Shit Prophecy
Alexei the retarded Russian kid was walking Rex the German shepherd dog down the woodshop driveway. Benny the gray cat escaped from the house and was following Rex and Alexei behind the trees. Rex sniffed the ground. He saw recent sasquatch tracks but it looks like a bear chased them away.
The fire station was built on Highway 18. A dirt road goes up from the fire station into the forest. Suddenly Rex heard hoofbeats and screaming. A woman was riding in a wagon drawn by two horses. The wagon had pictures of coyotes on it. It was out of control and headed toward the Highway. A big rig was coming down the highway. It was going to hit the wagon if it ever made it. The woman screamed. Rex pulled on the leash and Alexei fell face down in the dog shit. Dog shit got all over Alexei's glasses so it looked like he was wearing sunglasses.
As the wagon was racing toward the highway, Rex jumped on it, pushed the ho out of the way and grabbed the reins in his teeth. Rex pulled on the horses. Rex pissed on the horses.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. GERMAN SHEPHERD, GRAY CAT, STEPBROTHER, GIRLFRIEND, NIGGER, AND FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 21: SHIT PROPHECY
The wagon began to slow. The fucking truck was coming. Shit, fuck, shit! Benny the cat saw as the wagon was going full speed when it was three feet away from the road. Then a big rig roared past. Benny saw that somehow Rex has regained control of the gay wagon and stopped it.
"Hello dog," said the woman. "My name is Isabitch, a fortunetellbitch."
"Aren't you going to have animal porn with me for saving your life," barked Rex.
"I've already seen my death," said Isabitch. "And it was not today."
"So you can see the future," meowed Benny. "Could you tell ours."
Alexei the retarded Russian kid walked up to Rex and tried to grab his leash.
"That retard's afterlife will be denied to him," said Isabitch.
Isabitch petted Rex.
"You will be betrayed by a four-breasted bitch," said Isabitch.
"We have a lot of those around," barked Rex.
Isabitch picked Benny the cat up in her arms.
"Two days from now your genitals will be torn from your body by a clawled fag," said Isabitch.
"Oh, you don't believe in that shit, do you?" barked Rex. "Well, nice fucking you, we have to go home."
Rex and Benny walked over the hill, back to the woodshop. At night Rex was in his chain-link fence pen by the woodshop, asleep. Benny the gray cat was in the house, on a hill, behind the woodshop. Under the cover of night Isabitch snuck out of her wagon and picked the lock on the door. She got inside the woodshop. Rex started barking but he was outside and he saw a raccoon run by. Isabitch started stealing tools out of the woodshop and loading up her wagon. She took a portable saw and all the toolboxes and put them in her wagon. She closed the door but left it unlocked and drove off into the darkness in her wagon.
In the morning Alexei's dad came down to the woodshop. The door was unlocked. Half his tools were gone. Andy drove up to the house with Kevin. Andy has picked up Kevin today at his house.
"Shit!" yelled Alexei's dad. "Someone stole my fucking tools! Who the fuck left the door unlocked?"
"I locked the door," said Andy.
"That fortune-fucking bitch," said Rex who was in his pen. Rex jumped on top of his dog house, over the fence and fell hitting his sexy body against the pavement. Benny was on the leash outside by the house and he pissed on it. Benny ran down to the woodshop. Rex told him what happened. Rex and Benny ran into the forest to find the tools.
Isabitch was riding her horse-drawn wagon through the forest. Suddenly the horses whinnied. Shitso the fat fuck and a bunch of bandits ran out of the forest in front of the wagon. Isabitch stopped it. Isabitch took out a bottle of wine and put some poison in it.
"Shitso," she said. "A drink to your health."
"Your wagon fucks deep in its' tracks," said Shitso. "Let's see what you brought me."
"I could read your future if you let me," said Isabitch.
"I already know yours," said Shitso and put a knife up to her tits.
Shitso's dick penetrated the crusty period blood on Isabitch's vagina. He kicked her in the tits. She went flying out of the wagon, and hit her tits against a tree.
Rex and Benny are walking through the woods. Rex gave Alexei's mom a yeast infection. Suddenly there were barks and two coyotes came jumping out of the bushes. Coyotes ran at Rex and Benny and barked and snapped their jaws at each other. Coyote stuffed his penis in Benny's mouth. Coyote pissed inside Benny's mouth. Rex licked coyote's penis. Rex bit coyote's testicles. Coyote shit down Rex's mouth. Rex and Benny broke free of their attacks and kept going.
Alexei was walking through the woods and saw 1000-foot tall pine tree. Alexei came to the tree and touched it. Vibrating shit lines run through the tree. The tree itself can give strength to those who touch it. Alexei touched it. Suddenly he grew sexy muscles. Muscles on Alexei's penis and testicles grew. Alexei exploded into shit.
It was getting dark by the time they saw Isabitch standing by a piss pond, picking shit off her ass, and bouncing it across the water.
"I don't think we should get the tools back," meowed Benny. "She said tomorrow my genitals will be torn off by a clawed fag. What if she has the gift?"
"Bullshit!" barked Rex. "There she is, right there."
Rex the dog and Benny the cat came running up to her. They tackled her to the ground. Benny scratched her tits. Rex pissed in her mouth.
"Give the fucking tools back, bitch," said Rex.
"I can't," cried Isabitch. "Shitso took them."
Isabitch agreed to take Rex and Benny to Shitso's camp in the woods. Suddenly there was rustling in the bushes. Several sasquatches jumped out. A sasquatch knocked down Isabitch. She got up and tried to kick the creature when it grabbed her leg and dropped her on the ground. A rock went up her pussy. A sasquatch beat Rex. Rex was punched in the stomach and thrown against the ground. Benny jumped on the sasquatch and tore into its nipples. Rex pissed and shit on the sasquatches. A sasquatch threw Benny and he flew against a tree trunk. Rex grabbed a stick and shoved it up sasquatch's ass. Benny pissed inside sasquatch vagina causing its tits to fall off. Rex tore off nipples. Isabitch was dropped on her tits. A sasqautch danced on her tits. Rex pushed him off. Sasquatches ran away.
As they walked through the woods, they saw Alexei walking around, searching.
Suddenly a coyote jumped on Alexei. Coyote started tearing Alexei apart. Alexei exploded into shit and died. The force of the explosion made the coyote also explode into shit. Alexei and coyote both became ghosts. Ghost coyote tore apart ghost Alexei. Alexei's ghost exploded into a pile of ectoplasmic shit. Rex and Benny stared in horror not at Alexei's death but with a knowledge that Isabitch told the truth.
"And tonight at sunset my fortune will come true," meowed Benny.
Rex, Benny, and Isabitch walked up to a small village of wooden houses. There were men and women walking around with masks shaped like genital organs on their faces.
"They wear masks to hide their faces since they already know each other," said Isabitch.
"It's always fun to fuck with a stranger," barked Rex.
Men wore masks shaped like dick and balls. Women were boob masks or vaginas around their eyeballs and looked through them. Rex decided to go into the village while Benny will be looking for where the tools are hidden. Shitso gathered the bandits around and started throwing guns and stolen goodies to them.
"Take it, you filthy fucks!" yelled Shitso and fired his gun into the air.
Isabitch grabbed Rex's collar.
"Wait," she said. "I have seen your future. You will be betrayed by a four-boobed woman."
"Yeah, well, I doubt that's going to happen," barked Rex and walked away. Benny reluctantly went after him, for he feared his own fortune.
There was a guard standing by a house with a gun. Rex jumped on him. Half of Rex's body went down the guard's pants. Rex's dick penetrated the crusty shit on his asshole. Benny jumped down his pants and shoved his paw up the guard's peehole. He whimpered in pain and passed out. Benny ran into a hut while Rex slid his head under a penis and testicles mask. Rex's mouth would be the peehole of the penis mask and his eyes would look through the eyeholes in the testicles. Rex walked among the villagers who danced to gay music.
"Oh, doggy, how did you get here," said a woman with boobs mask on her as she petted Rex. She took off Rex's mask and her own, closed her eyes and kissed Rex. Her tongue went in Rex's mouth. She opened her eyes and saw Rex, the enemy of Shitso.
"Shitso!" she screamed. "It's Rex!" She ran through the village with her tits in front and the boobs mask hanging on her back. Benny came out of the hut and saw her.
"The four-boobed whore," meowed Benny. "The second prophecy is true."
"Unmask!" yelled Shitso and fired a rifle in the air.
Everyone took off their genital masks and Rex and Benny were grabbed. Isabitch saw all that.
Shitso placed a ballsac cuff on Benny and Rex with a chain attached to the floor.
"You know, we boil outsiders in shit," said Shitso to Benny. "But why waste my new toy." Shitso waved his gun in front of Benny.
"Listen, Shitso," meowed Benny. "How about we join you?"
"First there is a small initiation," said Shitso.
"What? A secret fuck? A handshake? A bandit oath?" asked Benny.
"No. You must kill him," said Shitso pointing a gun at Rex and then walked away. "Otherwise you both boil in shit."
It was noon when Shitso brought Rex and Benny out in the middle of the village. Shitso had two men hold Rex. Then a single bullet was stuck up Benny's butthole. Benny was to fart the bullet out of his ass and shoot Rex that way. Benny stood with his butthole at Rex, three feet away. Shitso raised up Benny's tail.
"You can't miss from here," said Shitso.
"Do it," barked Rex. "That way at least you will live."
Benny felt a fart coming on. He can't shoot Rex. Rex is preparing to get shot. Benny has to shoot Rex but he can't. Rex wants Benny to shoot him. Suddenly Isabitch ran through the crowd.
"Shitso!" she yelled. "You're forgetting your own code! They can challenge you to a fight to the death if they attack you and are not prisoners!"
Shitso smacked the fortune-telling bitch. Benny farted a bullet at a guy's head who was holding Rex. Rex broke free and they jumped Shitso.
"Then I shall fight one of you at sunset," said Shitso.
"And then I will die," meowed Benny.
At sunset Shitso walked out in the center surrounded by bandits and gangsters. Shitso wore a glove with claws of coyote on it and Benny saw the clawed faggot. Benny came out to face Shitso. Benny goes flying as he is thrown by Shitso. The crowd grabs him and throws him back. Shitso kicks Benny. Benny hisses and fur on his tail stands up. Benny scratches Shitso's fat sexy body. Shitso laughs and kicks Benny in the jaw with his boot. Shitso grabs Benny and tries to break the cat against his thigh. Rex watches in sexual turn on because that's what he gets when he watches Benny being beat. Benny breaks free and hisses as he hangs on Shitso's penis with his claws and kicks his ballsac with his rear legs. Shitso scratches Benny's penis with his coyote claw glove and leaves bloody gashes in it.
Isabitch stuck some poison on a dart and stuck the dart up her pussy. As Benny farted on Shitso out of his ass, Isabitch shot the dart out of her pussy at Shitso's neck. He groaned and fell dead. Bandits came at Benny but Isabitch fired guns into the air and they ran away.
"Holy shit!" meowed Benny. "I beat the prophecy!"
Isabitch got into her wagon with pictures of coyotes and raccoons on it. Rex and Benny will get Andy and Kevin to reclaim the tools.
"Your predictions were right," said Rex. "But can you tells us this. Will I and Benny ever defeat the evil we're up against."
"No," she said. "They will destroy you. You cannot win and never will. But keep fighting."
Isabitch rode off on her wagon over the hill.
THE END