False Spirit
FUCK YOU ALL FROM REX AND BENNY
"Corey!" meowed Benny. "I found you! Let's go home!"
"Do you know where we are, Benny?" asked Corey.
"It doesn't matter," said Benny. "We've been searching for you since�"
"Say it!" said Corey. Then he added in a dark, sinister voice. "SINCE I DIED�"
Benny the gray cat woke up in the dark house. It was night time. What a weird dream? Suddenly Benny heard farting noises and saw a transparent ghost of Corey, all glowing made of semen standing in the living room in front of him. Benny reached for Corey with his paw and as he touched him, the ghost disappeared into the darkness.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
REX AND BENNY 48: FALSE SPIRIT
In the morning Alexei's bitch mom tied Benny outside to a tree on a dog leash. Rex the German shepherd dog was outside on a chain. Benny told Rex about seeing Corey's ghost.
"We all miss Corey," barked Rex. "Ever since he disappeared in that hovercraft crash. Let's take a walk."
Suddenly Rex and Benny saw Shitso the fat fuck man running past the carport into the backyard.
"Rex and Benny!" yelled Shitso. "You've got to come see this. It could be a sign from the hell or elsewhere!"
Rex, Benny, and Shitso ran through the town down Highway 138. Shitso led Rex and Benny past houses and toward a wire fence on wooden poles that surrounded the National Forest. They looked upon a clearing of pine needles, in which was drawn a symbol. A circle 100 ft. wide with a dick and balls image in it. It was drawn across pine needles in 5 ft. wide shit lines.
"How do we know your stupid ass didn't put this here?" asked Rex.
"The legend says that Sarass, an evil warfag, lived in these mountains," said Shitso. "He raped and killed people, until he was destroyed by flames and shit. As he burned alive he cast a vow to return and fuck vengeance. It is his symbol. The sign of Sarass returning."
"You must be saying that this is shit from beyond the grave," barked Rex.
Rex and Benny walked down the lines of a symbol made of shit in the pine needles.
"There is claims of circles of stones, pressed corn, signs burned into the ground," said Rex. "There is never been proof that it has any supernatural connection, but this is sextraordinary."
"A shit from beyond the grave," said Benny and licked shit off the symbol painted with shit in pine needles. "These things are called agriglyphs. But this looks like a shitglyph."
Rex and Benny told Shitso of how Corey's spirit was visiting them. So Shitso gave Rex and Benny a board with a pointer. The board contained letters and numbers.
"This is an Ouija board," said Shitso. "You can fuck spirits with it."
Rex and Benny came dragging the Ouija board with their teeth into the living room of the house. The dog and cat placed their penises upon the pointer.
"We wish to contact Corey Lyles!" barked Rex. "Corey are you there?"
Nothing happened but then the pointer moved. Rex and Benny jumped back.
"Corey, how can we help you?" meowed Benny.
Suddenly the pointer moved by itself toward letters. Rex and Benny stared in amazement. The Ouija board was actually working. The pointer moved toward F, then U. The message spelled F-U-C-K-Y-O-U. It kept moving ever faster. G-O-T-O-W-H-E-R-E-T-H-E-S-H-I-T-I-S!
"Go to where the shit is!" exclaimed Benny.
Suddenly the sharp pointer flew off the Ouija board and got stuck in the wall. Things in the house began to fall over. Alexei's dad's TV fell down and shattered. Stuff fell off the table on the floor. Rex and Benny screeched in fear.
"No need to get carried away, Corey!" meowed Benny.
More stuff began to fall over. Knives flew from the kitchen flew at Rex and put bloody slits across his penis. A table fell over. Windows shattered, glass flying inwards. Benny's penis was caught in a whirlwind of glass. Spirits were fighting in the room. Alexei the gay Russian kid came down from upstairs. Alexei is a Communist, Socialist, Bolshevist, Marxist prick. Alexei's glasses went flying as if someone threw them. Rex and Benny screeched. Oh, what have they done, what have they done! Alexei shrieked as his ass was ripped open by a ghost and shit poured from it. Rex and Benny watched Alexei's dick stretch as if human hands pulled it and ripped it off. Alexei's penis went flying about the room and fucked Rex and Benny in the asses.
Rex and Benny ran out the door into a room where the washing machine, a dryer, and a refrigerator stood. Stuff off the shelves began to fall. Rex looked in the mirror and saw a bulging with muscles ugly man in there. He was naked and was making a cutting motion with his thumb, upon his enormous erection, at Rex. The shitglyph from the field was tattooed upon his forehead. Rex and Benny stared in horror at the image, turned around. No one in the room. How could that man be in the mirror? Yet he was there! Oh my fucking Satan! Oh my fucking God! It must be Sarass, the evil warfag Shitso told them about. The mirror cracked and the image was gone.
Rex and Benny went outside onto the driveway when Andy (Alexei's stepbrother), Nikki (his girlfriend), and Siena (Andy's brown female Labrador dog) came driving up in a Bronco. Rex and Benny ran up to them and told all the events that have happened.
"We're going to look at that shitglyph again," barked Rex. "You three must stay here. We need to hold a s�ance to contact Corey's spirit again. I believe we have unleashed something more evil along by trying to contact Corey."
Rex and Benny ran away down the road. Shortly they were walking through San Bernardino mountains forest.
"After all we've witnessed," meowed Benny. "I'm starting to believe there is more to these mountains than what fucks the eye. With all the events we've seen and sexperienced we must sexcept there is higher forces in action. Not God though, God doesn't exist."
"I've formed a theory," said Rex. "That all of the mountains' mysteries have one answer. We must find that answer. How does science explain all this?"
Suddenly there were howls around. Rex and Benny dove for the bushes as a stampede of coyotes came running around the bend in the forest. Coyotes stampeded by, dozens of them, barking and howling in fear. The stampede was gone and the last coyotes disappeared behind the trees. Rex and Benny came out of the trees and looked in amazement from the top of the hill.
"Now we know what sends coyotes into a stampede," said Rex.
In the field below, the sign Sarass was being drawn with shit, an image of dick and balls in circle. There was some kind of glowing shit ball like lightning flying around the field, drawing the shitglyph with precision.
"Whatever that shit ball is," said Benny. "It's under intelligent control."
Midnight is a bitching hour. Rex and Benny have returned to the house. While they were gone Andy and Nikki set up candles in the garage for a s�ance to contact Corey's spirit. It was night outside and lightning struck. They joined paws and hands around a penis shaped candle made of semen. They closed their eyes.
"I call upon Corey Lyles," said Rex. "Nigger, are you there?"
Suddenly stuff began to fall off the table. A portable saw fell down, followed by tools. Lumber boards collapsed on the floor. A knife floated in the air over Benny's head and suddenly went flying into a wall is if it was knocked out of someone's hand. They opened their eyes.
"Oh this was a bad idea," said Benny. "Corey, if you're there speak through me!"
Benny opened his mouth and spoke in a human voice of Corey.
"It is too dangerous," said Benny. "Do not open a path for me here. Follow what I have shit out of my ass!" And then Corey's voice was gone and a deeper more evil voice came from Benny. "In your shit I will bathe, upon your genitals I will feast, and your land will be fucked by my vengeance."
Nikki put her hands on her cheeks and screamed like a bitch. Andy was horrified by the evil voice. Siena barked like a bitch. Benny rolled his eyes back and shit fell out of his ass. Benny began to levitate in the air off the floor. Benny screeched and bloodily clawed at his penis. Sarass the warfag still possessed Benny. Rex ran and grabbed Benny. Lightning flashed through the sky. Andy took out his picture cell phone and took a shot of the garage. Candles exploded, everyone was knocked out. They all lay unconscious. In the darkness the semen ghost of Corey appeared. He glowed and was semi-transparent. He walked among them.
"I did not mean for this to happen," said Corey. "How did I know if you tried to open a path for me, someone else would take it? Don't try to save me, it is too dangerous."
Semen ghost of Corey petted Rex and was gone.
In the morning they all woke up covered in shit from exploded candles. Andy turned on the garage lights. He looked at his cell phone snapshot he took and was amazed. Everyone looked and saw semen ghosts of Corey and Sarass the warfag fighting in the woodshop. Suddenly they saw three box-cutter knives move on their own. They floated in the air before them and formed a triangle. Then three tips came together forming a sort of a point in the middle if three lines were drawn from the corners inside the triangle. Then the knives fell down.
"What a strange phenomenon! My Satan it all makes sense," said Rex. "The next phase of our plan must come."
Rex and Benny got a weather balloon filled with helium from Shitso. Benny was strapped into a harness. Andy and Nikki held a rope attached to Benny and let him float up into the sky, about 500 feet above the town. Benny looked around the edges of the town, the whole forest, highways and some mountain canyons. He saw fields. The first one had Sarass symbol, then the second one with a coyote stampede. Then he saw the third one. They formed a triangle. Benny located the center in the dense forest. That's where they have to go. Rex heard screeching. Benny who was attached to the balloon saw a hungry eagle flying toward him. Benny stared in horror as the eagle flew past him and came back around. The eagle floated in front of Benny and screeched shit bird shit all over him. Benny shot piss out of his dick up the eagle's beak. The eagle filled up with piss and exploded into shit. Andy and Nikki brought Benny down with the weather balloon.
"Corey was trying to show us a spot where lines of shit energy intersect," said Rex. "That is where the path to this so called spirit world can be opened. The three shitglyphs indicate a triangulation written by Corey to lead us to the spot, not Sarass. But apparently some other spirit tried to take Corey's path. The cell phone picture is a connection to Corey's path from the spirit world. But it has Sarass on it too. We need to destroy the cell phone, destroying Sarass, and closing the path. But to save Corey we need a psychometric link, some object close to him."
Darkness came as Rex, Benny, Andy, Nikki, and Siena trekked through the forest. Andy was going to use Corey's glasses as a psychometric link for his spirit with this world. They came to a cave -- the exact center where shitglyphs led -- and went in. They walked through a dark cave and came to a large hall. There were column formations of shit in the cave. Benny meowed Corey's name and suddenly light shot out and shit beams exploded from turd formations. Torches flared with fire and a shit ripple appeared.
"The path to the spirit world is completely open," said Rex.
In the shit ripple they saw a muscular wrestler naked man walking. He roared as he jumped through the ripple out of the spirit world. It was Sarass, the evil warfag and he was alive again. Nikki screamed, Siena barked. What demon have they brought back to life? "Brwaaa!" roared Sarass in deep voice and jumped on Rex. He raped Rex with his muscular dick. Benny saw Corey walking beyond the shit ripple. Corey was walking slowly. Benny tried to reach him with his paw through the shit ripple but couldn't. Andy kicked Sarass in the ass who turned slowly like a retard and punched Andy sending him flying. Siena pissed on Sarass. Sarass grabbed Rex and beat him with his head in the ballsac. Andy stuck the cell phone with Sarass in it into the flames. Sarass roared in pain. Corey walked through the shit ripple and became alive again. Sarass grabbed Benny and started pulling him apart. Sarass flexed his sexy muscles. Andy threw the cell phone in the fire. Sarass screamed. He dropped Benny as his muscles exploded into shit. Sarass burst into flames and was destroyed. The shit portal into the spirit world closed in the cave.
Everyone hugged Corey upon his safe return.
Back at the woodshop garage they all talked to Corey. "I don't know how I drew those shitglyphs," said Corey. "Most of it is like a dream or a coma fantasy."
"Well, we're all glad you're back," said Rex.
THE END