| Comfort In Kindness I was blessed with the most wonderful mother I think anyone could have ever hoped for. This woman was the epitome of kindness. I have never known a person that was as non-judgemental as she was. She embraced the diversity and uniqueness of all the people she came in contact with. She wasn't perfect, but she was damn close to it. She accepted me as Stephanie with ease and grace. Whenever our family would get together for holidays we would greet each other with hugs and kisses. At one holiday, before I started living fulltime as a gal, she came over to me and said, "I need to give this guy, or gal, a hug. I love you either way." My knees weakened and I melted inside. That was the most endearing thing anyone had ever said to me. She would often refer to me as her "other girl". A few months before she passed away I started taking hormones. I relished the time I shared with her in my budding womanhood. Sadly she had a recurrence of breast cancer from years earlier. I fondly remember sitting on her bed with her weeks before she passed away. I sat there proclaiming my undying appreciation for all that she had done for me. For the better part of an hour we talked about our lives together. I remember feeling so much love and kindness coming from her. I told her I would never forget the extraordinary feeling of this moment in time with her. I can still feel her presence in my heart to this very day. The night before she passed away all of our family joined hands with her to express our deepest love and gratitude. She was uncomfortable with any praise right up to her last day. I truly felt the presence of the creator that night as she journeyed into the realm of the unknown. My father, two of my sisters, my niece and I spent the night at her side trying to comfort her. She eventually slipped into unconsciousness and left this world late the next morning. My family turned to me to deliver the eulogy at her funeral. There was so much to say about this magnificent human being, but I didn't know where to begin. I was at a loss to find the proper words. I woke up the morning of her funeral with the eulogy going through my mind. Astounded, I got up and wrote all of it down. That would be the last profound performance I would engage in as Stephen. With my hair in a ponytail and dressed as drab as I could be I delivered her eulogy in front of a packed church. I could feel her giving me the strength to proceed without breaking down. I found out afterward that two women saw her standing radiantly next to me with her hand on my shoulder. Without a doubt that was the saddest time of my life. I miss her immensely, but she still comforts me with her enduring kindness and love. My mother's passing really shook me. I saw that, I too, would eventually cease to exist on this earth. I knew that if I was going to transition I had better get serious about it. The thought of living out my life and regretting not transitioning horrified and motivated me. My life would soon change in dramatic ways. |