Shit Tribute
"Whale bone," said Rex. "This proves that an ocean reaches the top of San Bernardino mountains. We will find a way off."
Rex and Benny walked through the forest and saw a sea in the woods where they couldn't see the other side. Suddenly Rex and Benny heard Shitso, the fat fuck, screaming. Rex and Benny ran out of the bushes and saw a samurai on a horse and men in masks attacking Shitso. Shitso fell on the sand. The samurai's horse stepped on Shitso's ballsac. Rex jumped on the man in the mask. He knocked him off the horse. Benny hung on the horse's testicles. Benny screeched. Horse pissed on Rex. Punches were thrown. Rex's sexy body was beat. Benny hung on the samurai's beard. Rex grabbed a stick and stabbed the masked man in the stomach. The two other men and the samurai rode off on their horses.
"We saved your ass, Shitso," said Benny.
"And destroyed yourselves," said Shitso. "Fuckari tribe is a tribe of bandits who attack people and make them pay tributes. You've killed one of their men just as I did a few weeks ago. But I thank you from freeing me from them. You, your friends and family will be hunted now."
AT THE DAWN OF THE CENTURY, A BAND OF FAGGOTS SET OUT TO PROVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, THE SEXISTENCE OF A SHITTY WORLD. GERMAN SHEPHERD, GRAY CAT, STEPBROTHER, GIRLFRIEND, NIGGER, AND FAG, ALL FUCKING THE STORY OF A LIFETIME! THEY'RE STRANDED IN A STRANGE AND SAVAGE SHIT, BEFRIENDED BY RETARDED PEOPLE. TOGETHER THEY FUCK TO SURVIVE IN THIS AMAZING WORLD OF LOST CIVILIZATIONS AND TERRIFYING CREATURES. ALWAYS FUCKING FOR A WAY HOME, A WAY OUT OF�
Sir Alexei Samul's THE SHIT WORLD
IN CALIFORNIA, IN RIMFOREST, ON SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, IN LAKE ARROWHEAD AREA.
REX AND BENNY 12: SHIT TRIBUTE
Rex and Benny looked at each other. Shitso laughed dementedly.
"What kind of tributes do we have to pay?" asked Benny.
"The things members of your family treasure most," said Shitso.
"We'll call the police," said Rex.
"Not in this lost world," said Shitso. "This the forest. You fight for yourself."
"But if all these cultures live here, how could the rest of the modern world be so oblivious of them?" asked Benny.
"There are strange forces at work here," said Shitso. "Ask Shit Mage. He knows."
Rex and Benny walked away into the forest, back home to the house and woodshop. Shitso sat on the sand when a crab affected by a drug called Penisfaggot walked over to him. Penisfaggot is a drug that grows penises, nutsacs, boobs, and vaginas on reptiles, plants, insects, and fish. The crab cut off Shitso's penis with his claw.
Alexei's bitchy Russian mom sat in the house on a toilet. She was taking a shit out of her ass with ass hair. Rats crawled out of the toilet up her ass. Alexei's bitchy mom's tits ripped open with rats falling out of them. Alexei's bitchy grandma was sitting in her room when scarabs crawled up her vagina. Her tits burst open with scarabs falling out of them.
Andy who is Alexei's stepbrother, and his black friend Corey, were down by the woodshop. Andy and Corey were staining cabinets. Alexei's dad was inside the woodshop. The woodshop has a container and a trailer by it. Alexei, the gay Russian kid with gay glasses, made a 10 foot long bridge that goes from the woodshop roof to a hill behind it. Rex and Benny ran across the bridge to the roof of the woodshop. Alexei goes on the roof to drop down "Rex and Benny" stories for Alexei's dad to read.
Andy and Corey heard hoofbeats. On the roof Rex and Benny saw a samurai with a beard and two masked men riding over the hill of the driveway which goes down to the fire station. Samurais rode up to Andy and Corey and drew their swords.
"My name is Shitsumoto," said the samurai. "I'm the leader of the Fuckari tribe. Your pets have killed one of my men in a battle at the lake. For that we will require several tributes. Items your family treasures most."
"Look at this fucking asshole," said Andy. "Get the fuck out of here."
Shitsumoto drew his sword and put cuts all over Andy's sexy body. Corey was stabbed in the arm by one of the bandits.
"You will show respect or the nigger here will die," said Shitsumoto. "You have 2 hours to bring a tribute."
Suddenly Rex and Benny jumped off the roof on Shitsumoto. Shitsumoto hit Rex and Benny with a sword and they went flying down on the pavement. The horse kicked Rex in the penis and he went flying. The bandits drew ninja stars and threw them at Rex and Benny. Rex and Benny's penises were caught in flying ninja stars and scratches were put on them. They screamed in sexy pain. The samurai and his bandits rode off over the hill.
"I will make them a cabinet," said Alexei's dad.
Alexei, the shitty Russian kid, was walking through the forest. He was taking Rex for a walk. Alexei started pissing behind a bush. Alexei pissed on his hands. Alexei spat on his hands and wiped them on his pants. That's how he cleaned them. Alexei saw a coyote. Alexei had to hide. He saw a giant venus' fly-trap and jumped inside it. It closed. The plant digested Alexei alive. Alexei turned into plant shit. Rex the dog ran back home.
Two hours later, the bandits came riding out of the forest towards the woodshop. Rex, Benny, Andy, Corey, and Alexei's dad waited for them. Alexei's dad built them a cupboard. Shitsumoto rode up and got off his horse. He tied the cupboard behind the horse. Benny the cat climbed up a pine tree and started tearing at the power line.
"How are you going to carry the cabinet?" asked Rex.
Benny tore the power line and shocked his own sexy body. The power line came down on Shitsumoto and his sexy body and horse were caught in electricity. Shitsumoto screamed as his samurai armor was caught in electricity. He got off the horse while being electrocuted, grabbed the power line in his hands. Shitsumoto's dick and balls burned with electricity. Shitsumoto grabbed Rex and jammed the power line in Rex's penis. Rex howled in sexy pain. Rex was electrowhipped. While Shitsumoto was being electrocuted, he threw the power line in the air. It hit Benny who was in the tree and he fell. The fucking cat landed head first into the pavement and passed out. Shitsumoto jumped up and down on top of Benny's sexy body.
Shitsumoto got on his horse.
"May I ask you a question," said Rex. "That water in the forest. Is it an ocean route off the mountains?"
"That ocean is just a 500 foot in diameter salt water lake," said Shitsumoto.
The samurais rode off, dragging the cabinet Alexei's dad made along the pavement, breaking it apart.
"This asshole worked hard," said Shitsumoto pointing at Alexei's dad. "And now we destroy his work. Tomorrow I will demand another tribute."
And the bandits rode away.
Alexei, the shitty Russian kid was walking through the woods. Alexei has fart bubbles in his brain. He came up to the Fuckari village. There bandits drank beer and yelled. The samurai rode up to Alexei on his horse. He stripped Alexei naked. He masturbated his penis and made Alexei cum in his eye. Then Alexei was stripped naked and he chased him back to the house.
"I know what will make a great tribute to the Fuckari tribe," said Benny. "Alexei's bitchy mom has a collection of Russian crap. Plates, stupid dolls Alexei's grandma sends by the dozen, you know, barboshkas I think they're called."
Rex and Benny ran up the deck stairs of the house and ran inside where Alexei's bitchy mom kept her Russian shit in a cabinet in a living room. Rex shot shit out of his asshole at the cabinet and shattered the glass door and shelves. The Russian shit like plates, cups, and shitroshka dolls fell down on the floor. Benny grabbed a garbage bag and started stuffing the shit in. Alexei's bitchy mom screamed.
"What did you do!" yelled Alexei's bitchy mom in her horrible Russian accent. "Why did you do? What did you do? Why did you do? You stupid kee-yat and dog."
Alexei's mom began to pick up her Russian shit. Benny the cat jumped on her and tore off her pants revealing an unshaved pussy. Rex tore off her clothes and revealed her ugly body covered in cancer moles. Benny dragged the Russian shit out the door, onto the deck and pushed it down stairs.
And as sure as sunrise, the three bandits with Shitsumoto as their samurai leader came riding up the driveway to the house on horses. A bandit rode up the hill behind the house. Shitsumoto picked up the Russian shit.
"What the fuck is this?" said Shitsumoto. "Huh! You think I want this shit? I'm an esteemed man and you think I want these doshkas. This is for disobedience."
A thief came riding on a horse, dragging Alexei's bitchy mom behind. Her tits covered in moles flew off and hit Rex and Benny in the face.
"For this transgression I demand that you offer your entertainment system - which means your TV, VCR, and so on - by tomorrow afternoon, or face grave consequences," said Shitsumoto and he and his bandits rode off into the forest.
"That's it," said Benny. "We have to fight."
Alexei was walking through the woods. A coyote came and pissed in Alexei's sock. Alexei came to a pissfall. A sewer pipe cracked on top of the hill and piss was pouring into a little lake. Alexei bend over to get a drink of piss. A pine cone fell off the top of a pine tree and went up Alexei's anus. Alexei couldn't shit now and filled up with shit. Shit pressure built up and shit shot out of his asshole. Alexei was blasted into space. He floated toward a black hole. The black hole stretched Alexei's penis and nutsac a million miles. Alexei was sucked into the black hole.
Rex and Benny talked to Andy and Corey about the battle plan. So the training began. Andy had to shoot shit out of his ass at Russian china and break it. Andy missed once but next time he got it. Rex laughed. Corey the black kid dug trenches in the dirt. Alexei's dad brought gasoline and filled the holes with it. Andy drove to a fishing supplies store and bought a net. Rex and Benny hung a net from the trees. The net was buried in pine needles. Andy and Corey hung a log in the trees and stretched the rope to the log across the driveway. Rex was drawing a map in the dirt.
"Now the Fuckari have three different ways of approach. The forest, the fire station driveway, or Highway 18," said Rex.
Night came. Rex and Benny sat alone in Rex's pen that is attached to the woodshop.
"We're upsetting the status quo," said Benny. "What if we lose to the Fuckari and be destroyed by them?"
"This is a forest," said Rex. "There is no status quo."
All day Rex and Benny waited for the Fuckari to show up. Finally at 2 PM they heard hoofbeats. From the forest, the driveway, and highway 18 came riding a small army of masked men, in lead by samurai Shitsumoto. The men ran across the driveway. Corey and Benny released the log and it hit the men. A horse with a man galloped toward Rex. The horse fell in the pit of spikes and horse shit was squeezed out and splashed all over Rex. Fuckari grabbed torches and threw them inside the woodshop. Alexei's dad's wood caught on fire. Benny ran in and pissed on the fire. Rex ran up on the roof and pushed trash cans filled with piss and shit down on the horsemen. A man with shit in his mouth ran into the house and started tongue kissing Alexei's ugly grandma.
The horsemen ran as Andy lifted up the net and they got caught and fell off the horses. The Fuckari army ran into the forest. Andy lit the gasoline in the trenches and the Fuckari became surrounded by flames. Their horses burst into flames.
Shitsumoto came at Rex with a Japanese sword. Rex grabbed a sword off the ground in his teeth.
"You may have won the battle," said Shitsumoto. "But you will lose the war."
The swords clashed. Rex rolled on the ground as Shitsumoto's sword hit the pavement. Rex blocked the blow with his sword. Rex ran toward the samurai, but Rex's sword was knocked out of the way. Shitsumoto screamed as he ran toward Rex. Rex hit Shitsumoto in the nutsac, cutting it in half. Shitsumoto went flying and hit his face against a tree. His sword went flying. Shitsumoto revealed his penis erection and waved it like a sword.
"Come on, dog," yelled Shitsumoto. "A penis is mightier than a sword."
One hit from Rex's sword and Shitsumoto's penis went flying in Benny's mouth. Rex shoved the sword up Shitsumoto's asshole and shoved it down. The samurai screamed and his nipples fell off his body. The samurai fell and shit flew out of his eyeballs. Shit sprayed out of his ass. Shitsumoto crawled for his sword. Rex shit on his Japanese beard. Rex stabbed him in the bladder, sending a fountain of piss. Shitsumoto was dead.
"No longer do we need to fear Fuckari," said Rex.
Rex, Benny, Andy, and Corey cheered.
THE END