Alexei's stepdad drove to a job down the hill. Shitso started a fire in Pissfag Canyon right after he left. Alexei's bitchy mom and grandma can't drive or support themselves out of laziness and Alexei's dad has to be there to protect them. Andy and Kevin can drive and they were working in the woodshop so in case the fire gets to Rimforest, Andy can take them with him. Alexei's mom does not know roads because she only lived on San Bernardino mountains seven years and has a drivefag's license.
Alexei the retarded Russian kid doesn't talk. He was down in the woodshop with Rex the German shepherd dog. Andy and Kevin are there. Alexei plays around with a stolen traffic cone and puts it in the driveway to block neighbors from driving through. Alexei peeled the reflectors off of it.
"Alexei is a fucking dip shit, dude," said Rex the German shepherd dog.
Fire trucks drove by on the highway with sirens on. Rex howled at the sirens. Alexei's bitchy mom came down to the woodshop and was hysterical.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. GERMAN SHEPHERD, GRAY CAT, STEPBROTHER, GIRLFRIEND, NIGGER, AND FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! STRANDED IN A SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF...
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 22: FAGICIANS AT THE GATE
She is afraid of the fire and was begging Andy to evacuate her. She was lying that Alexei's dad told her to evacuate. She is gathering bags with Russian shit, Russian china, and Russian documents.
"I will lose my clothes and I will lose my documents," said Alexei's bitchy mom.
Alexei's bitchy grandma came down to the woodshop. She doesn't speak any English. Anybody would feel sorry for Alexei's dad who has to live with a stupid bitch and crazy people who speak strange languages and bring strange cultures into this country.
"Blah, blah, blah, blah!" talked Alexei's grandma.
Benny the gray cat was tied to a tree by the house. Benny pissed on his leash and it ripped. Benny ran down to the woodshop. For as long as anyone can remember, wildfires never got to Rimforest and this one never would have.
Benny came down to the woodshop. Suddenly naked men by names of Fagicians ran out of the bushes. Their dark robes were decorated with hanging dog turds. Fagicians had their genitals, cheeks, and chests pierced with rings on which hung cat turds. The smoke from the fires was fucking into the sky. Fagicians attacked Alexei and shit in his mouth. Shit consisted of partially digested vegetables. A Fagician grabbed a plunger and put it over Alexei's asshole and pumped. Shit came out of Alexei's mouth. Then the plunger was stuck over Alexei's mouth and pumped. Shit came out of Alexei's asshole. A Fagician wiped his ass and made Alexei eat the toilet paper. A traffic cone was shoved up Alexei's ass not vertically, but horizontally! Alexei died.
Rex and Benny jumped on the Fagicians. Two men kicked Rex and he went flying into a tree. A squirrel pissed on Rex. Fagicians grabbed Benny and carried him toward Andy and Kevin. Benny was thrown into a bucket of "Old Faggot's" wood stain. Benny was covered in stain. A Fagician grabbed a lacquer spray gun and sprayed lacquer up Benny's mouth. Andy jumped toward the Fagicians in hopes of attacking them, when he got thrown through the air and went flying into Kevin. Now Andy and Kevin are two homos who took off their shirts because they're shirtless faggots. Andy's sexy bare body smashed through the window and chunks of shattered glass was sticking out of his flesh.
Rex and Benny ran across Highway 18, down hill, and along Pine Avenue to the "Depot" gas station. Just when Rex and Benny thought Fagicians couldn't get them, they spread their robes and kites opened up on their backs. Fagicians jumped down, glided over the Highway, and above Pine Avenue.
"Take fucking cover!" yelled Rex.
A Fagician swooped down and picked up Rex, flying up with him. A Fagician flew up and then down, dragging Rex's penis along an electrified power line. Rex was then dropped and landed on a razor wire fence with his ballsac and fell to the ground.
Benny the cat climbed over a chain link fence into a junkyard. A Fagician glided down, grabbed Benny, and threw him on the pavement with shattered glass on it. As Rex laid on the ground, he was lifted into the air by a man on a kite and thrown on the pavement. Rex and Benny ran down the street, through a lumber yard, and ran to a "Depot" gas station store. Rex and Benny ran inside. Windows shattered as Fagicians on kites went flying in. People screamed as they fell on the ground.
"This is a robbery," barked Rex. "Everybody on the fucking floor."
People dropped to the floor. Rex and Benny pissed on Americans out of their dicks.
Rex grabbed a package of cat food in his mouth and he and Benny ran. Security guards ran out and started shooting Fagicians. Security guards shot Rex and Benny as they ran out of the gas station. Bullets made pavement chunks fly up beneath their feet.
Andy got in his green truck. He needed to drive to the bank in Lake Arrowhead. Alexei's bitchy Russian mom went into hysterical mode and begged Andy to stay in case fire got to Rimforest.
"I'll be gone ten minutes," said Andy. "Shut up!"
He drove off. Alexei's bitchy mom gathered bags and cried and grandma bitched.
"Why did Johnny leave me! Why! Doesn't he know the situation is like this! We're three people from Russia who don't know anything here and he has to take care of us!" bitched Alexei's mom. John is the name of Alexei's stepdad.
Alexei's bitchy mom and grandma saw brush fire smoke billowing into the sky and became so scared that shit poured out of grandma's ass all over her skirt. Piss shot out of Alexei's mom's vagina together with period blood all over Alexei.
Andy drove Kevin, Alexei's bitchy mom, grandma, and Alexei to Running Piss Springs, a town where Nikki's mom lives. Nikki lives there with her two sisters. There Alexei's bitchy mom talked in a horrible Russian accent to Nikki's mom. Andy drove Kevin to his house and went to "Jensfag's" to buy food. Alexei's dad came up the mountains. Only people who live on the mountains were allowed to come up. Alexei's dad went to Nikki's house and drove Alexei, bitchy mom, and bitchma back home.
Rex and Benny ran back to the house. Several fire trucks drove by with their sirens on. Rex and Benny could see smoke rising into the sky.
"What the hell are documents?" asked Benny.
Alexei's dad, bitchy mom, grandbitch, and Alexei came up to the house in a truck. Alexei's mom bitched. She has to go. She was hysterical. She was screaming like a bitch. Alexei's dad told her to put everything in a Ford Sexplorer in case they have to evacuate but not before then. Alexei's mom wanted to go to a hotel in San Bernardino. Just then the power went out. Alexei's dad hooked up a generator to watch TV. Alexei's grandma bitched at Alexei's dad so he threw a chair at her. Alexei's mom wanted to drive away on her own but she doesn't know how to drive. Alexei's dad told that he will disable the car so she won't go anywhere. Alexei was walking Rex on the leash. While all that was happening, nighttime settled in. Alexei would run over to Charter Cable TV station building in Rimforest and take traffic cones out of their trucks.
At 11:00 PM a cop whose testicles Benny has scratched drove by and announced on a bullhorn that Rimforest is under fagdatory evacuation. Alexei's mom filled the car with bags. Alexei's grandma, dad, mom, Alexei, and Rex and Benny got in the fucking car and drove away. The Shit Mage floated in the night sky. Soon he will prevail over Rex and Benny.
The gay family drove down the hill and drove around all night. The fires were burning at the bottom of the mountain. The hotels were full and half of them will not accept gay pets. After driving around all night, Alexei's dad parked in a store parking lot at six in the morning to get sleep. They were in a bad part of San Bernardino. Suddenly black and Mexican gangsters ran out of the darkness. Grandma left the car to get fresh fart. They attacked the senile old woman. Her purse was taken away. They found no money. Bitchma was pushed on the ground. Under gunpoint Alexei's dad had to give them money. They beat Alexei's mom and put cuts on her tits. She screamed like a bitch. A gangster in a bandana pointed a gun at Rex and Benny and told them to get the fuck out of the car. Gangsters stole Alexei's parents' car and drove off.
As Rex and Benny stood in the parking lot a Shit Mage appeared behind them, raised his scepter and all three of them disappeared. Rex and Benny woke up tied up to trees in the forest. The Shit Mage fed them coyote shit and raccoon piss. Rex and Benny were tortured with fire, piss ice, and scorpions. Fire was touched against their sexy bodies. They were bathed in freezing piss. Scorpions stung their penises. During that day, before the fire got to Rimforest, Andy was able to get Alexei's dad's trucks to Nikki's house. Next day after a stinging by scorpions in the forest, Rex and Benny woke up and saw that Nikki, Andy, and Kevin were tied up next to them.
Night came. The fires burned and pine trees went up like matchsticks, flames reaching 200 feet into the sky. The town was empty except for firefeg and reportfags. Rex, Benny, Andy, Nikki, and Kevin watched the fire approach Rimforest. Houses caught on fire. The fire burned the houses on Rex and Benny's block one after the other. The house caught on fire and all the shit burned out. The woodshop burst into flames. Lacquer spilled on wood, accelerating the flames. Rex and Benny's lives in Rimforest were over. They all choked on smoke as fire was 500 feet away, when Shit Mage came up and set them loose. They had to run for their lives, but were already in the middle of an inferno. The forest they were in was ablaze. The night sky lit up red.
As they ran and flames licked their bodies, breathing air 150 degrees hot, Shit Mage sprayed hair spray on his shoe and set it on fire. He stepped with his burning shoe on Rex's penis. Rex shoved a burning stick up his ass.
Screaming, Shit Mage tore off his clothes and revealed his sexy body. Shit Mage shit in his hand, set the shit on fire, and threw it at Rex.
A fartplane flew over the fire and dumped orange fire retardant on it. Orange fire retardant went up Rex's penis and ass.
Pine trees cracked as they burned like torches. Embers hit Rex's sexy body. Kevin rolled in burning pine needles as he fought Shit Mage. Shit Mage set his own penis on fire and shoved it up Benny's ass. Andy pushed Shit Mage against a burning tree trunk.
Shit Mage grabbed Benny by his neck and beat him against a burning tree as flames coated its trunk. Hair on Shit Mage's body caught on fire. Rex licked Shit Mage's armpit and nutsac sweat. Rex's sexy body was caught in a shower of embers. Nikki's boobs were caught in whirlwind of embers as she screamed and burning branch fell off a tree on them. Shit Mage burst into flames and became a human torch. He fucked Nikki up the vagina as he burned alive. Nikki's tits were caught in flames.
A burning tree fell on Kevin and he burst into flames, and screamed as he burned alive. Burned alive! Kevin burned! He exploded into shit in slow motion. Burning shit.
"Forget him! He is gone!" meowed Benny.
In a green forest, lit up by the flames as if in daylight, a shape of two animals, and two people emerged out of the billowing smoke. Rex, Benny, Andy, and Nikki came running out of the forest as the trees exploded in a shit storm of fire. And then Shit Mage emerged in all his glory, glowing in shit.
"Hunt! Kill! Destroy! Fuck! Rape!" yelled Shit Mage.
Andy, Rex, Nikki, and Benny saw Fagicians emerge out of the burning woods with crossbows. Naked men ran toward them. Rex, Benny, Andy, and Nikki ducked behind smoking trees as arrows struck around them. // "I felt much better in the fire," meowed Benny.
They came to a 500 foot deep ditch, black as night. No one could see the bottom. Across the river was a rope bridge and parts of it were catching on fire. Nikki headed for it and ran across the bridge to the other side. As Benny followed her, a Fagician jumped on him out of the night. Benny struggled with him. Fagician went flying off the bridge into the abyss. Benny was knocked off, hung on his claws, let go and went down, screeching.
"Benny! Waa-wa-wawooooooooooooo!" howled Rex.
Rex and Andy ran across the bridge. The Shit Mage saw the perfection of that scene, and fired a magic shit beam at the bridge. The bridge exploded in half. Andy and Rex shrieked as they went falling down the black abyss, in the blackness of the night and hellstorm of fire.
"Andyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," screamed fucking Nikki. "I love you!"
Nikki ran out of the forest hysterical and firemen grabbed her at the fire station. Firemen raped Nikki with their dicks. Morning came. The forest fire was put out. Nikki sat on a fire truck with a blanket over her. But will she find her friends, dead or alive?
THE END