A Bitch's Calling
"I fuck upon the powers of the supernatural," proclaimed the woman holding a dildo up to the skylight. "I'm a Southern Witch of Shittiness. Enter my sexy body. Fill me with your magic and shit."
Lightning struck the dildo from the sky and was gone.
"Still there, are you?" said the witch. "Well, not for long. Bitchina? Fuckwick?"
"Yes, Dame Bitchis," said the blonde named Bitchina.
"Two days from now is a night of your initiation," said Dame Bitchis. "You will earn the powers of a witch. You'll be able to fly, to fuck or to destroy. Here's your task. In a town stands a house, inside it lives a gay Russian kid. He is a dark wizard who has written stories which threaten the supernatural." In a floor on which she walked was a decagonal shaped block of semen surrounded by etchings of numbers, symbols, and penises. In a block of semen appeared images of the house, Alexei masturbating, and Rex and Benny on leashes. "He is guarded by two guards, a dog and a cat. Your job is to bring them here. I'll take care of the Russian myself. The dog and cat will die. As for you, wizard, enjoy what little time you have left."
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
Rex and Benny 53: A Bitch's Calling
Next day Alexei's American stepdad drove off to a customer's house. Andy (Alexei's stepbrother with a sexy diesel body type) was left to lacquer cabinets. Alexei was sitting upstairs and writing "Rex and Benny" stories on a computer.
Rex the German shepherd dog was tied to a tree on a chain and Benny the gray cat was tied to a tree on a dog leash. Benny pissed on his leash and it ripped.
"It's already been five days since Nikki disappeared in that helicopter," barked Rex. "She may not be on the mountains anymore," meowed Benny as he ran up a small tree. He looked out over the roofs of houses and the forest in the distance. "Nothing. Nothing and more nothing. Perhaps we should execute an old fashioned search and look for her on foot."
Rex pissed on his chain and it snapped. Rex and Benny ran under the carport, across the driveway, across the intersection of Pisses Dr. and Hwy 138 and down past houses toward the forest. A blonde and redhead lesbians stood behind the fence and watched the dog and cat walking and sniffing the ground.
"The wizard's guards are leaving," said Fuckwick the redhead. They were licking each other and rubbing each other's tits. "Which one do you want?"
Bitchina decided to seduce Rex while Fuckwick will seduce Benny. Rex and Benny walked down the divider line of the empty Highway. They came to where the San Bernardino Mountains National Forest began. The forest was on both sides of the Highway. Benny suggested that the search would be easier if they split up and meet up later down the road. Rex walked off to the left down the creek among the trees. Benny went up a hill into the forest on the right.
Andy was glazing the faces of cabinet doors when suddenly he heard growls behind the house. Andy ran up to the glass door inside the carport to go in the garage but found out that he has locked it. A bear came stumping from around the house. It looked at Andy and roared. Andy ran up and crouched next to the sawhorses. He knew the bear would knock them down like a house of turds. The bear sniffed Andy and walked toward him. Andy started running toward the Bronco truck when suddenly there was a whoosh in the air. Andy turned around and saw a woman -- Dame Bitchis, the witch. She pointed a dildo at the bear and it ran off into the bushes.
"How did you do that?" asked Andy.
"I'm a witch, you see," she said. "A shit witch. Dame Bitchis is the name. I got here by flying through the air. That's what witches do. Fly, cast little spells, fuck with the weather."
"Can I see you demonstrate that ability?" said Andy, turned around and when he turned back, Dame Bitchis was gone.
Benny was walking through the woods when he saw a woman covered in a shawl standing on a hill with her back to him. Benny the gray cat walked up to her and purred as he rubbed his sexy body against her ankle. Benny saw that she was a redhead and meowed a greeting to her. She told Benny her name was Fuckwick and she left her house to lead a life of her own choosing. She invited Benny to a castle in the woods built into the side of a mountain because there was going to be a great feast. Benny refused. He needed to meet up with Rex.
"Well, don't you want a little taste?" said the lesbian. She pulled down her dress and revealed her tits and vagina. She picked up Benny the cat and rubbed him on her tits and vagina. Benny jumped out of her arms and ran off into the forest. She headed after him.
Rex was walking through the woods when Bitchina the blonde lesbian came to him through the trees. "Here, doggy. Come here you sexy shepherd," she said.
Rex wagged his tail as he came to her. She pulled a tennis ball out of her dress and threw it. As Rex turned to go after it, she grabbed a stick and hit him over the head. She pulled off his collar and ran off. Rex got up and went after her.
Alexei the skinny, shitty Russian kid with buck teeth and gay glasses was sitting in the house, upstairs, and writing the story you're reading right now when there was a whoosh and Dame Bitchis appeared upstairs. Dame Bitchis congratulated Alexei for writing such a wonderful stories. She said she would love to lick crusty shit off dog's assholes. She was lying her ass off, trying to get to Alexei. She even pretended to agree with Alexei that society is full of assholes who don't appreciate his uniqueness, his stories, and they all deserve to die.
Bitchina sat on a log in the forest, holding Rex's collar and pouting because she lost Rex's trail, when Rex came jumping on her out of the bushes. She flew and hit her boob on a rock. Rex rubbed shit off his paws all over her dress. Rex slipped his head back in his collar.
"Why must you be so cruel," said Bitchina. "Come to my castle. We'll have a great feast."
"Look," barked Rex. "Unless you've seen a girl with dark skin or a helicopter somewhere in these woods, I don't need you following me."
Bitchina stood silent. "I'll take that as a no," barked Rex and walked away.
Rex and Benny met up together down in a valley of Ancient Trees. Benny told Rex about how he met a redhead lesbian and Rex told him how he met a blonde lesbian. Rex and Benny could still smell them following them. It was getting dark, so Rex and Benny lied down to sleep in the pine needles in the forest. Night came. Two lesbians got together in a forest at night, touched each other's tits and worked up a plan. Rex and Benny are looking for a girl, so they'll use that as bait. The two lesbians ran out of the forest and woke up Benny.
"The girl you're looking for is in our castle," said Fuckwick. "It is ten miles south of here."
The lesbians ran off. Benny woke up Rex and told him that.
"They want us in that castle," barked Rex. "Seems either by fuck or by crook."
In the morning Andy was the first one to get to the woodshop and saw that all the cabinets his stepdad has built were lying on the floor, smashed. In a whoosh, Dame Bitchis appeared in the woodshop.
"Ask the Russian prick kid why I did this," said Dame Bitchis. "His damn stories cloud my supernatural powers." Andy stared in horror as Dame Bitchis came at him and pulled down her dress, revealing her naked body.
"Have sex with me," she screamed as she rubbed her unshaved pussy all over Andy.
Alexei came down to the woodshop to feed Rex who was gone. Dame Bitchis grabbed Alexei, threw him on the floor and shit green shit out of her ass down his mouth and into his lungs. Andy came up behind Dame Bitchis and hit her on a head with a piece of wood, knocking her out. Alexei's stepdad came in the woodshop, saw all his cabinets smashed, and screamed, "fuuuck!"
At noon Rex and Benny came up to a castle built into the side of a mountain.
"We'd be stupid to go in there," barked Rex.
"We can't ignore the possibility that Nikki might be in there," meowed Benny.
They walked up the steps, under columns, and entered a doggy door in big iron gates.
Two lesbians stood in a room of a castle with shelves filled with lotions and potions. Fuckwick collected magical dingleberry turds off her ass and put them in a bowl.
"This is not enough to kill them," she said. "Just enough to make them sleep."
Rex and Benny walked into a room and were greeted by two rotweilers. The dogs sniffed Rex and Benny's assholes. Rex sniffed the dog's penises with piss stink.
"Friendly dogs," meowed Benny as he went up the stairs and Rex followed him. In a hall they entered a room where a block of semen stood with symbols around it.
"Numbers. Symbols. All this looks like some kind of sorcery," barked Rex.
Suddenly two lesbians walked up to the door from the stairs. Fuckwick grabbed a bowl of dingleberries and threw them on Rex and Benny. The dog and cat inhaled them and fell asleep.
Andy tied up Dame Bitchis upstairs in the house and put her in front of a computer with "Rex and Benny" stories up on the screen. She woke up and groaned in pain.
"Turn those off," she bitched. "They hurt my powers."
"Let's see you fly away then? Tell me what you want," said Andy.
"Fuck you, asshole," said Dame Bitchis. "His stories are so retarded and shitty, they destroy the supernatural and my powers. And the dog and cat who left here will not return." "Where are they?" asked Andy and scrolled more stories in front of her.
"In a castle in the woods, ten miles south of here," she cried out with pain in her sexy tits. Suddenly a circuit breaker popped off, the power went dead, the computer with stories shut down. Dame Bitchis was gone and all that was left were torn ropes.
Rex and Benny woke up with two lesbians standing over them. Their paws were tied up with ropes. The rotweilers walked around them and sniffed the ground.
"Keeping you here is a part of our initiation," said Bitchina. "If we fail, Dame Bitchis will beat us."
It was getting dark when in a streak of shit Dame Bitchis flew in the castle through a skylight. Two lesbians came to her. Dame Bitchis raised her dildo to the sky covered in fog.
"I call upon the powers of the supernatural," she said. "Enter my sexy body."
Lightning struck her dildo. She petted the two dogs that licked shit off her ass.
With the power restored in the house, Andy pointed the LinkSys wireless router to the south. At midnight he will send countless e-mails with the stories and bombard the witch's castle with the stories that will fly through the air in form of electromagnetic waves.
It was almost midnight when Dame Bitchis came to Rex and Benny. With a flick of her dildo, metal manacles appeared around Rex and Benny's penises and testicles. Rex and Benny flew up and hung with their genitals on the manacles that magnetized to metal bars. Dame Bitchis and the lesbians walked away to a room where the semen block in encirclement of symbols stood. Dame Bitchis pointed a magic dildo at the two rotweilers. In a streak of shit they turned into muscular wrestler guys and walked off up the stairs to kill Rex and Benny.
Dame Bitchis shot lightning from the dildo she held at the dildos of the lesbians to give them the powers of a witch. At the house Andy began e-mailing stories to his friends. Suddenly the witch's dildo went out and lost its magic. She screamed in rage.
The manacles around Rex and Benny's genitals disappeared and they fell to the floor. Two wrestlers walked in. Rex and Benny jumped on them. A wrestler kicked Rex in the penis. A wrestler hurled Benny on the floor. Rex shit on a wrestler's muscles. The guy licked shit off his muscles. A wrestler punched Benny. Benny scratched his muscular penis and muscular testicles. A wrestler was strangling Rex. Rex shot piss out of his dick in his mouth. The wrestler kicked Rex in the sexy body. Rex and Benny jumped on the wrestlers and pushed them. A candelabra went up their assholes, plugged up their shit, and they died. Rex and Benny ran into a main hall.
Dame Bitchis came at them. Two lesbians came to their defense and pointed their magic dildos at her. Dame Bitchis pointed her magic dildo at them. Lightning shot out of all three and collided. The lesbians couldn't overpower her magic. Lightning sparkled in the air. Benny jumped on Dame Bitchis and knocked the dildo out of her hand. Lesbians' lightning struck her tits. She burst into flames. Her boobs and vagina burned away. She screamed and her whole body exploded into shit. The lesbians now had the powers of a witch so they flew into the night sky in a streak of shit through a hole in the roof. They had hot sex together as they giggled and flew through the night. Rex and Benny walked out of the castle into the foggy night.
Next day when Rex and Benny came back to the house in VOE, Andy told them how he blasted the castle with "Rex and Benny" stories by e-mailing them through a wireless router. The witch lost her powers and the manacles disappeared, otherwise the wrestlers would've killed them. Alexei's stepdad lost thousands of dollars because the witch destroyed the cabinets he had to deliver. Alexei became brain dead. Instead of a feeding tube, they stuck a tube in Alexei's ass and another one over his penis, then both went through a hole leading to his stomach. That way Alexei fed on his own piss and shit. So much trouble got caused because a witch got pissed off at Alexei's stories. Alexei should take his stories and shove them up his ass. Fucking dumbass!
THE END