Shit Salvation
A device that allows Rex and Benny a jump back in time 7 days!
"The shitty world of San Bernardino mountains," said Benny. "It's dark, and dangerous, and terrifying. Sometimes I wonder if me and Rex fucked into paradise. But whatever is the journey that lies ahead of us, me and Rex will face it together."
The fortified encampment of Shitecs, the people who live in the forest, and practice the worship of shit. A man is hanging over a pool of shit with a rope tied to his penis. He proclaims his innocence. High priest Tolfag stands over the man, holding the rope, preaching against those who hate shit. His booming voice resonates throughout the chamber.
"Soul reborn as a turd. Body cleansed in shit," saying Tolfag. "Those who wipe their ass to get rid of shit, must be destroyed by it. The unbelievers who destroy the shittiness of this world. The people who invented toilets and sewers and toilet paper are heretics of shit."
Tolfag rubbed liquid shit on his sexy body.
"But I do believe in shit. I swear," said the man.
"Oh, my fag," said Tolfag. "What a gift I have to give you. An afterlife of pure shittiness."
The man screams as he is lowered into a pool of shit, where he drowns in turds and piss.
"Shitvation, shitvation, shitvation, shitvation," chant the others.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A DOG AND CAT SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A LAND OF TERRIFYING PREDATORS, SUPERNATURAL FAGGOTS, AND LOST CIVILIZATIONS. REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG, BENNY THE GRAY CAT, ALEXEI, THE STUPID RUSSIAN KID, HIS RUSSIAN MOM, AND HIS AMERICAN STEPDAD LIVE IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA. DESTINY HAS FUCKED REX AND BENNY TO DEFEND THE WORLD FROM THE FORCES OF SHIT.
REX AND BENNY 6: SHIT SALVATION
Rex the German shepherd dog, Benny the gray cat, Andy, and his girlfriend Nikki are down by the woodshop. Suddenly coyotes ran out of the forest. The coyotes chased Rex, Benny, and Nikki into the woods. Alexei, the shitty Russian kid, is by the house. Alexei sees Rex, Benny, and Nikki running and he chases after them. Rex, Benny, and Nikki run into the forest and come to quicksands. Rex, Benny, and Nikki jump on the rocks sticking out of the quicksands. Alexei comes. Coyotes push Alexei into the quicksand. Rex, Benny, and Nikki do nothing to save him. Alexei disappears beneath sand. In the trees, the warrior of Shitecs sees this. A child of pure shittiness destroyed. No help is given to him. Alexei who has dingleberries up his ass. Rex, Benny, and Nikki head into the forest back home. Suddenly the Shitec guards ran out in front of them. They held swords. The guard put cuts on Nikki's titties with a sword. Nikki was wearing a sports bra. High priest Tolfag walked out of the woods.
"Who are these unshitty faggots," said Tolfag. "Who would not help a child of shittiness. The enemies of the shit have ventured into our land. They must be purified by shit."
Nikki kicked the guards in the testicles. Swords put cuts on her sexy body. Nikki screamed like a bitch. The guard grabbed her leg and she fell with her tits on a rock. Nikki kicked the guards' sexy bodies. Nikki ran off into the woods. A knife is put up to Rex's penis. Rex and Benny are captured and taken to the encampment of Shitecs. There are four buildings made of shit. Rex and Benny are thrown in a jail cell. Shitso walked into the jail cell. He has joined Shitecs for he is pure shittiness. Shitso serves under high priest Tolfag, the shitty Inquisitfag. Shitso picked a chunk of crap off his ass and ate it.
"I fuck to know what this is all about?" asked Rex.
"Fuck? You fuck of me?" said Tolfag. "You fucking witch against shittiness."
"I'm as shitty as a pile of shit," said Rex.
"Oh, how many men begged," said Tolfag. "But who isn't sorry after the crime is done and they must be drowned in shit? Once the crime against shit is committed there is no going back!"
"Alexei wiped his ass as anybody else," said Rex. "He picked up my shit. I walk in my own shit."
"But his soul was pure shit. The crime is no longer witchery against shit," said Tolfag. "It is now heresy against shit."
"The shitty Inquisitfag accuses you of the worst of crimes, Rex and Benny," said Shitso.
"Let us join you," said Benny. "I?m shitty. My genitals smell like piss."
"The enemies of shit will betray us like they betrayed the Shitocoatl, the God of Shit," said Tolfag. "The heretics will be tried and found guilty. And then they will drown in shit."
The door behind Tolfag and Shitso closed. Rex and Benny were locked in a jail cell with one candle. Rex and Benny examined the scriptures on the walls. Apparently Shitecs is a culture who serves shit under the Holy Shit God Shitocoatl. The heretics against shit are drowned in a pool of shit. The soul is cleansed once diarrhea fills their genitals and lungs.
Nikki was running through the forest. Suddenly two coyotes jumped out in front of her. Nikky grabbed a piece of wood and killed the coyotes with it. She kept running. Her sexy tits were bathed in sweat. Shitecs found the dead coyotes.
"No way one girl could do that," said the guard.
"She is the demon of cleanliness," said the second guard. "That sexplains it."
It was nighttime. Rex and Benny were brought before Shitec council and Tolfag.
"The heretic must confess that he is truly against shit," said Tolfag.
"Sorry," said Rex. "But me and Benny worship shit as you do."
"But yet you let a child of shittiness die," said Tolfag. "An interrogation must be conducted. We have means like torture to the genitals."
"We have a right to speak in our own defense," said Rex. "Is your faith in shit so fragile that you must kill the creatures of shit who made one mistake. You don't know who Alexei was. He was a retard. By killing us you will be betraying your faith."
"How dare you!" yelled Shitso. "The Shitty Inquistfag's faith is strong enough to survive all the toilet paper in the world."
"Fucking Shitso," said Tolfag. "A public hearing tomorrow. Rex and Benny will speak in their defense."
Shitso took Rex and Benny into the cell and locked them in. The encampment of Shitecs. In the chamber stood Shitso. High Priest Tolfag walked up to Shitso and hit him in the face.
"I wanted to proclaim your shittiness," said Shitso.
"You want my priesthood," said Tolfag. "You challenge me again, I'll scatter your shit to the fart winds."
Nikki ran up to the woodshop and told Andy that a cult who worships shit got Rex and Benny captured and that she is being chased by two of their warriors. Shitec warriors ran out and Andy stuck his penis in their mouths and pissed inside them. They filled up with piss and died.
"Now let's save Rex and Benny," said Andy.
Andy and Nikki headed into the woods.
The encampment of Shitecs. Rex and Benny sat in a jail cell.
"Tomorrow I'll convince them that I let Alexei die and they'll let you free," said Rex.
"No!" said Benny. "I'm scared too. There is no way out of here."
"When I get out of here, I promise I'll make the least of it," said Rex.
"If anyone can convince them of your shittiness, it's Rex the dog," said Benny.
Andy and Nikki ran through the night forest. More Shitec guards set off after them. Andy and Nikki hid among boulders. Andy took off his pants and shit in his hand. Then he rubbed shit all over his own body. Andy rubbed shit all over Nikki's tits. Andy and Nikki stepped out of the shadows in front of Shitec guards.
"I worship shit!" yelled Andy.
"Impostor! A pretendfag!" yelled the guard.
The guards rushed Andy and Nikki with swords. Nikki was hit with a sword in the face and she went flying and landed on her tits on a boulder. The man put cuts across her nipple with a sword. Andy socked the man in the face. Cuts were put on Andy's penis. Andy was pushed on the ground and the sword was put up to his testicles.
"Stay down, dog," said the guard. "Or your semen will quench my blade."
Alexei, the shitty Russian kid, died of breast cancer.
Next morning. The encampment of Shitecs. Rex and Benny were led into the council chamber. Tolfag, a man in a robe decorated with turds, and trimmed beard with long hair stood next to Shitso.
"We must be merciful," said Shitso. "Do anything they request."
"You'll give us our last rights?" said Benny.
"You want to go before Shitocoatl marked by more sin against shit?" said Tolfag. "Return them to the cell."
"No," said Rex. "We are fuckful for a place to reflect."
The guards walked in and told Tolfag that the girl and her accomplice will not return.
Andy and Nikki were tied to trees, soaked in shit, to attract coyotes and bears. Andy and Nikki heard coyotes howling not far in the forest. Nikki was bleeding out of her tits. Andy got out the knife he carries in his pocket and started cutting the ropes made of pubic hair. Nikki's tits were bathed in blood and shit. Andy cut the ropes around him. He started cutting Nikki's ropes. The coyotes were howling ever closer. Andy cut Nikki free.
Rex and Benny sat in a jail cell in a camp of buildings made of shit. Shitso walked in.
"It is time," said Shitso.
"Do you really believe we're not shitty?" asked Rex.
"The Shitty Inquisitfag believes it," said Shitso. "I pledged my life to him. All I can say is that I will pray for your souls. May Shitocoatl go merciful on you."
Shitso led Rex and Benny through outside to a council building where they stood before men and Tolfag. Outside men were filling a pool with shit and two ropes hung over it.
"Is it just that outsiders must be subject to our laws," said Tolfag. "It is not our laws they broke. It is Shitocoatl's law."
"You think letting Alexei die is a heresy against your God?" said Rex.
"The faggot was drowning in quicksand," said Tolfag. "You let him die. There were three of you. You could've saved him."
"I'm a hundred times shittier than Alexei is," said Rex. "Me and Benny. You don't know who Alexei was. You'd come to hate him just as everyone else did."
"Yet you have no proof of this," said Tolfag.
"I don't need to see the fart in order to breath it," said Benny.
"You're telling me, you let a creature of shittiness die, yet you're trying to convince me that you pledged your life to shittiness. And you have no proof of your intensions. You're like a kid in a tank top who says he is not gay," said Tolfag.
"But don't you want toilets that flush. Sewers. Toilet paper that wipes your ass," said Benny.
"The cat speaks of heresy," said Tolfag.
"Every time this turd falls out of my ass, I will eat it," said Rex.
A turd fell out of Rex's ass, he put it in his mouth, and ate it.
"They let a child of shit die. They claim to serve our faith, yet they speak of unshitty things," said Tolfag. "You're condemned by your own words. Take them away. The execution goes as planned."
Rex and Benny sat in a cell.
"I'm grateful for having you at my side, Rex," said Benny.
At noon Rex and Benny were led out of the cell. There was a pool of shit and two ropes hung over it. Ropes were tied to Rex and Benny's penises and nutsacs. Rex and Benny hung over shit. High Priest Shitty Inquisitfag Tolfag walked out of the building.
Andy and Nikki reached the encampment of Shitecs. Andy and Nikki ran inside and saw Tolfag. Rex and Benny were begging for their lives.
"This dog and cat tried to seduce us with false pledges," said Tolfag. "These impostors were sent to infiltrate our culture, strip us of our faith. The need for the guilty is to find salvation in shit! Only I could see their true purposes. My penis is the penis that pisses! My ass is the ass that shits! I'm the voice of shit salvation!"
"Shitvation, shitvation, shitvation, shitvation," chant the Shitecs.
Tolfag stripped naked and revealed his genitals and pubic hair. Tolfag rubbed shit on his sexy body. Andy and Nikki ran in. Andy threw a knife at Tolfag and cut off his penis. Tolfag died as blood sprayed out of his penis stump. Andy cut down Rex and Benny. Andy, Nikki, Rex, and Benny went home.
"Heil Shitso! The new Shitty Inquistfag!" yelled Shitecs.
Benny sat by a pissfall.
"Me and Rex lived through another ass-venture together," said Benny. "But perhaps it is not our last. Who knows what our destiny holds. What hardships we'll have to face. I say in the shitty world ass-venture is never ending."
THE END