Rex looked up and saw vultures flying in the sky.
"They are waiting for something to die," said Rex.
Rex and Benny ran through the bushes and saw a man tied to a tree. The man was covered in coyote blood and was unconscious. Somewhere a bear roared. Suddenly dogs ran out of the bushes. The dogs wanted to attack the man. Rex barked at the dogs. The bear roared even closer and the dogs ran off.
"Someone left him here to die," said Benny.
Rex chewed up the ropes and freed the man. Rex and Benny dragged the man through the forest because they needed to get him to the house. After a walk they settled for a break. Benny reached into a man's pocket and got out a map. It was a map of the forest, with a chunk of Rimforest and woodshop and house drawn on it.
"Whoever he is, he knows about us," said Benny the cat.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. A GERMAN SHEPHERD, A GRAY CAT, A STEPBROTHER, A GIRLFRIEND, A NIGGER, AND A FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF...
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTIANS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 17: PRODIGAL FAGGOT
Rex went on the lookout. Rex stood in the bushes and watched sasquatches carry a dead coyote on their back. A sasquatch sensed something, looked around and kept walking.
The man woke up and saw Benny.
"I've been searching for you," said the man.
"Who are you?" asked Benny.
"My name is Fagso. I'm your master," he said. "Or at least I was."
Rex and Benny kept walking and dragged the man behind them. Five minutes after they passed a naked man in a dark cape appeared, with penises tattooed on his face. He was a servant to Shit Mage, a Fagician. He reached up his ass and pulled out shit dust which he mixed with the trail dirt. He threw up the dust and it collected in the air and in the dust he could see Rex and Benny dragging the man. The Fagician grinned.
Andy and his nigger friend Corey were raking the yard by the house. Alexei's dad was sawing branches off a tree. Rex and Benny dragged the man toward the house.
"How it has changed," said the man. "You know, I used to live here."
Fagso shook Corey's hand and Andy's hand. Shaking hands is for queers. Only pussies wear seat belts, don't smoke, and use condoms.
Rex and Benny talked to the man.
"I've been captured by the Penista tribe and held as slave," said Fagso. "I spent many years, digging mines down into sewers and then carting shit around. The only thought that kept me alive was that I will see my favorite kitten Benny."
"Why did you put me in a cat shelter," asked Benny.
"It was my wife's idea," said Fagso. "She is not alive anymore. Died in the same slave camp that I was in. I ran away and was caught. The penalty is death. So they tied me up to a tree to be eaten by coyotes."
Alexei, the gay tall skinny ugly Russian kid, ran across Highway 18 which goes around the rim of San Bernardino mountains. On the other side was Edison electrical company. Edison was getting a new parking lot and they had traffic cones set up. Alexei is obsessive-compulsive about stealing cones so he took one and ran back. Someone at Edison office saw him and called a sheriff.
Rex the German shepherd dog went on errands. He walked down to the fire station. Shitso the fat fuck who wears a tank top and jeans was there with his van.
"I got the shipment," said Shitso.
Shitso opened the van and he and Rex pushed out a bunch of Bibles. Rex walked around with a gasoline canister and poured it all over the pile of Bibles. Shitso lit a match and watched as the shit went up in flames.
Sheriff drove up to the woodshop and took Alexei away in handcuffs. Sheriff drove down the driveway and saw a flaming pile of Bibles. Shitso and Rex screamed. Sheriff ran out of the truck and ran towards Shitso. Shitso ran into the woods. Shitso stepped in dog shit. He lost his shoe. He ran over a hill and slid down in pine needles. Shitso went flying up in the air and hit his ballsac on a tree branch. Shitso ran off cussing.
Sheriff ran after Rex. Rex jumped on the cop and hung on his testicles. Rex scratched the cop's testicles. Rex pulled out the sheriff's gun and threw it in the air. It fell on the ground and shot. Sheriff was shot in the ass. Sheriff shit out of both assholes. Rex ran off. Alexei was taken to county jail where he was raped by a big homosexual nigger.
Rex walked off into the forest. He was walking through the woods when he saw a Fagician with penis tattoos standing in front of him.
"What the fuck!" said Rex. "Let me pass. I have no quarrel with you."
"You let a man escape," said the Fagician.
Fagician got out a rope and threw it on Rex. Rex was tied up by his front paws and hung up in a tree. The Fagician walked around him.
"You interfered with the man's sexecution," said the Fagician. "My name is Fartas, a bounty hunter sent to find him."
"So that's your idea of punishment for runaway slaves," said Rex who kept dangling from a tree.
"Not for runaway slaves," said Fartas. "For murder! He killed a Fagician for a piece of shit, a hunting knife, and some food. The same Fagician who found him as a runaway slave from the Penista tribe and took care of him."
"So now you will kill me," said Rex.
"If I wanted you fucked, you'd be fucked," said Fartas and walked away in the direction of the house. Rex was left to hang from a tree by his front paws.
Alexei was walking through the forest. Alexei bent over and a stick went up his ass. Shit pressure built up and shot out of Alexei's ass. Alexei was blasted into space.
Benny the cat and Fagso sat on the hill. Fagso showed Benny the cat a journal. There were drawings of flowers affected by Penisfaggot drug there. The flowers all had green penises, nutsacs, boobs, and vaginas.
"Me and my wife loved collecting flowers," said Fagso. "I need some of them to create a simple pain killer."
Benny went off to collect some Penisfaggot affected flowers in the forest. Benny walked around the forest picking flowers like a homo. He brought back some to the man.
"Here we go," said Benny. "Eshitscholzia calipenisnica, gayosotis shitvatica, chryshithemum fucksimum, and the blue asschid."
"This is all I need," said Fagso as he took the flowers. Suddenly a Fagician named Fartas came up behind Fagso and put a knife up to him.
"No," said Fagso. "You a can't kill me. I'm begging you."
"The man you killed also begged but did you give him any mercy," said Fartas.
Benny jumped on Fartas. Benny put cuts on Fartas' sexy body. Benny put scratches on Fartas's nipples. Fartas kicked Benny. Fartas stood on top of Benny. Benny slid and Fartas went falling. Benny picked crusty shit off Fartas's ass. Fartas went rolling down a long hill.
"Go to the house and hide," said Benny to Fagso. "I'll look for Rex."
Benny the cat went off to find Rex the dog while Fagso came into the house. Alexei's bitchy Russian mom freaked out and yelled in her horrible Russian accent.
"Immejiachely to get the man out of my house! Immejiachely!," she screamed.
Fagso grabbed a pot and ran out.
"Stay the fuck out of here," said Corey the black kid. "We'll call the police."
Fagso walked away into the woods with a pot and his flowers.
"If he is Benny's master, I'll fuck Rex up the ass," said Andy.
Alexei, the gay Russian kid was walking through the woods. Suddenly blue jays flew on Alexei. They pecked Alexei's penis. A blue jay crawled up Alexei's ass. Alexei filled up with shit. Shit exploded out of Alexei's ass, blasting him into space. Dead Alexei floated out of the universe itself into blank white space. He exploded into shit. Shit stuck together creating a parallel universe 5 feet in diameter.
Rex was hanging on a tree by his front paws. Suddenly a mountain lion came out and started growling at him. Rex was swinging over a mountain lion who roared and thrust out his paw.
"Damn! That was close!" said Rex.
Fartas was walking through the forest. He smelled the fart wind. Fartas took magical shit dust and threw it on himself and disappeared.
Benny was walking through the woods and saw Rex swinging on a rope, trying to get his back paws on the branch. Suddenly shit dust appeared and Fartas materialized. He could teleport. Rex got on the branch and started chewing on the rope. Fartas tied Benny to a tree and started calling the mountain lion towards Benny. Benny stared in horror. Fartas got cut off man boners and threw them. Boners got stuck in the mountain lion's throat.
Rex came jumping out of a tree on Fartas. There was a struggle. Fartas pissed on Rex. Rex shit on Fartas. Fartas shit on his fist and punched Rex. Rex pinned Fartas down.
"If I wanted you fucked, you'd be fucked!" said Rex. "Now tell us what this is all about."
Fartas told Rex and Benny about Fagso being a runaway slave who another Fagician befriended and later Fagso killed him for food. Fagso was never Benny's master, but he killed the woman who was.
Fagso sat in the forest and crushed flower penises into a bowl making juice. He was done making the potion. Soon fags will become enemies. Fagso walked towards the house.
Andy and Corey were raking leaves in the yard. Fagso came up behind Corey and put a knife up to his penis.
"You're going to help me, nigger," said Fagso and poured the potion in Corey's mouth.
Fagso gave Corey the potion. Corey poured the potion in a water bottle and offered it to Andy.
"Do you think there is something wrong with Fagso?" asked Andy.
"Why would you say that?" said Corey. "He is a nice fag."
Andy and Corey dropped their rakes, went into the kitchen and got knives. Rex and Benny must die. Rex and Benny were walking back home. They and Fartas split up to look for Fagso. Rex and Benny were walking when Andy and Corey stepped out of the bushes with knives. Andy charged Rex and Corey charged Benny. Andy tackled Rex. Rex tried to get the knife away from him. Andy put cuts all over Rex's sexy body. Rex hung on Andy's nipples.
Corey swung a knife at Benny. Benny ducked. Corey threw the knife and hit a tree. Corey jumped on Benny and beat him with fists. Benny held on to Corey's face and his fucking glasses went flying.
Fartas appeared out of the bushes and held Andy and Corey. Fagso came out.
"You see, Rex and Benny," said Fagso. "I was an outlaw at heart. I will kill you, and the pathetic bitch of Alexei's mother who lives in that house. You see, I invented a mind control drug. It is a drug that will make a slave named Fagso a king!"
Fartas revealed his genitals and shot piss at Fagso. Fagso threw a knife and killed Fartas. Andy and Corey attacked Rex and Benny. Benny scratched Corey's nipples. Rex ate Andy's armpit hair.
"I have no choice!" yelled Andy. "I must kill you!"
Andy beat Rex. Rex shit all over Andy. Andy tore into Rex's penis with his teeth. Benny was pushing shit up Corey's asshole with his penis. Rex and Benny ran with Andy and Corey chasing after them. Andy and Corey took off their shirts and revealed their sexy bodies. Benny the cat jumped in a shit pit. Corey jumped in. Nigger Corey naturally blended in with shit. Benny and Corey rolled in shit. Benny ate shit.
Fagso came. Rex grabbed Andy's knife and jumped toward Fagso. Fagso was stabbed into the intestines and shit poured out. Just then the mind control drug wore off and Andy and Corey came to their senses. Andy took a journal from Fagso with a recipe for a mind control drug.
"We will keep that," said Rex. "It will come in penisy someday."
Shit Mage captured Alexei and made him swim in a pot of restriction enzymes which cut up Alexei's DNA and converted Alexei into shit.
THE END