex grabbed a tree branch in his teeth and lied his ass down in quickshit. Rex stretched his tail out to him. Benny sunk and only his paw stuck out. Benny grabbed onto Rex's penis with his claws instead of his tail. Rex howled in sexy pain as he pulled Benny out.
"I think it was the other fork," meowed Benny.
In our world Alexei's bitchy mom was searching in the woods for Alexei at night. She came out of the trees and walked up the shit volcano. She fell in the crater full of shit. She became enveloped in a shit bubble. Alexei's mom floated up into the sky in a shit bubble. She floated into outer space. She popped into shit in space. Alexei's mom is a mom of many bitchings.
It was daytime in the reality where Rex and Benny were. They walked though the woods.
"Fucking by the sun, it's been 11 hours since the quicksand," meowed Benny.
Naked men with spears watched them from the bushes. One half of their body they would paint with shit and the other half with semen. They'd be brown/white.
"Keep moving," barked Rex to Benny. "Don't turn around."
The cannibals went after them. Rex and Benny ran. Naked men ran after them with spears. Rex and Benny jumped though the bushes. The chase was on. A cannibal threw a spear and it got stuck in a tree right near Benny.
"Oh, why did I volunteer for this shit," meowed Benny.
Rex stuck a stick in the ground, and he and Benny took off. A cannibal ran into it with his dick and balls. They all danced around and yelled "ooga-booga" and waved their boners at the dog and cat who disappeared around the bend. Just when Rex and Benny thought they lost them, they saw the cannibals sitting in the grass and just watching them.
"What the fuck do you want?" barked Rex. "Go fuck yourselves! Damn!"
A cannibal stuck a dart shooter in his mouth and shot two darts in Rex and Benny's necks. They felt weak, and fell over, and everything went dark.
Alexei was running through the forest. An animal was chasing after him. Alexei ran. The raccoon chasing Alexei decided to use shit blaster attack on him. Raccoon shot shit at Alexei out of his ass. Shit went up Alexei's ass and plugged up his asshole. Shit got clogged in his ass. Alexei filled up with shit. Shit exploded out of Alexei's ass and Alexei went flying around in fart circles. Alexei flew into a raccoon and grabbed a raccoon's penis in his mouth. Raccoon hung on his penis in Alexei's mouth. Alexei sucked raccoon penis. Alexei was blasted into space and exploded into shit. Shit stuck together and formed a moon 10 feet in diameter made of shit which started orbiting Earth.
They woke up in a giant pot of soup with turds, piss water, and vegetables. The soup pot sat on flames and headhunters danced around. They rubbed their sexy bodies with shit. Rex and Benny started shaking the pot. It began to sway with piss spilling over the edges. Rex and Benny gave one final shove against the side and the pot fell over, splashing the headhunters with shit and Rex and Benny ran away. They found the path.
"So what the hell is next?" said Benny.
Rex saw what looked like a path and they went down it. Behind an oak tree, a semi-transparent, cat-shaped, cellophane creature was watching them. It darted off into the woods.
"Have you noticed how quiet it is," barked Rex. "Since our journey began, I haven't heard a single bird or a squirrel. And besides, why couldn't those Fagicians have dropped us closer to those semen emeralds."
"Then it wouldn't be a challenge to prove ourselves worthy," meowed Benny. "The mountain lions, the quickshit, the cannibals. There will be other signs to point the way."
The sewer line under ground filled with feces. Alexei's grandma was taking a shit in the house. Shit exploded out of the toilet. Alexei's grandma filled up with shit. Shit exploded out of her mouth. Her tits burst open with shit flying out of them. Alexei's grandma and mom have varicose veins in their legs.
Benny told Rex to wait as he went in the bushes to take a shit. The cellophane creature was in the bushes. Suddenly it materialized from an invisible one, into Benny the gray cat. Cellophane Benny walked out of the bushes. He was silent and walked past Rex.
"Done so soon?" barked Rex with no answer.
Benny was walking down the path ever faster. Rex had to run after him. Cellophane Benny grabbed a sapling out of the ground with his teeth and hit Rex's sexy body with it.
"Whoa, what the hell has come over you?" barked Rex.
Rex howled in sexy pain as Benny tried to shove the sapling in his ass. Benny hung on Rex's penis with his claws. Rex's fur went flying in all directions. Benny picked chunks of crap from Rex's ass and ate it. Rex bit Benny in the testicles and crunched them. Cellophane Benny ran off shrieking. The real Benny came running out of the bushes. Rex growled at Benny.
"You stay the fuck there," said Rex.
"What the hell has come over you," meowed Benny. "I tell you to fuck a minute and you leave."
"You attacked me," said Rex. "Or the cat that looked sexactly like you."
Suddenly Rex saw his own self jump out of the bushes and screech like a beast.
"Oh, here we fuck again!" barked Rex. Him and Benny set off running.
Alexei was walking through the woods. Suddenly a blast of gamma radiation from outer space hit Alexei. Alexei became mutated. Alexei's nostrils, mouth, ear canals, and asshole changed into vaginas. Instead of fingers and toes Alexei had penises. Instead of gay hair Alexei had gay pubic hair growing on his head. Alexei's eyeballs changed into testicles. Alexei's lungs and stomach became uteruses. Alexei stuck his penises in his vaginas. Alexei made babies with himself. Fetuses had sex together inside Alexei and had fetuses inside them. Alexei died.
More cellophane creatures changed into Rex and Benny and came running after them. Rex farted shit out of his ass and as it hit them, they evaporated into piss. They came up to a creek. Benny saw his own self shrieking at him from a tree. Benny shot shit at it out of his ass and it was gone. Rex, another Rex, and Benny started coming out of the bushes at Rex and Benny. They farted shit out of their asses at them. Two Bennys jumped in front of Rex out of a tree and shrieked. Benny raped two Bennys with his penis to death. They died and turned transparent.
Rex and Benny saw the path beyond the creek and followed it. Transparent cellophanes set off after them. Rex and Benny ran out in the clearing and found themselves on the edge of the cliff. The cellophanes were coming for them in the woods. Rex and Benny were trapped. It was 1000 foot drop with a skinny river below it. Benny saw huge semen emeralds gleaming in the sunlight in the wall of the canyon. "It is your destiny to make the leap of shit," said the Fagician.
Benny stood on the edge and jumped right off the cliff. Rex barked in terror but suddenly a brilliant bridge made of semen materialized under Benny and led over the canyon to the emeralds. The cellophanes stopped. Benny made it slowly across the semen bridge toward the diamonds. Rex looked at the skinny river below. As Benny walked across, flames exploded in front of him, blocking his way. But Benny would not be deterred. The cat entered the flames, but they did not burn. Flames masturbated his genitals, went up his ass and nipples. Benny passed though the fire and stood on his rear paws, stretching his tiny erection to those semen emeralds. The semen emeralds glowed and sat in the hands of the Fagician with a beard. It was dark and Rex and Benny found themselves at Shithenge again, back where they started.
"You have saved us all," said the Fagician. "But this is just part of your destiny. The rest will be fucked in time."
And suddenly Rex and Benny got caught in piss fog. It enveloped them. They breathed urine and walked out of it back in the dark woods.
"Got thick there for a second," said Benny.
"This was a waste of time coming into these woods today," barked Rex. "We didn't even get to have any adventures. Just fog and bears and that's it."
They went home with no memory of what has happened.
THE END