Piss Ice Age
"Oooooh! Benechka and Rexushka," said the bitchy mom to Rex and Benny and left.
Night settled upon the mountains and no one came to get the dog and cat into the house. Suddenly there was a growl behind a truck. Rex and Benny looked around in fear.
"Damn forest predators," barked Rex. "Let's hope it's a coyote."
A Grizzly bear came stomping around the house toward Rex and Benny.
"No such a luck," meowed Benny. "Fight it with shit."
The bear roared as Rex and Benny pointed their asses at it and farted shit in its face. The bear moved to the side. Just as Rex and Benny thought they were done for, the night sky lit up with fire. The bear and the dog and cat looked up. A huge fiery meteorite shot through the sky. A fiery chunk of it came off. "Bitchy mother of science," barked Rex in fascination.
A flash of bright light came from somewhere in the woods where the meteorite hit.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
Rex and Benny 55: Piss Ice Age
In the morning a sliver of smoke rose from the forest where meteorite hit.
Last night Benny was brought back into the house after the meteorite sighting and now he was brought into the backyard again. Rex was excited and wagged his tail.
"We need to go find it," barked Rex. "That meteor was fucking through space for thousands of gay years just to land here on the gay mountains. I want to know what gay secrets it has brought to gay Earth."
Rex pissed on his leash and it ripped. Benny pissed on his leash and it ripped. Leaving the edge of town Rex and Benny went into the forest. It was getting a little chilly today considering that it is gay May. But it is sometimes cold on the mountains so it is not a gay surprise. Rex and Benny walked through the forest toward the hill which was a crash site. It was getting colder.
"This doesn't make sense," barked Rex. "It's always cold during and after a storm but there is not a cloud in the sky. It's getting colder with our proximity to the meteorite."
"I'm a small cat and you're a big dog," meowed Benny, shivering. "If you were gallant, you'd shit warm poo out of your ass all over me to keep me warm."
They came through the forest and heard a howl. They came running out and saw a coyote, howling. It wasn't attacking them but seemed to be in pain. It howled, dropped its head on the ground and died. Rex and Benny came over and found the coyote's penis covered with ice crystals. "It froze to death," barked Rex.
Benny came up and found a piece of frozen turd from which icy mist evaporated. It was a chunk of the meteorite. Rex touched it with his nose and burnt it from the coldness. Rex grabbed it in his teeth and threw it to Benny. Benny touched it with his paw and penis. Icy cold shot through Benny's penis. "It's as cold as piss ice," meowed Benny.
Rex and Benny came to a hill and beheld a site of a huge, round meteorite, as big as a small mesa. An icy cave led into it. Rex walked over into it.
"Meteors are usually cold flying through space. Their short fall through the atmosphere never warms them up," barked Rex. "But this is sextraordinary. The inner core must be solid piss ice."
In the icy depths and caverns of a meteorite, filled with icy mists, a dog with a blue fur came and listened to Rex's echo. The blue dog looked like a German shepherd.
"The inner core must be solid piss ice," it barked. More blue male dogs repeated this.
Rex and Benny ran and found a female blue dog lying on the ground in the forest unconscious. Benny licked her and found that she was frozen. Rex wrapped a small turd that's part of the meteorite in leaves and stuck it up his ass to carry home for analysis. Rex and Benny grabbed the blue dog and started dragging her away by the tail.
"She is so cold," barked Rex. "Is it possible to be frozen but remain alive? Fuckness gracious. This meteorite is amazing. I will return."
The male blue dogs that live in the meteor got together.
"Fuckness gracious, I will return," they barked. "Gay-Zo. They fuck our queen. Gay-Zo!"
Andy, who is Alexei's stepbrother with a sexy diesel body type, came to work in the garage woodshop. Siena, the female brown Labrador dog with nine nipples, who belongs to Andy's mom was tied to a car port. It was getting very cold. Rex and Benny dragged the blue dog up to the house. Siena wagged her tail and barked. Benny was shivering so Rex crapped warm dog shit all over Benny's sexy cat body. Rex and Benny then shit all over the blue dog to get it warmed up. It was still unconscious. They figured she must've come from that meteorite.
Icy winds began to blow all over Valley of Enchantment. Andy was staining cabinets in the woodshop because he couldn't do it outside. Alexei the shitty Russian kid came and dragged Benny around in the water so Benny will be cold. Benny shivered in the sexy cold which bathed his sexy body. Rex pissed on the ground and dipped his boner in the piss to test for wind chill.
"32 degrees F," barked Rex. "Freezing point. But yet the sky is blue. We're ten miles away from that meteorite," barked Rex. "Temperature dropped two degrees every hour. If this continues we may freeze all together. I say our chances of gay survival are very minimal. This meteorite has done something to the weather. It must be drawing heat from the atmosphere around it."
Siena and Benny stared in horror as they listened to Rex. Icy wind blew and soon it was five degrees below freezing. Frost collected on the houses and trees. Siena pissed out of her vagina and piss froze. Piss icicles hung off Rex's fur around his penis. Alexei, Alexei's stepdad, bitchy mom, and Andy sat in the house. Temperature dropped another five degrees.
Blue dogs were walking along Highway 138 and sniffing the road.
"Warm-shits have passed this way," barked Fuck-Zu. "They have our queen."
Benny the gray cat climbed up on top of the house and sat on the glass carport roof. Andy came out in the frosty wind wearing only a sexy white t-shirt and shorts. He couldn't start the Bronco truck because the radiator froze. Andy smoked a cigarette outside.
Alexei's bitchy mom came out wearing a hat, a scarf, four sweaters and a jacket. Benny jumped off the roof and went down her clothes, rubbing fur with frost all over her tits. Benny pissed on Alexei's mom's tits and they froze over and became black from gangrene and had to be removed. Next Alexei the gay Russian kid came out and Siena pissed on his penis and testicles. They froze over and shattered like glass. Alexei died.
"There is a man who climbed Mount Everest and lost his penis to frostbite," meowed Benny. "You ever see a man without his penis? He did save a fortune on condoms."
"Siena," barked Rex. "Your vagina could melt a polar piss ice cap."
Suddenly out of frozen mists blue dogs with piss ice for blood, shit, and semen in their bodies came running up to the house. They jumped on Rex and shot frozen piss out of their penises on his penis. Benny came screeching with his claws. Siena barked. Benny jumped on a blue dog and was thrown against a wall. Rex kicked another dog and it flew into a pole. Two blue dogs grabbed Rex by his paws and rammed his head into a wooden fence. The dogs grabbed Benny and bit the cat, putting bloody wounds all over his sexy body, and licking his penis with frozen saliva until it turned purple. Blue dogs pissed on Siena's leash and grabbed her four paws in their teeth.
"She will replace our queen," barked Fuck-Zu. The blue dogs ran off with whimpering Siena. Rex and Benny decided to run after them when icy wind blew across the driveway. Rex and Benny couldn't save Siena. They needed a plan.
"They are like insects," barked Rex. "That meteorite is a colony with one queen. Imagine a distant planet like ours in outer shit space. Its sun is obliterated. The planet goes flying out into space and in a matter of hours freezes. The dogs hide under ground. A sextreme change in temperature causes it to explode. Meteors fly everywhere and one lands here with them in it."
Rex and Benny looked at the female blue dog which must be their queen. They realized that she is a creature of the cold. Keeping her warm only hurts her. Rex pulled her out of the shit and pissed on her which covered her nipples with frost. She woke up and opened her eyes. Rex came closer. She jumped on Rex and stuck her vagina over Rex's penis. Benny knocked her to the ground.
"I'm Gay-Zo," she barked. "Queen of the Virgay. By sticking my vagina over your penis I took your language. Now I can speak to you and you will understand."
Rex and Benny asked her why her dogs took away Siena and she told that they are planning to turn her into their new queen to save the colony.
Siena sat in the cold depths and caverns of the meteorite, in a main chamber. Frosty mist bathed her boobs and vagina. Several male blue dogs gathered around her.
"Your friends took our queen," barked Fuck-Zu. "Now we need a new queen. You will learn to relish the sexquisite cold. Your genitals will turn to ice like ours."
"You're wrong! I'll freeze in here," barked Siena the female brown Labrador dog.
"You will eat our shit and become one of us," barked Fuck-Zu. A blue dog name Fag-Zu shit purple shit out of his ass and brought it before her.
"We will fuck you in the vagina and you will lay thousands of eggs to fill this chamber," barked Fuck-Zu as he rolled on his back in frozen mist. "When your blood, piss, and vaginal fluids turn to ice, you'll beg to eat our shit and be one of us."
When Siena refused, blue dogs started tearing out her fur with their teeth so she would freeze sooner. Siena sat and didn't move in the veritable ice box. She was alive but dying.
Back at the house Rex pissed on the meteor chunk. Being so cold it should turn piss to ice. Suddenly piss began to boil. Boiling piss sprayed all over Rex's penis. If the meteor is storing the heat then it must be hot but its still cold. Meaning it hasn't reached anywhere near its capacity for storing heat. Which means the whole planet might turn to ice. Rex decided to test its orgasmic conductivity. Rex put his penis up to it and masturbated it with his tongue. As Rex got an orgasm, the meteor chunk lit up and in a flash of light exploded into nothing.
"Fuck!" barked out Rex. "It resists orgasmic stimulus. If we can do this to the whole meteorite, we can blow the whole thing up." Benny was excited. Rex and Benny ran across frozen ground and pushed the blue furred female queen dog in front of them.
Icy winds blew across the mountains as the meteorite absorbed heat. Frozen squirrels were lying on the ground. A few people have died in the freezing weather. A frozen man stands in a house with frozen piss coming out of his penis into frozen toilet water. A frozen woman sits on a toilet with frozen shit still hanging off her ass. Frozen cum is flying out of Alexei's frozen penis.
"You cannot stop us," barked Gay-Zo. "A new age of piss ice is coming. Trees will split from the ice. Lakes and oceans will freeze. Every animal will lay frozen in its lair. And we will rule."
Rex and Benny pushed her ahead through the forest. They went past a frozen sulfur spring that was hot this morning. They went up to the meteorite. Benny will trade the queen for Siena and if he is not out in ten minutes, Rex must put his penis against the meteorite and masturbate to blow the whole thing apart. Benny led Gay-Zo into icy depths and reached the main chamber filled with blue dogs. Shivering Siena with half of her fur ripped out came to Benny.
"They can destroy us all," barked Gay-Zo to her dogs. "Kill them all."
Blue frozen dogs came at Benny and Siena. A blue dog grabbed an icicle and beat Benny on the head with it. Siena was dragged across ice and snow went up her vagina, bathing her clit in cold. Benny scratched dogs. Dogs dragged Benny by his penis. Siena was beat against solid ice.
Ten minutes passed. Outside Rex put his penis up against the meteorite and masturbated. He masturbated. He got an orgasm and the meteorite shook as it became unstable.
"Does it have to come to this? Does it have to come to this?" barked Rex. "I can save the world! But what is a world without gay friends?"
As it was about to explode Rex ran into the meteorite cavern to save Benny and Siena. Frozen dogs were fucking Benny and Siena in the ass and vagina. Rex ran in and shot warm shit out of his ass all over them. They howled in pain from the heat. Rex, Benny, and Siena went running out as the whole meteor shook. It was about to explode. Chunks of ice collapsed. A blue dog pissed on Rex's penis and it froze in a solid chunk of ice. A blue dog pushed and beat Benny the cat against piss ice walls. Rex ran out of the meteorite, followed by Benny and Siena. The whole thing lit up in flames and one giant explosion went off as two dogs and a cat dove on frost covered ground. Icy chunks of the meteorite went falling all around them and vaporized.
"I heard a person who masturbates and has sex gets warm twice," barked Rex.
Next day the weather was 76 degrees F. Andy and Alexei's stepdad survived. Siena got a cold and sneezed and had to drink Rex's shit soup made of turds and urine to get healthy. Rex didn't lose his penis when it froze over with ice. Benny was able to unthaw it in time. Forest predators howled and roared in the woods. The weather was fine.
THE END