Los Angeles Calling
"So how do we get in?" meowed Benny.
Rex saw a black, yellow, and white colored cat run into the doggy door. Rex and Benny ran inside after it. The floor of Shitso's house was covered in feces and porn mags of fat hairy men.
"All these things we've seen on the mountains are enough to make us famous," said Benny. "Now all we have to do is reveal our stories to the world."
Benny jumped on a table in Shitso's house and saw a map of the mountains. Hwy 18 was leading off them down the hill. Benny picked it up in his teeth and jumped down. Shitso, the fat fuck man, came running out of another room with a plunger at them. The plunger was covered in shit and Rex yelped as he got hit with it. Rex and Benny ran for the doggy door and got out of the house. Shitso slipped in his own shit. Shit got all over his tank top and went in his mouth.
"Finally we can get off the mountains," said Rex, looking at the map outside.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
REX AND BENNY 29: LOS ANGELES CALLING
Back at the house Andy (Alexei's stepbrother with a diesel sexy body type), Corey (a nigger kid with glasses) and Siena (a female brown Labrador dog) were there. They looked at the map from Rex and Benny.
"I commuted off the mountains many times," said Andy. "I don't need this map."
"This footage will reveal all the secrets of the mountains," said Corey. "Alexei videotaped our supernatural adventures just like he videotaped himself squeezing Rex's shit for school. Once they analyze the video and see that none of it is CGI, we'll be famous."
"There is still one more matter to attend to," meowed Benny.
Rex and Benny went into the forest. They came to a clearing covered with bones of dead animals. This was a bear hatchery. Rex saw a cub sitting in the nest. A growl came from nearby in the woods. Rex picked up the cub in his teeth.
"You better hurry up," meowed Benny. "The bitchy mom is coming."
A bear walked out of the bushes and roared. Rex and Benny ran into the bushes with a cub. A bear cub pissed in Rex's mouth. The mother bear sniffed the air, roared and went after them. Benny got stuck in the bushes. The bear was coming. Rex dropped the cub.
"Go without me, Rex," meowed Benny. "The world needs this knowledge."
"I will never leave you Benny," barked Rex and pulled Benny out of the bushes.
Rex grabbed the cub in his teeth. He and Benny ran off as the bear roared behind them.
Back at the house Andy put the bear cub in a cage Alexei's stepdad built out of wood. Andy, Corey, Siena, Rex, and Benny got in the Bronco truck. It's white and magenta color. Andy drove up Hwy 138. He drove up through Toptown where 138 went down and joined with Hwy 18. Then 18 went 10 miles down to San Bernardino. As Andy was driving down 138, suddenly a pick up truck went after them. A shirtless man painted with shit all over his face and long dreaded hair poked his head out of the truck, grabbed a gun and started shooting at the Bronco.
"Oh shit!" yelled Andy as Corey screamed.
A bullet shot through the glass. Rex's penis was caught in shattered glass. Corey put his head down. Siena began to bark wildly.
"Shut up bitch," said Andy. Corey held her mouth shut.
The painted man in a beat up truck shot more bullets at the sexy body of the Bronco truck. The man grabbed a bullhorn.
"Pull over," he said. "You're carrying the Shitga sacred turds."
"What sacred turds did we steal?" barked Rex.
"What is that crazy fuck talking about?" said Andy.
Rex sniffed Siena's ass and found dry painted turds in it. He took the turds out with his mouth. Andy threw them out the window. The man's truck ran over them, swerved and went flying through the guardrail off a cliff.
The heroes were driving through San Bernardino. It was getting dark when suddenly gangsters came running out at the truck. They had guns and knives. Andy slowed down when a gangster stabbed the tire and it popped. Another gangster shattered the window with his elbow and pointed a gun at Andy.
"Look at these two homos," said the gangsta man. "They got two faggoty ass dogs and a cat, and a fucking baby bear in a cage. Alright, fags, give us the truck and all your fucking money or we'll off the pets and kill you."
Siena wagged her tail in happiness because someone was paying attention to her. Suddenly a van came swerving next to the Bronco. Rex and Benny jumped out of the Bronco and farted shit out of their asses at the gangsters.
"I'll tag your fucking neighborhood with my shit," screeched Benny as fur stood up on his tail. A middle-aged man in a suit with moustache came running out of the van, and shot gangsters with his gun. Andy and Corey came out.
"My name is Fitzfuckins," said the man as he shook Andy's and Corey's hands. "I've been sent here to reveal your findings to the world."
A city with freeways and skyscrapers stands. It's Los Angeles. Andy and Corey are dressed up in suits. Rex, Benny, and Siena are lying on padded doggy beds inside a great hall with a banquet table and men dressed in tuxedos. A bear cub sat in a cage on a stand in the center of the hall.
"You mean Benny fought a bear. What a brave kitty," said Fitzfuckins in amazement.
"He does not only fight them, he fucks them," barked Rex. "Ran one off the edge of a cliff."
"Good news," said Andy. "They analyzed the video footage of our adventures and it is infuck real. We're now eligible for a reward in ten billion dollars for advancing science. Me and Corey can move off the mountains. Become rich. I'll share the money with my stepdad and his bitchy wife (Alexei's bitchy mom) won't get anything. Of course Nikki and my mom will get some too."
"Rex," meowed Benny. "What if I don't want things to change."
Fitzfuckins brought Alexei's "Rex and Benny" story before Benny the cat.
"Read," said Fitzfuckins. "Alexei the gay Russian kid wrote down all your adventures."
Benny looked at the story, but couldn't make out the words. He felt nauseous. The words blurred and instead he saw Shitic runs, the ancient language of San Bernardino mountains.
Benny the gray cat lies asleep within a hut. Over him sits a shirtless man with dreads and painted with shit. He shakes cut off human ballsacs over Benny's body. The cat still sleeps. Andy with Rex on a leash, followed by Corey with Siena on the leash in his hand walk down the steps into the hut. Lastly Nikki (Andy's hot girlfriend) walked in.
"Benny has participated in a Shitga story dream ritual," said the shafag. "The dream reveals your penis's true desire. He's been trapped in his dream for 2� days. I warned him of the dangers. Now if he doesn't wake by sunrise, he will remain trapped in his dream for all eternity."
Andy, Corey, Rex, Siena, and Nikki stood in horror for sun will rise soon.
Back in L. A. Andy sat in the hall of a 10 story building. The celebration was over. He petted Benny who sat in his hands. Andy and Benny looked at the cub in the cage. Suddenly three masked men came running into the hall with guns.
"Step away from the cub, gay gents," said the masked man pointing a gun at Andy who dropped Benny on the floor. "I'll get $10 million big ones from Mr. Gay for this cub."
"For Satan's sake, point that thing away from the cub," meowed Benny.
"No use getting shot over a simple forest predator," said the man.
Rex the dog came running in and jumped on the man. Rex pissed on the cloth over his face which soaked piss. The man started firing his gun. Andy punched another man. Benny jumped on the face of the third man and stuck his cat ballsac in his mouth.
"Here, you damn robber, lick my nutsac," said Benny.
Rex pulled the mask off the leader and saw that it was Fitzfuckins. Fitzfuckins shot Andy in the back. Andy fell down and died. Benny screeched in horror. Two other robbers pushed the cage over by accident. It hit the floor and shattered. The bear cub stood up and squealed. Suddenly it began to grow really fast and grew into an adult bear. Everyone looked in horror as it stood in the center of them. The bear roared, grabbed Rex in its teeth and threw him. Rex went flying against a wall and fell down on the floor and died as a chunk of him was torn out. Benny screeched in horror for Rex was killed. A window shattered as the bear ran outside through it and into the city. Benny ran out and heard screaming as the bear attacked people. It was nighttime.
Fitzfuckins ran out of the building when a limo pulled up. Siena the dog sat in the back.
"You didn't tell me the fucking cub would grow up," yelled Fitzfuckins and shot Siena.
Benny ran up to the limo. Siena works for Mr. Gay, the black marketeer.
"How could I sexpect Andy to have sex with a dog who has nothing," whimpered Siena and died. The limo drove off with dead Siena into the night. Fitzfuckins ran off.
"I have fucked in Benny's dream," said the shafag. "I was not familiar enough for him to listen when I tried to stop him. But I can send one of you into his dream, to save him. But if he doesn't wake up by sunset, that person will also be trapped in a dream of a cat forever."
Nikki agreed to go so the Shitga tribe shafag used magic to put her to sleep and allowed her to enter Benny's dream.
Benny stands on the street of L. A. when Nikki walks out of the night to him.
"Nikki," meowed Benny. "What are you doing here?"
"Benny," she said. "This is all a dream. You must wake up. None of this is real."
"Are you kidding me," meowed Benny. "Andy was shot. Rex was killed. And now this monster bear is attacking the city."
Police sirens were going off. Corey came running up.
"It's a shitty nightmare," said Corey. "A bear attacking the city. Hundreds are dead. Hospitals are full."
Corey ran off into the night, was attacked by muggers and stabbed to death.
"Nikki," meowed Benny. "I have started a nightmare that I can't stop. So help me."
Benny ran inside a building, grabbed a pencil in his teeth, and ran back out. Benny and Nikki ran across the street up to a gate of a park. It was "Shit Park" filled with pine trees and oaks, just like the mountains. The bear walked among the trees in the park. Benny and Nikki ran through the gates. The bear roared as it ran at them. Benny jumped on the bear and stuck a pencil in its' testicle. The bear pushed sexy Nikki out of the way. Nikki got a scratch on her boob.
Everyone in real life saw Nikki get a scratch on her boob. Benny the cat twitched in his sleep.
"Nikki has injured herself in Benny the cat's dream," said the Shitga shafag. "If she dies in his dream, she will die in this world as well."
The hungry bear prowled among the pine trees with a bleeding testicle. Nikki ducked behind a log and grabbed the cat in her arms. Benny broke free and ran off into the night.
"Here kitty, come back," yelled Nikki. "That thing is going to kill you."
The bear sniffed the air. Benny stood in front of it and shrieked. Fur stood up on Benny's tail. The bear hit Benny with his paw. The cat screeched as he flew and his sexy body got hit on a tree.
Andy, Corey, Siena, and Rex saw Nikki holding Benny's tail with her hand in her sleep.
"Let's do what they're doing," barked Rex.
Andy grabbed Benny's dick, Siena grabbed Andy's dick in her mouth, Corey grabbed Siena's paw, and Rex grabbed Corey's penis, and put his tail on Nikki's other hand. They all joined together and entered Benny's dream at once.
The bear was coming for Benny when suddenly Andy, Corey, Siena, and Rex appeared in the forest. Benny purred in happiness.
"Hey Benny," barked Rex. "Would you like our help. Or would you rather be a shitnight snack."
Andy and Corey pulled down their pants. Then both of them and Siena and Rex pointed their asses at the bear and farted shit out of them at it. The bear got hit with shit, roared and ran off.
"This isn't possible," meowed Benny. "You all died. Unless Nikki is right and this is only a dream."
The sun rose over the mountains and Benny the cat stretched and got up. Nikki opened her eyes and woke up. The Shitga shafag stared in amazement.
They all walked out of the shack in the morning. Andy and Corey led Rex and Siena on dog leashes. Nikki carried Benny in her arms.
"I guess the dream ritual did work," meowed Benny. "It revealed my nutsac's true desire, to be home forever among fags." And then Benny told how he dreamt up that Siena wanted to have sex with Andy.
"Are you kidding me," barked Siena. "I only want him to masturbate me when I'm in heat."
"Only in Benny's dreams," said Andy.
THE END