Proverbs
Being real can be hard. Sometimes we call being real when we are really being obnoxious. Being real has to do with being honest and truthful instead of conniving and fake to get our own way. If you don't start with Quality #1 Humility, you can do alot of damage with this, so you have to be careful. The main thing is don't pretend you are something you are not and don't pretend that someone is not hurting you or your loved ones when they really are.
Book suggestion: The Velveteen Rabbit. (I know my book picks are very eclectic.) Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend Movie Suggestion: Les Miserables, Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, To Sir With Love
HUMILITY: This quality is very rare and can be humanly faked, but I have found that ongoing, intimate friendship with God can make this quality genuine in you. What is it? It is the ability to treat others as if they are the most important people in the world. Ironically, it can only become real when you realize your own intrinsic value and that can happen most easily when you realize that the God of all the universe, the One Who keeps it from falling apart prematurely, stops what He is doing to mourn for a little sparrow falling down when it is learning to fly. When you know that same God watches and loves you, how could you be insecure and feel undervalued? Well, you still might. That is when you get friends to help you go through the process of healing. If you really had a rough life, there are counseling ministries (that means they are Christian) that have great information on the internet and some of them provide counseling for very reasonable prices.
Book to read: The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent
Tenderness is being gentle. It means not barreling through life feeling like every one is entitled to your opinion whether you do it loudly or with quiet manipulation. It means walking through life thinking, "What practical thing can I do to make the world a better, gentler place?" Tender people can lead with quiet, but insistent authority because they don't need to trample on others.
Book Suggestion: 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible
7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Covey
One Minute Manager by Blanchard and Johnson
Elijah House
Desert Streams
I left extravagance until last because I think it is the most important. Extravagance means being lavish. I am not talking money, necessarily. I am talking about generousity of spirit. Well that is a weird term. You really can't be extravagant in a healthy way until you have HUMILITY and you will have a hard time being humble without friendship with God. Why is that? Only God can plant true extravagance inside of you. Extravagance without humility is just another form of control. It can be easily used to manipulate. Extravagance from a base of humility can give you the very strength to die for someone you love.
Book Suggestions: Bruchko by Bruce Olson, Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, The Blessing by Smalley and Trent, The Little Prince by St. Exupery, 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible, Something More by Catherine Marshall Any book about the life of martyr, Jim Elliott.