Under Press-shit
"All this because you want to collect sewer mushrooms that grow in shit?" yelled Rex.
Rex held Benny by stepping on the rope with his paws.
"They're sewage truffles," yelled Benny.
Benny picked a green mushroom off sewer sides with his teeth. Benny held it in his paws and saw a big one below him.
"Lower me ten more feet," yelled Benny.
Rex moved his paws and kept lowering Benny way past the point where the mushroom grew. Suddenly the rope slipped out of his paws and Benny went falling down the sewer manhole and screeching. Rex tried to grab the rope but it was slipping away. Benny screeched as he fell. Suddenly a young man ran up and grabbed the rope, pulling Benny out of the sewer.
Rex and Benny stood by the sewage manhole. Benny ate his shit mushrooms.
"Alesex, at your service," said the young man.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
REX AND BENNY 36: UNDER PRESS-SHIT
Then Alesex walked away down the road and disappeared behind houses.
"Who the hell was he?" asked Rex.
Rex and Benny went across the intersection to the house. Alexei talks to Andy about gay TV shows like Lost World and 7 Days. Alesex saw Alexei.
"There is Alexei the gay Russian kid who has sex with men everyday and screws his dog," yelled Rex.
"It's true," said Benny. "Alexei does have sex with men everyday and screws his dog."
Alexei likes horse pussy and dog pussy. Why were Rex the dog and Benny the cat so mean to Alexei just because he has sex with men everyday? Alexei stuck a finger up his nose, took out a booger and ate it. Rex and Benny jumped and attacked that sick fuck.
Alexei's stepdad drove Alexei's bitchy mom to her accounting course. She has so many degrees, she can be anybody! Actually she is so retarded she can't be anybody. Rex and Benny sat outside.
Rex heard a growl. A bear was standing in the backyard and growling. The bear stood on his rear paws and growled.
"Okay," said Rex. "The bear will stand on his rear legs and growl while our penises penetrate the crusty shit on it's butthole."
"I got a better idea. Lead him to the "Dish Network" satellite TV dish," yelled Benny.
Rex shot shit at the bear out of his asshole. Benny ran to the side of the house where dish was attached. Benny jumped up and grabbed onto the dish. Rex squirted urine out of his penis in the bear's face.
"Benny!" yelled Rex. "Do whatever you have to do now!"
Benny the cat shot piss at the dish out of his penis. Piss mixed with electromagnetic signals. Electromagnetic piss hit the bear in the penis. Bear's penis was caught in electromagnetic sparks. Bear growled in pain and walked away. Alesex was sitting on the roof of the house and watching this amazing performance.
Alexei's parents came back. Alexei the shitty Russian kid came into the house. Rex and Benny were tied up on leashes again. Night came. Rex sat in the darkness under the car port and Benny was on a dog leash inside the house. Rex heard somebody screaming by the side of the house. Rex came around the corner and saw a man-shaped figure glowing with brown light holding onto the satellite dish. Rex started barking and ran towards it. Benny pissed on his leash inside the house and ran up to the window to watch. The man-shape glowing with transparent brown color jumped over the fence and disappeared into the night.
Morning came. Benny escaped off the dog leash inside the house. Rex and Benny examined around the satellite dish. It was coated with shit. Alesex stood and leaned with his hand against the house. His hand glowed with brown color on the wall and left a shit stain on it. Rex and Benny found shit footprints on the ground. Alesex ran off down the road, leaving shit footprints behind. Whatever creature he is, he is not human.
Rex and Benny found shit footprints leading away from the house. Rex and Benny followed them across the intersection and down Highway 138.
"In Rimforest the woods were right on our doorstep," said Rex. "Now we have to walk half a mile to get to them."
Rex and Benny went through the forest, following the footprints. Eagles flew in the sky and shrieked. Rex and Benny came to a place surrounded by boulders.
Suddenly a creature that looked like a man, but its skin was brown, bulging with bumps, walked out from behind a boulder. More men like that followed. They were naked. Suddenly Rex and Benny saw Alesex walk out and change from a human into one of those things.
"This is my true form," said Alesex. "And you Rex and Benny walked into a trap."
"You were the creature at the TV satellite dish," said Rex.
Rex jumped toward Alesex and started shitting on him. Alesex grabbed Rex's boner with his hard hand full of bumps and Rex realized what was touching him. These men were made of turd.
"Shit is not one of the things we fear," said Alesex. He hit Rex with his turd hand and he went flying and hit his sexy body on the boulder. Benny came at a turd man, but was hit with the shit hand and went flying with his sexy body against a rock; shit squeezed out of his body. Rex and Benny were passed out.
Rex and Benny woke up in a cave where it was 130� F in the cave. They were in some kind of underground prison cell.
"What the fuck were those creatures?" asked Benny.
"Could be any number of underground dwellfags," said Rex. "Kobfags, tommyknockfags. Goddamn it! Somebody come here! Or we're going to cook alive in here!"
Torches burned in the hot cave. A turd man walked through the metal bar door of the cell carrying a tray with turds.
"Where the fuck is water?" asked Benny. "Do you know what water is. Here I'll show you." Benny stood up on rear legs and pissed on the turd man. The turd man started screaming and smoke came from him. His body began to crack and fell apart into turds.
"Elemenatary physics," said Rex. "Heat sexpands. Cold contracts."
The cell door was left open so Rex and Benny walked up through a cave. Another turd man came at them. Rex squirted him with piss out of his dick. The man cracked and exploded into turds. Suddenly Alesex, a man made of hard shit, with three turds for dick and balls walked down the cave.
"I'll take care of this one myself," said Rex.
"No!" said the voice. Rex and Benny saw Shitso the fat fuck standing in the cave. It was him speaking. "Kobfags don't wish you any harm. But if you follow me, I will show things of wonder."
The men made of turds are called kobfags. Shitso led Rex, Benny, and several kobfags down through the cave. They walked for an hour at a downward grade, past giant mushrooms that grew and they came to a wonderful place.
A vast underground cavern, glowing with brown light at the top. They were on shore of a yellow piss sea that stretched underneath the ground. The walls of the vast cavern were coated in shit. Geomagnetic energy charged the air at the top creating electro-luminescent light.
"Behold, everyone," said Shitso. Rex and Benny looked around in wonder. "We're exactly 50 miles below the surface. Earth's geomagnetic energy created a fart pocket in the earth where certain life forms could develop and survive." Shitso pointed at kobfags.
"Geomagnetic energy ionized the air creating light," said Rex. "Amazing."
"Follow me," said a kobfag.
They walked through a cave, where they had to walk on boulders sticking out of liquid shit. Rex and Benny jumped from boulder to boulder. One of the kobfags slipped, fell in shit and drowned. After making it through the cave they came to a cavern.
Shitso, Rex, Benny, and a few kobfags came into a cavern where stood a huge device with control panels. Rex, Benny, and Shitso walked on it.
"Lead floor," said Rex.
"I call this shit/uranium engine," said Shitso.
"What do you need it for?" asked Benny.
"Kobfags survive beneath the surface under high pressure provided," said Shitso. "Low pressure on the surface will kill them. A large surge of electromagnetism will keep their bodies under pressure on the surface, long enough for them to attack. Since you have a satellite dish, I thought you could help me. The shit/uranium engine will provide electromagnetic energy."
"Now I understand," said Benny. "Alesex is a kobfag. He needed electromagnetic waves from the dish to keep his sexy shit body compressed."
Rex and Benny sat and worked on the device. Rex and Benny fucked around with wires some more and hooked everything up.
"We're ready," said Rex. "Prepare the test subject."
Alesex, a man made of shit walked inside a chamber. Benny pulled the switch. A huge fan and polarity magnets began to rotate on the engine. Alesex lit up with bright brown light like a shit sun.
"I've never felt that much energy," said Alesex. The shit his sexy body was made out of became compressed. Rex and Benny shut off the generator by pulling the switch on the control panel. Alesex stopped glowing with shit light.
"Bring us the primary fuses, Shitso," said Rex. "They will amplifuck the generator's power."
Shitso brought some glass tubes. Rex took one in his teeth and Benny took one in his teeth.
"The access tunnel to the surface for the kobfags was prepared," said Shitso. "Now generate enough power. My kobfags will destroy hufagity and shall rule the surface, transforming it into a world of shit, volcanoes, and caves like it is here, 50 miles underground."
Rex stuck a negative tube into positive end. Benny did the same thing only with a positive tube.
"What the fuck are you doing!" yelled Shitso. "Reverse the damn polarities! Fuck!"
Rex threw the switch and radiation shot through the cave. Rex and Benny's penises and testicles were caught in radiation. They ran out of the cavern containing the nuclear generator. A kobfag came before them. The generator created negative pressure which would cause kobfags to explode into turds they are made out of. The kobfag bend over. His turd penis and balls exploded and then he fell apart into turds.
"You're killing the kobfags!" yelled Shitso. "Reverse the charges, damn it!"
Rex and Benny ran across rocks sticking out of shit through a cave. Shitso set off after them. Kobfags glowed with shit light. They grabbed Shitso and raped him with hard turd dicks. Crusty shit on Shitso's ass was penetrated. Shitso screamed as his penis fell off and his testicles fell off. Glowing shit penises penetrated Shitso's nipples.
Rex and Benny made it into the main cavern with the piss sea and electro-luminescent glow at the top of it.
"Run, Benny, run!" yelled Rex. "This will be a nuclear explosion."
The main cavern was caught in radiation from the uranium engine. Kobfags attacked Rex and Benny, some of them exploding into shit. Rex and Benny got raped in a place where the journey took them to the center of the Earth, where the fags are made of shit. Turd penises went up their assholes and exploded into shit chunks within.
"We made your species extinct," yelled Rex and Benny as they ran into a cave passage which led to the surface.
A nuclear explosion went off in the center of the Earth. Rex and Benny's penises were caught in a cloud of uranium atoms as they dove into the cave. Brilliant light exploded behind them. The ionized oxygen went into a swirl through the vast underground cove. Rex and Benny's penises and nutsacs were caught in an electro-luminescent light which shot through them like an x-ray, projecting shadows of sperm cells in their testicles. The main cavern collapsed. Stalactites went crashing into an underground ocean. Nuclear explosion hurled the water against the roof of the cavern.
After an hour's walk through the cave Rex and Benny emerged on the surface, in the forest among boulders. They went back home through the forest.
"A nuclear explosion is a wonderful thing," said Benny.
THE END