Turd Cold
Rex and Benny went down Highway 138 where the National Forest began. The forest was on the left and right sides of the Highway. Suddenly the sky began to turn dark as if a storm was gathering. Lightning flashed through the sky. Rex and Benny stood on the side of the Highway with dark forest around them. A screaming woman ran out of the trees. She was tearing a red dress off her body. She tore it off and scratched her tits with her fingernails. Rex and Benny ran up to her. She screamed in frenzy, clawed her tits and vagina and fell to the ground. She lay there motionless and suddenly turds began to fly around her. She sat up and shit poured out of her eyeballs. She spoke in a deep demonic voice.
"The dead shall fuck, the living die. Beware the living shit," she yelled and fell dead.
The sky was flashing with lightning and it turned dark as night. Rex and Benny needed to run for cover. Ghost faces with genitals appeared and flew around, making orgasmic moans.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, REX THE GERMAN SHEPHERD DOG AND BENNY THE GRAY CAT FUCKED FOR A SHITTY WORLD. DRIVEN BY ASS-BITION, SEXUAL DESIRES, A THIRST FOR ASS-VENTURE, AND FUCKING THE ULTIMATE STORY. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT. BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. EACH DAY IS A DESPERATE FUCK TO SURVIVE�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN VALLEY OF ENCHANTMENT, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN CRESTLINE AREA.
REX AND BENNY 27: TURD COLD
Ghosts were made of shit and they fucked each other in mid-air and flew after Rex and Benny. The dog and cat ran through the woods, piss rain pouring on them from the sky.
Back in town it was sunny and clear. Andy and Nikki got in the green Ford F-150. Siena the brown female Labrador dog sat in the back. They drove out of the driveway towards National Forest scanning the road, trying to spot Rex and Benny.
Rex and Benny ran through darkness and rain. A ghost made of shit howled and flew down on Rex. Its dick penetrated the crusty shit on Rex's asshole. The ghost moaned and screamed with orgasms and went circling the trees. Rex and Benny ran out of the bushes to a clearing and saw a castle. // "Who the hell would build this here?" asked Benny.
But there was no time to think. They needed to find shelter from these apparitions.
Andy was driving when suddenly he entered the storm where everything turned as dark as night. A ghost made of shit howled and flew into the truck, showing Nikki its shit penis, and slapping her in a face with it. Nikki opened the door and went rolling out of the truck. Two ghosts made of shit with boobs flew after her. She ran into the forest. Her white t-shirt soaked with rain and her tits were visible. Nikki saw a castle and ran up to the gates where Rex and Benny stood.
Rex and Benny opened the gates, as spirits surrounded them, and ran in with Nikki. Rex shut the gates. Ghosts howled outside. The castle was filled with leaves and spider webs. They were in the main hall with staircases. On the walls stood statues of gargoyles made of shit.
"There has got to be another way out of here," said Rex. "Let's sexplore."
Rex, Benny, and Nikki went up the stairs. They walked into a hall and saw more gargoyle statues. Gargoyles had penises, nutsacs, and boobs. Benny pushed against a switch on the wall and it lifted up and he fell down a staircase into a room. The wall closed. Rex & Nikki called him.
"I'll find another way out, assholes," yelled Benny.
Rex came up to a door and it opened in front of him. Rex stepped into a room when the door closed. Nikki decided to head back when she saw a door and opened it. Inside was a bath filled with urine. Nikki stripped herself naked and got in the warm urine. A statue of a gargoyle sat on the wall and it was watching her.
Benny found a costume in his room and a black wig. It was made for a cat. Benny slipped into it for no reason and put the wig on his head. A small sword sat in the hilt of Benny's belt. Benny looked out a little window of his room and saw Nikki sitting in a piss bath.
"Enjoy you bath, Comtess Assianne," said Benny.
In the room Rex was in, he found a bottle of semen and drank out of it. Then Rex saw a blue suit with yellow straps and a white curly wig. He placed the suit and wig upon himself and walked out of the room. // Nikki was taking a bath when she spotted a locket on a chain. The locket had a picture of a penis on it and an inscription inside in Latin. Per lacuna atrum domina turdulus vadum exsisto cito, per lacuna mage turdulus silentium. "By the words of a dark bitch the turd shall be fucked, by the words of Fage the turd be silenced," read Nikki and put on the locket. // Rex ran out into the main hall dressed in a blue suit and gray wig, waving a small sword in his teeth.
"Oh, comtess, quench my lust!" yelled Rex. "Sooth my tender penis with your vagina. Oh, God, I will do anything Comtess, to earn your love. Will you deny such a passion and our destiny to spend our lives together! Let the undeserving one show himself so this feud shall be resolved! Where are you, fiend?" Just then Benny the cat walks out in a black wig and dark suit.
"Well, look who crawled out from under a rock," said Rex. "D'Assfuck, is that not you."
"Comtess Assianne prefers a man of youth and vigor unlike you Fuckois," said Benny. "You're too old."
"Since the comtess cannot have both of us, D'Assfuck, then I propose a duel," said Rex and drew his sword from the hilt with his teeth. Benny drew his little sword in his teeth.
"En fucke," said Benny. Their swords clashed. Nikki in a dress walked down the stairs. She had a delightful mole on her cheek.
"Fuckois! D'Assfuck!" said Nikki. "Such a passion my presence ignites. The duel will resume when I command. But now which one of you shall I choose for this dance!"
Benny pushed Rex out of the way and gave Nikki his paw. Nikki and Benny danced in a castle of mold, rotten pine needles and cobwebs. As they spun and spun around, the semen candles lit up. Torches flared to life and the leaves and cobwebs disappeared revealing a colored floor and the castle came to life. Gargoyles made of shit still stood on the walls. Spinet played.
Andy drove onto the side of the Highway in the storm. Siena jumped out of the truck. Andy and Siena ran into the woods to find Nikki. Ghosts made of shit flew on them and masturbated their genitals. Andy and Siena the dog ran through the forest and saw a castle in the storm.
In the castle the dance was over. Rex walked up to Benny drawing his sword.
"We shall settle this once and for all, D'Assfuck," said Rex to Benny. "You wear a wig and make-up because you have syphilis."
"Victory shall be mine, Fuckois," said Benny to Rex.
"Then, gentlefeg, let's begin," said Nikki. "There is only one of you who will have me."
Rex and Benny fought or Fuckois and D'Assfuck fought, the people who they have become by some magic. Benny put cuts on Rex's penis with a sword. Benny hit Rex in the ballsac with a sword. Rex pissed and shit inside his blue captain's suit. Suddenly Andy and Siena burst through the front doors of the castle and locked them behind them.
Rex and Benny stopped fighting and pointed their swords at Andy and Siena. Andy and Siena couldn't understand the meaning of their friends dressed up and attacking them.
"My cousin Pissophie," said Nikki to Siena. "And my dear Fuckspero. Awfully brave of you to run through disease ridden peasants. Now Fuckspero go and complete your spell while I put the proper attire on Pissophie."
Rex and Benny chased Andy up the stairs. Andy walked down the hall and saw a dead decaying body of a dog with Benny's sword in him. Andy came to doors and suddenly one opened before him. He walked in and found a table with a book that said The Shit of Fuckspero on the cover. He found a dead body with a blue robe. Andy realized it was his costume for the play but he couldn't put it on. He had to figure this out.
"You can't fuck me to do this!" yelled Andy and ran for the door when metal bars came down in front of him blocking his way. Andy must put on the costume but if he does he will lose his mind.
The duel between Fuckois and D'Assfuck has been stopped. Nikki put a pink dress on Siena. The ghosts wailed outside.
"Why can't those peasants just go ahead and die," said Siena. "Shit themselves to death as half of them already did."
"My alchemist will summon a spell to move this castle at midnight," said Nikki. "And we will be forever free of this plague."
A great feast was thrown in the main hall while outside it rained, and was dark, and ghosts made of shit wailed. Rex, Benny, Nikki, and Siena stood by the table filled with food. Rex pissed in a cup.
"To our dear wizard," said Rex. "Shall he remove our castle from here and to good times ahead."
Nikki toasted everybody's glasses because Rex, Benny, and Siena cannot hold cups. Then they all drank Rex's urine. Spinet played, filling the main hall with gay ass music.
Rex danced with Siena and Nikki danced with Benny.
"You know Fuckois," said Siena the female brown Labrador in a pink dress. "D'Assfuck simply plans to rape the Comtess up the vagina and touch her tits and leave. You on the other testicle possess true love and is worthy of her."
Benny danced with Nikki.
"My dear Comtess Assianne," said Benny to Nikki. "Fuckois' reputation is not very good for a woman of your stature. He had three wives, each of whom died. He of course could not be proven guilty and inherited their wealth. A treacherous snake by any other means, he is."
"What a pussy," said Nikki. "Defeat Fuckois in a duel and marry me."
A lifeless gargoyle statue made of shit opened its eyes and looked upon the great ball and closed them. // Andy sat in the room and opened the book of Fuckspero. Rex is Fuckois, Benny is D'Assfuck, Nikki is Comtess Assianne, Siena is Pissophie, and Andy's role is of magician name Fuckspero. The book was written in Latin. The plague of gay London, 1603. I, Fuckspero, cast a spell to fuck this castle from the plague. But instead I gave life to the shit within the castle. Now it needs souls to feed upon. By the words of a dark bitch the turd shall be fucked, by the words of Fage the turd be silenced.
"You fucked a wrong spell you fool," yelled Andy. "And gave the shit in this castle life instead. But the words of Mage shall silence the turds. This book must be the words of a Mage."
Nikki walked into the room Andy was in.
"Still you're not ready," said Nikki. "Midnight draws near, Fuckspero. Cast your spell and move this castle from this plague ridden land." And then in deep demonic voice she added. "Just as you did FOUR HUNDRED year ago!" A gargoyle made of shit screeched and flapped its wings. "Otherwise what do you expect from living shit!"
"I will be ready," said Andy. "I just need a few moments to prepare."
Andy picked up the book. Comtess Assianne walked out of the room. Andy couldn't put on the costume. It is the clothes that possess them. A gargoyle on the wall shrieked and flapped its wings and sat silent.
Comtess Assianne (Nikki) walked down the stairs to the main hall. Into her ring was built a needle filled with poison. During her dance with D'Assfuck (Benny) she would poison and kill him. After marrying Fuckois (Rex) she would kill him and inherit his wealth. Nikki walked into the hall. Benny offered her a dance as the spinet played.
Suddenly Andy walked down the stairs, dressed in a blue robe of Fuckspero. Nikki smiled. Andy threw off his robe that he placed upon his own clothes so the spell won't take over and yelled "Clothes fucketh the fag!" He raised a book and cried out a spell, "Shitus fuckus nepenisum diafuckum pissus!" Shit gargoyles on the walls suddenly shrieked and flapped their wings. Rex and Benny rushed at Andy with swords, but Andy tore off their homosexual costumes and they stopped in their tracks. They became Rex and Benny again. The book did not work!!!
"What the fuck are we doing?" asked Rex.
Andy tore the clothes off Nikki and Siena. Gargoyles made of shit started flying around. Comtess Assianne (Nikki) screamed like a bitch and kept yelling that they are all traitors.
"Destroy them all, my pets," yelled Nikki to gargoyles. "Living shit! Eat their souls!"
A gargoyle flew over Rex and shit on his head. Another gargoyle picked up Benny and threw him across the room. A gargoyle landed on Andy and beat him in the ballsac with its wings. Another of those things grabbed Rex's penis and pulled on it. A gargoyle raped Benny up the ass with its penis. Nikki was still screaming as she stood naked, her tits revealed. And then Rex saw the locket on her neck. The spirit clothes were gone but the locket still controlled her.
"The power is in the locket, not the book," yelled Rex. "Andy is a fucking idiot!"
Rex tore the locket off Nikki and yelled the inscription, "Shitus fuckus nepenisum diafuckum pissus!" in a noble voice that resonated. Gargoyles exploded into shit. Storm clouds disappeared and sun shined. The castle began to twist and warp and shape itself into penises and was forever gone leaving Rex, Benny, Nikki, Siena, and Andy standing on a sunny clearing. They walked back to the truck. The castle has been stopped from feeding on souls.
"Screw you," said Rex. "Comtess Assianne and whoever else were all supposed to be."
THE END