Ass-solute Power
Rex and Benny were walking through the forest when mountain lions surrounded them. A mountain lion jumped out of the bushes and Rex the German shepherd dog shot shit at it out of his ass. Rex and Benny ran through the forest. Another mountain lion came out and pissed on Benny. Rex and Benny ran away and came to the ruins of a lost civilization. The buildings were gray covered in plants and vines. Benny looked at a stretch of flat rocks standing up on columns.
"That looks like a monorail track," said Benny.
Rex came up to a monolith rising out of the ground. Rex walked up the monolith. There was blueprint of the atom carved on the monolith.
"This civilization must be 100s of years old," said Rex. "How could they know about the atom?"
Benny came up to a column with something written on it with Shitic runes.
"'May those who fuck this, be pissier, shittier, and sexier than us'," read Benny.
Rex picked up a crystal penis with Shitic runes on it and brought it up. He inserted the penis into the center of the blueprint of the atom. Suddenly shit shot out of the penis. Rex was caught in shit. Shit shot through Rex's nerves. Shit beam shot into the sky and disintegrated.
Benny found Rex passed out on the ground. There was a burn across his penis.
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. GERMAN SHEPHERD, GRAY CAT, STEPBROTHER, GIRLFRIEND, NIGGER, AND FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 13: ASS-SOLUTE POWER
Benny dragged unconscious Rex through the woods back to Rimforest to the woodshop. Andy and his girlfriend Nikki were there. Benny dragged Rex inside.
"He is badly injured," said Benny. "An explosion in the forest."
Benny went outside to sniff the trash while Andy and Nikki tended to Rex. Suddenly men ran across Highway 18 which goes around the rim of San Bernardino mountains. The men were slavefags who catch people to sell as slaves. They grabbed Benny. There was a fight. Benny hung on penises. Benny got kicked in the ballsac. Benny tore off nipples. The leader of the slavefags was named Dickon. He and his men led Benny into the forest. The man with a torn off penis followed. In the woodshop Rex suddenly sat up.
"Holy shit!" said Rex. "I've never felt better!"
Rex put his front paws forward and some kind of shit charge shot between his paws. Rex walked out of the woodshop. Rex, Andy, and Nikki saw slavefags take away Benny and went into the forest to rescue him.
Benny the cat brought Rex the dog into the woodshop. Andy and Nikki saw that he was injured.
"There was an explosion at a temple in the woods," said Benny.
There was a burn across Rex's penis. Andy felt the pulse. It was weak. Rex moved his head around. Nikki saw a concerned look on Rex's face.
"He is dreaming," said Nikki.
Rex walked ahead of Andy and Nikki. Andy probed the trail and saw that it led to the right.
"No," said Rex. "That is the wrong way. This is the way."
Rex looked straight ahead.
"How do you know?" asked Andy.
"I can read their minds. There is five of them. My Satan! He is killing him!" said Rex.
Dickon stabbed the man with a torn off penis because he was slowing them down.
The slavefags and Benny continued into the forest. Rex, Andy, and Nikki followed them.
"I still think this is the wrong way," said Andy.
Rex came across a dead body. They were on the right trail.
"This is gay-mazing," said Rex. "It is like every mind has a frequency transmitted via sexual energy of the genitals. And my mind is tuning it in. Finally I'm a visionfag."
Dickon and the slavefags tied up Benny to a pole in the clearing with other women. Drunk men lived in tents. A biker with a beard came up to Benny and got out a knife and started putting cuts on Benny's sexy body. He put cuts on Benny's penis and nipples. Dickon hit the man who dropped, pulled down his pants, grabbed a log out of the fire and stuck the man's penis into the flames.
"Any damage to this cat and his price goes down, assholes," yelled Dickon. Dickon pissed on his men.
Rex lay in the woodshop. He was feverish. Andy took off his shirt revealing his sexy body. Benny pissed on his shirt and then wrapped it around Rex's head to bring down the fever.
"I wonder what he is dreaming?" asked Nikki.
Rex, Andy, and Nikki came up to the slavefeg's encampment. They looked at drunk men in sleeveless shirts. Men were beating women and raping them by sticking their dicks up the nipples of women's tits. They saw Benny tied to a pole.
"There must be two dozen feg there," said Andy. "How do we save Benny?"
"I will," said Rex. "For I have the ass-solute power."
Dickon, his feg, and women bowed down before a face carved in a rock. That was the God slavefags worshiped.
"Praise the great Rohtfag," said Dickon.
Benny did not kneel before the rock. Dickon saw that.
"Kneel before Rohtfag, cat," said Dickon.
"I kneel before no one," said Benny. "Especially not to a face carved on a piece of shit."
Dickon kicked Benny in the stomach. Suddenly Rex walked into camp followed by Andy and Nikki. A man put a knife up to Benny's throat.
"I'm Rex," said Rex. "Release Benny or I shall strike down all of you for I'm your God!"
The man with a knife started cutting Benny's face. Rex stood up on his rear paws and shot a shit beam out of his penis at the man with a knife. The man fell dead. Other men bowed before Rex.
"Get the fuck up! Get your fucking asses up!" yelled Dickon. "What trick is this! False prophet. I shall kill you." The men got up.
"There are no gods other than Rohtfag," said Dickon. "Now dog, you will bow before him."
A spiraling shit beam shot out of Rex's penis and hit the Rohtfag statue and it began to melt into shit slowly, until nothing was left. Dickon and his men now stood on their knees before Rex.
"Shit this!" said Rex. "There are no other Satans before me!"
Andy, Nikki, and Benny sat by Rex. Benny felt Rex's heartbeat.
"His heart is racing," said Benny.
Nightime. Andy, Nikki, Rex, and Benny sat by the fire. Dickon and his men were building weapons in the camp.
"I killed that man with my thoughts," said Rex. "When I was hit by that shit beam, it transmitted me a message, rewiring my sexual energy."
"Don't you think that this is how their civilization was destroyed?" asked Benny.
"Asslantis was destroyed because their people could not control their power," said Rex. "I will not make the same mistakes."
"You will make new ones," said Benny. "You're power hungry. You destroyed these people's God."
"I will rule this world," said Rex. "I will help bring about a new age where people aren't stupid fags like they are now. Everybody in this world is a fag. Pathetic people scared of shit and smut. I will change all that. With my power I can control time, space, and the laws of physics. You can either choose to be a disciple or an enemy."
Rex got up. He walked through camp where men were building weapons. Benny followed him.
"You say you can control laws of physics," said Benny. "Can you make Alexei's dad rich."
"All in due time," said Rex. "After I change the world. I mean that asshole's life is insignificant compared to my true purpose."
"Insignificant?" said Benny. "He gave you a home!"
"Home!" said Rex. "Where a Russian homo kid was torturing me? I'm so much more now."
Benny grabbed Rex. Rex stared with an intimidating look at Benny.
"Do not touch me, cat," said Rex threateningly. Andy and Nikki came up.
"We're leaving," said Andy. "You can have your shit world."
"How dare you!" yelled Rex. "I promised you salvation! You can't abandon me now. I'm in need of friends."
Andy, Nikki, and Benny started walking away. Rex got up on rear paws and extended his penis.
"Don't you dare leave me," said Rex. "You motherfuckers, why you abandon me now!"
Andy started walking away when Rex shot a shit beam at him. Nikki jumped in front of Andy and was hit by the shit beam. Nikki was dead.
Next morning Benny and Andy covered Nikki's body on the stretcher. Rex was crying.
"Oh, how I grieve!" yelled Rex. "I'm so sorry. I will erect a temple in her name."
"She wanted to live, you piece of shit," said Benny.
Andy saw tears in Rex's eyes who lay unconscious on the woodshop floor.
"He is crying," said Andy.
In the camp men were working. Andy picked up Nikki and he and Benny started walking away.
"Don't leave me," said Rex. "After Nikki's death I'm in all the more need of friends."
"Or you'll kill us too?" said Benny.
Andy was carrying dead Nikki and Benny walked by him through the forest back to the town. Suddenly a bear came out of the bushes and stood in front of them. Rex came up.
"How badly do you want to live," Rex asked Andy and Benny.
"Don't make the same mistake," said Andy.
The bear roared and advanced on them. A shit beam shot out of Rex's penis and hit the bear and the bear evaporated into shit dust. Rex walked away ahead of them.
Andy made it to the woodshop and drove back home to Crestline which is also on the mountains. It was nighttime. Benny sat on the counter inside the house on a dog leash. Rex appeared out of nowhere. Alexei, the gay Russian kid, sat in his room.
"I can hear Alexei's thoughts," said Rex. "He is thinking 'Nikki enjoying Andy's huge dick' and '80 year old Alexei brutally fucking Rex.' Well, Benny. I'm your friend and I'm going to prove it. I will fullfill your heart's true desire." Rex manipulated time and space and suddenly Benny and Rex were three years in the past, on the roof of the woodshop. Benny saw himself hanging on the dog leash while Alexei swung him around off the edge of the roof.
"That faggot tortured me," said Benny.
"But your past can change," said Rex. "Go and push the damn Russian off the roof."
Benny walked up and pushed Alexei down. Alexei sat Benny down on the roof and fell down into dog shit and died. Suddenly all the bad memories of Alexei torturing him were erased out of Benny's mind. Rex and Benny stood on the woodshop roof in the present.
"My Satan," said Benny. "What have you done? You pilfered my memories, my life."
"I gave you a gift," said Rex.
"You call this a gift?" said Benny. "You're manipulating me, you piece of shit."
Rex advanced on Benny. Benny backed up to the edge of the roof.
"You call your God a piece of shit!" yelled Rex. Rex spread his paws and yelled "Fuckas!" Benny backed up off the edge and fell down and was killed. And then Rex grieved.
Andy, Nikki, and Benny sat in the woodshop. Rex's heart stopped. Andy grabbed an extension cord and cut it in half. Andy plugged it in. Benny went outside to sniff in the garbage. Andy shocked Rex but his heart wouldn't beat.
Rex stood in the field and screamed for forgiveness. Shit beams from the sky struck his sexy body. Rex screamed in sexy pain. Shit beam struck Rex and... ...Rex woke up. He ran out of the woodshop to the trash cans and saw slavefags from his dream run out and grab Benny. Dickon, their leader, was there. Men put cuts on Benny's sexy body. Andy and Nikki ran out and started fighting the men. Rex pissed on the men. Nikki got kicked in her tits. A biker came at Rex with a knife. Cuts were put on Rex's sexy body. Rex bit the man's testicles. Andy threw punches. Benny hung on nipples. The men ran off. Andy, Nikki, and Benny saw that Rex was gone. Rex the dog came to the ruins of the lost city and came to the monolith with a drawing of an atom and a crystal penis stuck into it. Rex pulled out the crystal penis and threw it. The crystal penis hit a wall and shattered. Rex pointed his penis up but no shit beam shot out. His powers were gone.
"May those who fuck this, be pissier, shittier, and sexier than us," said Rex.
Benny came up to Rex and said that Rex was dreaming and asked what it was about.
"Let's say, I've been shown a world where I'm Satan and I wanted none of it," said Rex.
THE END