"Bitch in the lake," said Gaywain.
The king and Shitso walked out of the bushes and came over to Nikki.
"Come here you slut," said king Gaywain. He grabbed Nikki. "Cumalot will now have a queen."
Gaywain started taking off Nikki's shirt. Nikki slapped him.
"The bitch slapped me," said Gaywain.
"A gravest of transgressions," said Shitso. "For slapping a king, the penalty is death."
Two knights in armor walked out of the bushes and pointed their swords at Nikki.
"There is a way out. If the girl were to marry me," said king Gaywain.
Nikki had to agree. Benny started running into the forest to warn the others. Nikki was taken away by knights. The king introduced himself as Gaywain.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. A GERMAN SHEPHERD, A GRAY CAT, A STEPBROTHER, A GIRLFRIEND, A NIGGER, AND A FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME. THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRYFYING PREDATORS. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF...
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 14: CUMALOT
He told Nikki, he rules over a kingdom called Cumalot in the forest. Nikki told him her name.
"I will fight you every step of the way," said Nikki.
Benny ran out of the forest to the woodshop where Andy (Alexei's 20 year old stepbrother) was working and Rex the German shepherd dog sat. Benny told Rex and Andy that Nikki was taken away by knights. Andy needed to work so it was Rex and Benny's job to track Nikki. Doubtfully there was any kingdom called Cumalot in the forest. Rex and Benny walked through the woods and came to the pond. They found Nikki's footprints and tracks of four men.
King Gaywain brought Nikki to the castle of stone in the forest. Royal flags were flying on the battle towers with sperm cells drawn on them. Two knights guarded the gate. A moat of piss and shit surrounded the castle. The main gates were opened and Nikki, Gaywain, and Shitso walked inside. On the other side of a castle was a village of wooden houses. Nikki, Gaywain, and Shitso walked down the hall into the main chamber where stood two thrones, one for the king and a future queen.
"Welcome to Cumalot, my fair bitchen," said Gaywain.
"Everything is going according to plan," thought Shitso. "The king will die. So will Rex and Benny. Cumalot will collapse. All this shit is just sad and pathetic."
A knight reported to Shitso and they talked. Shitso came up to a fat bastard king.
"Sire, it is my duty to inform you that two strangers were spotted approaching a kingdom. A dog and a cat. Also sasquatches and cannibals are approaching the kingdom from the west," said Shitso.
"Shitso, you as my loyal advisor know that the strangers must be greeted appropriately. There was a cat with this bitch," said king Gaywain.
"Ah, my favorite part of the job," said Shitso.
Rex and Benny came out of the bushes and saw a castle with a village. Knights stood at the gate. Somewhere in the village there was a joust.
"What the fuck is going on," said Benny. "A Renaissance faire."
Three knights on horses came galloping toward Rex and Benny. They raised their swords. Rex and Benny ran out into the open. The horseman ran toward Rex and hit the dog with the sword. Rex went flying. Benny jumped on a knight and knocked him off the horse. The knight flew against a tree and his armor bent and crushed his testicles. The horse stood over Rex. A knight jumped off the horse and pissed on his sword. Rex jumped on the knight. The knight beat Rex with a metal gaunlet. Rex shit inside the knight's armor. Benny took off another knight's helmet and pissed in it. The knight put it on his head. Benny crawled up the horse's vagina. The horse whinnied and ran toward the knight and trampled him. A shield with a picture of sperm cell flew toward Rex and hit his sexy body. Benny fell out of the horse's vagina. Rex jumped on the knight and grabbed his sword in his teeth. Rex and Benny raped the knight and he died.
Alexei, the retarded Russian kid, was walking through the woods. Alexei walks like he has a got a stick up his ass. Shit clogged up Alexei's ass. Shit pressure built up. Shit shot out of Alexei's ass and blasted him into space. Alexei flew toward planet Saturn. Saturn's rings cut off Alexei's dick and balls.
Rex and Benny looked at the castle and saw knights at the gates, the moat, and knights on watchtowers.
"The place looks guarded," said Benny. "We get in at night. Right now let's check out that village and find out more about this place."
Shitso returned to the king and Nikki.
"Sire, the knights I sent did not return," said Shitso.
"You fucking imbecile," yelled the king. "I'm to marry tomorrow afternoon. And you can't do a simple fucking task. Out of my fucking sight!" Gaywain threw pottery at Shitso. "And bring wine for me and my future bride so we may toast the kingdom's success."
Shitso went in the kitchen. He poured wine in the glasses and put some rat poison in the king's wine. Shitso came back to the main chamber and handed the wine to Nikki and the king. Gaywain took the wine and brought it up to his lips. Nikki took a drink. Gaywain poured his wine on Shitso's pants and laughed.
"Now you look like you pissed your pants, shithead," said Gaywain. Shitso walked away.
Rex and Benny walked through the village. People walked around and drew water from the well and hung their clothes. Beggars walked in the streets. Houses were made of wood. Women in horse drawn carts did their daily tasks. Children played in the streets.
"Did we just travel to 15th century England," asked Benny.
"A whole Cumalot in the forest. Even Alexei wouldn't think that up in his stories," said Rex.
A beggar walked over to Rex and Benny.
"The sperm cell semen cleanses us. The sperm cell semen renews us," he said.
Rex and Benny scoped the castle all day and found a pine tree growing next to it. The branches extended to the window in the castle.
Night came. Inside the castle torches were lit. Nikki sat by the king while Shitso licked dog shit off the king's boots. The king himself was a fat fuck who ate chicken and wiped grease on his dress. He offered Nikki some chicken. He picked boogers out of his nose and wiped them on his beard and clothes. He pissed into the fire of the hearth.
At the light of the full moon, Benny the cat grabbed a rope in his teeth and started climbing up a pine tree. He climbed up to the branch and walked on the branch over to the window. Benny jumped into the window. He was in the hall now filled with doors which led to many chambers. Below Rex grabbed the rope in his teeth and Benny started pulling him up along the wall. Rex and Benny got inside the castle.
Alexei was walking through the night in the forest, looking for Rex. An eagle shrieked as it flew on Alexei and started pecking the fag. Alexei exploded into a pile of nutsacs.
The king Gaywain sat on the throne with Nikki. The king smells like dirty pussy. Shitso sat at his feet. The king clapped.
"Entertainment!" he yelled. "For me and my future queen."
Rex and Benny walked through the halls and saw jesters and sluts come out of a chamber. The king's entertainment. Rex came up and knocked out a jester and Benny knocked out a slut. They crawled into their outfits. The jesters and Rex and Benny in disguise appeared in the main chamber and danced. Shitso put on a magic show where he turned shit into gold. Jesters danced. They showed the king their penises. Rex showed his penis. Benny danced as a whore. Nikki recognized Rex and Benny. Benny gave the king a lap dance and Benny licked his own titty. Jestfags danced and sang.
"We are gay! For our king we'll be gay!" Jestfags sucked each others dicks. Then they got into a conga line where they were linked together with dicks up their asses. Rex was in the middle. Shitso spotted Rex and Benny and yelled- "Impostfags!" Knights ran out and grabbed Rex and Benny.
"So you invade the kingdom to save the bitch," said king Gaywain. "You will die but not at my hands. For centuries a sperm cell has plagued Cumalot and now you will face him. The dog as the knight and the cat as his squire. Put them in stocks!"
"I demand to know what society is this and this shit doesn't make sense," said Rex.
"Long ago the British went in search of the Holy Grail and their journey led them here where they began a new Cumalot," said King Gaywain.
Knights took Rex and Benny outside into the village where they were put in stocks in the main square. Villagers pissed and shit on Rex and Benny while they were locked in stocks.
"Sire," said Shitso to the king. "Your sex chamber has been prepared."
The king walked away and knights dragged Nikki behind. In the sex chamber the king stripped himself. It was time to fuck Nikki and have a future heir to the throne. The king revealed his body with dog shit rubbed on it. The king licked his nipple. He grabbed Nikki, stripped her naked, and touched her tits. He stuck his dirty penis in Nikki's vagina and then in her mouth. The king pissed on Nikki and shit up her vagina. He stuck dog shit in his mouth and rubbed it around and then tongue kissed Nikki.
Rex and Benny were outside the castle locked in stocks at night. Their nutsacs were also locked in stocks. If coyotes came, there is no way they could get away. Morning came. Guards came up to Rex and Benny and unlocked the stocks. Rex and Benny were led out to the edge of the forest. Shitso put a sword in Rex's teeth.
"The sperm cell lives in the Forest of Shit Trees," said Shitso. "He has claimed many lives of the realm. No one who has challenged the sperm cell has returned. Good luck!"
Shitso cackled dementedly as he walked away. Everything was as planned. Now to kill the king.
Rex and Benny walked through the forest looking for the sperm cell. All they heard is distant shrieking.
"We're wasting our time," said Benny. "We should infiltrate the castle and save Nikki."
Shrieking was getting closer. Rex and Benny looked around. Birds flew out. Suddenly above the trees a 50 foot long sperm cell with a mouth and white wings flew out. The sperm cell coiled its tail and shot semen out of its mouth. Rex and Benny were covered in semen. The sperm cell shrieked and shot semen. Rex and Benny ran. Rex dropped his fucking sword.
"I lost my fucking weapon!" yelled Rex.
The sperm cell flew and shot semen at the trees which exploded. Branches hit Rex in the nutsac. They ran out of the forest and came to a cliff. The sperm cell flew out of the trees and circled above them. It shot semen at Benny and Benny went flying off the cliff. Rex screamed. The sperm cell flew and wrapped its tail around Benny. The sperm cell beat Benny's sexy body against the rocks. Benny shit blood out of his ass. The sperm cell was flying up along the cliff. Rex saw a boulder and pushed it down. The boulder hit the sperm cell which caused it to release Benny. Benny the cat grabbed onto the cliff. The sperm cell fell with a rock crushing it and semen exploded out and went in Benny's mouth.
Rex and Benny came out of the forest back to Cumalot, dragging the sperm cell behind them. The king, Shitso, and Nikki waited for them.
"Impossible," said Gaywain. "I will joust thee."
The joust arena was prepared. The king was riding a horse with a lance. Rex rode a horse and was going to use his boner as a lance. They galloped toward each other. Gaywain hit Rex with a lance in the penis. They came to the end and turned around. Rex and Gaywain rode toward each other. The king's lance is aimed at Rex's sexy body. Benny and Nikki stared in horror. Rex screamed like a motherfucker. Gaywain struck. Rex howled in sexy pain but held on and pissed king in the eyes out of his dick. The king fell off the horse and landed with his penis on a rock.
"Fuck! This slut, and the two fudgepackers made a fool of me!" yelled the king and threw a dagger at Benny, stabbing him in the paw. Shitso grabbed his sword and stabbed the king. Shit sprayed out of the king.
"I never wanted Cumalot," said Shitso. "I just wanted to collapse society."
Rex, Benny, and Nikki headed back to Rimforest and Shitso walked up the Strawberry Peak to his house.
THE END