The Guardfag
Shitso the fat guy who lives in a house on the edge of the forest heard about this and found it very interesting. Shit Mage, a wizard of shit, was employed to take the plant for Shitso's use.
Shit Mage floated in the sky and naked men followed him to the part of the woods where shit stink rose into the sky. Fagicians put hazmat suits on themselves so shit gas won't poison them. Shitso drove a construction dump truck through the forest toward the village.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
REX AND BENNY 35: THE GUARDFAG
Shit Mage flew over the shit stink and wound up in the village. A bunch of idiots came over to him. The giant flower sat in the middle. A person was thrown into the flower and raped to death inside it. "I've come to claim this for my dear customer," said Shit Mage.
Fagicians came running through the shit gas in hazmat suits. Shit Mage raised his magic scepter and a shit beam came down through the sky, hitting the dirt around the plant. The ground exploded, sending the 10 foot wide flower into the air together with the roots. The flower and the main root were preserved but the rest ripped away and went into shock sending shit gas shooting through the village. Fagicians carried the main plant through shit stink back to Shitso's dump truck. They threw it in the back. Shitso drove away.
"No!" yelled a person in the village. "Without the shit gas surrounding us the forest predators will destroy us!"
Shit Mage laughed and coyotes and bears ran out of the woods as shit gas evaporated and started attacking the people, tearing them to pieces, sending torn off genitals flying into the sky.
Shitso paid Shit Mage and started digging a hole in the front of his house. He dragged the giant flower into the hole. Its main root was buried in the hole.
"Soon I will have an impenetrable fortress!" said Shitso.
TWO WEEKS LATER. Rex the German shepherd dog and Benny the gray cat were standing on top of Ford Sexplorer car. Alexei the gay Russian kid sat leaning against it. Rex and Benny took a shit on him for every evil thing Russians have done throughout history like, Joseph Stalin, Ilyich Lenin, collecting nuclear missiles, fucking up Afghanistan and causing Taliban to come into rule, trans-Siberian railroad, Gorbachev with a stupid mole on his head, and Chernobyl.
Then Rex and Benny ran across the intersection and down Hwy 138. They ran along houses and saw brown shit stink rising into the sky on the edge of the forest. Rex and Benny decided to head there and see. They walked around the shit stink.
"I think its coming from the plants," said Benny.
Rex and Benny walked through the trees, trying to figure out why part of the forest was covered with shit stink. Rex stepped on a rope and a cage came down over him and Benny. Fagicians ran out and grabbed the cage. They pulled it on ropes through the woods and since the cage had no bottom, Rex and Benny had to run inside it as it was being pulled. Fagicians came to a tree stump filled with piss. They stuck their penises in piss and shit stink cleared a path for them in the trees. Rex and Benny were dragged down that path.
Rex and Benny were dragged into an opening with clear air surrounded by shit stink. They saw a house and Fagicians walking around. Shitso came over and let Rex and Benny out of the cage.
"Welcome to a place from which no one escapes," said Shitso. "Behold the wonderful shit stink." Shitso inhaled the air that smelled like fart.
"What's with the forest and the shit stink?" asked Rex.
"I have lived like this for two weeks," said Shitso. "The shit gas protects me, created by the most wonderful plant of all. Now that we have you, we're stocked for days."
Rex and Benny did not understand what Shitso meant by that.
Shitso led Rex and Benny to a 10 foot wide flower with green leaves. The flower's green leaves moved. Fagician blew a horn.
"It's feeding time," said Shitso. "We picked up the stupid bitch at the house Alexei lives in."
Alexei's bitchy skinny Russian mom was brought out, screaming and bitching. She went hysterical when she saw the giant flower. She was brought out on the bridge which led to the plant. Alexei's mom spent big tears crying for her life. Fagicians brought her to the edge of the bridge over the plant and threw her in. She fell into the tube in the middle of the plant and was sucked down through liquid semen within the plant. She bathed in semen. She fell in the plant's digestive sac where green plant penises went up the nipples of her fucking boobs, vagina, and asshole. She was fucked by plant penises and then sulfuric acid rushed into the sac out of plant's spewers and she melted into shit inside the plant, giving it nutrients. Rex and Benny beheld her bitchy screams within the plant.
"This is nice and all," said Benny. "But we have to go."
"The plant does not allow," said Shitso. "Today three Fagicians have gone out and come back in. The plant allows only three people to come out a day. Wait till tomorrow."
Rex and Benny got pissed off by this bullshit. No way some fucking flower will tell them not to leave. Rex and Benny ran into the shit stink. It hit them like a wave. Shit poured into their lungs and coated them within. Rex and Benny coughed and hacked out blood. They ran 100 feet but the shit stink didn't seem to end. Rex and Benny bathed in floating shit, emitted by the roots of a plant spread into the ground. Rex and Benny were going to pass out. They became sleepy. Shit stink erupted under Benny and he beheld it and embraced it. Wonderful shit stink!
Shitso saw Rex and Benny crawl out of the shit stink. They had to wait until tomorrow.
"We can let out two Fagicians and one of you tomorrow," said Shitso. "Our supplies are running low and the plant demands that only live animals be fed to it. It fucks them before it eats them. Cut up meat would not suffice."
Fagicians led Rex and Benny into the house. Two Fagicians with rifles stood at the entrance. Rex and Benny will not try to leave. After night gay morning came. Rex prepared to let Benny leave first through the shit gas defenses when Shitso walked in.
"I'm sorry I had to break my promise," said Shitso. "Three Fagicians have gone out."
Rex and Benny ran toward Shitso but stopped when Fagicians trained their rifles on them. Shitso left and they were stuck in the compound. Rex and Benny went out to explore and came to the giant flower. Its leaves moved up and down.
"A flower that demands tribute," said Rex. "In return it surrounds a place with a wall of poison shit stink as protection."
Andy and Corey came to the house to work for Alexei's stepdad. He is also Andy's stepdad. They found out that Rex and Benny were missing. Everybody cried! Alexei's bitchy mom ran through VOE crying with hysterical ululating scream cries. Andy and Corey headed toward the forest. As they came to where the forest started they saw brown shit gas floating through the trees. They walked around shit gas defenses and found human barefoot prints and paw prints of a dog and a cat. Andy sniffed turds on the ground. They smelled like cat food. The foot prints led into shit gas. Rex and Benny must be in there, but how could they survive this poisonous shit stench.
In the compound Shitso walked up the bridge above the flower and dropped a live raccoon in it. It screeched as it was sucked into the semeny core of the flower and into the digestive sac where green plant penises raped it and sulfuric acid poured in to digest it.
Fagicians were walking through the forest. They have captured another raccoon for the hungry plant. They were almost at the gas defenses when there was a growl and a bear came walking out of the trees. It charged the Fagician and wounded his arm. The raccoon was released and the bear went chasing after it into the woods. The hunt was a failure. But the plant will eat.
Fagicians touched the piss in the tree stump, shit gas cleared, and they walked through it to the compound. Rex and Benny saw them come through the shit gas.
"The dog and cat must be sacrificed tomorrow," said the Fagician.
"Not a fucking chance," said Rex. "I'm gonna fuck you up and your fucking venus fly-trap."
Rex and Benny jumped on the Fagicians. A Fagician punched Benny and he went flying through the air over the plant and landed on the ground. Another Fagician grabbed a knife and slashed across Rex's nipples with it. Fagicians charged Rex and picked him by all four paws. Rex squealed like a bitch. Shitso brought out a board with 3mm screws sticking out of it. Rex was dropped on the screws. He howled with pain in his sexy body. Benny jumped on Shitso who grabbed him and kicked him in the ribs. Benny went screeching through the air. Fagicians grabbed Rex and Benny, put filter masks on their faces, and dragged them toward poisonous shit gas. "This plant is marvelous," said Benny. "Shit gas is poisonous to us, but it attracts insects required for pollination."
Rex and Benny were put on chains, tied to a tree within the shit gas. Rex and Benny choked and coughed as Fagicians left. Shit entered their lungs and blood stream. Rex and Benny passed out. Shitso got pissed off. The plant needed living food. Shitso ran into the shit gas and coughed. He found Rex and Benny lying on the ground and not breathing. Shitso unhooked the leashes and dragged them out. He put his hairy ass with shit on it in their mouths and farted to give them CPR. Rex and Benny coughed and breathed.
All day Andy and Corey tried to enter shit gas defenses but they couldn't. Night came. Rex and Benny were kept in the house all night. Then morning came. Fagicians led Rex out of the house. It was time. If the plant is not fed, it will use its gas to attack the compound and everyone will die. Rex is a German shepherd dog, a perfect animal for the flower. Rex was led on the bridge. Benny watched.
"This is madness," yelled Rex. "But if I'm going to die, I say fuck you! I love Hitler, I love Stalin, I love bin Laden, I love Saddam! I hate Americans."
"Please," said Shitso. "We love and hate all those things too. The fact is, the plant has to eat."
Outside Corey the black kid walked up to a tree stump and got a drink of piss out of it. Suddenly the shit gas cleared. Andy and Corey saw their window of opportunity and went inside.
On the edge of the bridge over a plant Rex saw Andy and Corey walk in. Shitso pushed Rex into the plant. Benny screamed as Rex fell and began being pulled down semen encrusted tube. Fagicians pointed their guns at Andy and Corey. Benny broke free of them and ran up on the bridge. He ran up to the edge and saw Rex sinking down the plant. Benny stretched his paws to him.
Andy and Corey jumped on the Fagicians and grabbed their guns. They ran up to the flower and started shooting it. Green chunks of leaves went flying up. Where the bullets shot through the flower, the plant started shooting out shit gas.
"Nooooooooooooo!" screamed Shitso. "You'll kill us all!"
Rex disappeared down the plant's semen tube and fell in its digestive sac. Plant penises went up his nipples, ass, and penis. Outside shit gas rushed into the compound. Fagicians coughed and choked. Shitso shit out of his mouth. Andy and Corey bathed in shit stink.
"The root!" yelled Benny. "Kill the root! The plant will die!"
Benny started digging with his paws. Shit stink washed over him. Andy and Corey dug into the dirt with their fucking hands. Shitso and Fagicians bathed in shit. The plant was fucking Rex with penises. Rex howled in horror as acid started to ooze into the digestive sac. Andy, Corey, and Benny breathed nothing but shit stink now. Surely Rex was dead. They started passing out. Fagicians fell down and died. Shitso ran through shit stink and threw up dog crap out of his mouth. Benny's penis turned purple from lack of oxygen. Pure shit was in each of his blood cells and coated his lungs. He was just about ready to pass out when he reached the root. Benny chewed at the root with his teeth, shit stink erupting from it in his mouth. The forest became one big shit cloud. Andy and Corey passed out. Halfway through the root. Benny chewed with his teeth. The plant began to shrivel and die. Acid inside its digestive sac stopped oozing. Benny chewed through the root and passed out, embracing the marvelous shit stink, for which he longed.
With the root destroyed, the big green flower turned brown and shriveled. Shit stink stopped shooting out of the ground and evaporated into the sky. Rex sat in the digestive sac, alive with little acid burns. He crawled through semen encrusted tube of the flower and jumped off its dry brown leaves. He found Andy, Corey, and Benny passed out. He stuck his ass over their mouths and farted in them. Andy, Corey, and Benny got up, coughing up blood. Shit stink was gone, dead bodies of Fagicians lay around them, Shitso was gone.
Rex, Benny, Andy, and Corey headed home. They destroyed this vegetable patch.
THE END