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CIVEL was started by me, Karen, a single mother trying to raise her 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter. My children were very small when we left their father, and at that time, although he and I did not get along, I still wanted him to be a part of their lives. I promptly gained sole legal and physical custody, giving thier father every other weekend for visitation, even though he lived 3 hours away. For the first month, he took advantage of his time with them, at the urging of his mother. Then, all of a sudden, the phone calls stopped. The visits stopped. The parent-child relationship stopped. A few months later, "dad" popped up again, telling me that he had moved to yet another state and asked to see the children. At the advice of my attorney, I could not allow it, as it was a clear violation of our visitation agreement. I heard nothing else from him for over a year. Again, he popped up, got my son excited about a visit, and then didn't show up. In the meantime, his mother took me to court for visitation rights, which the judge denied. Shortly after she served me with court papers, "dad" mysteriously popped back into the picture, but wanted nothing to do with the court proceedings involving his mother and I. I bent over backwards, however, to ensure that he still saw them. I drove 3 hours to pick him up, drove him around the town where the children and I live, and drove 3 hours to take him home. This went on for about 3 months, and then again...nothing. It has now been over a year since we have heard anything from him. During this time, I have struggled to answer questions like, "Where is Daddy?", and "Why don't we see Daddy anymore?". My daughter was too young to really remember "dad" when we left him, and she doesn't really seem to care whether or not she sees him. But my son, he's another story. I can see the hurt in his eyes and hear the pain in his voice when the topic of his father comes up. I have done my very best to maintain contact with "dad" through phone calls, emails, and whatever else I could do. But I got tired of always being the one to initiate the contact. Why should I allow my son to keep being disappointed over and over? Why should any of us have to endure the behavioral and emotional problems that always result from these visits? Even though I detest him, I would allow my children to visit "dad" if he would be a consistent part of their lives. But he won't, and I will not force my children to visit someone who they know does not truly care about them. I don't want to risk jail, fines, or other penalties. And I don't want to take "dad's" parental rights away. I just want to protect my children from the chaos, abuse, and instability that follows "dad" wherever he goes. When the children are old enough to understand everything, I'll allow them to make their own decision as to visitation with him. Until then, I have to protect them. |
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