The Chosen Fag
"My training wasn't complete because of the unsexpected asstack on the Assbey," said Gaydeon. "How can I lead my gay people."
"You fuck the Turd of Hope," said his master pointing at the staff. "Destiny will fuck you."
Suddenly bandits ran out of the bushes, led by a man named Shitso. The bandits were called the Goths, enemies of the Gaya, the tribe Gaydeon is from. This morning they have attacked the Assbey. Men jumped on Gaydeon and Gayvos. The old teacher was raped up the ass by men. Gaydeon was beat with a stick. Gayvos grabbed a staff and shoved it up Shitso's ass. A Goth tried to grab the Turd of Hope. Gaydeon pulled up his robe and stuck his dick up the man's asshole and pissed inside him. Piss sprayed out of the nipples. Men beat Gaydeon and Gayvos.
Rex the German shepherd dog and Benny the gray cat were walking through the forest. They heard a fight and ran for help. Gayvos the teacher punched Shitso in the face. Shitso grabbed a sword and stabbed Gayvos with it. Gaydeon screamed. Rex and Benny came running out of the bushes. Rex and Benny started pissing and shitting on the Goths.
"Get away from the boy!" yelled Rex. "Now!"
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. A GERMAN SHEPHERD, A GRAY CAT, A STEPBROTHER, A GIRLFRIEND, A NIGGER, AND A FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF...
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 20: THE CHOSEN FAG
The Goths and Shitso ran away. Rex and Benny walked over to the dying Gayvos.
"Take care of him," said Gayvos. "He must not fail."
Gayvos died and Rex and Benny pissed on the dead man. As Rex and Benny walked with Gaydeon through the gay forest he told them about how Goths and Gaya have always fought each other. This morning the Assbey was attacked by Gayths and his people were now in hiding. Gaydeon was trained all his life to lead his people and carry the staff called the Turd of Hope as being the chosen leader.
"Why are we helping every homo and crackhead we meet?" asked Benny.
"Because then there wouldn't be a story," said Rex.
Andy and his freckly fat piece of shit friend Kevin with gay glasses just like Alexei's was working at the woodshop in Rimforest. They were lacquering cabinets. Alexei's bitchy mom has a satellite dish for Russian TV and the TV itself is sitting outside on the house deck and it's turned on real loud so everyone can hear it within a mile radius. Andy and Kevin would hear communist people drinking vodka and conversing and it sounded like a bunch of drunk retards are talking. Then there would be Russian songs and music. Alexei's grandma would sit in a chair with Alexei's mom and watch that shit all day. Alexei's grandma would cackle at whatever is supposed to be funny on Russian TV. There is only two channels available and it costs Alexei's dad $50 a month on top of having a dish for American TV. Alexei's mom does not work and Alexei's grandma would definitely not work.
"How can Alexei's bitchy mom watch this shit?" said Andy.
Suddenly Andy and Kevin heard a fartplane flying through the sky. Kevin saw that it was a biplane. The fartplane flew through the sky, and disappeared beyond the trees in the forest. Andy and Kevin ran into the fucking woods to find out about it.
Rex, Benny, and Gaydeon walked through the forest. Gaydeon carried the Turd of Hope. Suddenly they saw a group of sasquatches walking through the forest. Rex and Benny ducked down. Gaydeon ran out and jumped on the sasquatches. He beat them with a staff. Sasquatches tore off Gaydeon's robe and raped him up the ass. Gaydeon put sasquatch's pubic hair in his mouth. Rex and Benny jumped on the sasquatches. Rex hung on a sasquatch's penis. A sasquatch raped Benny. Rex ate chunks of crusty shit off assholes. A sasquatch threw Benny into Gaydeon and Benny's penis penetrated the crusty shit on Gaydeon's asshole. A sasquatch threw Benny on the ground and raped him. Rex grabbed a stick and beat the sasquatch. Sasquatches ran off.
"A warfag never backs away from his enemies," said Gaydeon.
"Listen up!" said Benny. "To your people you gay have been a God's shit to fagkind. But here in the gay forest we have a rule. Don't ask for trouble or you're gonna fuck it."
The camp of Goths in the forest. Shitso is the leader. Gaydeon's brothfag Fuckas is helping Shitso. He always wanted to carry the Turd of Hope but he wasn't the chosen fag. Now he can betray Gaydeon.
"I will bring the Turd of Hope," said Fuckas. "He will trust me."
"You better," said Shitso. "Or your dick will sit on a toothpick."
Alexei, the pathetic skinny kid from Russia, was walking through the forest, trying to find Rex and Benny. Alexei smells horrible on the outside, who knows how horrible Alexei smells on the inside. Alexei takes a shower once a week and he doesn't use any soap or anything. Fungus lily pads grow in Alexei's bladder. Alexei has tiny fishes swimming in the piss of his bladder. A coyote jumped and fucked Alexei up the ass. Coyote's semen fertilized egg cells in Alexei?s uterus. Babies grew inside Alexei?s uterus. Alexei made babies with himself. Alexei exploded into a pile of babies.
Rex, Benny, and Gaydeon walked across a ditch on a fallen tree trunk. They walked down among small hills into a deep part of the forest. Suddenly Fuckas came running down hill and tackled Rex. Fuckas socked Rex in the fucking face. Rex pissed on Fuckas. Fuckas got up took shit out of his ass and rubbed it all over himself and then tackled Rex and Rex was covered in shit. Rex hung on Fuckas's nipples and growled. Gaydeon separated them. Now he was reunited with his brother.
"When the Assbey was attacked, Goths captured me, but I was able to escape from their camp and I stole their clothes, and I saw you and thought the dog and cat captured you," said Fuckas.
Andy and Kevin walked into the forest. They came to the fartplane that landed in a clearing in the woods. It was German.
"Where is the pilot?" assked Kevin.
Suddenly a man in a German uniform walked out of the bushes and said in German, "Euch ar mein gefungen!" The pilot was pointing a gun at Andy and Kevin.
"I got myself spies," said the pilot. "Now you call me Herr Von Fuck, pilot in Luftwaffe. I know you two. British spies, Andrew Shitfield and Kevin Gay-ble."
"That's close enough," said Andy. "Actually it's Andrew Summerfield and Kevin Gable."
"Don't lie to me!" yelled Herr Von Fuck. "I know who you are. This is Germany. The year is 1943. And Adolf Hitler, the greatest man to walk the Earth, is in power. The Germany will win this war!"
"My fucking Satan," said Kevin. "He is living in the past."
Rex, Benny, Gaydeon, and Fuckas were walking through the forest.
"We've been walking for hours," said Benny.
"So? We're a couple of hours closer," said Rex.
The faggots walked down into the forest. Every time Fuckas was not watched he would piss on the dirt or take dingleberries out of his ass and drop them on the ground to mark the trail. They took a path that Gaydeon pointed out and ass-rived at a stone hill with a dead end.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Fucking wonderful," said Benny to Gaydeon. "Listen little boy. You better find a way or I will hang on your ballsac with my claws and then my toe nail will get caught on your peehole and I'll be trying to pull it out."
Suddenly a stone moved opening a passage to a cave in the mountain. Rex, Benny, Gaydeon, and Fuckas walked in. The stone began to close when Shitso ran up and stuck a log in to prevent it from closing. Goths have been tracking them the whole time.
"All right, feg," yelled Shitso. "We put our asses up to the opening and we fart into the cave and it will draw them out."
Goths took off their pants, revealed their hairy asses, and farted into the cave. Rex and Benny saw Gaydeon meet up with a few robed retards. They were all that was left after the attack on the Assbey by the Goths. A leadfag came up to Gaydeon.
"You've been fucked to carry the staff called the Turd of Hope," said the leadfag. "We know you will lead the Gaya to victory. Our people hid in this cave after the attack on the Abbey."
Suddenly the cave began to fill up with shit stink. The tribe and Rex and Benny breathed some shit particles into the their lungs. Rex the dog looked around and saw a pool of piss. Fucking animals would go into the cave and piss in it. Rex jumped in urine and dove under it and swam. Rex swam and found an underwater passage to a lake. Rex swam back into the cave and told everyone there was a way out.
Shitso and his men waited outside. "They're not coming out," said Shitso. "We go in."
Shitso and his men pried back the rock and opened the passage.
Rex, Benny, and the robed retards swam through urine. They emerged out of the lake outside the cave mountain. They swam out onto the shore. Suddenly there was a roar and the faggots were confronted with a mountain lion facing them. The mountain lion advanced on them and growled.
"Try to appear big," said Rex.
The people spread their robes. The mountain lion jumped on Benny the cat and knocked him through the air. Benny went spinning in the air and landed with his spine against a boulder. Rex grabbed Gaydeon's staff in his teeth.
"My precious Turd of Hope," yelled Gaydeon.
Rex beat the mountain lion with the staff. The mountain lion was hit in the ballsac. The staff with a dog turd on it penetrated the crusty shit on the animal's asshole and it ran off. Gaydeon took his staff which now smelled like shit. Gaydeon licked mountain lion shit off his staff. Gaydeon, Fuckas, and the rest of the tribe went off.
"Benny, you go ahead," said Rex. "I'll catch up. Doesn't seem right that Goths got to us."
Benny walked ahead while Rex was thinking. As the tribe walked ahead Fuckas dropped turds out of his pocket on the ground to mark the trail. Rex followed behind and saw that.
"Ah-ha!" said Rex. "He is marking the trail. Your brother betrayed you Gaydeon and joined Goths."
Rex pulled shit out of Fuckas's pocket. Benny jumped toward Fuckas but the guy took off running into the forest.
"He will tell the Goths our location," said Gaydeon. "They will kill us all."
"I'm done running," said Rex. "I and Benny took on Shitso before and we'll do it again."
Fackas came to Shitso and told him everything.
"What the fuck do you mean they found out!" yelled Shitso. "You let that piece of shit dog figure out you were working for us! You're worthless."
Shitso cut Fuckas's throat and shit poured out of it. One of the men who stood guard was knocked down as Rex jumped on him. Men were shouting, "intrudefags!" Rex, Benny, and Gaydeon ran out. Gaydeon beat men in the ballsacs with his staff. A Goth grabbed Gaydeon by his hair and dragged him along the ground. Shitso took a piss on Gaydeon. Gaydeon knocked down Shitso. Rex and Benny were fighting men. Punches were thrown. Rex was socked in the face. Benny was kicked and went flying. Rex pulled down a guy's pants. A guy wiped shit off his ass with Benny. Rex played tug-o'-war with a guy's dick. Then Rex knocked two guys against each other. Benny swung on penises and tore nipples off mens' chests. Rex shit Shitso in the mouth. Gaydeon tied up Shitso and then tied his ballsac with a rope to a log so he won't run.
"Well, Gaydeon," said Rex. "You got Goths' leadfag. Now you can negotiate peace agreements."
"There is always an alternative to war," said Benny. "Oh, well. I and Rex are going home. Bad luck to you in all this."
Rex and Benny walked into the forest, while not far from home a German pilot kept Andy and Kevin as his prisoners.
"I remember the Battle of Shitland," said Von Fuck. "A British army half the size defeated Germans in full humiliation. Because you're spies and knew we were coming."
"The war has been over for 70 years, retard," said Kevin.
"I should kill you right now!" shouted Von Fuck. "But no. You will receive a proper trial as spies do. Then the firing squad will take care of the rest." A gun was pointed at Andy. "But now I will shoot one of you just for fun. Just to piss off the Allies a little."
Rex and Benny jumped out of the bushes and attacked Herr Von Fuck. They pissed and shit on him. Rex's dick penetrated the crusty shit on the guy's asshole. Von Fuck's penis and nipples fell off. He dropped his gun and ran away screaming. He got into his German biplane. Rex jumped up and spun the prop. The engine came on and the fartplane started riding down through the clearing. The fartplane took off the ground and flew up disappearing behind the trees. Andy, Kevin, Rex, and Benny went back home to Rimforest.
THE END